you should remember to study

United States
January 23, 2012 9:23am CST
This morning I was putting my daughters things back in her back pack; she's 9 and in 3rd grade. I said is there a test today for social studies? We read part of the vocab sheet earlier in the weekend. I had forgotten she had a test. I spent a portion of the weekend denying them tv & pc time because they did not finish their home work from last week that was due on Thursday. So then my 9yo tells me probably but she doubts she'll have to take it because she's LD and would probably get pulled for her reading help. But beside that possibility she said it was MY JOB as her mother to REMEMBER to study for the test. Outside of having a nightly math worksheet this is the first test so I don't remember because it's not a regular thing. Plus I'm also not the one who has to take the test. So should I feel bad because I didn't remember to remind her of the test? Or is it her job at 9yrs old to remember?
3 people like this
14 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
24 Jan 12
Your kids' attitudes never cease to amaze me. I understand she's LD and all, but yeah, it's her responsibility. My kids take responsiblity for their own school work, and besides the oldest, I never have a problem. He can be a problem sometimes, but now that he's in high school, I expect him to be capable of handling his school work himself. He doesn't, but you know, at his age he only has himself to answer to. I'm hoping someday soon he will realize how important school work is and start applying himself.. if not, he will regret it. The twins, who are 9 and in 4th grade have been responsible for their own work for as long as I can remember. They're always good about getting their homework done as soon as they get home.. I don't think I've ever had to remind them, and I've only ever once heard that one of them wasn't doing their homework, and that was a recent problem but it was resolved. But I don't nag them or get on them about it.. they just do it because they enjoy school. Like I said, the oldest was a completely different story. When he was 9 he'd lie and say he didn't have homework, and the teacher would tell me he never hands homework in. He even forged my signature once when he was around that age on a paper that stated that I'd seen he had completed his homework!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
Yep this shut down and blame it on someone else totally isn't happening. My kids come home and ask what's for dinner and think they should just turn on the tv asap and that's that. The middle has started feeding more off the older that her school work can wait. I need to get Dad to be consistant on the evenings I'm not there and keep the tv off til work is done. I'm tired of the last minute business in the morning because there's a million excuses and it's all me being mean. It's a 5 min worksheet just sit down with me and do it. The oldest has never been one to want anything to do with school and has gained the attitude that someone else will do it for her. I've expressed that at school cause I think she's milk'n them a bit. I know she knows more than she lets on, she probably can't do it as fast as her peers, but that will come in time if she just trys and gets the connfidence that she CAN do the work solo.
• United States
24 Jan 12
I really don't know how you do it. That sort of attitude would make me flip! Awhile back, before we lived in the trailer, there was a mom I used to talk to at the bus stop who had 2 teenage girls and 2 elementary age girls. One of her teenage girls had that attitude, that her parents were going to pay for her to have an apartment but she wasn't going to go to college or bother getting a job.. she wouldn't live at home but her parents would still support her. Where do kids get these ideas? Where do they get the idea that they're entitled to anything, especially a free ride? I know each kid is different. With this particular lady it was only the one child who behaved that way. Her other teenage daughter did very well in school and was in all sorts of groups like marching band and stuff. With mine though, I am starting to see the younger ones act more like the oldest. Not necessarily with school, but with chores and such. I have ALWAYS had a problem getting the oldest to do his chores, and we really butt heads on it. I know most other families offer something to their children for doing chores.. like an allowance or something. If I had less problems with mine doing their chores I might offer an allowance, but it has gotten to be such a hassle that mostly I'm just trying to get them to see that their chores need to be done without being told. They live here, they create 90% of the mess, they should be responsible and help out just because, and I shouldn't have to pay them to do it. But because the oldest has created this big hassle with not doing his chores, now the younger ones skip out on doing theirs too. I've tried different approaches. I did try the rewards at one point, but that didn't work, I still had to fight with them and one of the stipulations to getting the reward was they had to do all of their chores without being told.. but they still needed constant reminders. I tried charts pointing out exactly what chores they had to do, and posted that on the fridge, but they still only did some or none of their chores. I even tried a system where the kids were doing different chores each week, I thought switching it up would help.. but they still didn't do their chores and then they got fighting over who was responsible for what or who's turn it was to do something this week.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 12
Oh trust me the attitude gets me massivly upset which is why I'm glad to go to work. Then of course come back home and zip is done makes me wonder why even try to get a better job because I'll have to be home just to do simple things like taking out the trash cause no one else can be bothered. I am trying to instill in them it's only going to get harder as they get older. I've wanted to do charts, but it seems like when I did one it was only for ME. A reminder for me to what they need because neither girls are good readers yet. Though I really need to do a check list on the door for things they need in the morning. You know like those schedules like they do on SuperNanny. Giving them change is a good reward here but then it's not consistant either. What I want to try again is not only getting everyone to bed on time but to work in the pick a taks basket. I wrote out things like pick up toys, put shoes away, pick up dirty laundry, ect and made them pick up to 2 depending on how cooperative just to get them in some sort of habit. Maybe I'll toss in a stay up late friday night video night. The oldest tough has been trying to work on her room. I read the books she picks up her room.
@alberello (4755)
• Italy
24 Jan 12
Dear friend, I think you're doing your duty to fully parent to your children. I, too, at school I was not much. Which is why I remember that my father precluded the use of computers, because I too neglected my studies. For this reason, since you're doing good for your children, do not think you should feel guilty.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 12
I don't know what else to do to get her to do it other than to take away the things she enjoys til her work is done. School is her "job" at this point in life not mine.
@dheckerz (473)
• Philippines
24 Jan 12
I think it is both for you and you kids to remember this. I would suggest to put some sort of reminders so that you nobody forgets it. And studying should be done on a regular basis so that they won't have to cram during examinations. I hope they got good grades.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jan 12
This is the first test she's had to study for and there was no mention on the daily note of reading and math worksheet when the test was or anything just study for test.They do not have tests on a regular basis, it's not like they have a test every friday it's rare they have one.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
24 Jan 12
She should probably remember herself since she is the one taking the test. I gentle reminder from mom might help but it would also make her depend on you to remind her all the time..that would make mom an enabler! LOL
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
Exactly! I'm not the one who has to take the test, I'm not the one to be embarassed by having a poor grade on the test. I do have to help her since her reading is strained with the dyslexia (though I think she milks that a bit and can read more than she's willing).
@AmbiePam (49078)
• United States
23 Jan 12
It's not your fault and you shouldn't feel badly. Nine is more than old enough to know when one has to study for a test. It's easy to blame you when bottom line, kids just don't want to study but like to blame it on someone else.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
She's good at passing the buck. Yes we loose papers sometimes that's life, we'll ask for another sheet and get it done but not everything is Mom's job to remember and to do.
@patgalca (14395)
• Orangeville, Ontario
23 Jan 12
When my kids were in elementary school, or at least the lower grades, the had a day planner. Every night the parent would have to sign it. The planner would indicate what the homework was and any tests that needed to be studied for. The only thing I ever really did is ask them if they had homework and when did they plan on doing it. It's not up to you to remember anymore than it is up to us to know how to do the new math (or the math WE were never any good at ). Part of schooling is learning how to research information and how to learn responsibility. Sure younger kids need nudges but what if you had 6 or 7 kids? How are you supposed to keep on top of them all. They have to learn to remember to do their homework, to study when needed, to bring their books to school, to bring their shoes, etc. It is part of the growing up process. Don't let your kid guilt you into thinking it is YOUR responsibility. It's not. You guide them but you don't do for them what they should be doing for themselves.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
I know in 1st grade they have a lil sheet to inital but that is just that the child has read their book-in-a-bag reading and note any difficulties. Otherwise it's just a note w/ what the kids are up to and that they have homework 30min reading and math worksheet and that's it.
@GardenGerty (99336)
• United States
23 Jan 12
At 9 my kids knew it was their job to study. It sounds almost as if she is relying on her LD needs to get her out of things. They should also not have to be bribed or punished about regular homework. She is working you mom.
• United States
24 Jan 12
That's been the tough part with her as she's dyslexic & presumed A.D.D. so she does need help but I would think she could say. "hey Mom, can you read this over with me? I have a test." I think she really knows more than she plays but gets babied because of the "LD" designation.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
23 Jan 12
nothing like passing the blame. this is a good teachable moment on responsability. it is HER responsability to remember she had the test, not yours.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
I think so too. Especially since it's new that they have to study for something, she should be on me to help her study.
@dragon54u (31617)
• United States
23 Jan 12
At 9 years old she has to begin to take responsibility for her own actions and studying is one thing she has to do on her own. But as a parent you have to help her remember to study. If she fails the test or gets less than a C because she failed to study you will have to apply some consequences, like taking away privileges that she used to avoid studying. It's not your job any longer to ride herd on her but show her that her actions have consequences. 9 years old is early enough to learn that action or inaction has consequences. Take it from a mom of two grown men--this is a critical time. The sooner she learns that she is responsible for what happens to her, the better life she will have!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 12
She can do some of the studying, though she's dyslexic so I will have to help her out being she's below grade level in reading. They don't grade like they used to or atleast this district doesn't. On math it seems homework gets a percentage score. But you don't see any of that come home til the trimester is over so you have no idea how they are doing which I think makes it difficult to know that they are not doing well in a subject til you get a report card. And their report card is this 1,2,3,4 business. 4 being they are proficient/exceed expectations, 3 meet expectations, 2 minimal understanding/inconsistant understanding, needs assistance, 1 (is similar to a 2) Trust me I've been trying to explain how Mom and Dad can't take care of her forever. If she wants a car when she's older and to do things she will need a job, to get a job you will need to be able to write, read, and do basic math... and most of all they won't give you a pay check if you do not do the work or say I don't feel like it. They will find someone else to do the work and pay them.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
24 Jan 12
I think that it should be her job to remember not just yours. You have more then one child, am I right? You have three, and I can't imagine you'd remember all the work that must be done for all of them. Also, I think that she should not be allowed to get away with not studying just because she may not have the test. I know, as I had learning disabilities when I was young and i was allowed to get away with it but I struggled later in my school career because of it. I'm not trying to say anything mean about it, just saying from my own experience I wish I had been made to study more.
• United States
25 Jan 12
Yes I have 3 hence the number 3 in my handle. Kids can be demanding and it varies day by day who is more demanding of my time and attention (usually the middle). They usually want to do what they want to do, which is fine if it was summer but their responsibilities are to go to school, do their home work, and help around the house and then do what they wish. However the fun does not come before school work and thinking up iies to teacher why it is not done.
@ShyBear88 (17427)
• United States
23 Jan 12
Se making excuses and playing the learning disability card. I have a learning disability and my parents wouldn't even let me us that's a reason for not studying. It's her job not yours. It's her job to do the work and turn it in on time. Where she is in class or not shell still have to take that test and once in middle school that won't work any more. The schools I went to you had a planner and some of my teachers made our parents sign off to show that we showed them what was due each day and when and that it was done. No sign off meant we where in trouble not my parents but me. Teachers after third grand gets tougher and tougher. You should feel bad that she didn't do what she need too.
• United States
24 Jan 12
They don't have a planner they have a lil daily news sheet, it just has things the kids have shared as to what they are up to. Like Timmy is going to the Zoo and then on the bottom 1/5 of the page...Homework 30 min reading, Math workesheet
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
1 Sep 12
Had your 9yo told you she had a test? I think that if it is known that there is a test on a given day, it should be written on a calendar that can be seen both by you and her so that there is no reason to forget. I don't think it is only her job or only yours but something that could be worked on together. Just because she is LD shouldn't mean that she shouldn't have to take the test either. I hope that she did have to take it even if she wasn't ready. I hope that by the time she is in 4th grade she will be able to keep track of things like that by herself even if it is with some assistance like asking if she put it on her calendar or schedule or whatever she uses. Have a great weekend!!!
• United States
8 Feb 12
no you shouldn't feel bad.a 9 year old is fully capable to remember,and if she tries the guilt trip in the future,i'd tell her then next time write it down somewhere. it's her work,not yours.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
28 Jan 12
My daughter is also nine years old and in the third grade and I personally think that it is her responsiblity to remember when she has a test to study for. The reason that I feel that this is the case for her is because of the fact that she doesn't have weekly spelling tests and such that I can work with her on, so I don't think about it. In addition to that, her teacher has never sent reminders home of any tests that the kids will be having, so I never know if I need to remind her to get ready for a test.