Why Do Some People Just Not Care About Themselves?

@KrauseHome (35517)
United States
February 5, 2012 2:26pm CST
I presently work with 2 people that are both men. They are both 58, and totally I can never see why or how any woman would ever want to date them. They both do not take care of themselves, and a lot of time SMELL to where you need to spray Lysol in the room just so a person can breathe even. One of them even made a comment one day when he smelled like Urin and Feces that he forgot to bring another Depends to change into. The other one is just down right grouse. He smells like MOLD.. especially his bags, etc. and BO, etc. He has skin problems that he says are always bothering him to where he had to even switch to a different seat than he was sitting saying it was making him itch. From what I have heard, his legs look worse than mine do most of the time, and he is wearing some type of brace things on them... saying it is for Lymphodemia that he never takes off or washes, and they are over 10 yrs. old. I have wondered sometimes what a Dermotologist would do? He says his Doctor is aware but does not think it is a BIG deal? Personally we have tried to say things, and since I am now using the LYSOL and being a little more cautious I do not notice the smells, etc. as much but in reality it makes you wonder. I try not to allow myself around either of these two without the LYSOL being sprayed first which should be a Good protection I would. Just wonder if this is the START of people not caring about themselves, or HEALTH CARE not caring about someone and how they look as well? For me I guess with all the HEALTH problems that I have, and the problems with this leg not wanting to heal it makes me Glad I am being proactive, and always hope that this type of Health Care will always be out there for me. Because personally if I ever chose to start acting like my Mom did, this could be me or worse in 10 yrs. and this is something I am truly trying to avoid. ~~TINA~~
7 people like this
32 responses
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
15 Feb 12
Maybe with your prayers they will mend their ways. Smelly workmates need prayers too.
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
10 Nov 12
That is true. But I often wonder when one of them is always attending church how can they continue to be like this, and the people in their church not bring up this situation with them as well?
2 people like this
@MsTickle (24993)
• Australia
10 Nov 12
I have a friend who smells so much it sometimes affects my normally strong stomach. It is just gross the way he does not bathe and smells so bad. Are we supposed to be tolerant of that? I'm not and it is one of my worst failings I feel. I get annoyed then because these smelly people make me feel bad for feeling bad about them.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
17 Nov 12
Personally especially when it is someone you are friends with, or want to be friends with makes you wonder. I remember yrs. ago being engaged to someone who's apartment was wall to wall garbage and know this is one of the reasons I had to break up. You just really wonder sometimes how these people can even begin to live like this, and not care about themselves or what others think.
1 person likes this
@Blondie2222 (22580)
• United States
5 Feb 12
I get a good fair amount of patients that come in smelling pretty bad too and have dirty clothes on. Some of them I know they can take care of themselfs and some i know can't. We have told one patient to take a bath and people have bought him soap, I know that's mean but it got to that point where it was horrible and you couldn't even breathe when registering him in front of you. We have people come in with filthy hands and just smell like cow poo etc its gross. I love my job and what I do but i totally understand where your coming from. We keep febreeze and everything else you can think of at work to spray when these people leave before we take the next patient. And we lysol are desk every day as well. Can never be to cautious when it comes to that stuff.
3 people like this
• Canada
5 Feb 12
If these individuals have been living on the streets as a result of homelessness, chances are they aren't able to smell themselves. First thing that comes to mind is mental illness. The other is survival. Is it possible that maybe a health nurse could come in to your work or if you have one, to encourage something be done. This is extremely delicate in that the individuals clearly want to earn an income but hygiene is very important to the welfare of others as well as themselves.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
18 Feb 12
Personally since we do not work with the General public... just sit in an office taking calls for people needing Cabs, most people feel there is no grave concern. I have said things many times, and wonder how people can allow themselves to be like this. The one who never washes his clothes, and just smells like mildew, etc. even was complaining about itching all the time. I just really wonder how people can really continue to be like this? What will it take? I know people who are homeless that even have way more pride in the way they are than this.
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Feb 12
hi tina I noticed that a few times among fellow retirees. I was seated next to a woman who I was told had come here from the streets,She smelled so bad at times I wanted to get up and nove to another table but alas we are all assigned to our tables. Finally one day she smelled of feces and I asked if she would like some bath spray as I had been gifted with an extra bottle. I sort of hoped she would get the idea but she took the spray. the next day she went missing so I assumed she did not like it here even with her social security check and all and went back out living on the streets. Her roommate told me that all the time she had been with this street lady, the lady had never bathed. But since the police were brought into this I amn sadly afraid she went back out there and someone hurt her or something. Nobody here knows the real truth as she is just reported missing. I do wonder why a person falls into not even trying to be clean or healthy, what does cause it? depression? I hope I never get like that. I like to be clean and fresh myself. I do not miss the street ladys horrible odors that were so gross it was like sitting next to an old fashioned out house. yuck
3 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 12
Hi Hatley. I can relate. As a charge nurse and sometimes shift supervisor I would have to handle situations with nasty staff members. One new CNA always smelled like azz. It was awful for the residents and the staff members. I had to take her aside and tell her that she smelled bad. I offered her to take a shower at the nursing home and offered her some scrubs to wear. I also asked her to be sure she bathed daily. I would have been mortified if that had been me in her place, but I had to nip that problem in the bud. I was as kind as I could be but I also had to be assertive. I never noticed her stinking after that and no one complained about her so I know she got the message.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
12 Feb 12
Sometimes even talking with someone and saying things like I have and many others have said to one that I work with and nothing seems to help. The other one that works my shift has seemed to take better care of himself most of the time so saying something to him has helped. The other one who works graveyard there really will never be any luck and hope for him. It is sad when you see homeless who look and smell cleaner than this person I work with.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
8 Feb 12
This is a pet peeve of mine! I may not look the best, or have the best clothes, but I always make sure that I shower everyday, and put on clean clothes every day. I get angry when my kids don't seem to care either. When they avoid taking showers/baths, and when they grab previously worn, smelling clothes. I think when children are taught to care how they look and how they smell when they are young, they don't grow up to be like the men you described!
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
10 Nov 12
Well, many times I think a lot of it has to do with their self esteem. I know personally I really cannot go outside of my house if I know I smell. It would not be appropriate. But when you continue to say something to the Boss and nothing is ever done how can you wonder if anything will ever change? Even with one of them who is always attending church. Their church does not care? How can someone just not say something and try to help him?
1 person likes this
@maezee (33395)
• United States
5 Feb 12
I don't know why people are so careless in both their appearance, personal hygeine, and their health. You would think these would be priorities if anything.
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
7 Mar 12
Well, since I started this discussion someone must have said something to one of them as most the time he looks a lot better, and seems to take care of himself more. The other one nothing you say helps. If anything it makes things almost worse as he seems to attack from the defensive side and never seems to understand. I often wonder how people can really want to be around him, or do they smell about as bad as him too?
@MandaLee (3738)
• United States
5 Feb 12
Dear Tina, I wonder if these men have Depression. Could it be they are experiencing other difficult issues as well? Any number of things could be happening in their lives that you and your coworkers are not even aware of.
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
2 Mar 12
Well, one of them might be having some personal issues such as Depression, but since I wrote this has actually been trying to take care of himself more so someone must have said something to him that helped. The other one, who really knows. No matter what you say everything seems to never phase him. He continues to smell, etc. and then blame everything on something else. I know his Health is Bad, and he always makes excuses about that as well, so everyone has seems to give up, and only hope somehow a miracle can happen before something serious happens to him as well.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
5 Feb 12
It is way too bad that they don't care enough about themselves to stay clean. I have had others in my life that did the same but they aren't around long. I had a friend once that didn't wear deodarent and she got into my car once in the summer and I got sick from the smell....I don't know why people start letting themselves go....maybe a bit of depression?
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
18 Feb 12
That could be a lot of it I am sure. All I know is that it is Grouse. I am glad we do not work with the general public and just sit in an office taking calls for people needing cabs, but still this is all beyond me. Makes me wonder sometimes how the one who smells so bad can ever think a girl would ever like him enough to ever want to date him and eventually marry him? No one that I know.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
5 Feb 12
You could try wearing a surgical mask when these men are around explaining you are catching a cold and don't want to make them sick. If the smell is that offensive, I sure would do it. If it's a matter of the men not bathing, I would have to talk to my boss about it and see if he/she could relay the message in a nice way. It can be a touchy situation. We have a family member who rarely bathes. It's just disgusting and would think her husband would say something about it especially he is real clean. She has no excuse and actually has been talked to by her previous boss about the situation. However, nothing changes. Good luck with your situation.
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
12 Feb 12
The one who smells the worst we have said something, and nothing has helped. My husband even gave him some of his old clothes that no longer fits, and like I said he has this thing where he will wear the same thing for weeks on end, smelling like he never washes them, and then he has a bad case of itchies of some sort and blames it on a chair in the office I work in instead of possibly something himself that might be contagious. But lucky for me he works a different shift than me, but his filthiness, and skin issues could be one of the reasons I have a hard time healing completely. We will never know for sure, unless a Doctor was to ever prove his problems are exactly the same strain that I am dealing with.
@fannitia (2170)
• Bulgaria
5 Feb 12
My God, this is a real nightmare! Well... No comment about those two. But your situation is really unbearable. Is it possible to get rid of them? Ask to change your working place and try to explain to your boss that all this is harmful for you.
3 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
10 Feb 12
I am sure this is not helping with the condition of my leg wound, and the condition of all the people who keep on getting colds, etc. where I work. But it is so true unless someone chooses to say something to them, and does something about it, nothing will ever change. I just wonder how they both can really ever live with themselves knowing they are like this?
@Shellyann36 (11273)
• United States
6 Feb 12
It is bad that your co-workers are like this. It sounds as if one of them is aware of the problem but the other one sounds a little clueless. I think that if they both have health problems it might be hard for them to get into and out of the bath tub. They may not have the proper equipment to take a shower or bath. (Of course it could be just pure laziness too!) My Granny was this way as she got older and her Alzheimers set in. She did not want to take a shower at all. We always had to have at least 3 people there to give her a bath. If it is in your workplace do they not have some sort of policy concerning this? I would speak with your supervisor concerning the situation.
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
24 Oct 12
Well the biggest problem is that they have been like this for yrs and they are both only 58 yrs old. The one who is the worst rents a room from someone from his church so you would think someone would be wanting to stop the situation. When you say anything to the boss nothing is ever done due to he has been here forever and is a reliable employee. So in reality even if he is part of the cause of the filth causing my staff infections or my leg to take forever to heal there is nothing anyone can do.
@Shellyann36 (11273)
• United States
26 Oct 12
That is a tough situation to deal with. I wonder if personally talking to these individuals would help? You might also have some sort of OSHA and safety hazard complaint that can be made to the health department for your job.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
28 Oct 12
Personally I am not sure if it is because of a complaint I made, but someone put a letter up saying we passed an inspection, and I am wondering how as the place I work in is FILTHY and grouse. I have taken pictures, and am sure this is part of the reason why my leg does not want to heal like it should. But personally I often wonder what it will take for anyone to realize just how bad the situation really is.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
6 Feb 12
thats just thembeing lazy i would think dont hurt to take brace off long enought to take a bath or showqer and sure it would help the itching probably dry skin. Glad you are taking precoutions so you dont get anything. DOnt know if I woulodwork on them if they stink this much yuck!
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Personally many times it might not really be them... For one of the men it is they never wash their clothes. They smell like Mildew and Body odor, etc. But personally every time I mention something about infections and the filth of some people I work with my boss just always makes a comment like we won't go there. What does he mean? He is avoiding the issue and complaints?
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
20 Oct 12
well sounds like he is a little soap and water goes along way to keep cleanand really dontt ake that much time to do an you would think they would like to smell nice. My husband would have had a fit if he didnt get a shower like men like that dont you? Women alsoashame thatthe dont keep cleaner too.
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
24 Oct 12
The women here are pretty clean. The main complaint about these men is even if they take a shower or bath one always has bladder control issues and the other one smells like he never washes his clothes. So the smell of unwashed soiled clothing is enough to make one gag too.
@daeckardt (6245)
• United States
8 Sep 12
I hope that I never get that far gone. I may at times go a little longer than I should between showers but I usually notice when things start smelling and try to do something about it. I just hope that I start caring more about things before I get worse than I am. I hope I never forget a new Depends if I became fully incontinent. It is one thing to wake up wet in the morning, but to not change it at least once a day before going out is bad.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
17 Nov 12
Well, it is true that with my Health issues somedays I may not always take a bath or wash my clothes as often as I should, but I do try and make sure when going out there is not an odor as well. I just wonder about people who do not care. What got them to this point, and why even when someone tends to approach them about this situation nothing makes them change it as well.
@Micmac (9460)
27 Feb 12
hi Krausehome Whew, that is so awful to have to put up with people's smelly body oders. Actually, there was a work mate I knew who never bathe properly and stunk like a skunk and somebody reported it to the Boss. So, eventually, the boss wrote out a letter which stated how to take shower and use deoderant before coming to the job and handed it to the smelly work mate to read. Afterwards, there was considerable improvement and everyone could breathe fresh air. LOL Another instance.. I knew someone who never groomed himself; he'd walk around with uncut hair, dirty torn clothes, and smelt of booze. I've cut his hair, and mend his clothes sometimes. He wasn't senile but drank like crazy. He was senior to me and I cared for him like he was my uncle because he treated me as family. Well, the way he didn't take care of himself, no wonder he didn't get married, he drove all the women away!
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
10 Nov 12
Our boss has been made aware of the situation with the one who smells like mildew etc. and it really never does any good. All he says is the person has been there too long and never really does anything. Even when I am sure a lot of the bacteria is not helping my leg to heal as well. But since he does not have to work around him I guess he feels it to be of no real concern as well.
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Feb 12
I worked with an obese woman for awhile and she had terrible body odor. I really don't think they know how badly they smell. I would think that your boss would say something to them. But knowing how he is maybe not. They obviously don't care about their appearance.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
2 Nov 12
Personally I have never understood it either. Lately anytime anyone tries to say something about the smell or the filth all our boss can say is we won't go there. Really makes you wonder.
@ElicBxn (60895)
• United States
6 Feb 12
I'm wondering if they have some kind of mental problem. There was a lady who had been moved out of the State Hospital because of those people who say it was her "human right" to be free, but she really wasn't able to take care of herself. She couldn't even remember to go to the bathroom and would urinate herself. Needless to say, she smelled BAD. The State Hospital really hadn't wanted to let her out, they had been forced to, and when ever they saw her, they'd take her in and bathe her and give her clean clothes, but they weren't allowed to keep her. Finally her family learned she had been forced out of the Hospital, came to town, found her and took her home. Since that was in the 1970's I'm sure she's passed away - otherwise she'd be in her 80's or 90's.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
28 Oct 12
Well, it could be possible with both of them. The one who smelled like poop has since went back to his previous employer, and the other one still works there. I am sure this could be part of his problem, or Early dimentia, etc. but you never know. Just wish somehow someone could help make sure if he is going to work out in the public he needs to make sure he smells good, and his clothes are clean, or help find a way to help him get them done.
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6120)
• Jamaica
6 Feb 12
I think what has happened is that both these men lost their self esteem somewhere along the way.I am thinking they just got to ap point where after trying so hard to keep up with their appearance thsy just lost it and never had someone who cared enough to motivate them to try and change .Therefore ,they got caught in a vicous cycle where they had no on eto motivate them to change and hence got deeper in lack of sel motivation and the lack of self motivation further sunk them deeper into not caring for themselves
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
19 Oct 12
Personally I think since they are both in their late 50s, they gave up caring about themselves or what others might think, and since they are not really into a relationship their is no one they have to worry about besides themselves. As for someone encouraging them to change, one of them has family which did encourage him to go get new clothes, which has helped some, but the other one no matter what you try to say to him nothing really helps.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9563)
• Philippines
6 Feb 12
Maybe these two men live alone. I cannot imagine anyone living with people who do not care to bathe. But if you have HR Dept. then maybe you can make a complaint so they will be advised or something. One can't get fired because of bad odor, right?
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
19 Oct 12
One of these men rents part of the lower part of a house that people from his church own, and the other one lives in an apt. alone. The one living with other people I often wonder how they can do it? Do they also not take care of themselves, or just not care? But many of us have gone to our Boss and complained and he says just let them be since they do continue to come to work. And if you make a complaint about infections, etc. this might cause, he just says "We won't go there."
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
6 Feb 12
Sounds like instead of working, they need a caretaker themselves. It also sounds like they probably can't smell as well as you can. I'm not sure spraying lysol is all that great for a person's lungs.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
13 Oct 12
Well, one of them has since cleaned themselves up a little, and even bought some new clothes, and for the most part he is ok. The other one I do not think there is anything or anyone that can help, and I think a lot of it is he has some serious health issues himself that he is not wanting to address that could be causing some of it.
1 person likes this
@flower21 (766)
• Philippines
6 Feb 12
well they are simply could say lazy and have a bad hygiene. people need to care for themselves and not depend on other people to care for them as long as they could still move. this rules become exemption to debilitating patents and to senile and elderly people. who need lot of care, warmth and attention. think those people who neglect their health need to attend a seminar to let them aware of proper hygiene. some just need to be told since they get so immune already to there odors.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
13 Oct 12
Well, one of the people mentioned here has since gone out and bought at least 2 new outfits, and most of the time looks a little better. So someone must have said something to him that has helped. The other one no matter what you say, nothing sinks in, and only upsets him. He has been here now for at least 15 yrs. I think part of his issue is there are other underlying Health issues going on that he is also refusing to take care of which does not help.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
6 Feb 12
Your story is pretty gross but then again, who am I to judge. You did make a valid point when it comes to taking care of oneself. I guess as we grow older, things and worries just pile up on our lives not noticing how they have largely occupied our time for ourselves. I have seen some older people with such predicament but also I have seen those people in their 50's, 60's or even 70's who still look fresh and well taken care of. Hygiene and self care is an every day habit. Once you start it, I guess it just makes everything else easier. Maybe those men you were referring to had some issues when it comes to their physical wellness and appearance that they have neglected their self-care through the course of time. Just keep up the good work of taking care of yourself as much as you can 'cause I'm sure that it will be rewarding in the long run.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
11 Oct 12
Yes, I will admit that when it comes to cleanliness especially since I have all these health issues myself. But I do know that personally when you work out in the public you would think clean smelling clothes at least would be more of a priority.
1 person likes this