"I hate my daddy!"

January 27, 2012 4:29pm CST
This was what my son was saying through his tears a few nights ago. His daddy had shouted at him and sent him to bed, I forget what he'd done. It worries me. He isn't even 5 years old yet. Their father does have a temper and snaps at them for very minor things, but he loves them and it hurt him to hear that. My 6 year old daughter loves to draw, and is always drawing family pictures, but often her dad is left out of them, she just draws me and the 3 kids. When I ask her where's daddy she just shrugs. Should I be worried? I wish he would deal with them more calmly, it causes arguments between us if I think he's too harsh, and I am concerned that it is affecting his relationship with them too.
3 people like this
13 responses
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
1 Feb 12
To me it sounds like their father really doesn't spend enough positive/quality time with the children. The fact that he is left out of family pictures and that your son said that he hates him can easily be remedied if he would spend more time with the kids. This can be simply some one on one time with each of them or it could even be outings with the children. That is something that I've been trying to get my husband to do more of with our children.
3 Feb 12
It does seem to always be just me who takes them on outings. He doesn't like going to the places they like, where there are usually a lot of children and a lot of noise.
@moneywinner (1866)
• Brazil
28 Jan 12
I think that you should definitely worries about this, specially the fact that your daughter doesn't draws him when she draws her family. A lot of things can be discover just looking for the draws of the kids, so, maybe you should look for a professional help to see what's the best to do in this situation.
28 Jan 12
I think she has just always left him out of pictures because she didn't see him much, as he was always at work, and now its probably just habit
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
29 Jan 12
I feel something must be done to smoother the situation. Don't underestimate kids. It will be good if the kids will just feel differently after a good nap but what if it is not? Anything that concerns our loved ones we just have to take it seriously. Obviously the father is the best person to start making changes. The kids can only react to what they are getting. Talk to your husband softly. Make him see the seriousness. I am sure he loves the kids no lesser than you. He may just not good in controlling his temper and communication method. I am a father myself and my heart will break if my kids were to exclude me as a family. I think your husband feels the same way.
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
28 Jan 12
Whoah, I think there's something there when a child doesn't include a parent in their drawings. Perhaps he should know about these things. How did he respond when he saw that he wasn't included in the photos?
@dilrajj57 (1759)
• Pakistan
28 Jan 12
friend very sad for the father.
@zaahro (749)
• Indonesia
28 Jan 12
aww I am sorry marianne, it should be hard for you and the kids. The kids need their father fondness while they are growing up :( but it is hard if his temper like that. We can't force him,hope the kids will understand, or maybe they will find a way to make their father come to them in love :)
• Philippines
28 Jan 12
This is just the reaction of child when they're upset to their parents. I think it would be better if you will ignore what the child is saying. The child is a child and they doesn't know what they're doing. As a mother, you should be the bridge to tell your children why their father acts like that. Tell your child that their father is just stressed because of work. The bottom line is to let your children understand their father.
@Mashnn (4503)
28 Jan 12
I would also be very much concerned when my children start behaving that way. The way your children are behaving is a sign that they are fed up with their dad's behaviours. I suggest you to sit down with your husband and explain to him what is happening to his children and how important it will for them if he could change his behavior.
@tatzkie23 (773)
• Philippines
28 Jan 12
Kids, get know how to get hurt, and knows if they're being mistreated. It's a natural response for kids, But i hope that this things should be resolved. Because if not, they will hate their father for life. If the father is continuing doing this thing to her children, it will make a great impact to the children. As you said, your daughter draw a family picture without dad? and your son is saying he hates his dad. Talk to your husband, regarding how he treats his children.
• United States
28 Jan 12
Hey I am in a similar spot, my 9 years old will say the same thing to my husband who is also is step dad. I know he loves him, but my husband can get pretty short with him at times. I try to get in the middle, but usually I then end up either yelling at my son or my husband. My mother told me that some children either react to negative things or they push it to the side, like your daughter is doing. There are just some days where I have to put my 30 years old husband into time out. I figure one day I will get them to get along. Question: Have you tried to get someone outside the family to talk to your daughter? Maybe a friend or another adult you trust. It seems to me that may help her get the feelings inside out and help her in the future.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
28 Jan 12
He may love his children but, what does he do with them for fun? I could be wrong as I do not know their father. But, could the drawings be of the family that does things together? Have you shown him these pictures? If not it might be a good idea to do that. Just a suggestion: Also when he is hurt by the children saying that they hate him, you might want to suggest talking to the children a bit more calmly as they are disliking him because of his harshness.
@peavey (16876)
• United States
28 Jan 12
I would be more concerned about your daughter leaving him out of drawings than your son saying he hated him. At the age of 5, he doesn't know what "hate" is and it's easily confused with anger or hurt pride. It's a natural response. Leaving him out of pictures may not be serious, either, but you might want to watch your daughter react to her father. Maybe she's intimidated too much and doesn't want to deal with it. That's just a "maybe" from me because I don't know the situation other than what you've said here.
@lilaclady (28238)
• Australia
27 Jan 12
oh dear that is sad, I am not sure if it is a worry or not, I think kids can go through this sort of thing because they have been diciplined, but is can be a worry I guess, I find it very sad for the father, maybe he can do more talking rather than yelling....