Two different sides of the glass..

@vandana7 (62279)
India
January 18, 2012 9:52am CST
So there is this little girl whom I saw for the first time when she was around three and I was about eight. I was told she was my little sister and was she pretty. I liked her very much but honestly I also envied her not for her looks but for the attention that even my parent gave her. Though we were together only during a few vacations, I loved my little sister. And much later much much later I learnt that I had been grossly wronged by her family. By the time my emotions were deeply entangled. Now she is on facebook. I visit you could say stalk her profile. Its like a glass there I want to say I love you my little sister for you've done me no wrong but I cant - no whispers just a barrier. I wont add her because I am afraid there is too much water under the bridge because of her parents and it will only be more painful. The last time we met almost 25 odd years ago, she sang Hasta Maniana - ABBA. Wish indeed our love is too strong and one day I can put my pain behind. For now, I am only watching her from the other side of the glass.. Do you have any relationship like that in your life?
5 people like this
12 responses
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
19 Jan 12
Hi Vandana I cannot be, no, I am not, that strong when it comes to this. We have a family disagreement running within our own family and we (our generation) is not allowed to interact with any of one part of our family. But I do. They all know it, have rebuked me, have told me that consequences will be dire and what not but... I follow my heart. Happy that I have made up some strings between that secluded part and I am certain, if nothing else is going to change, I will be happy at end that I did try. One of my friends here, frajil, always mentioned that when you love anyone, you should always tell him/her about your feelings as you never know that you might never get another chance. I did that with this "part of family" and I am a little more connected. Not to say that all will go fine and as planned/thought about but at the end of the day, you will feel happy that you did try. You can always send one PM on Fb to your long time separated sis, and if she too feels the same, she can always return back to the PM. But dont keep expecting a response once you have sent it out... as that will force you to send some more Oh, I forgot to provide you a link - http://www.mylot.com/w/image/2542269.aspx - I made this portrait here. And you are on the second section with my family at MyLot.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
Thanks sids. Very very sweet. I agree - it is all about keeping in touch with the loved ones even if others are not up to mark. If I were to assess honestly, I have more gentle feelings towards her than anybody else in my life. May be I see a bit of her in my little blondie here. :) I will try to send her a message and see..but I am so afraid that she would block me. Then I would never be able to see her again.
@thesids (22363)
• Bhubaneswar, India
19 Jan 12
but I am so afraid that she would block me. Then I would never be able to see her again. In that case... create another dummy Fb account (using any different email) and then send her the Friend Request and also the message... They say all is fair in Love and War
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
Actually, your idea is nice. :) What I am going to do is send her a message. Ok? Her reactions would be a. No response - no problem - status quo maintained b. Responds but is annoyed that I didnt agree to her parents suggestion - I quit. I cant accept a person who would be heartless not to understand my end of it. c. Blocks me - I open another account in facebook send an add request - again status quo d. Reports abuse - would my IP be banned if she does that?
@hora_fugit (5437)
• India
18 Jan 12
Before I went through the responses, I wanted to talk about me, as how I see in black and white and just turn away from everyone. But now reading the details I'm simply sorry. Sorry that I am in no position to advise you. These are the moments I accept my 'kiddo' status silently. It hurts sometimes to be unable to get close, but from what you say you can't risk losing whatever you have now. Maybe waiting is indeed the way. Hopefully she will understand your reasons for being distant so long. How was your relation back then, when you met last? I remember the intense fight between my family and my friend's. Our parents never talked with each other ever after. We tried to do the same, but in the end we just resumed our friendship. Somehow, our families too didn't object much. But we were kids then and circumstances were different....
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
About 25 odd years ago, she wore my saree and went on a date with her husband who was not her husband back then and returned with a tear and took me to balcony and said choti akka I have a confession this is what has happened she felt so guilty. I hugged her and said saree was not important, she was and her happiness was. I also remember that I had very tiny gold ear studs which she liked. So I let her have it. She used to like many of my things. And it used to give me pleasure to make her happy. After all it wouldnt cost me much. And once she'd asked me choti akka you like me or my brother more. I still have those memories. Sorry about all this. I will be fine tomorrow.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
If it were only fight over money I would more than happily surrender. It is life that is hard to forgive..
2 people like this
• India
18 Jan 12
Your memories are precious and have more of a positive note.... We must hope for a happy ending, then. Sorry is unwanted here but I do wish for a fine tomorrow. :)
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
18 Jan 12
Very emotional expression. I enjoyed it like a short story.
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
Well, it is part of my life.. and right now it is a bit painful.
1 person likes this
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
18 Jan 12
Painful memory sometimes gives us a sort of pleasure.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
Not really...I wanted to wish her Happy New Year but couldnt..and have been yelling at god why me..
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
Boy, oh, boy...has your discussion ever conjured up a lot of painful thoughts! Emotions amuk! I have a situation...somewhat similar...a friend, that did me so much "dirt!" Used me...I mean literally used me, for house, home food..financial gain, her daughter is MY GOD-DAUGHTER--this overa period of 22 years...and when she married, finally for the 3rd time, into the upper classes...she dropped me like a "hot potato"! It is SO painful...as I must stay in contact with my God-daughter! This is a person, I shared everything I had with...every failed marriage, I was there to pick up the pieces...I can't tell you how many times she lived with me (with her daughter)! When she married the last time, I interrupted a "family vacation" in Disneyland...to come home and make her wedding cake for her! I pre-made the cake and froze it...but had to come home and decorate it! And believe me, living on this Island that was a complicated task! YUP...there's still a lot of pain...and she dumped me years, ago!
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
What right have they to our lives using us to that extent pergammano? I dont know whether I am getting lucky now or perhaps wiser. I now have better friends. Friends who dont use me. Instead, they stand by me. I feel grateful to them and for them. But somewhere, those memories and touching moments resurface. A need to say hello to a loved one - surely that is not too much to ask of god. Pain, pain, pain. In any event, I sent a message. Let me see how she responds.
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Jan 12
You are much braver than I, vandy! I, too, reached out...many years ago, and the rejection hurt me so badly...I don't think I want to re-live those moments...ever again! The deepest pain comes from the fact...the very first friend, I really let into my heart...and stood beside her thru all of her illnesses (brittle diabetic)..her addiction (heroin)...always provided a soft place to land, when her activities rendered her homeless...held her hand all thru her pregnancy! Always propped her up..no matter what! I was the glue that held her together...it was like she always came home to "dry out"...and when she finally (this is over the course of years) saw the light, married well-to-do...I was just part of her past! Yes...you can see, this is still very, very painful...and has made me very distrustful..even tho' I KNOW better!
@Hatley (164755)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jan 12
hi vandana yes I so and I do not know where she is or even if she alive anymore. She was my younger sister and i loved her evern though after her birth I received little attention from my parents as my siste was retired. We had a good relationship until I got married then things fell apart.She became a w.h.o.r.e. and I tried to rescue her but she spurned me and then tried t o tear my marriage apart so finally in self protection and to save my marriage I just stopped all contact with her.every time she came to see us she managed to try to make me believe my husband had been cheating 'with her.I knew this just was not so becaues of my husband's good character but it put a wedge between us and she broke off all contact. I feel'badly as she is my baby sister b ut I cannot condone what she does.She is retarded and there are all sorts of help getting her into decent fields of activity and jobs if she would just accept that help but she refused. so I just more or less gave up now. I am widowed now but my son did not want me to hav3e anything to do with her and I really did not want it either.now she would be in her seventies late seventies as she is 9 years younger than my self.She married a fellow retarded person and I just do not know anymore whats happened to her. every time I have had contact with her its been a diseaster so I have given up now.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
Oh, I am sorry to learn that. Well, my little sister has not been nasty with me. Her character is good. Her husband is also a decent guy. In some way, I think he suspected something but didn't feel he should be asking details which I never knew. He is a righteous man. I know he would not be able to accept what her parents did to me and my family. But will I be able to put it all behind? Will I be reproaching the little one? She has a right to know about her parents' roles of course. But other than that, I shouldnt be holding it against her everytime we have any differences. A bit complicated relationship. But I am sure god will find a right solution to this one, sooner than later.
@SarahAlyx (181)
• United States
18 Jan 12
I do not think you have lost in both ends. It maybe her duty to stand by her parents but that may not be how she really feels. Keeping it from a distance is a safe way to stay in touch even if there is no communication. Have you tried maybe talking to her husband you said you checked out his page and he checked you back out. Maybe he could talk to her. Seeing that there shouldn't be anything between you and her husband problem wise it might be worth a shot and maybe that could open the lines of communication. She's your sister and we can all tell you love her in a way this isn't easy to describe with words. So maybe if you two could meet up it might not be so bad. But thats only hoping for a happy ending. I'm not a pessimist but she and her husband could block you and thats the cold hard truth of things which you seem to know too well about the cold hard truth. Another option you might could try is try writing her a letter and sendning it to her through the mail, she can either choose to contact you by what you write in the letter or not and you can still keep tabs on her through facebook. Hope this helps..
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
"Keeping it from a distance is a safe way to stay in touch even if there is no communication." That is how it is for now. But every once in a while it hurts. :( Yeah, I know my options. I am waiting for the older generation to leave. That way, both of us will be meeting each other hopefully without any past.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
19 Jan 12
Hi Vandana, I just read through your exchange with Suny ...just enough to get an idea of what is going on here. I think Sunny is right on...you are being overly worried. This girl is 5 years younger than you. I am understanding that there was something huge that took place between your parents and hers. She was just a young child and now she is an adult. I would request her friendship and talk to her. At the very worst..she could reject you but she hasn't yet so why not give it a shot? It's been so many years that she may not even remember you. She was pretty young. Maybe with a little prompting she might. I recently found a man on Facebook that I babysat when he was a child. He has Cerebral Palsy and for me, learning to care for him and help him had such a big impact on me that I could never forget it. When I requested his friendship, I was a bit surprised that he had no idea who I was. After sharing a few memories with him, he finally did remember. So ya..request this girls friendship. She would have blocked you if she had an issue with you and ...YES, I believe you can block someone from your account.
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
I have already shared it in this discussion in pointless question's box. My parents were coerced into marriage for gaining monies by elders out here. My mother's alliance was broken because she'd inherited something and she was orphan so one of my aunt wanted to take it away from her. So she forced my pa who was not interested in this marriage to marry her. It was difficult for the two of them to get along both were poles apart. We had this neighbor - my little sister's parent, who was like brother to her in the daytime and in the night time he was sending his sister over to break the marriage because he had one responsibility too many and needed monies bad which I was told my father was helping with. So my father would have been a good catch had he been divorced. When the marriage was not breaking, they went to the extent of taking me away from my mother. Things only got worse from there. I must have been around five when I lost touch with my ma and never had her back in my life.
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
I learnt the truth about five years ago from her mother who was accidentally in a great truth telling mode. The deep dark secret that they hid from me for well over 30 years. I'd even asked my pa to marry the same woman who was responsible for breaking my ma's life because I didnt know the truth! And here she was telling me something that was shattering me and then adding at the end past is past, what is important is we are together, after having disconnected with me for all the period that I faced financial and emotional hardships. And one thing that really annoyed - you must accept my son as the person who will look after you..you must forgive - the word must had a bad effect and her ability to treat it as inconsequential enough for it to be forgivable hurt very bad. I dont think the daughter is like that. We were in same school and possibly have same set of moral values drilled into us.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
19 Jan 12
Oh my! What a story! I've read through this twice and it is just hard to imagine how they could be so cruel and heartless to a little girl! Callous is putting it mildly!!! My heart goes out to you, Brownie. What was done to you was downright criminal!! Now, even more than I felt before, I think you should make contact with that girl. Lord only knows what she is feeling or what she may have gone through herself.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 12
HI ma! I wonder for how long you would want to stay like this, watching her from behind the virtual wall as you can't reached nor you can't meet her..Perhaps she would be happy to see you face to face. You will not know until you try to get close to her. You could send a message without her family know right? Just my suggestion.(^^)
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
And what if her family has fed her brain with a lot of nonsense and she believes her family and blocks me. That would pain me a lot because there would be no hope to even see her pictures after that, isn't it?
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
19 Jan 12
Instead writing it on her facebook wall you could send private message or email her, ma. If both of you feel the same, I am sure she will be fine and would not block you from her facebook. Just in case if its happen then you could still make a new account and see her again~(^^) Do inform her when she did reply to you okay??(^^)
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
I sent a message. Just Happy New Year. Lets see what she has to say. I am getting ulcers. I dont know when she will see it. Whether she will respond. Its a long wait.
• United States
18 Jan 12
I’m so sorry for the pain you are feeling about this. I can understand your feelings. I think I would venture to message her and ask if you can add her… maybe message her to say how hurt you are, but that she has done no wrong against you. She may be as hurt as you are that you are no longer friends communicating with each other. The only thing like this is I follow my grown grandsons on facebook. One of them talks to me, but the other one doesn’t. He ignores me.
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
18 Jan 12
Thanks for understanding. She knows what hurt me. She also knows I have no choice but to take this stand and I also know that she has no choice but to stand by her parents even though they wronged me. I fear that if I message her, and she has been fed wrong things about me, she is more likely to block me. Should she do that..I would be inconsolable. As of now, I can at least hope that we will be sisters again some day.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
19 Jan 12
I had not read this before responding below...no need to repeat unless you want to PM me. This is sad. You both have lost out. I'm so so sorry!{{{HUGS}}}}
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
27 Jan 12
Thinking back, I don't think I've eve loved someone that much. I sometimes think that I can't possibly have a deep feeling for anyone. I am too skeptic and practical. You, on the other hand are lucky to have that deep emotion. Hope someday you will be able to tell her your love...
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
29 Jan 12
Oh Jen. I want to be so much like you. I am practical to a great extent. But in someways, she was so much of a cute doll and I was much too young. :( No news even today. I am getting used to that. :)
@Kalyni2011 (3503)
• India
24 Jan 12
First of all thank you so much for sharing this story, this is so personal Vandanaji, i don't have any Facebook account, i don't have any relationship like you have stated here.. Well life is so complicated at times.. Happy posting, cheers. Kalyani
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
24 Jan 12
Mine seems to be tumbling from one into another, and then another. :) But what amazes me is I have not given up yet. So it has to be my faith in god, and goodness otherwise anybody else in my position would have bid adieu by now. :)
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
19 Jan 12
It’s the yearning of a friendship long ago, All the fun and frolic you both had to forego. Haunting enough for you to be nostalgic, But sure, you can still whip up the magic. Set aside all the wrongs in you’re purview, That’s all this companionship needs, to renew. Once you are out of your rational block, Camaraderie will be a pleasant shock. Words of caution, on her take of this here, She will be as good as her rearing will bear, She will hold out against you, something she thinks is true, Be ready for that, for that will add to the present rue. From anonymous, to the familiar and to the bond that is due, Step ahead confidently, and do something completely new. Think out of the box to box it in and tie up all those lose ends, A big heart is much needed here, for all to make amends. Just sing 'Honey Honey' again from ABBA, that would be a fit re-union song. I had this elder sister, the last of my four foster sisters, who was my sweetheart, my friend, my guide and my mother surrogate. She married when I was five, had a child the next year and never made it out of the hospital. When I meet her in the world beyond, I hope to renew our special bond, after she makes good the pain she left me with.
@vandana7 (62279)
• India
19 Jan 12
I will do as told wise one..if she remembers, and understands, and feels compassionate, may be I have some love coming my way. Pray for me. Pray for me real hard.