Do you consider it rude if someone doesn't want to TALK?
By mommyboo
@mommyboo (13174)
United States
February 10, 2012 1:34pm CST
Hey ya'll.... I stopped by here to ask a very important question 
!!
Do you think it's rude or offensive if someone prefers to text or IM or email rather than talk on the phone? I go through periods of time when some people are practically insistent on talking, and I've tried to kindly note to these people that if they want to talk with me, text is a much better option. If it's lengthy, email is the preferred method and I even have a dedicated email for my phone so I WILL see it and probably respond.
I'm really at a loss on how to handle this - I'm busy, and I love connecting with people BUT - here's the thing. I don't answer phone calls when I'm running. I just don't. I probably never will, the one exception being my husband OR if I know I'm expecting someone to come over I might answer if they happen to be the caller and I'm not home yet. I've also randomly ADMITTED to people that I don't answer the phone when I'm running. It's not a secret. I also don't answer if I'm otherwise occupied with something else, like the kids. I have voicemail service for a reason - and if you just hang up and don't leave a message, I probably won't call you back unless you're in my address book and your name shows.
Now texting.... I usually get back to that right away. It's quick and easy and doesn't take up a lot of time. If I don't see it right away, I get back as soon as I see it. It doesn't interfere with me focusing on anything else and conveys information just as easily as a call.
I am really curious as to why people don't LISTEN when I ask them to text instead of call. It's not a matter of them not being ABLE to either. There may come a point in time when I just never answer my phone calls unless it's convenient for me - as it should be.
How do you feel about this? Do you like talking more or is a text a simpler way to communicate? I'm just frustrated, I'm way over the '17 years old and hiding in the closet to gab with my friends for 5 hours' attitude. Keep it short and simple...
!!
Do you think it's rude or offensive if someone prefers to text or IM or email rather than talk on the phone? I go through periods of time when some people are practically insistent on talking, and I've tried to kindly note to these people that if they want to talk with me, text is a much better option. If it's lengthy, email is the preferred method and I even have a dedicated email for my phone so I WILL see it and probably respond.
I'm really at a loss on how to handle this - I'm busy, and I love connecting with people BUT - here's the thing. I don't answer phone calls when I'm running. I just don't. I probably never will, the one exception being my husband OR if I know I'm expecting someone to come over I might answer if they happen to be the caller and I'm not home yet. I've also randomly ADMITTED to people that I don't answer the phone when I'm running. It's not a secret. I also don't answer if I'm otherwise occupied with something else, like the kids. I have voicemail service for a reason - and if you just hang up and don't leave a message, I probably won't call you back unless you're in my address book and your name shows.
Now texting.... I usually get back to that right away. It's quick and easy and doesn't take up a lot of time. If I don't see it right away, I get back as soon as I see it. It doesn't interfere with me focusing on anything else and conveys information just as easily as a call.
I am really curious as to why people don't LISTEN when I ask them to text instead of call. It's not a matter of them not being ABLE to either. There may come a point in time when I just never answer my phone calls unless it's convenient for me - as it should be.
How do you feel about this? Do you like talking more or is a text a simpler way to communicate? I'm just frustrated, I'm way over the '17 years old and hiding in the closet to gab with my friends for 5 hours' attitude. Keep it short and simple...10 people like this
32 responses
@34momma (13882)
• United States
10 Feb 12
I'm with you. It's just much easier for me to talk to people on text.
I'm at work all day and I'm running my business all day as well.
However I do understand when people need that human contact and just want to hear a voice. So I try to make myself available as much as I can.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
13 Feb 12
Human contact is fine but if someone insists on a call every time they have a question instead of just texting, I try the line. Also some people will talk talk talk forEVER if they get on the phone with you and that's another reason I try to limit that. I don't have forever to spend on the phone some days. 
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
Sometimes I like to chat too but the problem I've discovered with our busy lives is that when *I* have time to chat, sometimes the other person doesn't, and when the other person DOES, maybe *I* DON'T. I've actually gotten attitude or people who just keep talking faster so they can keep me from trying to get off the phone. I should pretend it's breaking up or something but you know... some people would just call back and then accuse me of hanging up on them
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
10 Feb 12
Rude??? Nope Inconsiderate??? YES!!! My brother says he doesn't have time to talk; yet he'll spend 20 minutes texting what would take 5 minutes to cover in a phone call!!! I wear a bluetooth headset & I can continue working, clean my house, or whatever & STILL TALK!!!
I don't mind a quick text; but when it becomes a long conversation, I feel that if you have time to stop & pick up the phone to text...you've got time to make a call. With my brother, after I realize it's going to be a detailed discussion, I just stop responding. If it's important, he can call me!!!
My time is as important as his & I can't continue my work, clean my house, or whatever if I have to stop every 30-45 seconds to respond to his texts...where with a simple phone call, I can get ALL that done while we talk & I can lay my phone on my desk & not need to carry it around with me!!!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
LOL! There are times when I'm doing something else and I couldn't actually TALK - but I can easily carry on a back and forth text conversation. Like right now for instance? I'm listening on youtube AND typing here, but I could easily carry on an IM or a text conversation on my phone in the meantime. Could I actually have a conversation on the phone while doing this stuff? Nope. So... actually if someone called me I might text them back and say I can't talk right now but I can text lol.
Granted - yep, I could do other stuff on the phone, sometimes I talk to a friend of mine while I'm cleaning the kitchen.
Also, there's the issue of noise. Text is virtually silent unless you have all the tap key sounds activated on your phone, so if it needs to be quiet because of where you are, texting it has to be.... or if you need to discuss something you don't need others near you hearing.
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
16 Feb 12
My point exactly...if youtube is more important to you than having an actual conversation with me, then I don't want to talk at all...I can wait until you have time to talk to me!!! Why would you choose youtube over your friends??? youtube will be waiting on you when you finish your call. My brother texts at the most inopportune times...aka when I'm doing something where texting interferes. He wants to have detailed discussions that requires a lot of typing. I see my time just as important as his & when he insists on texting detailed conversations , I just don't reply!!! I don't mind short, quick texts but detailed conversations infuriate me!!! I still believe that if he has 20 minutes to text, he can find 5 minutes to call. And if he can't find 5 minutes to call, then it's not really important enough to text!!!
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
But I don't WANT a conversation! I want to ask you something or answer something you asked me the other day real quick without doing anything else. Texting is easy and it takes me about 10 seconds to send one. I could turn it around and say if people don't want to text back or respond to a text or even send a text, then I'm not worthy of the 10 seconds.
Plus - no heck ever breaks loose while I text someone or answer a text. If I get on the PHONE? There could be an accident, a shooting, my house could burn down, a kid could climb on the roof and fall off. I know you think I'm joking and I am exaggerating a tiny bit but not much.
I only have detailed text conversations with a few people. I prefer just to pop over or invite them over if we really want to talk instead. Face time is more fun than the phone.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
14 Feb 12
I prefer to text most of the time. I know lots of people who prefer that. I don't think it is rude if people prefer texts. Sometimes it is easier to text. When I am at work or at home while the kids are awake and running around making noise are perfect examples of that. I would find it inconsiderate of them if I have specifically told them to text and not call.
My brother does not text much. He will call me and talk for forever. I was on the phone with him for 3 hours last night and 1 hour tonight. There is a girl from work who is always texting me, but once in a while she will call me and when she does it will be an hour or 2 sometimes. My boss and I usually text but there are times where I get a text from him that simply says "CALL ME". Once he got mad at me cause he had told me to call him and I sent him a text because I was busy (at work). He immediately called me and said, "I told you to CALL me not TEXT me!"
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
I accept calling if the first thing the person says is - hey, I had to, I'm on speaker driving - and in a case like that, I'll decide how long of a conversation I can have. If it's just someone rambling on because they are bored though, I'll try to find a point where I can end the conversation lol.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
I'm genuinely interested in how my friends' lives are but I don't always have 2 hours to reminisce if the reason I texted was to ask what time we were getting together for dinner on Sunday night and instead of returning the text with '6:30', they called me and wouldn't let me off the phone for an hour lol.
@lampar (7584)
• United States
10 Feb 12
NO ! It is not rude if someone doesn't want to talk but prefer to IM or email you. It's his /her rights to choose the right method for communication with you. Every one has the rights to decide for himself or herself how to reply to a friend, you shouldn't take it too personal. 
@Mayuko (1268)
• United States
10 Feb 12
I don't think that's rude. In fact, I completely agree with you. Texting is so much more convenient. It's easier to multitask when texting rather than talking on the phone.
Also, I find with texting, I have more time to think of what to say and how to respond better. When talking, many times I'll stutter and ramble as I try to find just what I want to say. With texting, I can avoid awkward silences. Even typing right now, I'm doing so much better than if this were an in-person, or voice discussion.
That said, there are times when it'd be a lot faster to talk than text. Also, talking is more intimate and personal than texts. And it can just be nicer to actually hear the person's voice.
But most of the time, I'm most likely to pick text over talk.
Since you referred to yourself as "way over 17", I'd guess you also associate with people who are also "way over 17". I'd say maybe they aren't comfortable with texting and would rather talk on the phone.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
12 Feb 12
If someone approaches you in a nice manner and deserve your answer, I guess you really need to talk and respond or else there is a bit of rudeness on your part and hurting the feelings of others. You must learn how to know your time when you need to talk or to keep silent.
@myzhian (584)
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
that is exactly I am trying to tell you my friend. that person miss calling you and never tried to response to your message has an act of being rude for intruding your privacy and time with no such reason, nor even showing off some personal Identity. This cases is kinda irritating!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
18 Feb 12
Hi,
I wouldn't say or think I was being rude or offensive if that was my preference but I can understand that some folk would feel that way.
We are human beings and it is a basic need with most of us to connect with other humans, to talk to them at least and to see them, touch them and spend time with them at most.
I'm a recluse and I feel like I don't care if I never talk to or see anyone again but I know that would not be healthy and that I would miss some contact from time to time. So saying, most people are not like me and need more than I do.
My Dad also loved living on his own away from everyone...Mum did too but Mum craved more of a social life than Dad. I understood how they felt but the rest of the family thought they were wrong for moving away and living so far from the rest of the family. My family are the same...they think there is something wrong with me to live so far from everyone. I could never go back to living in the suburbs with houses and people and traffic and smog all around me. No thanks! I hate phones, don't do texting and prefer email. I rarely hear from anyone else anyway so it isn't a huge issue with me.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
I think a lot of people still consider phone calls to be a way to pass the time, for the most part, I don't have that time at my disposal. Multitasking is easier if you can have multiple conversations going on at once and not in real time lol.
I like people but I don't have a lot of patience for waiting on people to get around to the point. I think that's what it is that bothers me about phone conversations now, people don't seem to get to the point unless you lean on them and tell them you need to go. When I call someone, I spill the biggest reason for calling them right off the bat and then I mention the secondary things and once those are squared away, if we can both continue talking, we do. If not, well at least all the important info was exchanged and we can get on with things. To some people maybe that sounds anti social and I'm definitely not, but when you have a busy schedule, you have to keep things ON schedule or it ruins the whole rest of your day from the point your schedule got derailed.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
11 Feb 12
I think it depends, if you are rushed and it is easier, then texting and emailing is for you. But some feel a phone call is more personal, you can hear your friend's voice and if one had the time, he or she can have a good conversation on the phone without having to wait for a reply back right away.
Myself, I don't have a cell phone, but of course I do have email. But when my friend who is taking the same class I am taking want to talk about our assignment for this week, it is better to call, because that way we can be clear on what we are discussing.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I guess being at home, no car and no where to go and being so far out of town, no friends who can just "stop by" I miss hearing a human voice, especially one who has the same interests as I do..You are fortunate to be able to get around enough that talking to a live person, even if it is over a phone, that it isn't something you miss. Of course from what I hear, when I get my book published, in order to promote it, I'd have to get out, so perhaps I will feel the same as you when that happens..:)
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I use calling if it's an immediate need to speak one on one in real time - like if you're meeting somewhere and need to hook up. The only time that doesnt work is if the venue or location is really noisy, then we'd just resort back to text.
Also, obviously some sort of emergency, something bad happens, car breaks down, someone loses their kid, locks themselves out, wallet missing, etc.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
I've become text-dependent, it's the easiest most clear channel of immediate communication with those I talk to most. My husband and I text and email more than we talk on the phone because 1. he can't bring his phone in at work 2. he answers email faster than if I tried his work phone. I'm not home that often so I have a dedicated email for my phone so he will email my phone and my computer.
I guess a lot of times I'm looking for the gist of the message and exchange of info more than I'm looking for a chat. I make plenty of plans for times to get together with people so maybe that's why I don't miss it.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Feb 12
Personally, I think texting is for sending quick messages, or having a very quick conversation. Anything longer should be phone or e-mail. I find long text conversations to be annoying. Also, I don't have unlimited texting. But basically, it's all about respect, and if you know a person has a preference, you should do your best to respect that.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I'm always careful if I know someone doesn't have unlimited texting - and someone like that does get a break - but it makes little sense for someone to not just answer the question. People seem to have become increasingly BAD at actually being direct about things. People call, DON'T leave voicemail, and if they DO, they don't even tell you WHY they called you. People don't rsvp, or if they do, they do it like the DAY before.
This is why I like text and email - you can't really just send a random text or email to somebody and ramble a lot about nothing for 10 minutes and never get to the point and then end it. If you send a text or email, you usually KNOW who you sent it to and you explain WHY in it. That's what I expect from people - to contact me for an actual reason and to tell me why when they do it. Maybe phone ettiquette has just gone out the window lol.
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
15 Feb 12
I consider it rude if when passing someone on the street and i say hi and they dont respond. But phones are different. Texting is just better because you can answer at will and still carry one a conversation. Like you say if you are busy doing something. However there are those people that insist on talking as if they never heard of texting. When they call i have to connect the ear piece and plug in the phone. Making a call with my cell uses more power than texting. Also i dont like holding the phone up to my ear. Usually because im also doing other things. Thats why i connect the ear piece.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
18 Feb 12
I like messaging and texting because it doesn't HAVE to be real time. It CAN be, but it doesn't have to be. Just the other day someone called me and I bit the bullet and answered it, and right at that moment, one of the kids spilled juice everywhere, something fell off the counter onto the tile, the baby spit up on me and all over my clothes and my foot and the floor. I told the caller that I had to get off the phone NOW because NOW just was not a good time to chat about ANYTHING.
@yanzalong (18984)
• Indonesia
11 Feb 12
The same to me, I never answer calls if it is not important. So, what I do is just let the call stop and then I text the caller. You know that talking on the phone is not really comfortable, especially when the call lasts very long. You are right about it, I don't think it rude to do it.
1 person likes this
@yanzalong (18984)
• Indonesia
16 Feb 12
When I drive, I usually set my cellphone to automatic answer with recorded message: "please call back later, or I am busy, I'll call you back later."
@rmorefield (941)
• United States
11 Feb 12
I actually had the same conversation with someone today about that very same thing. He owns his own auto body business, and he was telling me that he has actually started emailing or texting his customers when their cars are ready to be picked up. I see nothing wrong with that. Unless it's a conversation that is important enough to have by actually talking on the phone (or in person), it's much more convenient for me to respond to a text.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
13 Feb 12
I don't consider it to be rude if someone doesn't want to talk. However, I do think that people need to understand that there are some times that I cannot text them back, like when I'm driving or something like that. In those situations, if I read a text message and it is something that does need an immediate response, I will call the person back because it is, afterall, illegal to text while you are driving.
So, I think that to a certain extent, it really depends on the person.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I think I'll start using my speech to text function for situations like that lol. Most of the time it can wait a few minutes. Keep in mind I don't mind a quick phone call, I'm just trying to dissuade people from calling 'just to talk' for 'five minutes' that turns into an hour.
@admozz (11)
•
11 Feb 12
Not rude. I'm with you on this one. I prefer texting or mailing, it's not as hectic as talking on the phone, you get to think about your answer and construct a well-formed response (if needed). Also, it's much faster to text without the needed boring-talk.
1 person likes this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
11 Feb 12
I definitely don't consider it rude. I am the same way. I much prefer to text, im, or facebook message than talk on the phone. There are times when I will call, if I need to talk about something that I feel is easier for me to talk about vocally as opposed to typing. But most the time I prefer communicating online. I get nervous on the phone sometimes, and start to stumble on my words, lol like I forget what I am saying or whatever. So I prefer not to talk on the phone unless I have to. Everyone is different though, I know my dad for one, he doesn't particularly like talking on the phone, but he doesn't like text messages either. I prefer facebook or instant messaging even more than texting, but I am ok with that too, its just not as convenient as having a computer and keyboard.
I prefer facebook or instant messaging even more than texting, but I am ok with that too, its just not as convenient as having a computer and keyboard. @mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I know when I was much younger I loved to just gab on the phone. If there had been things like cell phones and tablets and INTERNET when I was a teenager, I would've been in trouble lol.
However, I actually like messenger and texting more and both are super super easy. I type fast and text fast and I just like the fact that you don't have to wait around or be an audience, you send your message or text and you can walk away. Sometimes you get a response immediately, other times you don't but the understood thing with a conversation this way is that there will be pauses sometimes and maybe minutes between when someone gets up to do something.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
11 Feb 12
I am definitely the short and simple kind too. It's hard to just drop everything when the phone rings. I am not partial to calls or texts...either one of them is fine and I answer either one of them when I get a chance.
The people you have informed of your preferences should respect them if they want to correspond. I would just keep on doing what I do when I do it and if they say something I would just re-inform them. Tell them..well...I told you how to get a hold of me if you needed...if you call..you might want to leave a message because I am pretty busy.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
It would even be nice for the person to TEXT me and ask when would be a good time for us to chat on the phone. Some friends of mine and I will sometimes text each other to see if it's a good time to call (ex - can I call now?) or we'll set up a time.
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
12 Feb 12
Really no. People rather get busy, they have things that they need to be doing to say the very least. There are just going to be a lot of times where that phone rings and I kind of cringe. Granted, I feel the need to answer it just in case if is a dire emergency. But there are times where I'd just prefer rather not going to want to talk.
It is really not rudeness. I fact, if I talked to someone in a not so good mood, I'll be a bit more snippy and that would even more rude. Or if they caught me at a bad time for a trivial thing. There are times where ideal chit chat is rather going to be something that I am really not going to be all that thrilled with doing to say the least.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
Sometimes I just don't feel like talking. I guess it's kind of sad to feel that way because I AM social, but I don't want to be at anyone else's beck and call. I have a short list of people I allow that for, as well as people under 10.
Like you, if I'm already inclined to be snippy, I'd rather not expose innocent people to it, so avoiding chatting might be the way I choose to avoid biting your head off today lol.
@JohnRok1 (2051)
•
13 Feb 12
There is a certain human contact element in a phone call above emailing or texting, but I find the added human contact element of video is illusory!
But sometimes one can waste an awful lot of time on a phone call just making conversation, or repeating oneself, or forgetting what the other person has just said. Sometimes emailing, texting, or leaving voicemail is preferable.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
I waste enough time on social sites such as this one and facebook, I don't have much leftover time for phone calls . They interfere with my social networking.
Ok, I'm only sorta kidding.... but you can see where I'm going here lol. After all, one can carry on multiple contact conversations via email, IM, text, and posts on social sites but you can't have more than one phone conversation, plus whenever I get on the phone, even if it's important, I have kids talking into my other ear and then I can't really engage in EITHER conversation. Either I'm telling the kids to WAIT or I'm telling the person on the phone to WAIT or REPEAT. Annoying, really.
. They interfere with my social networking.
Ok, I'm only sorta kidding.... but you can see where I'm going here lol. After all, one can carry on multiple contact conversations via email, IM, text, and posts on social sites but you can't have more than one phone conversation, plus whenever I get on the phone, even if it's important, I have kids talking into my other ear and then I can't really engage in EITHER conversation. Either I'm telling the kids to WAIT or I'm telling the person on the phone to WAIT or REPEAT. Annoying, really.
@NailTech (6874)
• United States
11 Feb 12
Absolutely not, unless they're continuously not talking to you only cause they're mad at you for some stupid thing. Then it gets to the rude point. I have wondered why people aren't mature enough to talk things out in those cases. But I think youjust mean, in general. Well, some people are more talkers than others. I know I have my moods when I don't feel like talking at all and would rather just text cause I find the words easier, etc. There is nothing rude about just not feeling like gabbing too much, as a rule. Like you said, you can be busy and not have much time for that. I have a friend who when he does call we can talk for at least 2 hours everytime, we're just friends too, nothing else. I don't always have time for it but he is a security guard and at his job he can go hours without much work, etc. at times.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
16 Feb 12
LOL! I have a friend that I talk to occasionally - and when we DO get on the phone, sometimes one of our phones will DIE because we've been talking too long and not near an outlet to charge it. I think this is kind of funny because we more or less talk the same on IM too.... continuously, for long periods of time. He's not as good with text lol.
I'm guilty of having blown off a call from him before too because I knew I did not have the hour to spare to talk, and it wasn't safe to have it on speaker by the kids lol.
@jellygator (76)
• United States
11 Feb 12
When I worked in real estate and had over a hundred calls a day coming in, I found myself in the same situation.
Some people might think it's rude, but YOU pay for your phone, and it's there for YOUR convenience, not everyone else's. If you ask them to text and they don't, then they're not exactly being any less rude than you if they want to see your request as rude.
One possible way for getting your point across politely might be to tell them "I return phone calls on Tuesdays" or "I answer all my calls after the kids are in bed around 8" followed by "If you need to reach me sooner, please send a text. I have an easier time of answering them."
