How is it p ossible to love someone and not like him? Puzzled.

As for my own experience, I do not think it is possible to love someone when you do not like him. You need to like someone first before you start loving him.

I didn't understand this either at first, but now I think I get it. I always got the sense from my mother that things weren't right--like when we'd get into a big fight, and instead of apologizing, she'd buy me something. After I had my daughter, she'd ask me to drop her off and tell me I didn't need to stay. It niggled my brain for a long time before I came to the realization: she LOVED me unconditionally, but I feel that if we had met at work, she'd have ignored me. It hurt pretty badly at first, but she hadn't received a good example from her mother, my grandmother. And she lost both of her parents by the time she was 11. Now, when my daughter is being a P.I.T.A., I just only need to say, "I'm not liking you very much right now" for her to realize how much I'm hurt by her behavior.

Well... I think, the lady is confused about her feelings... It happens at times, you see. One is not sure how one feels and things are so mixed up .. This happens especially when things are outwardly complicated and the results come up with unexpected speed... You can help her by letting her analyze the situation on her own, by guiding her to different points... That way, she will realize whether she is into it or out of it... Thanks dear... Take car.e..

I also find it confusing, too. In my opinion, "love" is the further step after "like". So you shall like someone at first, then probably it will lead to love at last. It is hard to believe that you love someone but you don't like him/her. This is quite weird. I love China

Hi Hatley, I really don't know. I kind of understand it as in the case of the first responder here. I think we sometimes give family members a little more wiggle-room because we do in fact love them. I have a couple of family members whom I think I probably would not care much for if it weren't for the fact that we were family. Maybe a better example would be that of one of my own daughter's. When she was a teen, she was horrible. She was quite popular because she treated her friends wonderful but her sisters and I...well, that was another story. She was out of control and into things she shouldn't be and making bad choices in her life. I remember clearly sitting there one night in tears and thinking, she is so so lucky that I love her so much. IF she were just some kid that wasn't mine...she would not have been allowed in my house even let alone my life. It was LOVE that caused me to not give up on US or on HER. Not sure if this makes much sense unless you've been through it. Have to add ....My daughter is a close friend of mine now that she is grown and out of that stage. As for a boyfriend...I don't know...that's a different kind of love. I'm wondering if this girl was in an abusive relationship where the "love" was tainted and sick? I was in an abusive marriage and I remember wishing that I didn't love my husband so much because I sure didn't like him a whole lot. It was complicated and took councelling to sort it out but it was more like I was always trying to go back to the time when we really did like and love each other. In romantic love, I feel that there is no question about it...you have to really like the person or it isn't really love...something is seriously wrong in the relationship if you don't like your boyfriend or husband.

There have been times during the last year that I've really felt like I love my husband but I don't really like him. The reason that I've made this statement is because of the fact that I love him because he is the father of my children and he makes sure that we have food to eat and a roof over our heads. However, in going through his treatments, he has developed habits that I don't like at all and those habits have changed my overall opinion of him. I guess the right way to say it would be to say that I love my husband but I don't like his habits, but his habits have become a part of him.

Im not sure what she really would have meant unless she was replacing the word respect for like. I can love or care about someone but i dont have to respect them or their actions. For example certain cousins i totally dont respect or like their actions...their choices and how they treat others in our family...but i still care about them if theyre sad or in trouble...

I think you can love some things about a person and dislike others. It is not the norm I would say but has been done. i loved my ex but there were things about him I didn't like. Again, it isn't the norm and I don't think this happens often but it does happen.

not sure i ever felt that way about a man, but i did feel that way about my mom. maybe its a young imature thing? ive heard lots of people say it about different people

Love grows from attraction. Someone fall in love with any person because he or she feels attraction to that person which have no explanation. It is not necessary to like everything of the partner. Love is just a emotion.

It might be... afterall, its possible to be unaware of what you actually want. You can ignore and pretend to hate someone on the outside but there might be some different chemistry going on the inside. It happens when you try to show off yourself too much. Trying to blend into something you are not leads to such type of hallucinations..

What the young woman talked about is a bit self-contradictory.How could she talk about loving him without liking him? Liking someone is a prerequisite for loving he or she.I guess the young woman didn't put her meaning across very well.Perhaps She wanted to say she loves her boyfriend but dislikes his shortcomings.

I actually say this sometimes, not about my husband though. I say it about my father. Let me explain how I mean it when I say it. I love my father because he is my father but I don't like him as a person. Another words, if he wasn't my father I wouldn't like him at all. I do love him though because he is my father and he took care of me all my life. I just don't like his temper, how he treats people, his lack of patience, his attitude towards new people, how he treats my son and so on... You love the person probably because your supposed to (putting it bluntly) but if you didn't have to you most likely wouldn't be around them often. Now I don't know if that is how the other person meant whatever it was she said but that is how I feel about my father. I hope I explained it at least a little.

HUh? loving someone and not like him? Puzzling statement indeed. If you love someone, liking him/her is included indeed. For loving someone is starting in liking first.

She may abstractly treasure or respect some of the things he does, but be very annoyed by some of his habits. This almost sounds like a discussion I was having with a young lady I was working with tonight. She has an ex boyfriend, that she still loves, and a current boyfriend, that she has nothing in common with, and is seeing someone else, and oh, she has an eleven month old baby. Whattttttt!!!!! I kid you not. She will not be seen in public with the current one, because she is "country" and he is "emo or goth", and he likes screaming metal music and she likes country. He likes "comic books" (probably anime) and she likes drag racing and mudding on a four wheeler. I told her to take a vacation from all men for a while until she gets her head straight. I do not think she will take my advice.

Good question! I can't understand or believe you can love someone and not like them! You'd have to like the person before you love them,right? I have been with guys I really didn't like but never loved them! I thought I liked them but once I got to know them I hated them,like their bad habits and other things! So I have no idea what this woman is getting at!

dear Hatley, Yes,I agree with you. It's the deed/action that we dislike and not the person. That is why, no matter how it hurts (sometimes) we still forgive that someone- all because of love. Uhmn, that really sounds odd- how can she love someone and dislike?

Yeah that is something that puzzled me as well. I think that it is possible not to like the actions that someone did, even if you love the person. That has to be the reason, otherwise the alternative would indicate a rather twisted relationship in many ways. I would think that liking someone would come before loving someone, at least that was my interpretation of what that would mean. Of course, it would seem to have to do with the actions. There are just going to be a lot of times where those we love the most tend to do actions that are going to drive us up a wall. We tend to be rather agitated from their actions but it is not the person, rather the actions of the person that causes the dislike. At least that is the sanest explanation to me as well.

Dear Ms. Hatley Well, for me too, I cannot think of love happening without liking someone. Maybe the person you mention here feels that Love is the Physical part and Like is the emotional part.

Well to be honest the term is unclear.. And it might have been used wrong. The case is maybe she got to love him but now he changed and she doesn't like him any more, but the old love is not something you can just wipe off. Maybe it was an episode, she didn't like him then just because he did something wrong, but she'll get over it. The love still conquers. Or maybe she really loves the person he is but doesn't really like him physically but that might not count that much for her in her choice. Anything is possible, she knows best what she meant.