Advice

@CRIVAS (1819)
Canada
January 19, 2012 3:03pm CST
Why is it that every time someone asks me for my advice, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells? What I mean is, when you give someone advice and they don't like what you have to say, they get mad at you? If a person wants your advice, should they not take it even if they don't always like it? Why ask for advice if you really don't want to take it? Has this ever happened to you before? What did you do? Do you still give that person advice? Why or why not? I personally just don't know if I should be giving advice to my friends anymore. When I give the same advice to strangers in their situations, they take it and usually thank me later. Why doesn't it work that way with my friends? Should I just give up?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
19 Jan 12
If someone is asking me for my advice I give my advice or opinion. I am not walking on eggshells at that moment. Also I don't care if they get angry or not. If you can't live with the answer you should not ask the question in the first place. Also.. in many cases people know exactly what to do, how to solve the problem, they just need someone to tell them to do so as well. So they can blame someone in the end (instead of themselves) if things don't work out (that fast) as they thought or to find the courage to do those steps.
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
Thank you. That was really how I felt too. I am tired of people asking for advice and then getting mad when the advice that they get, isn't the answer that they were looking for. I know that they might just want to vent, but if that is the case, why don't they just ask for someone to listen to them vent? Thanks I feel a lot better, I love having all of you here on mylot.
@SinfulRose (3529)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Jan 12
Before I really give my advice, I would take time to ponder the person's situation. If I know that my advice would really tick off the person in question, I would warn him that he's better off asking someone else. But if he insists, I would then open my mouth, starting with, "It is up to you whether to use this or not. But do not get mad at me because I already did warn you..." Give them no room to get angry with you. But also be careful before giving advice, you need to understand the person's situation, that's why feeling like walking on eggshells would never go away in a situation whenever you are asked for one...
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
I unfortunately never thought to ask if the advice was REALLY wanted. I am going to make certain to try that the next time that I am asked for advice. I would like to thank you for taking the time to help me out. Thanks again.
@Bluedoll (17050)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
It is a real skill. You need to be tactful. Can I give you some advice on how we can perhaps handle this situation differently. Please tell me what you said or perhaps what is more important how you said it. Would you mind if I made a small comment as to how that could be done differently? Just say either way, whatever you are comfortable with. I only want to help if I can. Asking for permission is one way to feel out what the person really wants. Even if they say they want advice they can still be sensitive because of their situation. I think your friends are closer so we tend not to be formal and sidestep some considerations. Happens to everyone.
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
Unfortunately the advice asked was rather personal and I can't discuss the nature of it with anyone. If I could I would. I would like to thank you for your advice though, it does seem like it would be a good idea. Thanks again.
@roberten (3131)
• United States
19 Jan 12
CRIVAS, CRIVAS, CRIVAS! Ask them if they really want to know, if not then not to ask you. If they say nothing, then you do the same. Friends are like family, they do not usually want to hear the truth when they ask you for advice, they merely want you to listen to their side and be in their corner (right or wrong). Anwser their question with the above question before you speak. If you know they will react negatively to an honest response, just smile and move your head in a kind of circular motion (not agreeing or disagreeing). They will work it out without your input, and you will remain friends. I have used this bit of advise myself for many years and it has worked like a charm for me. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
Thank you for your response, I am actually going to try this out. I guess I was so concerned with giving the right advice that I didn't actually stop to think if I should give it or if I should just be supportive. Thanks again, great advice. I'll let you know how it goes next time.
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
19 Jan 12
I guess all you can do is give your ideas on the problem, other people may give other ideas and I guess then it is up to her to choose what advice to take, jus t say what you think at the time but don't take it personal if they don't take it, all you can do is say what you think...
@CRIVAS (1819)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
I guess that makes sense but I really don't want to anymore because it seems like when I do, I get yelled at and then ignored for a couple of days. Sometimes I think it would be best if I just didn't help at all. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my discussion and giving me advice, unlike some people I know, I actually appreciate it.
@taheraa (1547)
• Giza, Egypt
20 Jan 12
This depends on how our advice to these people. I think, there is no problem, if you give that advice with friendly way, always try to give your advice from friend to friend, not from Father to son. Try to Give your advice by discussing some of the views and opinion, and get him decide what you want to advice. Not be the teacher for his students.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
20 Jan 12
When asking for advice from others, one must be prepared for a side order of opinion. And those who give advice should warn the person asking for it that your advice is a only a suggestion and not a solution. That would leave her to solve her problems the way she feel best.
1 person likes this
@nfrenciz (99)
• Philippines
20 Jan 12
HI there, don't be upset if you feel your friends, never take heed of your advice. It's not your lost anyway. I have a lot of friends like that as well. If they will accept and follow my opinion much better, but if they will not then, it's ok. At least they always can feel that they have some friend, someone they can talk to. Never give up then, you maybe feel that they disregard the words you've said but you'll never know deep in their hearts and mind it's always there remain. G'day..
1 person likes this
@beamer88 (4267)
• Philippines
19 Jan 12
You're not alone on this one. I have friends like that. You give them a piece of honest and sincere advice and instead of being thankful, they'll get disappointed in you or worse, they get mad at you. I know that when your friends seek your advice on something, we should really try to coach our words as best as we can but no matter how subtle we put our advice in words, sometimes it's not the advice our friends want to hear. I think these friends aren't actually seeking advice. They want instead someone to only agree with what they're thinking even if they're wrong.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (37655)
• Holiday, Florida
19 Jan 12
its usually the case with every body. even on here some dont like the advice given. i usually go with the majority and ignore the 1 or 2 that says different. i just try not to comment meanly. everyone has an opinion on every subject so your friend should understand that and not get mad since they asked you
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
21 Jan 12
Sometimes when you advice your friends, they don't really want you to tell them what is right. They expect you to tell them whatever they did is correct. But if you are really a good friend, you will give them the correct advice. Even though they may fight you at first and may not accept it, sooner or later they will because they know you are trying to help them because you really love them. Don't ever stop giving your friends correct advice because it might be what will save their life at the end.
@eunife (165)
• Philippines
20 Jan 12
because your friends are not strangers. they may get mad at you but at the back of their minds, they are thinking about your advise. and they get mad at you because you are their friend. you say what you need to say without any hesitation because you know that your friends will always be your friends even if they are mad at you. ironic it is, but that's what friends should be. a true friend never leave even if you push her away. a friend never stop telling the truth until you get into your senses.