Who should be blamed : a mistress or a married man?

@cttolledo (5051)
Philippines
January 22, 2012 7:48pm CST
I was speechless when my super friend made confession to me and asked a sort of advice.. .. I have a friend who had relationship with a married man, my friend is intelligent, achiever, a very successful in her career and most of all a very religious one, she believes that immorality is a sin and " karma " really happens...but suddenly she can't imagine her principle ruined in just one feeling...when she fell in love with a married man. she said , that guy is the only person that gave her a incomparable love, care and happiness, she gave her all, her life.. her time.. and everything to him. This married man is happily married with kids, and prominent one. She is madly in love to this man,their relationship goes on and on, there are times that she felt jealous when this man is with his real family, more so, when she saw that they are happy together, many times that she was took for granted... she cannot demand time ..all she can do is to wait... and hold on to their promises " annulment and married ". As years go on, my friend finally realized that she's dealing in life without direction, and she said, no matter what happened she will always be a mistress and can never be a wife.. she said she can't wait anymore and hope for a miracle... She tried to end up her relationship to this guy, resigned from work and finally went to other country to forget him. She really did her best to forget this guy, she made herself busy, meet other people...she said that she finally over to this guy.( happy for her) Just last week, i got a call from her, she is crying again, she said she got a call from this guy, she said to me that, she still love him...! Honestly, i don't know what is the best advice to this friend of mine.. I'm hopeless too because i don't know how to help her..
1 person likes this
14 responses
• Philippines
9 Feb 12
Mistress:"Something between a mister and a mattress.” Not my intention to offend anybody. Its just that for the that's what mistress means.=)
@cttolledo (5051)
• Philippines
14 Feb 12
Hi micatolentino! I like it...hehe
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
23 Jan 12
Infidelity has to have two responsible parties. A married man and a mistress both know what they are getting into. Unless one of them is deceiving the other, there has to be an equal share of the blame to go around.
@cttolledo (5051)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
yeah you are right... they are "partners in crime"..
• India
23 Jan 12
I think generally its married man's fault and the mistress i just stupid in love.. If that man really loves her at least he would be thinking of a divorce but with kids in the picture it becomes difficult.. I guess when in love you're not able to choose right over wrong but she should be strong enough to leave him at least after so much of time.. I don't think the man really loves her, he is just using her for fun and excitement!!
@cttolledo (5051)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
meaning married man is the culprit and my friend is the victim....culprit? yes he is...but with all fairness my friend is not a 100% victim here..
@soulist (2986)
• United States
3 Mar 12
I would say both are to blame. THe married man should remain faithful to his wife. And the mistress should not get herself involved with a married man. If she doesn't know and finds out later she should end it. Nothing good can come from being a mistress.
• Philippines
8 Feb 12
The blame should be on the married man. The wife and the mistress are both victims. The blame should only be given to the mistress, if she knows that his/her lover is married but then she did not manage to get out of the relationship.
• Kenya
29 Jan 12
Both of them are to blame. The married man for knowingly eating forbidden fruits and the mistress for deceiving the man that she is more succulent!
@eunife (165)
• Philippines
25 Jan 12
blame love for crossing the wrong road at a wrong time but advise your friend to stop it because it is not good. she knows where she stands and i'm sure she's cried enough. tell her to wake up, be strong and turn to the right path. tell her that everyday until she gets the courage to do so. she's done it, so she can do it again. avoid having communication with the guy. if he calls, drop it.
• United States
24 Jan 12
Sadly, I agree with a good number of the people here that both are to blame and should never have gotten serious. If she continues this, she is going against her beliefs and should know this is wrong. This is an unhealthy addiction and a dangerous one and something that is best stopped entirely. This was a bad decision to begin with and should have had a lecture on it, an intervention, something. She IS going against her principle and she's messing up, she needs to know this, and she needs to know it hard. Just patting her on the back and saying it is okay isn't going to help. It is obvious to me she needs to be shaken. At times, care for others has to be firm, afterall...
@Luciano63 (157)
• France
23 Jan 12
Hi, no one is good boy here! She is with a married guy with kids too. He is having a sort of fatal attraction for her that is costantly satisfied by her. Both of them are not behaving well, she will never become his wife and he does not want it for sure unless she will just become another wife! No way for him! She did right to go away and take action to move on with her life, the problem is that she has to stick to this idea and not come back on her decisions even if it is painful.
• Hungary
23 Jan 12
Oh my god!Better she will stop that feelings because that man was married she's only a mistress.she cant own that man still many guys around in this world,actually this is not easy situation.The best thing she do is to stop that feelings and better she will always pray that she can forget that married man.The time will come she can recover if she can found the person who can give her a happiness and not a married again.That's why she cant forget because shes always thingking that man,its posible also if she's always thinking.
@surfer222 (1715)
• Indonesia
23 Jan 12
like most responders said, both of them are to be blamed. I can see that your friend was not happy with her current condition so i think it would be best if she stop doing contact with him. Change her phone and don't meet him again. Meet other people can help forgeting him too.
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
23 Jan 12
When i was reading this, i thought that she really have moved on. But unfortunately not. Oh my. To be honest, i don't like mistresses and i don't also like married people who are cheating their husband/wife. Why would they do that? I just hate it when they do. First, About your friend, well, if she knew that this guy's already married, she should have not have a relationship with him from the start, right? because she'll just destroy a family. She could have met someone who is single, She has a choice if she really wanted to. Second, that married guy, oh no! i think that guy is so stupid. Why would he marry if he knew that he's still want other girls. I really don't understand why other man do that. If they're not yet ready to have a family, then don't. Why cheat if you're already married. Things like this really happen. I don't really understand. They'll have a mistress but can't leave their real family. What's that all about? Some physical attraction or something? aren't they happy anymore with their wife? i just hate it. It's still your friend's choice. If she still want this, she'll just suffer. If that guy really loves her, why can't he leave his family right? She'll be just a mistress in that case. I'm feel sorry about your friend.
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
23 Jan 12
I don't know how stubborn your friend can get, but both have to be blamed if ever they continue with this relationship. If your friend is really determined to move on with her life, then even if this married guy comes back to her, she will not accept him. Besides, she has already realized a few years back that nothing good will ever come out of their affair. I was in a similar situation a few years back when I thought I could be the only person that my ex could love after he had left his wife. But the harsh reality struck when I myself was cheated upon by this guy. It seems that it is a disease or an addiction. So, I let go of our affair and focused more on my life. I did not jump right away into another relationship because it will only be pointless and unfair. My ex has contacted me over the past few months and I am already with someone else. And I did not entertain his calls or messages anymore. Why? Because it will just be same old hurts and insecurities and I am not getting any younger. And I also don't want to go through the same stress that I had when I was still with him. Why settle for a garbage relationship when you have a chance to be with someone who can make your life happy. You can give your friend all the advices that you can get from other people, but I tell you that it will be a futile attempt to get some sense into your friend. The mere fact that she is crying all over the place and wondering what to do next means that she is contemplating on continuing the affair. And in this case, I will not call it love for either of the two. But rather insanity because you cannot love a person knowing that you are hurting so many people in the process.
• Philippines
23 Jan 12
Actually both of them are to be blamed. For your friend, because she knows that she fell in love with the wrong guy, married man to be exact and that she knows that she will definitely ruin a family by doing so, yet she still continued her fairytale love story. For the guy, because he could not resist the temptation, he's a family man yet he pursued your friend. No matter what happens that guy will always return back to his family, it's part of our culture. No best advice can be given to your friend but to tell her bluntly in her face to move on with her life and continue the path that she is walking now, by choosing to go abroad she actually did the first step in moving on and that's a good sign. She can either continue to be miserable by choosing to be with that guy or she can have a happy life by choosing the move one and get on with her life. Either way it's her choice. At the end of the day last say will still be hers. Have a great day ahead!