Being a daughter, I find it difficult to go out from my mother's hand

Philippines
February 16, 2012 6:32am CST
A pleasant day fellow mylotters, When I was still a child, I always see to it that I always follow the rules in and out of our home. As my parents will surely get mad if I break any of their rules. And since I was only a teen ager and still young so I need to obey them. As they always says, I am still young and cannot stand on my own so I need to obey whatever they wanted for me. Aside from that, they always reminds me that, when you are already on the right age, then that is the time that I can do my own decision. But, that is not happening, yet until now, my parents especially my mom always interfere to my decision. That she always insists her rules. I have already talked to my mom that I want to live separately and handle my own, but it seems she was not listening. I know that there is a saying, that mother's knows best but that is not applicable for us now, often times, her decision is not working good. I love my mom but she wants to hold me on my neck, that she always have close mind to everything that I said. That no matter how I explain my side, she will not open her mind to my ideas. Indeed I find it difficult to go out from my mothers hand.
1 person likes this
15 responses
@heartbit (237)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
hi airasheila, im sure your mom is only concerned about your welfare. i think its always difficult for a mom to let go of their kids, most especially daughters and they tend to look at their children as kids, no matter how grown up they have been. im still young but i know by now that there is no way to win with moms but maybe if you can show her that you can already stand on your own, like you can handle your finances, you can cook, wash, etc. maybe she will change her mind. goodluck!
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
good day heartbit, to tell you honestly, i am too old already and proud to say that i can do all of those things that you have mentioned. that, i can handle my own finances, do the household task such as cooking, washing and all other task. that i can even do some electrical works which i have learned from my father when he was with us. thus, i can say to you straight that i can work 24/7 since that i want to be a millionaire at an early age.
@heartbit (237)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
oh wow, your skills are admirable. i hope your mom can realize that and change her mind eventually. and when she does, i hope you can tell what change her mind as i think im going to have the same problem as yours, someday. take care!
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
a pleasant day heartbit, your compliments are appreciated. thus, i am really praying that my mom will open her mind that i am not a child as i am already an adult like her. as i just need to be independent since i am too old to live on her side. i do love my family that much, in fact they are the main reason why i gave up some career overseas. but, i just want some space and my mom cannot understand it.
@samar54 (2456)
• Egypt
17 Feb 12
Do you want my opinion ? do what your mom want ..be with her in the same house , she loves you ,and fear on you , It was time to keep the girls in the houses of their families , to marry instead of what is happening now like the not legitimacy children who do not know their fathers . good luck
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
your response is noted and will think about it.
@nyang1984 (464)
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
hi!airasheila, maybe your mom is just afraid that something might bad happen to you. we have the same situation before i cannot even hangout with my friends. and if i can go out i have a curfew. just extend your patience to your mom and try to understand her more or try to asked her what you really want to know like why she's doing that to you something like that. you can understand your mother once you become a mother too. slowly by slowly i understand my mother why she's very strict to me before. and i also realize that being mother is difficult but i take this as a challenge, i'm a mother now... hehehe God bless! have a nice day:)
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
hello nyang1984, your concern is very well said. and i have laid down on my post, i have done my best to be a good daughter for the past years and now, i am just asking for a little bit of understanding.
• China
17 Feb 12
first, take it easy and find a better way to deal with it. The most important issue is that you and your mom lack of communication and maybe the way you express yourself is not suitable and make it hard for your mom to accept. just change it a little and try it again patiently. you must make it. good luck.
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
dear conquer2012, your idea is noted and i already done that. i am taking it easy and lifting up every bits to God. as i really need wisdom, knowledge and understanding. that my mom will really understand me and support me to this decision. as i am not stopping to earn for my living as well as for them. everything that i do and working for is not only for me but to the welfare of my family members - my mom, sisters, brother and his family as well. as i really enjoying helping them. all i need is an understanding from them that i am already old and want to live on my own at the moment.
@emdjay23 (1575)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
Before I used to experienced it and hoping I could also get out of my mother's hand but then I realized that somehow we need those motherly hands to guide us.. Now that I am 30 and wanted to get out, I can't..I can't leave my mom alone due to her health condition and still realizing that I am not still free!..
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
hello there emdjay23, when i was at your age,i am not yet thinking to live separately. as i want to be more mature in many aspect but my age now is very much older than you are. so, i am thinking to live separately. but my mom refuse to and does not believe in me that i can handle things on my own.
• Morocco
16 Feb 12
I think more control result disobey, but in the other hand i think that our moms deserve our respect even sometimes thay take wrong decisions, like the arabic quote says: the heaven is under mom's feet
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
a pleasant day benailla1981, i am not disobeying my mom since i was born. as i am really doing the best that i can to be a good daughter to my parents. and since i was the eldest, i always see to it that i am a good leader to my siblings. as i do took care of my brother and two sisters when they were still a child. that, i also took care of our small family business way back decade years ago. that, i did not really enjoy the life of being a child since i need to help my parents especially my mom in doing the household chores. that i am always there for them. however, since my siblings now are on their right age, i think, it is about time to take care my own life. as my age is not really that young. i understand that it is really hard to be a mom but i just need a space to live and have my own free will now a days.
@Ernnesto (180)
• Slovak Republic
16 Feb 12
Hello airasheila, sometimes is hard for parents to realize that their child is getting adult. They still see them in eyes like a small child. I can understand you, what is your feeling now. It is hard to persuade them that you are able to stand on your own. Only one way is going to persuade them, you have to show them that you are capable of makeing your own dicisions. The best way how to reach your goal.
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
Good day Ernnesto, Only one thing I saw and observed from my mom, she does not believed in my capacity. That, it always takes one man to prove to her that I can stand on my own. That, whatever I do, she does not have that faith that I can do it. She is always on the contradicting side. That she always oppose my ideas. That she is really a close minded one. But, when another person will proved it and say, that my ideas are good, then, that is the time, she will just believed that I have a nice plan.
@hunibani (720)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
It is hard for me, because I don't want to leave her. Especially now. For your case, I think your mom is scared of what might happened to you. Try to talk to her as a daughter, give her more reason why you can handle and stand on your own. Goodluck!
• Morocco
16 Feb 12
Yes i think this is the only reason, that her mom cares for her so much
• United States
16 Feb 12
If you know you can live on your own without your mom than do that. If you living on your own your mother will not have all the say she wants. I am sure she just wants what is best for you. Don't be so fast to rush out because of this though. it is a big bad world out there.
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
good day giftsandbagscom, honestly, i am not rushing things. as i am too old already. all of my friends and even my mom's friends always comments, why am i still living with my mom, hence, my age is too old living with my mom. and being an adult, i am aware of the bad things outside, thus, i am taking extra care and of course, asking guidance by means of prayers.
• Marikina, Philippines
10 Mar 12
Hmmmm. That is so difficult. My mother did that too, especially choosing a religion. We are always debating to each other. I think that is a mother all about. I am not so sure, but that is what I feel. They have the rules. They always want their children to follow their rules, but for me, if you want to be free and you want to live separately, all you have to do is do not listen to her. Yes. Show her that you can stand on your own and you are doing the right thing, and that is it! First, explain your side and if she does not listen to you, just do it on your own way. Do it in a good way not a rebel type of person. Ha ha …or you can do secretly. Do not open up to her that you want to live separately and if someday, she sees you and asked her why you did those things, explained to her that the reason why you did that, is because she won’t listen to you every single detail of your explanation, but if she did not ask you anything, then its fine. Do not tell her anything and if your conscience cannot hold it any longer, you can tell her, but I do not know if she is going to listen to you. I know in the end that she will understand. Another is some people I knew become successful, but they are the rebel type of person. They become very successful in terms of desire and goals. When their parents see their children are already successful, they realized what the children want in life. They finally understood. One thing I know the real answer, “prove her that you can do it” so that she would realize that you can do it on your own, and someday she would trust you completely without feeling scared of what might happen to you. Children and parents have different character and personality type so it all depends on a situation.
• Philippines
18 Feb 12
well most mothers are like that esp. if they are really attached with you... but just try to make her understand how will u learn from your own if you are still with them... maybe we dont understand them but maybe sooner we well understand if we become parents also... but i think just let her make understand u
@mariamac (145)
• India
18 Feb 12
Hey airasheila don't be upset. All mother's are very protective about their daughters especially. Are you the only child, if so then maybe she has this insecurity feeling so she does not want to let go of you. As you have mentioned in your discussion that you are capable of taking care of yourself and your finances then she should slowly learn to accept that you are ready to start your own life. Ask her what makes her feel that you are not ready yet and prove her that she may be getting it all wrong. Find out what is making her feel that. I guess once you find out the hidden problem behind her behavior you will surely be able to deal with it.
@mauve02 (133)
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
We share the same feeling. My mother is same as yours. She never accepts opinions. She always follow what she think is right. Well, I can only advice try to talk to your mom whenever she is in a good mood. I think she will listen but she never shows it. Our mom loves us and only thinks the best for us. Maybe she thinks that your are still young to live on your own and she don't want you to experience what she has experience better. I think she doesn't want you to experience hardship and want to give the best for you.
@shylade (3137)
• Philippines
17 Feb 12
yes mothers know best that is why they are the mother. but some mothers tend to be control her children's life that is being unhealthy for both of them. you need to talk to your mom heart-to-heart. why not invite her for dinner and have some shopping. maybe she is just trying to protect you and fear about you making mistakes and wrong decisions in life. if you are at legal age, she should gradually allow you to decide for yourself and just be around the corner for you to lean on whenever you stumble. better to talk to her of what you feel because for sure she just love so much that she's afraid losing you.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
16 Feb 12
this sounds so general. if you could have at least stated a specific situation where she had bad decisions and not letting you do it on your own, i could probably say something addressing the situation. anyway, here in the Philippines, families are so bonded that parents cannot bear the thought of having a child live away from them. this is the reason why even if the children are grown-ups already, they still dictate and they still control until they get used to it. some parents overdo it but some children also overdo the cry for freedom. there is no harm trying to live on your own as long as you are ready or prepared. what is keeping you?