Left out of the loop

Philippines
January 20, 2012 11:15am CST
I'm now in my twenties, and I think it's inevitable that when I go out with my girlfriends, we talk about relationships. The thing is, I've never had a romantic relationship before, so sometimes I would just sit there and not talk because I really have nothing to say. Also, I find it difficult to give sound advice because again, I've never had a relationship. I love my friends with all my heart, but sometimes, I just want the relationship talk to stop, because I just feel bad for myself. I can't help it! I know that there's really nothing I can do but let me know, do you guys feel the same way sometimes? Let me know!
2 people like this
8 responses
@Bluedoll (17074)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
Just a thought to add if it is ok. I've found the same kind of thing but more to do with certain topics being thrown around all the time. If I can make a comparison here about mylot and real life because we both share this thing. Here we can pick and choose our subjects. If I had to talk say about the same thing all the time (say economics) I would go coo coo. This same topic thing happens to me in the company of some of my friends. It is the same topic all the time. It is like brainwashing or something so I feel for you. On another note about relationships specially the romantic kind, I've kept those my secret.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Don't get me wrong, I do love talking about relationships (hypothetical that is, haha) but it gets sort of tiring because I never feel like I can bring anything new to the table because I simply have no experiences to share. 9 times out of 10 I just sit there with a smile on my face, patiently waiting for time to move along.
@Bluedoll (17074)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
I don’t know if I should say this or not because you are having a good discussion so far and I don’t want to introduce something that might change that. I am thinking the following might help you, not sure. You seem biased to think you are left out but should you? I think the most important part of any relationship is not the love making but the love. Now some might disagree with that and start a complete dialogue on the love making parts but really when you think about it well... If you have love you do not need to have anything else and if you do not have love, it does not much matter what else you have.- by Sir James M Barrie .. kind of says it best and I believe that. Anyone can know love and relate to it so with that part you should never feel left out. Those that look at all relationships this way I think are better off. Maybe I am just old fashioned but I think this and I think that should level the playing field for you?
• Nigeria
20 Jan 12
yes i feel so, if you dont want to go into a relationship, please dont go if your mind is not totally wanting that guy, you dont go into a relationship because your friends are talking about it or because your friends are into it, they wont be the one to run your relationship for you with the guy, are they?...its your decision my dear, may be the real guy that will sweep you off your feet is on the way, and you would have gone for the wrong guy, nobdy can tell, but i will advice you my dear to believe in yourself and do what you believe is right and your instinct told you that this is what you really want, please one more thing....just take your time to choose the perfect man for you.
• Philippines
20 Jan 12
Thank you for this uplifting comment. But sometimes I can't help but think that there's something wrong with me, like why can't I have a relationship? How long do I exactly have to wait before that guy comes along, because sometimes it feels like I have been waiting for the longest time! But then again, after a while, I realize that a relationship can never define me as a person. I promise you, I'll believe in myself more and wait for that perfect man. :)
• Nigeria
14 Feb 12
an adage says....FOR EVERY MAN, THERE IS A WOMAN....She who laughs last...laughs best.....your friends might even end up hopping from one relationship to another...feeling hurt...but just take ur time to meet that guy...he is somewhere also....dont be moved by your environment, be moved by your heart....remember snow whites song....she has waited so long even sings the song(ONE DAY, MY PRINCE WILL COME)...and the guy came along someday.....all will be well...its what waiting for...
@Theresaaiza (10454)
• Australia
21 Jan 12
I'm sorry you feel that way. You were like my bestfriend once. She was the last in the group to have a relationship. Before that, she was the one we ran to when we had troubles with our lovelife because we could count on her to be objective and we could run to her for comfort. The good thing about it was that she already had a lot to learn from us so that when she got into a relationship she knew what she wanted, she knew what to avoid. Although her relationship ended as briefly as it came, we knew she was above the situation and chose to do the right thing. Her bf did have some issues and she wasn't the type to hang around even when the relationship was not working anymore. Take this time to learn from your friends' experiences because you can use it as a tool when it's your turn.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Thank you. It's not that big of a deal though since I've gotten pretty used to it over the years. However there still comes a time when you start to feel really uncomfortable or wary of the conversation. We all have those days. Yes my friends pretty much run to me whenever they have problems, and of course I do everything that I can to help them. Sometimes I just really have nothing to say because I have no personal experience in the matter. But they're my friends, and I have to help them. Yes I most definitely will. Thank you!
@airasheila (5459)
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
good day thresholdofreality, with reference to your topic discussion, it is not really that hard to get out from that type of discussion but, the matter is, your circle of friends are the ones involved in the discussion loop. wherein they are the contributors of the topic being discussed with. as a result, it becomes difficult to excuse your self not to contribute any. and what you feel is somehow a kind of out of place. that you feel being an out of place in the middle of something that you cannot supply any idea at all since you have never been in that situation before. perhaps, try to avoid being with them everyday or set a schedule wherein you will just mingle with them occasionally. hence in this way, you will know yourself better why are you not yet into a relationship, perhaps, you want to do other things aside from being into a relationship. or maybe you want to do something which is really your passion. well, you can divide your schedule and set as to when you will meet your circle of friends. after all, it is all about you and your life's future. have a nice day to you.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
I really can't avoid them or the like, because they're my best friends in the world. I can never risk wounding our friendship just because I do not like some of the things they're son intent on talking about, and that's what makes this entire situation extremely difficult. I know I have to stomach it in because they're my friends and I love them, simple as that. Sometimes I just can't help but feel bad about myself because they seem to have all these perfect romantic relationships while I have none, and that's frustrating for me. Have a nice day too!
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
i don't know, i am girl so i am not like you same with feeling.. I think you have love,feeling with your friend and you just can't help it to talk relationship. maybe you just feeling nervous or so about talking that.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
I'm a girl too! ;) It's more of I just feel uncomfortable because I've never had a relationship before and thus, there's nothing for me to share. Also, I feel bad about myself as a result, because I have no boyfriend, and believe me, feeling this way while listening to your friends gush about their perfect love lives, and their perfect boyfriends is the worst feeling in the world.
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
To tell you the truth, I'm really annoyed if some of friends always talk about their relationships. They talk about it a lot, and i'm tired of listening. Even though i have a boyfriend that time, i don't usually talk about us with my friends. They even tell me that they made love or something. I'm a good listener, But talking too much about it is so annoying. As for you, you can just ignore them, or pretend you're listening. or maybe you can get something from their experiences.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Ugh, I don't think I can ever handle listen to my friends talk about making love. That's just weird. Yes, that's what I'm doing. I just listen to them, talk a little bit, and then just file away some of the things they say for future reference. Everything does get tiring after awhile though. Sometimes I really just nod when they talk, and I feel really bad for doing so!
@KrauseHome (34995)
• United States
21 Jan 12
Well being left out in the loop sometimes is hard, and can happen for many people in many situations as they get older. Trying to find people that they can hang around with and will share the same likes and interests gets harder. People get married, have kids, go off to college, get Good careers, etc. and unless you happen to be walking the same path they are it is hard. Maybe you just need to express your feelings a little and find more common interests instead.
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Yes, I think you're right. Growing up in a different direction is indeed inevitable. I'm usually fine about talking with relationships and such, but sometimes it just gets too much, you know? But then again, that's life. You can't exactly enjoy every second of it.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
20 Jan 12
I used to be in your position. I was past 30 when I had a boyfriend. So all those years before that I was, most of the time, the single one in the group. Sometimes I would feel so bad. I would question if I deserved being in a relationship. But over time I just learned to love myself enough and believe that even if I don't get married at all, I would still be happy. Maybe that's what fate was waiting for because that's when my guy came to my life. =) You know what, my friends liked to talk to me about their relationship problems because they say that I gave great advice. Maybe because I could look at their problems with objective eyes because I was not jaded or influenced by emotions. That's what they say. =) So, cheer up girl! Enjoy being single. Don't look at what you don't have. Instead look at what you are blessed with. =)
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
This felt so good to read! Yes, maybe I have to look past all my shortcomings and just love me for who I am, and maybe then the guy will finally come to my life. Hmm, maybe that's why my friends love talking to me about their problems, maybe because I can give them unbiased advices. Thank you, I promise to cheer up now!