raising children

@2004cqui (2823)
United States
January 15, 2012 7:09am CST
It's been over a year since I kicked my kids out of the nest. They were 21 and 27. They didn't believe they could fly and blamed me for ruining their lives! Today I see them more than ever before. They are happy and successful because I made them live in the real world! My oldest is even showing people how to protect their civil rights?! My youngest's fiance' is working full time and has an "A" average in college. They all ask me if we will still have holiday meals together. They never want to see that go away. Have you ever had to make your children "fly".
1 person likes this
8 responses
@5mahi05 (667)
• India
15 Jan 12
Hello friend, I am glad to know about your kids being successful after you let them fly. Well, I stay in India, where family is the base for anyone. So, there is no question of kicking the kids out to fly. I mean, of course we are given the freedom that we need to fly and the knowledge and guidance too. But, we are not let go off by ourselves. That is because, no matter what, at the end of the day, we all want to be under the same roof with our beloved family and the parents. Such is the practice that we follow here. But yes, now times are changing. people move distances to explore their careers and studies. So, it is not like before, yet people always wish that they could stay together under the same roof!
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
16 Jan 12
I love the culture of India. If we had the same culture here my children would not have expected us to support them, even though they didn't bother to try to be independent. They took advantage of us so they could just work little part time jobs and party with their friends, spending all their money. They were truly taking advantage of us and our home to the point even their grand parents became disgusted with them. If our culture was anything like India's their friends would have been disgusted as well as the community! Rock on India! Our third son is Autistic and his hard working attitude put his brothers to shame. But did they feel ashamed? NO!
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
16 Jan 12
That would have to be a glorious way to live IF the children would continue to respect and cherrish parents as they did when they were little. Unfortunately, our children go out to public schools and out into the neighborhoods and learn to be disrespectful and spiteful towards the parents and other siblings. I still have another son. He is almost 16 and so far, he has remained a sweet, loving boy towards his parents. He has also been more sheltered and had stricter rules, and more structure (mostly due to health issues) than my oldest son did. I think the oldest son was extremely jealous of his younger brother because so much more time had to be spent caring for him. The oldest son was "the baby" for six years, so that could explain the difference in how they turned out.
@5mahi05 (667)
• India
16 Jan 12
Don't worry friends, your love for your kids is so evident here in your post. It is just that, they are nor serious about their lives yet. I know they grow disrespectful while away from parents and spending more time with friends. Sure that one day they will learn your value, and realize your love and respect you for what you are and what you have done for them. Don't get disheartened. Things will change for good. Keep hoping!
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
16 Jan 12
Yes.....my oldest daughter got herself into some financial troubles and moved back home. She forgot that she was a paying guest on her return and I had to ask her to leave..she she could come back and run the show so to speak. She did well...went back to school and got her degree...found a hubby and now is happily married....
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
16 Jan 12
oh yeah, 2004!!!
@aprilsong (1886)
• China
17 Jan 12
I think good parents know how and when to let their kids fly. While bad parents don't know how to let them fly. They take care of all things for their kids, they think it is love. But in the end, they know they ruined their kids. Whether a kid can grow into a useful and honest person have so much relations with his or her parents.
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
17 Jan 12
And you know? It was right here in mylot where I got the most support and comfort after I kicked them out! Yeah mylot!
@KrauseHome (35507)
• United States
17 Jan 12
Many times I think it is too easy for children to become to dependant on their parents and never get a chance to really do things on their own, and Grow up. It is a good thing you realized that you were not helping your kids any, and made them move out and get on with their lives. Since things are actually going good for your kids you have proved that you did a good thing. And since they are still wanting to be around for family dinners from time to time, that is even better.
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
17 Jan 12
I think they didn't like to take on responsibility due to the work involved. They didn't know about the rewarding feeling when you do.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
16 Jan 12
Wow that was so great of you! I think they are very grateful to you now that their life is happy and successful. If it's not because of you kicking them out of your house I am sure they will still be very dependent on you. Wanting to be having a meal with you and see you is a sign that they have appreciated and loved you so much!
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
16 Jan 12
Amen! Thankyou very much! It was the hardest thing a mother could do-let go of her children.
@kukueye (1761)
• Malaysia
15 Jan 12
So of my friends are still staying with the parents , i guess some parents prefer to have their children stay close by since they are getting old and wish to have someone nearby to take of care of the old folks.Sometime it is more economical to stay with parents if the relationship is good.Parents often let they children fly when they are like 18 years old above when they go college to study graduate work and then wish them to settle down after 10 years plus working.
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
16 Jan 12
When my boys were small, I wanted to keep them home forever. Once they grew to the age of independance, I have to admit, I started looking forward to the day they would begin their lives away from my house. That sounds awful to some people, I know, and I used to feel soooo guilty for feeling this way, but I have resigned myself to the fact that it is perfectly natural to look forward to the next stages of life. I am looking forward to having grand children one day. If my son had chosen to uphold his end of our agreement and abided by the house rules, I would not have kicked him out and he would be just about ready to graduate from college or job corps or something now. My rules were simple...You either get a job or go to school. You do your part around the house and you show respect for everyone entering there. He did none of those things. I want my kids close, just not under the same roof for the rest of our lives.
@deedee328 (1127)
• United States
16 Jan 12
Unfortunately, I had to kick my son out and refuse to allow him to come back to live at my home. It has been a couple of years ago now. As many 18 year old kids do, he thought that with the legal age of maturity came the freedom to do whatever he wished, when he wished and that the house rules no longer applied to him. I had to show him that his way of thinking was just all wrong. It broke my heart, but at the same time, I was relieved that he was gone. He thought he could bounce between mine and his father's houses when it suited him. When he would get mad at me, he would show his tail, and go to his dad's for a few months, and when dad put his foot down, the son would come back to my house for a few months. This went on for about two years. Till I finally got enough of it. I love my son with all my heart, but under no circumstance will any of these children (biological or step), of any age be utterly disrespectable to me or the other members of my house. I will not be cursed and yelled at by my own offspring. His tantrums were pretty unbearable and had gotten to the point that I was not totally sure he would not turn violent. He simply had to go. Today, this same son realizes that he can not use my house as a flop house or motel when he chooses to drop in. He realizes that while he is here, he is a guest now, and will treat my home and its inhabitants with respect. I think that throwing him out done him some good. It forced him to realize that he was not a child anymore and should not expect other people to support him if he was not going to get off his rear and do something to help himself.
@beamer88 (4267)
• Philippines
15 Jan 12
I still have a long way before I'm in that kind of a situation. My son's only 8 years old right now. But I don't think I would kick him out of the house. My parents had not done that so I won't be doing that to my son. I believe that he would know when it's time to leave the nest like I did :)