Getting very angry with my friend
February 11, 2012 5:32pm CST
Ok first off let me say sorry it's been so long everyone, my computer is fried and I'm just getting my iPod to let me on mylot now. Ok I have a friend named April. She left her boyfriend Kyle not even 3 weeks ago. she has been with him for over 2 years. Well right after she left him she started hooking up with Kyles good friend and my fiances brother. Now she has moved on to dating another one of kyles good friends named Darren. Darren has a new baby that's not even 2 weeks old. He is attempting to get custody of his daughter. April and Darren have been staying together non stop and she has his baby at her house. April is running around telling everyone that the baby is hers and talking about how it looks just like her. The mother of the baby was calling her house twice a day to check on the baby (I dont blame her for calling I would too). The mother has no idea what april is saying to everyone. Anyway last night April called the cops on the baby's mother for calling and was threatening to beat her up. Then today April came over to see if I would ride with her to take the baby to the ER because it got a yeast infection. April was blaming the baby's mom who hasn't seen it since it left the hospital and April is the one whose always going to the dr for yeast infections. Maybe I shouldn't say anything but I don't think it's right and I feel bad for the baby's mom, my mom used to work with her and she was really nice. April and Darren are trying to say she's an unfit mother and is crazy but I don't see it, I see that she loves her daughter and wants to make sure she is ok. Like I said Darren is taking the mother to court for custody and the mother is ready to give up. I have half the mind to go tell the baby's mother the truth, tell her what's being said and that she needs to fight for her daughter because it should NOT be in the hands or home of April. April has 4 kids and all of them were taken away from her by the state. So in court darren is saying that April is just a friend not that they are dating and living together. The mother should not give up and should fight for her daughter even tho she is scared of what April will do if she does fight. I even have half the mind to testify in court with the mother that Darren should not be given custody because he is with April and she has so many priors. Is that horrible? I mean I don't want to go against my friend but seeing her do things like this make me very angry and I think it's just plain wrong. You don't take a 2 week old baby away from it's mother and expect the mother not to call. AND if she does call you don't threaten her and or call the cops on her. At the moment there is no custody order so she has a right to see her daughter and April has NO RIGHT to come in between that. Any advice? Please and thank you.
• United States
12 Feb 12
It seems that you and I have something in common. We both hate to see injustice. So what would I do... First, if its illegal, report it. I don't see that here. Second, and more difficult, never get involved in something when there's no possibility of a positive outcome from my involvement. Too many times I've jump into a situation believing I was standing against something wrong, only to realize after the damage was done, that nothing I did, ever had a chance of improving anything. Now sometimes there was a chance of something good coming from it, but the choices of others ruined it. That's not what I'm talking about. I mean like jumping in and saying something, which only made me the enemy, and the situation didn't improve. So in those situations, I just stay out. Jumping in where you can succeed at nothing, will only gain you the reputation as a busy body, who jumps into other people's business. This will actually hurt you later on, when you really can do something good, because everyone when they see you coming will automatically assume here comes the busy body. Your credibility in future intervention will be harmed. Third, if you can do something positive, are you sure you are fighting for the right cause? Another humbling experience was defending people who should not have been defended. After being told things, I stuck my flag in the ground so to speak, and only after defending it found out that everything I was told, wasn't true. We don't know what this babies mother is really like, or what situation we would be defending that baby to be in. Unless you know for absolutely certain, it's possible some actions made lead the baby to a far worse life. Fourth, are you prepared for the consequences of stepping in? This is a sticky part. Some people jump into a situation, and then when the heat turns on, try and back out. You can't do that. Like a one-way door, once through, you can't go back, but you can ruin your reputation and gain many enemies. A person who jumps into a situation will always make an enemy. But if they stand for what is honorable and true, they will gain friends. But a person who jumps in, creating enemies, and then tries to back out, will gain no friends. Who wants to be friends with someone who once challenged, backs down? Conclusion If you determine what you are doing is right, and that perhaps something good will come from it, and that whatever consequences that come you are willing to deal with... I would do the following: Confront April. How would you want to be treated if the situation was reversed? I personally would want someone to come to me first before running around talking about me. Just tell her that you are uncomfortable with what she is doing, and that you wish that she would stop. That what she is doing is evil. If she refuses, or rationalizes her behavior, I would inform her that your friendship is over, that you will call the mother of the child, and assist in whatever way possible. Even if you determine that you should not interfere, it seems clear that she is being evil, and I would end the relationship with her. Not as punishment on her, but rather it is the best for you. Research shows that we end up exactly like our closest friends. Evil rubs off. We like to believe that we are so much above the influence of others, it simply isn't true. Try and remember that April is a scared little girl, holding on to whatever she thinks will make her happy. She does not understand that her actions are the cause of her pain.
• United States
12 Feb 12
I have to agree with andy77e on some points such as you do not know why the baby was taken away from her mother before she even left the hospital. However, if April has had her own children taken away from her by the state, she is obviously not fit to be caring for another woman's child. And if Darren is planning on telling lies about his relationship with April in court because of her legal past, then someone definitely needs to bring this to light. Everyone needs to remember who the victim really is here....the baby. No child asks to be born, and if neither of her parents are fit to take care of her, then maybe she would be better off as a ward of the state as well. If you want to fight for anyone, or take anyone's side, make your fight for the baby. I'm not sure talking to April will do much good; she doesn't sound like the type of person who cares about anyone about herself, which means she probably won't listen to a word you have to say. Listen to your heart in this situation. It will not steer you wrong.
• United States
12 Feb 12
We don't know why April lost her children. I try not to assume things when I respond. It's too easy to make assumptions, and then find out I'm wrong. And unfortunately, people listen to their heart all the time, and it steers them wrong constantly. I wager April is listening to her heart right now, and she is doing great evil.
12 Feb 12
I think it's wrong to shout to the world that she's the mother of the child. No matter how you look at it, the real mom has more right than hers. And based on what you said, calling twice a day to check the baby is a sign that the mother really cares for her child. It's a mother's natural instinct. On my opinion, since you guys are friends, I think you should first tell your friend that what she is doing is wrong because she's not the real mother and that you are really concern for the baby. Make her understand what you really feel and the consequences of what they are doing right now. If it fails and if you want to take a risk, then go try talking to the real mother and tell her everything.
• Garden Grove, California
12 Feb 12
hi xmichelletarax please get to the babys mom and tell her what you have told us.nobody has the right to take a two week old baby from its mom at all unlesss she is infut and thats not been decided,Help the mom to get a good lawyer and to fight for her rights. those two do not sound like fit parents for the moms little baby.I think a judge with any brains would find for the baby's real mom. No its not horrible to save a good mom from losing her baby to an unfit woman like April.when she acts like that how can you still call her friend.Help her the baby's momn please and let us know how this turns out. I amn rooting for the mom. I