i just got married any advice

married - this  is us we were married on saturday it was a small wedding in my moms church
United States
November 21, 2006 12:55am CST
okay we have been together for 4 yrs and have 2 kids i was just wonderin if anybody wanted to pass on some wisdom for a strong marriege all answers accepted
21 responses
• United States
22 Nov 06
well my advice would be......make it last its not free to divorce...lol no honesty and trust i guess goes along way
• United States
22 Nov 06
that they do
@zfbingo1 (31)
• United States
21 Nov 06
Obviously what your already doing is working keep it up and be sure to make time for just the two of you without the kids.(I had three kids by age 21 and married for 26 years) Let the small things go Ignore the stupidity and only concentrate on the important things, be faithful, and spontaneous, and love will take care of the rest. Congratulations!
• United States
22 Nov 06
thankyou so much great advice
@Aali311 (6127)
• United States
21 Nov 06
Be in your marriage at all times, mentally and physically, lack of communication is the worst thing for a marriage, I sure you'll do fine if you love each other.
• United States
21 Nov 06
its hard to be there at all times when u have other demands as in 2 lilkids lol but we do love each other thanx
@mirage108 (3403)
• United States
21 Nov 06
well the best thing is communication, if you cant communicate then you will have a rocky road. also if you try to hide stuff or secrets between each other that can cause problems also.
• United States
21 Nov 06
thanx for the advice
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
28 Nov 06
well, communication is the best one, and make time for you and your hubbie. Make special dates where you and him can have alone time without the kids. Having kids around all the time may make your hubbie feel left out and neglected. i know as im married too and it sometimes get way out of hand and we forget that our loved one needs our time too. And he, too need to understand that you need his time too. Make each other feel special without it been a birthday or so. Show interest in his things even if you dont like doing it, once in awhile would be great and he will appeciate it too. i have hunted with mine, and i cannot stand hunting, but i did.
@sarah22 (3981)
• United States
28 Nov 06
well, communication is the best one, and make time for you and your hubbie. Make special dates where you and him can have alone time without the kids. Having kids around all the time may make your hubbie feel left out and neglected. i know as im married too and it sometimes get way out of hand and we forget that our loved one needs our time too. And he, too need to understand that you need his time too. Make each other feel special without it been a birthday or so. Show interest in his things even if you dont like doing it, once in awhile would be great and he will appeciate it too. i have hunted with mine, and i cannot stand hunting, but i did.
@happygal68 (3278)
• United States
26 Nov 06
First off, Congrats to you being together for 4 years and on your new marriage! Marriage is hard work and means that both of you will have to work together at everything to make it work. Always keep the communication lines open, even if you cannot sit and talk, then put it in a letter just to keep up with each other. I know sometimes (like my marriage) you don't get to see each other that much, especially when kids are involved, so be sure to do those letters and let each other know what is bothering you and how much you love and appreciate each other. Just always remember it does take to 2 to make the marriage work, it cannot be just one person trying to hold it together. I wish for you both many, many happy years ahead!!
@ZowieR (942)
• Canada
24 Nov 06
diverce
@fl0urish (5387)
• India
22 Nov 06
THATS GOOD...WELL IM UNMARRIED AND WANT TO ADVICE THAT BE TRUTHFUL TO UR PARTNER AND TRY TO ADJUST COZ LIFE IS SUCESS WHEN WE ADJUST WITH EACH OTHER...LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE ...SUBMIT THE WHOLE LIFE TO ONE PERSON...AND BE GODFEARING ....THATS IT !! IM SORRY IF ANY OF MY WORDS HURT YOU..THANKS AND BYEEE
• United States
22 Nov 06
Don't let hard times pull the relationship apart. They should help make it stronger.
@yourpress (308)
• United States
22 Nov 06
All good answers here
@baysmummy (1639)
• Australia
22 Nov 06
Recipe for a Happy Marriage "Recipe for a Happy Marriage" by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches There are many recipes for creating a happy marriage. Through our work with couples in our relationship coaching practice, we've discovered a few "truths" that seem to be universal and what we call "our" recipe for a happy marriage. Here are 7 simple suggestions to help you create your recipe for a happy marriage: 1. If you want to keep your marriage alive and growing, you have to really want to keep it that way. You have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. As we've said before, it doesn't matter what you say or intend about your marriage. Your actions are what speak the loudest. Tip: Look at your actions in your marriage and make sure that they are congruent with what you say your intentions are. Are you spending enough time and energy on the relationship? 2. Focus on what you like and love about the person instead of what you don't like or gets on your nerves. We truly do get more of what we focus on. If you want to prevent infidelity, flirting with others outside the relationship, affairs, and even divorce and a relationship breakup, begin focusing on the positive in your relationship and not the negative. Tip: Stop when you start to criticize your spouse, with words or even in your mind. Turn your thinking to what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better. 3. Kindness matters in marriages, so be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total strangers. Several years ago we attended a presentation by Wayne Dyer and in it, he told us that if you are choosing whether to be "right" or to be kind, always choose kindness. We think that's great advice. Tip: This week, do something kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of anything in return. 4. Show appreciation for your spouse and what they mean to you.You may be thinking that you need to say "thank you" and just haven't taken the time or energy to do it. We urge you to make a habit of expressing appreciation. If you do, we think you'll find your marriage to be filled with much more happiness and joy. Tip: Look at what your spouse does for you or what they mean to you and say a word of appreciation about it to them. It might be something as simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night." 5. Ask for what you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be met, you have to tell people what these needs are. You also have to tell them in a way that they can hear them. Sometimes this takes courage, but we know that when you clearly ask for what you want, you bypass assumptions, resentments and miscommunications. Tip: What desire have you been putting off communicating with your spouse? Whether it's a desire to have more "dates" alone, more romance, or more help around the house, the only way you'll get any of these things is to ask. 6. Listen without judging or getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours. Just because their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities and to the love that is possible between two people. Tip: Choose something about your spouse that always makes you angry or you always judge them for saying or doing it. During one conversation, just listen to him/her without judging them with words or even in your mind. What did you discover? 7. Be willing to risk opening your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection. If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk is a prerequisite. Tip: Examine what walls you've built to keep out your spouse. It might be that you "close down" and retreat when there's conflict between the two of you. It might be that you are afraid to ask for what you want. We invite you to choose one situation where you are fearful or get triggered easily and exercise the courage to take a risk and say one thing that is real and true for you to him/her. This free love advice in the form of a recipe for creating a happy marriage are not the only ones that help keep a marriage alive and growing but this is a good place to start.
@baysmummy (1639)
• Australia
22 Nov 06
Recipe for a Happy Marriage "Recipe for a Happy Marriage" by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches There are many recipes for creating a happy marriage. Through our work with couples in our relationship coaching practice, we've discovered a few "truths" that seem to be universal and what we call "our" recipe for a happy marriage. Here are 7 simple suggestions to help you create your recipe for a happy marriage: 1. If you want to keep your marriage alive and growing, you have to really want to keep it that way. You have to decide that the marriage is important in your life and give it the time and attention it needs. As we've said before, it doesn't matter what you say or intend about your marriage. Your actions are what speak the loudest. Tip: Look at your actions in your marriage and make sure that they are congruent with what you say your intentions are. Are you spending enough time and energy on the relationship? 2. Focus on what you like and love about the person instead of what you don't like or gets on your nerves. We truly do get more of what we focus on. If you want to prevent infidelity, flirting with others outside the relationship, affairs, and even divorce and a relationship breakup, begin focusing on the positive in your relationship and not the negative. Tip: Stop when you start to criticize your spouse, with words or even in your mind. Turn your thinking to what you like about them and begin to see how your marriage gets better. 3. Kindness matters in marriages, so be kind. Very often, people in relationships treat the people closest to them worse than they treat acquaintances or even total strangers. Several years ago we attended a presentation by Wayne Dyer and in it, he told us that if you are choosing whether to be "right" or to be kind, always choose kindness. We think that's great advice. Tip: This week, do something kind for your spouse that you wouldn't normally do and without expectation of anything in return. 4. Show appreciation for your spouse and what they mean to you.You may be thinking that you need to say "thank you" and just haven't taken the time or energy to do it. We urge you to make a habit of expressing appreciation. If you do, we think you'll find your marriage to be filled with much more happiness and joy. Tip: Look at what your spouse does for you or what they mean to you and say a word of appreciation about it to them. It might be something as simple as "I like your smile" or "Thank you for cooking dinner last night." 5. Ask for what you want. Most people expect the people who are in relationship with them to be mind readers. If you're expecting others to be psychics, you're in for a painful ride if you're in relationship with them. If you want your needs to be met, you have to tell people what these needs are. You also have to tell them in a way that they can hear them. Sometimes this takes courage, but we know that when you clearly ask for what you want, you bypass assumptions, resentments and miscommunications. Tip: What desire have you been putting off communicating with your spouse? Whether it's a desire to have more "dates" alone, more romance, or more help around the house, the only way you'll get any of these things is to ask. 6. Listen without judging or getting defensive. Be open to the possibility that someone else's opinion or way of doing things may be just as valid or important as yours. Just because their way is different, doesn't make them or you wrong. If you're constantly judging, being defensive and building walls, you're not open to possibilities and to the love that is possible between two people. Tip: Choose something about your spouse that always makes you angry or you always judge them for saying or doing it. During one conversation, just listen to him/her without judging them with words or even in your mind. What did you discover? 7. Be willing to risk opening your heart and letting your spouse in. We can be in a relationship for many years and still not allow another person to penetrate our walls of protection. If you want to have a marriage that is alive and growing, being willing to risk is a prerequisite. Tip: Examine what walls you've built to keep out your spouse. It might be that you "close down" and retreat when there's conflict between the two of you. It might be that you are afraid to ask for what you want. We invite you to choose one situation where you are fearful or get triggered easily and exercise the courage to take a risk and say one thing that is real and true for you to him/her. This free love advice in the form of a recipe for creating a happy marriage are not the only ones that help keep a marriage alive and growing but this is a good place to start.
• India
22 Nov 06
Good Wife Is Mother To All - wife
So you have passed 4 years that's good and I think you are satisfied with your's marriage. So if things are all right then there is not much to do just keep going the way you people have gone so far. Don't bother to seek advices when things are music to the ears only part you should take care that maintain a fine balance between a mother and a wife. Yours kids need you so does yours husband too so give space and raise yours kids along with nursing yours husband .
@rainyl (671)
• United States
22 Nov 06
This is the best advice I ever got.... Never go to bed angry.......and never sleep in seperate rooms under 1 roof. Communication is also very important, respect and honor is also. Just be the person you were before you got married and I am sure you will have a long happy marriage. Congrats!
@sagarbx (732)
• India
22 Nov 06
dont be a desperate wife...........
@sagarbx (732)
• India
22 Nov 06
dont be a desperate wife...........
@PortHell (342)
• Egypt
21 Nov 06
I hope your life together will last forever.
• United States
21 Nov 06
the only advice I can give you is: do not cheat or lie because it will caught up with you in the end.
@Kelian (768)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Nov 06
My advice is to keep being the lovebirds that you are/were as boyfriend and girlfriend. Don’t stop the kisses, “I love you’s”, silly games, laughing and playing around, the conversations. Keep what you have now and decide together to make this marriage work, no matter what. You made your vows – now renew them every day by your actions and words.