Can someone start hating the one who he/she has been in true love for years?

India
February 3, 2012 2:53am CST
I want you all to respond to this discussion after taking a close and serious look into it.:) A friend of mine was in a relationship with a girl for 2-3 years.In the last year ,he came to acknowledge that the girl was cheating on him. He first offered the girl to end up the relationship because he thought that the girl loves someone else(the other guy) and for her happiness he(my friend) should let her go and live happily forever with whoever she wants. But she always said that she loves my friend only and she is sorry and whatever she had done was just a mistake.She always tried to emotionally blackmail my friend. Every time my friend caught her red handed,she made stories. He tried as hard as he could so as to win his girl's heart again but nothing helped. More over ,the mental trauma he had to go through affected his life's every aspect.He screwed up his academics,got defaced in front of family and people around him,his friends,relatives etc. At last when he realized that he has lost so many things,almost everything because of a girl who was not worthy, he decided to get out of it.He instructed the girl to never talk to him again. And since then,he is going better in academics and other aspects.He now lives a happy life. And now he feels NO LOVE TOWARDS THAT GIRL.Often he feels that he just HATES THAT GIRL. Now what i would like to know that is that DID HE REALLY LOVE THAT GIRL? WAS IT TRUE LOVE? AND IF IT WASNT THEN WHY DID HE PUT EVERYTHING OF HIM ON STAKE JUST FOR HER? (girl was 17 and guy was 20 at the time of breakup) I expect sincere and good responses.:)
3 people like this
14 responses
@5mahi05 (667)
• India
3 Feb 12
hello saurabh, at the time of breakup your friend was 20, which means, he was just 17-18 when he got into the relationship and the girl was just 14-15. For me, this is just a kindergarten school love or just infatuation for that matter! I wonder if someone would know what love is, and what life is at the age of 14-15, or even 16, where you hardly even wouldn't have finished your schooling! At this age, we like people and probably your friend and that girl would have ended up in the relationship only because of the influence of the movies that they watch! A guy and a girl speak, they then fall in love, then if someone cheats, resist them or leave them to fly their way, sacrifice, all these things come from the movies. At this age, they have just followed the movies and your friend kept his own life on stake for her, just to hold on to the relationship that he had started. Like you said, he now realized that he doesn't love her and probably even hate the girl! This doesn't happen in true love,where you understand the other person so well and you better know the other person than himself/herself, and they can give themselves the reason for things not happening the way it should have been! Now your friend has a maturity in mind and he has realized what life is and what love is! Good that he took this decision. Hope he stays wise and happy all his life!
1 person likes this
• India
3 Feb 12
So precise and accurate u are. Thanks for your precious opinion.:)
1 person likes this
• India
3 Feb 12
i do not know what is true love. But according to me love is nothing. your friend had done a mistake by loving a 17 year old girl i think she is not matured at all.
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
3 Feb 12
Honestly, I know his feeling. I've been there too. :( My boyfriend cheated on me and I can't seem to trust him again. I have given him a second change but he didn't get it. He wasted my trust. I have no anger in my heart anymore, but I'm hurt so much. And it's hard to forgive him. Even until now. I still talk to him sometimes, but I still hurt. :( So I think your friend did love her, but she was the one who's stupid. And he did the right thing by leaving her and moved on. That will be a precious lesson in his life, only one problem. If he hurt so much, he will be afraid of love. And no, I don't think it's true love as it ended.
• India
3 Feb 12
I guess you too have moved on after seeing real colors of ur partner. Is it so or u r still waiting for him to go correct.?
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
3 Feb 12
Pffff...why do I have to wait for him to correct his behavior? It can take years I think. :P I'm ready to move on. :)
• India
3 Feb 12
good to know that.:)
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
3 Feb 12
Love is a strong feeling, hate is a strong feeling. I can't be sure about all what you are telling since this I did not hear the story of the girl or your friend. This is secondhand news. The only thing I can say is: it was your friend his own decision to screw up his academics etc. So he can only be mad at himself. He is older as that girl so should know better. Also: he is responsible for his own deeds. It would be better if he was that honest and hates himself for screwing up everything instead of blaming that girl. Because that is what he is. He hates her now (instead of himself because it's easier to blame someone else) so he doesn't need to look into the mirror. This girl was his choice, it was his choice to go on, it was his own free choice to screw up everything. It's cheap talk to say she blackmailed him (genereally speaking things men do to women the whole time). You can't be blackmailed if you don't want to. I think your friend and his ex are both not adult enough for a relationship, but at least they had a great life experience. I think he did love her in his way, he just hates her now because it's better as hating yourself and he lost the game.
• Netherlands
3 Feb 12
I have an ex husband who did that for 14 years. The thing is you have to know yourself. Know with what you can live, what will break you. If you know that, the only thing you can do is protecting yourself. Otherwise you won't have a life at all. My ex did exactly the same (incl. the poison) but the thing is: it is/was his decision, not mine. He cheated on me, had other girlfriends. This is prove enough that I am not enough/good enough. So why should I have pity or manipulate or blackmail myself by such a person? Why should I give up the best years of my life (what I did and was my own decision so I can only be angry on me). If I do so it's my responsibility (and that is why my ex husband stalked me that long, till I put it to an end).
• Netherlands
3 Feb 12
PS forgot to mention it: I don't hate my ex and never did. At a certain point I lost all feelings (interest) for him and it was over.
• India
4 Feb 12
you sound reasonable.Thanks for sharing.:)
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
4 Feb 12
I think yes he really could have loved her. But i dont think she really did love him. If she really did love him she would not of had another guy. He really did a good thing to leave her alone to the other guy. he didnt deserve the treatment she gave him. I hope you friend finds some girl that is truely deserving of his affection.
@derek_a (10902)
4 Feb 12
There is an old saying that there is a very thin line betwee love and hate and I would say that it is true. When we love intensely and feel let down, it can hurt so very deeply and as in the case of your friend, can really effect our life plan. When in pain a natural defence is to hate whatever it is that caused it, to make sure that it doesn't come back and hurt us even more. It can feel as if our sanity is being challenged - such is the intensity of true love. It is good to let go of such a destructive relationship, but we need to heal and true healing comes from forgiveness. We need to forgive the one that has hurt us, because we will just continue to hurt our own self otherwise. _Derek
• United States
3 Feb 12
This is very similar to the situation my bf was in before he met me. His ex cheated on him a bunch of times before he put an end to it. This girl was his first love and everything and after everything horrible she did to him, he now hates her. If you hate someone you used to love then I don't think you truly ever loved them. My bf and your friend probably thought they had real love when they didn't. In real love, you don't end up hating them and you don't cheat. Maybe they buth just got too caught up with the idea of love.
• India
3 Feb 12
You sound so appropriate and logical too. I hope you guys never go through such situation again.:)
@sayo13 (414)
• India
3 Feb 12
i think this a natural tendency of every human being. when a guy love a girl to an extreme level, giving her his full commitment and dedication he tend to expect the same kind of response and emotional back up from her side. we love the person and on having received love from him or her make us the happiest.there is a limit for our heart to sustain emotional set-back repeatedly from the same person.at some point of time our heart refuse to go steady and give that kind of dedication to the person. our heart is like small baby..it will feel safe and give you love where it can receive same kind of affection. but once this small baby got neglected and hurt repeatedly it makes go other way and hate the person who reminds them of the betrayal and the pain of being the deprived instead of giving all the love and affection to the person, clinching to the him/her for the support of life and happiness. love is a tender issue .. the way its beauty can change some one's life in a positive way, the same way it can destruct the life if not handled effectively. such kind of people (like your friend) tend to lost faith in love and consider it the most painful and horrible experience of life and are scared of being hurt or betrayed again.
• India
3 Feb 12
You hit that at right point. He now laughs hard when anyone around him says "i am in love....,i love that girl very much...etc". He do not believe in love stuff anymore. He says that he would never be able to trust his wife/gf in future.:)
• Philippines
23 Feb 12
Your friend thought that the girl was his true love. He made stupid (sorry) mistakes when he was in love - flunking his academics, got defaced in front of his family and people around him just because of the girl. But to hate her for what she has done to him? It's his choice, there's this mood that people would sometimes feel that the one they love is to be blamed for what happened to them. It's how they treat and respect themselves, but when they are in love, they sometimes forgot to love themselves before their partner. Your friend was a martyr. If I was your friend, I would just let her go no matter how playful the girl was. I would never waste my time on someone who doesn't value true love and just treat me as a past time. As per your discussion, the girl is young. She's got plenty of time to play around and I'd rather take good care of myself rather than spend time monitoring her every move whether she's cheating or not.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
22 Feb 12
yes he loved her. but he didn't love himself now he does :) and that's a good thing you have to love yourself, first and foremost when you do, you will know who really loves you when he didn't love himself, he couldn't see who this girl really is cheating, emotional blackmail, she must've been lying about other things too I'm glad that now he loves himself and as you can see, he's done well :) regardless, he still loves her or not as long as he loves himself, he will not fall for the same lies anymore loving one's self has nothing to do with being self-centered I hope he will meet someone truly loves him and he will love her back
@jenzai (390)
• Philippines
4 Feb 12
Their is a beauty in love and mending a broken heart. In my point of view love has a way of giving both of the extreme of the emotions. In some point of our lives we really that person to much we just don't know why but it is how we feel, even if the other person really hurt us, to the point that we are blinded to the the unresponsive,abusive, selfish, insensitive partners. Yes it might be true love, because we really fell it that way. But then when we realize that and wake up one day that their is something wrong then we had that extreme emotion of only hatred for the person. We feel the hatred for the time lost and the love rejected, but then a part of that hatred is the love and the longing for that person. As long as you never forgive the person who have hurt you then you can never really move on. Their is thine line between to much love and too much hatred. if your friend is experiencing that thing then he must have love the girl, only he needs some time to heal the wounds of the past and learn from it.
@anncherry (406)
• Philippines
4 Feb 12
I think he truly loved her. He stuck with her for so long, that's proof enough. People won't waste their time on you if you don't matter. So he really loved her. But with a D, already in past tense. From the story you told, I think he got fed up. I mean, the girl is definitely unworthy of all the sincerity. And it's high time he realizes that. But as they say, if you still feel hate towards that person, it just means that that person still has an effect on you in some way (like making you feel that you hate her) and that also means that you still love her (in some way). The only thing that can prove that he's already completely and entirely over her is when you see that he's already not affected with anything pertaining to her--any news about her won't spark a violent reaction, or he won't give much interest on topics about her. Like she doesn't exist. That's what's being over is.
@ecaron (678)
• Canada
3 Feb 12
Oh, my goodness, Young Love, Hi, I am a fifty-two year old woman and have been married twice and I have to say that I remember love at a young age. When you are young you may think that you are in love with someone but it may be that you are mistaken because real love has to mature over time and grow and both people in the relationship need to work on it to make each happy. The relationship will endure if it is strong. Cheaters once they cheat will probaly always cheat. I wouldn't trust someone like that and if have no trust in the relationship, you really don't have a relationship worth keeping. Your friend did the right thing, by ending it and he'll find love again because he is young and has plenty of time to find the love of his life. When you find the love of your life , hang on to them , no matter what. I believe that there is one special person out there for us and even if it takes a lifetime to find them it's worth all the love you give each other. I hope this helps you!!
@cyclopz (197)
• Philippines
3 Feb 12
I have actually been through the same situation and luckily i also survived. It was really quite a struggle feeling like you alreayd lost everything and because of that you feel like you don't care about what would happen to yourseld since you feel like you have nothing to lose anymore. It took me quite sometime to recover from that heartbreaking situation and I have even given up lots of things like moving in another place and be alone so that we wont accidentally meet in malls or any public place. I could say that there was really true love if the guy was willing to sacrifice his hapiness so that the girl would be happy just like what i did but that love could also disappear once the he realizes the true personality of the girl in time. After the situation I even came to a point where i felt hatred towards the person because of the many things i have given up just for her and she just made it seem like it was all for nothing. I guess there is really no sure thing about love, people change and sometimes we just have to move on and pick up those broken pieces by ourself.