How do u fight depression when u have no one to help you fight it?

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United States
February 20, 2012 5:34pm CST
I have been battling depression since my Mom died two years ago(well most of my life, but that's when it got really bad). Up until then although not perfect my life was secure & most days happy. Then my Mom passed away & everything seemed to fall apart. I have some happy days, but the depressing ones far outweigh the happy ones. I love my husband & always will, but lately I feel like I am losing him too. His brother is going through a messy divorce right now so of course I understand that his brother needs him, but that leaves me with no one to turn to. My husband is all that I have. The long days seem to be getting longer & longer with me getting more & more depressed. I have been sleeping a lot lately & for me that is the best part of my day. Sometimes I feel like running far, far away but where would I run to? There is no one who could help me even if they knew how depressed I was. I know that a depressed person has to make their own happiness, but I just don't know how to do that. Everyone around me seems to be living, except for me. I feel as if a little more of me dies with each day that goes by.
3 people like this
13 responses
• United States
23 Feb 12
Hi Robswife, Depression isn't really anything you can fight. I've had major depression disorder for about 30 years now. There is no fighting it. Some days are better than others, but it's always there. I may not feel it or know it, but it's there. My depression is so deep seated in my brain that my body responds with somatoform illnesses, like being unable to speak. I have aphasia at times and other times I stutter and stammer. It's all due to depression. Depression is a brain disorder. The brain chemicals get out of balance and you can't make yourself well if you have clinical depression by just fighting it. There is nothing to fight.. depression isn't just a feeling of feeling sad, but there is complete despair and hopelessness that doesn't go away... there is having a poor self image and not finding anything you like in yourself, even though you know you are a good person. There's the feeling of being alone, because you are alone. I have social anxiety disorder, so I don't like being around people, that also isolates me. There is also the being afraid to go too far away from home. If I get too far away from home while driving I have panic attacks because I am so scared of being lost. There is a whole lot that goes with my depression, and it's not something you can just shake yourself out of. I don't know if you can relate or not... some folks have worse than me and some don't have hardly any problems at all.
2 people like this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
21 Feb 12
Hi there, Are you on depression meds? Have you talked to a preacher? What about a counselor or your doctor. Do you have any brother's or sisters? What about doing some volunteer work? You need to get yourself out of the house, you also need to treat yourself to something fun, a treat, a haircut, get your nails done, go out with a friend. Talk with a friend or your husband on how your are feeling. Make little goals for yourself. Take a short walk each day. Or write some things down that you would like to do or things that need to be done. And try to accomplish one of those things each day. Take small steps. Hugs from someone that also goes through bouts of depression. It will get better, but it takes time. If it seems like it is getting worse then you need to see your doctor.
• United States
21 Feb 12
taking fish oil (3000 mg per day), vitamin D and vitamin B-12 also helps alot. Hugs
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
It's funny you should say that about the fish oil. I recently started taking that after someone else suggested the very same thing. Thank you.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 May 12
You are very welcome. I took 3000 mg of the fish oil (jell caps) and one vitamin B-12 and one vitamin B complex a day. It took about 3 to 4 months and I noticed a really big difference. Which was wonderful. I am looking for my vitamin b vitamins in the jell form too as I gag from the ones that taste so nasty (that is why I stopped taking them. Oh, also try to get the jell caps that look kind of frosted (I believe the have a light taste of vanilla on the coating which helps alot too. Good Luck and Hugs
1 person likes this
@KrauseHome (32345)
• United States
24 Feb 12
My friend how I can relate with what you are going thru and feeling as I have been there many times myself. It is hard when you loose someone close to you and no one really seems to understand. My Mom has been gone almost 4 1/2 yrs. now and since I am not really close to most of my brothers and sisters sometimes having no one to share with in my family can be depressing. But for me my husband and my Church and many people praying has helped me thru many days when I thought I could not carry on. Maybe you need to share with your husband more what you are feeling and take time just the two of you to get away and be alone and relax. I will be Praying for you that things can get better. Hugs here from WA state.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I agree that my husband & I really need to get away, somewhere where we can both relax & not have to worry about anything. We discussed this & are planning a trip(not sure where to yet)before the summer is over.
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
22 Feb 12
I've been there. Try fight the need to sleep more. I found that when I gave in, I slept more, I would be so tired the next day and lost appetite at the same time. I also looked terrible. I had no one to talk to at the time either. Only now I am meeting mental support, once a month. I know how it feels having no one to talk to. can your doctor help ? maybe he knows a group you can meet to talk every 2 weeks or so? there is such a group here for depression and anxiety etc but I like being alone so then I just spend more time in nature or meditate
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
I don't get out much because of my anxiety & panic attacks, but I have started to see a therapist & I am now on medication which has helped me a lot.
@katsmeow1213 (28715)
• United States
21 Feb 12
I think it's normal for someone with depression to feel like that sometimes, but you really need to seek treatment to stop yourself from doing something you may later regret like running away or hurting yourself. Medications and counselling will help.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Since posting this discussion I have started seeing a therapist & I am now on medication. Both have helped a lot.
• Malaysia
21 Feb 12
Hi Robswife2006, everyone feels down or have low point or something at times. Sometimes you are not even sure where it comes from. Its so hard to get out of the situation. But, what you are doing right now is a good thing. You are making an effort to get out of what you know your situation is and communicate. Just keep doing what you are doing now, that is communicating with the world, you will be able to survive it. Do what everybody is doing even when things are bad or tough, that is, keep breathing and just keep walking, this is life. I am not saying that all problems and question will definitely be solved or answered in the end, because life isn't always like that, however, you'll get by and survive it. I always look at things like this, we breath, we drink, we eat, work, sleep, talk, and see everyone grow old around us and so are we and then, there's nothing else to worry about. Even when things get tough, like divorce, almost loosing my house or my car, facing shame, failure, lost of loved ones, when I think about it, you know, life growing old and things, then I realised that this is how it is, we just keep breathing, and walking and whatever it is that we were facing or worrying about will eventually get disentangle by itself over time. I pray you'll walk out of it. If you still can't, get professional help, advice or med. Take care of yourself.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you so much for your encouragement, understand & advice. Everyone of the comments here are so encouraging to me. I know it wont be easy but I will try to keep busy & try not to focus on things that I can not change.
@ckh007 (4)
• United States
21 Feb 12
I understand how you are feeling. I have battled depression for many, many years. I find that the best way to combat depression is to stay active. I spend time with my dogs and my horses and even if I don't want to get out of bed (which happens a lot) I force myself to get out of the house and exercise. Of course, another thing that works well is medication!
• United States
7 May 12
I just recently started taking medication. As for getting out of the house that is something that is very hard for me to do, but it is something that I am trying to work on. For now I just try to keep busy so I don't think about all the things that depress me about my life.
• Indonesia
21 Feb 12
I really understand about your feel, I had experience about that, when my father passed away, about ten years ago. But, I think only "the time" all sadness will disappear. Feeling depression is different to mental depression. Mental depression is need special therapy and it can not cure by the time
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Unfortunately grief never goes away although you are right the pain of losing a loved one does ease with time. I just have to learn to take one day at a time.
@_sketch_ (5711)
• United States
21 Feb 12
Exercise is good for depression. I know that it is really hard to get motivated, but anything helps. Baby steps. Finding a new hobby might help. It is good to get yourself excited about something and to keep your mind occupied. As far as not having any support, you could try finding a support group online. I know that facebook has quite a few. Sometimes it is just good to have someone to talk to. If you can afford therapy, then that is definitely a good idea. If you can't afford it, I know that a lot of therapists have sliding fee scales and payment plans. I also have heard that there are people who do it for free. I don't know really how to find them or what their requirements are to qualify, but it's probably worth checking out.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you. Since first starting this post I have begun to see a therapist which I believe to be helping. He helps me to set goals for myself which although do not get rid of my depression entirely it does help me to cope a little better in dealing with it.
• United States
21 Feb 12
I don't know if medication is something you ever thought about. I have and trust me it worked to make my days livable. I recently stopped taking them after bbeing on them for nine years. I found myself able to cope with life after I went to the hospital for the ninth time. I am hping there is a doctor you can find in our area to help you. I wish you the best with this. Mylot is alwas here for you when ou need to share. take care..
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you very much. I was on medication because i suffer from severe panic attacks, but now my doctor has me on something for my medication as well. For the most part it does help, but then there are still some days that are very dark for me.
@joystick (1680)
21 Feb 12
I have a friend who I am sure that she has depression and I will say that she is feeling really low at the moment.All she sees is people having fun and getting on enjoying their days, where as I know her days have been getting to her and making her withdrawn more.My friend said she wants to be put on a boat and just sail away, she do not care where and if she was to leave it would be a not coming back thing.It is a dark place to be, but you must find something to do to occupy your mind.My friend use to be on here a lot, which in a way helped, but now she is on another site, as she has gone for a break of what she calls her every day thing,lol.Not saying that the answer is on this site, but I am saying that there are always people on here that you can talk to.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you. Yes staying busy does help. My depression never used to be this bad, but first my Aunt passed away & then my Mom & suddenly my depression got worse. I live 3 hours away from my siblings so I don't get to see them as often as I like & this is just another reason for my depression.
• United States
20 Feb 12
whenever you feel like running far far away just come here and talk to us we will try our best to help you out(:
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 12
Thank you. I appreciate that
@SassyBrat (463)
• Canada
23 Feb 12
First off *hugs* to you and my condolences on the loss of your mother. I am in therapy right now and we are covering Coping with Change and Grieving. I really believe that a lot of what you are going through is grieving of your mother's passing, especially if you both were very close to one another. As for your depression, it is not unusual to experience depression with grieving. I really would encourage you to seek medical help. Seek a doctor who can help you get counselling for your grieving. I know this sounds very scary, and you may be experiencing anxiety at the idea of leaving your home. I am as well, but I made a conscious choice to want to get well, I've been in and out of the hospital and therapy for at least 10 years now, I am on anti-depressants, and I won't lie my years of trauma, grief, loss have been significant, but the years of being chronically depressed have robbed me of my life; just as the trauma's have as well. Your husband, just like my boyfriend can't fix us, and I know this, and this is why I walk into my counselling and therapy groups solo. My boyfriend has been amazing, he is supportive, he is caring, he is loving. We don't put expectations on one another, we support one another. Please come here, write whatever you are feeling. Feel free to friend me, we can chat by PM if you wish. You do have so much to live for, even when you really feel like you don't. I have a vision of a rope in my mind's eye and no matter how hard everything has been, no matter how often I have cried to the point of wanting to vomit because the pain is so hard to take, I have always said that so long as I can see that white rope with the big knot, it was my job to use whatever I could to hang on. Hang on @Robswife2006.
• United States
23 Feb 12
Good for you SassyBrat for getting help. I have filled out the paperwork to see a psychiatrist. My regular doc can't help me. She said my depression is so severe that I am fractured. I have about 3 other people inside of me...all children... and they are defense mechanisms. I don't have DID, but I do have a fractured personality.
• Canada
24 Feb 12
@PointlessQuestions I think we all have a fractured personality in one form or another. For those that I know who have Borderline Personality as I do, we all have had a lot of trauma in our lives. That being able to work with that, and do so in what appears to be a life long process, although not impossible, will be a challenge to learn how to think differently, especially since trauma often goes back to childhood.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 12
Thank you so much for your comment & encouragement. Since first posting this discussion I have started to see a therapist & I am now also on medication which has helped me a lot. Although I still have bad days I now try to distract myself instead of focusing on those negative thoughts & feelings.