... a jobless friend borrowing some money!

@Lhenni (1246)
Philippines
January 16, 2012 10:00pm CST
Two days ago, a friend of mine that was jobless for almost 4 years phoned me and asking if I can lend her P50,000 ($1162). She said it's just so important to have her that amount soon but didn't detailed the reason (well, I'm not interested either!). She want me to back her up to my husband to lend her some. Whoa! What a demanding one! I'm not that selfish but she's asking big amount that I know too that she don't have means to pay it. And more to say, she don't have a good standing with regards to debt! She's coming in our house tomorrow to talk personally with my husband. I'm sad that she won't succeed. Am I being mean to her since she said she badly needed the money? But how about us that worked hard to earn that money? And I know more it will not be paid on time or worst it will not be paid at all... If I have lots of money, she will not say it twice... but we still earn for our living *sigh!
2 people like this
32 responses
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
That's a big amount of money. Where is she gonna use that? She should at least tell you why she's gonna need such amount since you're friends with her. When we needed a big amount before, we tell the person where exactly the money is gonna be used for. And there is a collateral - like our land title would be given just to give security to the person that we are really gonna pay her. It's risky lending money to someone with that money especially if she has no job. Where is she getting money to pay you back? And yeah you're husband is working hard for that money. If she didn't pay it back I am sure this will be an issue with you and your husband.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
suny, you already have that Ice cream shop in Shimla. So go and get the earnings there to make a juice center in your area. So I am sorry your're loan application is rejected.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
18 Jan 12
Hi two! Sad that she has nothing to be a colateral. She's just having a word of promise. She's broke, nothing to lean on! She can't even tell her reasons why she's borrowing, maybe it's unacceptable. Haissst! I'm sad for her... I can't help her too as I've knew that she's borrowing also to our common friends.
@enelym001 (8333)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
It's okay to lend her money - there isn't any problem with that becoz she is your friend anyway. But maybe not that big.
@SIMPLYD (80362)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
One the first place , why would you lend to a jobless friend and have known her standing when it comes to debt. Maybe, if it's just a small amount, yes you can because at least when she doesn't pay it will not hurt your finances so much.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Yes SIMP, I won't lend her for sure. I'm just sadden why she's facing that fate that she had an option before not to go that far. We were a product of retrenchment and we got paid a very sumptuous amount. And If only she spend or place her money accordingly maybe she's not in this hard times now. It's been almost 4 years and she's still din't have any job in that long time. *sigh! She should do a better change to herself now until she has time... We have common friends (that I knew she's borrowing in them too) and we came up to have a contribution instead and give it to her. She can use the gathered money to start find a job. That's what we can offer... not bad anyway!
@SIMPLYD (80362)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Maybe she is used to having a high standard of living. But sometimes, we have to make adjustments in life according to our means, in order that we will not suffer difficulty in the end. Maybe when you give her your group's contribution, you could lovingly tell her that it's for a starter of anything that she could do to have an income. That was a generous gesture indeed, Lhenni. That is more than enough to do for a friend.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Yes SIMP! We are planning to meet, the common friends and her and get started on Saturday in one of our common friends house. We will unwind and do some sharing and giving on our lives after almost 4 years being retrenched to our common company. Will reminisce those happy and sad times working... and now, what we are now! I'm looking forward on that day to come...
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
That's a big amount of money. But as you said, She doesn't have the means to pay it. So why bother to lend her. And she has no good standing with regards to debt. If your friend was not able to pay 1000 then probably, she's not able to pay 50,000. Maybe you can just advise her to go to a lending company or something. or just tell her in a nice way that you don't have enough money to lend. And you're going to do something with your savings.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
Hi tatzkie! I had that in mind to suggest her to lend in a lending company but I'd rather not... because maybe she will ask me if I can be her signatories to be a co-borrower *LOL (of course I won't)... I'm planning to tell her that I won't lend her ever because surely, she will not pay me because she is jobless for years and no means to pay me! She should go, get job to earn her living and pay her own expenses and obligations! ... Whoa! I just hoped I can make it... maybe by doing so, she will wake-up to her illusions that life is easy and she will feel the urge to help herself and get job! Sad I'm not like that... I will break her softly for sure...
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
hello llenni, This has been like 2 days ago, sorry for late reply, I wonder if she still bothering with borrowing money? well, yeah, she might put your name as a co-borrower if ever she's going to borrow money from lending company. You'll have the same problem if that happens. LOL. But anyways, just tell her that you can't lend her. I know it's sad, but you can say this in a nice way.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
No sorry tatzkie *wink! I do late comments too. Glad MyLot and all of us here doesn't compromise our own availability. Yesterday, I'm expecting her to come over but she didn't. But we have a get-together with our commom friends that happened to be a fellow employee too. It will be on Saturday. We planned to have a contribution for her to help her in any ways it could do to her. maybe by the gathered money, she can look and apply for a job. That's all we can offer. We knew that she's borrowing to all of us *sigh! She badly needed money but we thought it's because she has to pay other overdue obligations. It's really sad...
@marguicha (97349)
• Chile
31 Jan 12
I think that there are few people in the world to whom I would lend money and for very special reasons too. It seems that she is not so close to you if she did not tell you right away why she needed that amount
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
1 Feb 12
Yes marguicha, I'm selective too with regards to whom I can trust to lend some money sad, she don't fits in *sigh!
@marguicha (97349)
• Chile
1 Feb 12
If she doesn´t fit in, then it´s a no-no without any guilt. You have to look after yourself first. Take care!
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
Yes margui... and thanks...
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
The incorporation of money with friends and family is such a bad idea, in my own opinion. This interferes with the future relationship. She is known to be a not good payer so why the need for her to get reinforcement from your husband where, in the first place, you denied her request. The amount that she was borrowing is not a joke. Although, she may be are experiencing some unanticipated problems and can have one hundreds on a done excuses for not paying it back, this will leaves you as the loaner in a bad place. If I had helped someone and they had not kept their promise to return my money back when they said they would then I shouldn't waste my time entertaining them. It may sound selfish of me to say NO, but sometimes you need to think of yourself, your family, etc.. You can't be the only Friend in her life who can help her and you do have enough to deal with your own family.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Hi sabado! I just told her that I'm jobless too and my husband is the one earning our living. Maybe that's why she wanted to lend to my husband *sigh! She's borrowing to all her friends and I think, like me, we'll just give (not lend) her small amount for her to help look for a job. I'm sad for her...
@sabado_dc (1001)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Oh, what a nice idea then Giving a voluntary "help" (because i do not want to term it alms) purifies the heart of the giver from selfishness; either that the receiver purifies her heart from envy, jealousy and hatred. And most of all it maintains the economic balance through movement of money from one person to another, thus minimizing the possibility of becoming in despair up to the point of becoming a beggar via using the money that she have owed to start a small living!
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
I don't either want to feel her so helpless by saying so sabado... Nice words!
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
jobless for 4 years? what she did for the entire 4 years asking and begging? if ever i lost my job and be jobless for just a month im already worried abut myself and i cant stay at home until i will get a job to support myself as my parents are done with me when they supported me until i graduated college and its my responsibility now to look for a job for me to support myself, i never asked any of my friends for any money i might asked from my parents but not to other people as i dont want to disturb anyone with my own problem. you can tell her if every you have money that you lend it to one of your relatives whose in badly needed as an excuse and you also give some to your parents nor your husband parents so she will not expect something though of course be still nice to her by accepting her to your home with warm welcome as she she still need a friend but you can tell her that all you can give is just emotional support right now as you also have your own family now.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Hi homeshoppers! We were co-employee then and got paid from retrenchment 4 years back. I don't know where she put or spend her quite big money she got from our retrenchment. Maybe she don't spend it wisely that's why she's in this situation borrowing money not just to me but I just knew, she's borrowing from our common friends too. I pity her... Yes, I'm still a friend to her. Surely, she's welcome in our house but I can't let her favor what she wanted. My plan is to give her just small amount to help her to look for a job. Not lend... that's only I can offer.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
... in Asia (no!)... ngek!
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Sorry, it's not meant my last comment in here...
• United States
17 Jan 12
If you back her up and she doesn't pay it back this may cause friction between you and her and you and your husband. You need that money too or else you and your husband wouldn't be working. You are not being selfish by questioning this. You are being realistic. It is selfish of her to ask this much money when you are working hard to earn it and she isn't likely to pay it back since she has a bad track record and no job for 4 years. It is also disrespectful of her to ask for it and not tell you why she needs it. If she truly needs that much, why cant she borrow some of it from you and some from other people? She probably has already burned bridges with everyone else. I don't lend money to family or friends because I've had friendships suffer in the past when I expect them to pay it back and they don't. So now, if I have it and can afford it, I just give the money to friends/family with no expectations of ever getting it back that way I wont be hurt or angry if they don't repay it. But, I can't afford to give or loan anyone $1162.00. I'm so glad that I don't have people in my life who'd have the audacity to ask for that much money when they know that I can't afford it.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
Maybe she's in the situation no where to go or lean on! Sad to say, she can't lean on me too. I have my own family now and can't afford to lose too that amount *sigh I just hope she will get her good sense and better herself for her own benefit too! I just knew to my other friend that she's been borrowing to her too *sigh!
• United States
18 Jan 12
I think you're right that she has nowhere else to go or lean on because she's probably borrowed from too many others and not paid them back so they've learned their lesson on wont lend to her again. I know you care about her but I really don't think you should lend her any money. Your family comes first. If she is your true friend she'll still love you even when you don't give her the money.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Yes geekemgirl. She should understand me too... She should find a source of income soon to make her living...
@francesca5 (1344)
17 Jan 12
you and your husband really have no choice but to say no. being unemployed for 4 years is a long time, i wonder if there are any underlying reasons for that. sometimes people become unemployed because they find the sort of social situations in workplaces too stressful to handle, for all sorts of complicated reasons. maybe, for example, she had very critical parents, or something like that. you would help her far more by trying to work out the problems she has in working than you would by ruining your friendship with her by lending her money she can't pay back.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
I think she should have thought about her friends situation knowing that they are also struggling. but i doubt that, she's putting her guts out and doesn't care if they are going in for trouble or not, as long as she gets the money. am sure she will make the run for it once she has completely gotten hold of the cash
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Hi two! Well, we got a retrenchment package almost 4 years now and I think that's the reason why she opted to have no job for that long. I just don't know where she put or place her money. Maybe it was already gone and now, she's facing the fruit of not preparing her future to her actions that long *sigh! Maybe she's blinded LetranK not to think our sake too because she's really broke. Hoped for a better her soon! That's a lesson to everyone. Spend wise. Prepare for the future!
• Philippines
18 Jan 12
I think your friend is just taking advantage of your friendship. I am sorry to say this about your friend but 50K is a lot of money and I know that you and your husband work very hard to be able to come up with this amount. It would be best to just tell her that you don't have extra money that you can lend to her. You have to talk to your husband about this so that you will have one decision and say regarding this matter. I don't want to be judgmental but I remembered my uncle who said that those who are always borrowing money is the one who are most likely not going to pay for it. They are so used in borrowing money from every person they know without thinking of ways on how to pay for it. Your friend may not be that kind of person but lending her money is not helping her. You can instead help her find ways to be able to find a decent job which will help sustain her and her family.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Yes she is annelisle! I knew her for 15 years being in the same company and I knew her reputation having bad record dealing with debts. We (with common friends that she's borrowing too) just come out to have contribution that will help her to find job at least to better herself... That's really big, and there's no assurance she can pay us. As sosme comments in here says: money don't just grow in trees. Hi annelisle!
@ladynetz (968)
• Canada
18 Jan 12
I was also in the position of being desperate to borrow money, but I never asked a person who's struggling for an income to help. I went to people well situated and always gave back whatever I borrowed. I worked even 4 jobs at a time and needed the extra money (complicated). Your friend is not working, Is she married, does her husband work, can she give you any assurance that she'll pay back? You only are in the position to tell her yes or no, also you don't have to agree to help with the whole amount, maybe you can afford something, and you'll tell her the amount.Your conditions.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
She's a single mother of 2... all her children were in her ex accountability. So, she's living in a single, carefree, no responsibility world. That info I think somewhat talks what kind of person she is... We got paid from retrenchment a sumtuous package that she didn't bother to look for a job that long of almost 4 years and now, she's on this situation begging to have lend her. She's borrowing also to our common friends that we decided to gather amount that will help her better herself... we just hoped!
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
17 Jan 12
You should take car in lending money to someone without a present form of employment. the chances are very likely that you will not see your money returned to you. The loan could end up as a gift at the espense of your finances and your friendship.
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Oh sad, she has nothing to offer. Just a promise that I know for sure will be broken. And promises is not enough too to make us favor her *wink!
@mokkka (883)
• Bulgaria
17 Jan 12
Did she tell you what she needed the money for? This is quite a big amount of money to give. Once I gave some mmoney to a friend who claimed he needed them and will pay back as soon as possible.I gave it just because he was my "friend" and I relied on him but I didn't get my money so now I sometimes feel sad for refusing to give money to anyone but I just cannot.And why is your friend jobless for such a long time? Usually when people need money they just go to work.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
We got paid 4 years ago from retrenchment and that's why she got to live in those long years being jobless. She didn't invested her money wisely I think, that's why she came out now borrowing with all of us her friends. We decided to help her to find regular job... I hope she find one soon! ... to better herself. Happy day mokkka with a triple K...
@sjvg1976 (18368)
• Delhi, India
17 Jan 12
Hello Lhenni, I have been in the situation like yours in the past as one of my closed friend too asked me to lend some money and that time i was really moved to see his situation and gave money to him and no doubt he returned my money after long time but that's for sure i got my full money back from him once he got the job. But really its always a risk to lend money to anyone when he/she is jobless and not in a situation to return it back and this is also an irony when we see someone so closed in such situation it become hard to deny him/her for any help/support.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Sad to say, she's not even a close friend of mine. But in any case she is and with good reputation and with regular job, I think we can opted to lend her some though not meet her price because she has way to pay it but not that all concerning factor was missing...
• United States
17 Jan 12
No you are not mean or selfish. You are right with your reasoning. She has lots of nerve to even ask you. She does not have a job so how does she expect to repay the loan. Just tell her that you are not a bank.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
*LOL... got your point PointlessQ! Yes, I'm not a bank...
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
Money is hard to come by these days and I am sure your friend will understand if you and your husband decline her request. I don't borrow money from people even in the direst of circumstances. I will try and see if I can raise the money first on my own without having to disturb people with my financial problems. Unless it were an emergency (hubby in the hospital, or my brothers and we're broke). This is the reason why I invest in jewelry so that if ever I need money badly, I can always pawn some pieces. But try to know first where your friend will use the money. If it is for a business venture, check first on it's feasibility. If she cannot really explain where and how she will use it, then decline gracefully.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
It's not for a business... we (with our common friends that I knew that she's borrowing in them too) come out to figure out that she needs to pay her other dues *sigh! She's really broke... We decided to gather amount that will help her though... Glad to know you're acting responsible with your needs... and no need to mess people around in times of crisis.
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
I think your friend should also be considerate of your situation. I have a number of friends who always ask me for money but I also tell that I am also working hard for my own keep. It;s not an excuse - it's reality. I don't wish to be a deadweight to my parents or to any of my relatives. I also don't consider it selfish since I have many plans for my own money like investments and savings. It's not only for me but also for my own family. No matter how much I love my friend, I think i can help her more if I try to help her find a job and work for her money. I don't think you're being mean - you're just being realistic. First, I think it would be better if she discloses a reason for such a huge amount of money. she may lie but at least you know that your hard-earned money isn't gonna end up in gambling or any unsavory activities. Your;e entitled to know since it is your moeny first before it becomes hers 9if you do lend her). Regarding to her reputation when it come sto debt, I think it would be wise to do a little white lie. I'm not really comfortable in giving a huge amount without no guarantee or effort that it will be paid back. Money don;t grow on trees or comes in rains. We work hard to earn it - it's time she knows that too.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Well said jeannyvonne! Me with our common friends (she's borowing on them too) decided to have a contribution to help her to start find a job. She should have a regular income to survive now. That's the best we can give to her... Thanks for the wonderful point of view!
@JakeHawk (34)
• United Arab Emirates
17 Jan 12
1162 really ? thats alot
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Absolutely Jake!
@tamirs (1808)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
That's a lot of money lhen. We can't earn that money in just a blink of an eye.And since you said she have a bad reputation when it comes to lending,i think you will just do the right thing.Why lend someone big bucks when you know she will not be able to repay. Don't feel guilty Lhen,we also need money for our family.Maybe if she have job and you have money to spare and you know that she will pay,maybe then you can give her a hand.but as to your description of her,i think its just right to not give her what she needs.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
Yes Tam, I won't. Just an info: We're a product of retrenchment and got a sumptuous package 4 years ago. Now, you may wonder what lifestyle she had in those long years she's been jobless that she's really broken now. I knew her for 15 years and sad to say, I expected that to happen to her because I know how she thinks and act but still on the back of my mind I wished I should also be wrong. But I'm right *sigh! I still hoped her for a brighter future though. I will help her to my own ways and not to her asking... Hi there Tams!
@Graceekwenx (3163)
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
All i could say is that i feel sorry for these people. Their life is a cycle that they couldnt break free from. I have an officemate who owes almost everybody in the office. I dont know how her debt all started though. It is a lot harder because she is the breadwinner in the family (you know, the typical sad fates of the eldest filipino siblings). She owes me almost 20k and when i would follow-up with her, she would then narrate the story of her family which would only mean... i cant pay you yet. The irritating part of these type of people is that they would borrow money from someone else just to pay off another debt from an angry lender. It is a cycle and it never ends.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
I know a lot of those too when I'm still working, they even have their ATM's to give as a colateral for lending, then some still manage to borrow to someone and their salary won't meet their dues at all that. Pity those...
• Philippines
17 Jan 12
Hello Lhenni, I remember asking a friend to loan me 10,000 for a useless Network Marketing Crap. I am glad he refused me because I was out of my mind and now i realized that money shouldn't be part in friendship. I think she is out of her mind if she thinks she can convince you all to borrow her money.
1 person likes this
@Lhenni (1246)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
*LOL... Maybe she's just risking her luck and face too for just promising so that I can lend her. Sad I'm not! I'll just help her with my little ways and not to her wanting. Glad you're a debt free in that near 10K loan *LOL Sometimes, we just have the urge of doing or thinking something. Good sense still makes our mind and soon realize the best we should do!