Lack of respect from family?

United States
February 24, 2012 9:29pm CST
Do any of you ever feel like some or all of your family members have little or no respect for you? I know I feel this way a lot of times. I won't go into a lot of details, but it seems like no matter what I'm doing, or if I'm not feeling up to doing something, they want me to stop everything for them. When I say no they try to make me feel bad about it. I seldom ask my people for anything, and the few times when I do ask them to do a favor for me, it seems to be a problem. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I wrong for feeling like this?
4 people like this
20 responses
@inertia4 (27605)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I totally understand what you're talking about. I know for a fact that my mother likes to lay guilt trips on me. My father is a passive man and he will be there to help me. But my mother and my brother always look to me to do basically everything for them. Look, I am not saying I don;t mind helping, but not all the time. Then there is my aunt, she kept some things secret from me when my marriage was breaking up and she never told me anything. I found out like three years later. So, yes. I feel lack of respect and misunderstood.
• United States
3 Mar 12
Glad to hear you understand and relate to what I'm saying. My mother and grandmother are the main two who run guilt trips. I do enough for them, but it just seems like they expect me to go over and beyond what is expected. I'm like you, I definitely don't mind helping, but don't make me feel bad when I'm busy, or unable to do something. That sucks that your aunt kept important secrets from you. That's terrible, and I'm sorry to hear that. Misunderstood is the perfect word to describe how I feel a lot of the time also. Thanks a lot for your feedback. You definitely get where I'm coming from with this, and I appreciate it a lot.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27605)
• United States
16 Mar 12
Thank you. I know because after reading your post I said, wow another person feels the way I do. I guess we just have to deal with things at times. I sometimes ignore them. And I will open my mouth when I feel anger. I guess we were cursed with knowledge for doing different things. Or the know how. Anyway, it is nice meeting you here.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 12
I think you are correct when you say having the knowledge and know how to do various things is a gift and both a curse also. Thanks a lot for your feedback, and it's nice to meet you on here as well.
1 person likes this
@rivakwa (56)
26 Jul 12
You are not alone in this situation.I know your pain and frustrations,but you know what,train your mind with motivational information materials and above all read the bible to get inspirations and ideas.Folks behave this way,because of lack of understanding and maturity.The most annoying thing is that they claim to be Christians but they are doing the opposite of what Christianity represents.How sad.Please like said before go motivational,do not allow anybody,i repeat anybody to look down on you. People are disrespect you because of being so materialistic and money conscious,they equate success to possessions.You need information to rise above this.Also use the science of psychology to assist yourself so to be able to predict people and control them.Know also that people are not perfect,can express themselves no matter how stupid their ideas are be yourself and to do not dance to everybody's wihs
26 Jul 12
Just a follow up to my earlier post above.Go motivational,train your mind.people disrespect you because of materialism and your not meeting up to their expectations.But you need to be yourself and not anybody else. The science of psychology is what assist me most times.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Aug 12
Hello there sir. This is an amazing reply that you gave. I view myself as a positive person, but sometimes when I'm around certain family members, their negativity tends to bring me down. That's one of the reasons why I try to stay off to myself as much as possible. I also agree with you that a lot of the people who do this claim to be Christians, but they are faking it if you ask me. I'm definitely going to take your advice. I have a Bible, but I will admit that I have not read it lately. Thanks a lot for your excellent response and feedback. I can tell you're a good person. Peace and blessings to you.
@winston90 (296)
• Romania
26 Feb 12
I never felt disrespected by my family. Maybe they don't disrespect you, but it is you taht disrespects them, and that is reflecting to you. It is just what I believe, so you do not have any reason to get angry, I am just making a poit here. I am sure that if you care for them and respect everyone, you will get that respect back. This is a proven fact. Mostly if they are your family, and you haven't done anything wrong to hurt them there is no reason for them to hate you or disrespect you.
1 person likes this
@echoforever (5192)
• United States
27 Oct 12
First of all yes I do get disrespect a lot mostly from family members. I think it is unfortunately a growing trend in the world. I do this to take care of them, I giv up my time for them and they will still treat me poorly. Or act as though i am irrelevant. I hope your situations have improved.
• United States
30 Oct 12
Thanks a lot for your feedback. I agree with you in the sense that this appears to be a growing trend in the world. It's just crazy to me how people can mistreat the ones who care about them the most. Best wishes to you.
• United States
31 Oct 12
It is pretty crazy. I try not to treat my loved ones with disrespect. It does not always happen I will get the same nice gestures. We must try to teach each other better ways.
• United States
3 Dec 12
I agree with your last sentence totally!
@mtrguanlao (5527)
• Philippines
25 Feb 12
Hi my friend! I am sad to hear you feel that way. It's really not good not be respected by anybody especially our own family. Have you tried talking about what you feel to your family? Maybe they don't know that they are already doing it to you. Or they are already used to it since you are so kind to them. Sometimes voicing out your feelings will make them aware that they are already hurting you unintentionally. I don't feel that way to my own family but I feel that way to my in-laws. I don't know if it is just me who feels that way 'cause my siblings said they are kind to me. I can't explain it,I feel they are not sincere. But some of my in-laws are truly kind,I can only point a few of them who are not respecting me,in a way. My hubby told me to not think of it that way,he said it's just all in my mind.
• United States
25 Feb 12
Hello there Teresa. Glad to see you respond to my discussion. It's hard for me to talk to members of my family. When I try they tend to get defensive and take things personally. That's why for the most part I just don't say anything, because it brings added drama that I don't want. I think it's a case of them knowing the kind of person that I am and using it to their advantage. They know that I'm always there, and I care about them. I'm just different from them in my way of thinking, and it's unfortunate. I'm sorry to hear you feel that way about your in-laws. I imagine that is a tough situation there, but as long as your husband is with you I don't think you should worry about that too much. It's just you and him. Thank you for your response my friend. Much love and blessings to you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Feb 12
I think it is best for you to take a break my friend. A break means leaving your family for a while. Sometimes absence will make them realize how important you are to them. I know it's not that easy,but it's worth it..for you and your family too.
• United States
3 Mar 12
I agree with you regarding that, and as soon as I'm able that's exactly what I plan on doing.
• India
27 Apr 13
well, i used to feel if somebody in my family does not love me and for that hurt me many times.... i did not think of respect for that one in my family... but for formality i used to respect ...
• United States
28 Apr 13
Thank you for your feedback. It's difficult at times to continue to respect people that don't seem to reciprocate it back, but we have to do it for our own lives and sanity.
@MandaLee (3696)
• United States
2 Dec 12
I know how you feel. Sadly, my Dad does not respect me. He treats me like a child and talks to me like I'm 6. You are not wrong for feeling this way. You can love them without allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.
• United States
3 Dec 12
Hey there MandaLee! It's good to know that you can relate to what I'm saying, but it's bad that you have to as well. In your specific case, we're always going to be viewed as kids by our parents. However, sometimes they go overboard with it, which seems to be the case with your dad. Thanks a lot for your feedback, and for understanding. It means a lot when someone can relate to how you feel.
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
27 Oct 12
In my case I have family member that I just dont talk to because they want to tell me what to do . I have uncle that feel they make the law in the family and I dont listen to them and they would run and complain about my brother and I not respecting them . I also have family member that only call me to ask for favor and they are no where to be found if I should ever be in that position .
• United States
30 Oct 12
Hi silverfox09. That's unfortunate that certain family members of yours try to tell you what to do. That's not right at all, and I can relate to what you mean when they are nowhere to be found when you need them, but they expect you to always be there. It's just unfortunate that some people can be that way. Thanks for your valued feedback.
@Shavkat (60453)
• Philippines
28 Jul 12
I think, they are only concern to you. But it is still your call, making decision what is really best for you. Most of the time, it is really frustrating and feeling disrespected.
• United States
1 Aug 12
Hi there. You are correct in everything that you mentioned. Thanks a lot for taking out the time to leave your feedback.
@maezee (32011)
• United States
24 Mar 12
Sometimes I feel like this too, with certain members of my extended family. They just don't seem to have respect for anyone. And in return, I don't give them my respect. That's the most you can really do. How can you have respect for a person who doesn't respect you? Especially when there is nothing that has warranted that kind of dis-respect? *shrugs*. Hopefully it's not someone you have to be around 24/7. I'm lucky in that the person I am referring to I only usually have to see & tolerate on major holidays. Hopefully your situation is the same. Best of luck to you.
• United States
25 Mar 12
Hello there. You make a very valid and honest point regarding respect for people who don't respect you. In my situation it's older family members. I guess they feel like since they are older than me, I'm entitled to respect them. I'm not around the people I'm referring to 24/7, but I am around them a lot. I don't know, maybe I will just have to end up letting them truly have a piece of my mind, even if they are older than me. I thank you very much for your valued feedback.
@reinykwan (350)
• Indonesia
1 Mar 12
you are not wrong, sometimes people didn't respect for us because they have their own reasons, maybe they are busy with their own thing, or they only feel lazy to response something, my brother often keep quiet when I ask him something,if he didn't respect to me, I leave him and ask with another people.
• United States
3 Mar 12
Thank you so much for your feedback reiny. If these people keep taking my kindness for weakness, they are going to end up losing me. Thanks again my friend.
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
28 Feb 12
Guilt trips are always hard to deal with coming from anyone, but when a family member makes you feel bad for telling them no that you can't or won't do something for them, that's the hardest slap in the face to take. I can feel ya on this, my husbands side of the family like to do this crap to me. They like to call me or just up front tell me that I NEED to do this or that for them, never asking always telling and expecting it done. When i put my foot down, it always makes family gatherings and socials have alot of tension and everything is always my fault. They act very childish and it's hard to deal with but I have learned to just go with the flow and take everything with a grain of salt and move on with my own life, they aren't worth my time of worry or hurt feelings, but it's taken me 12 years to come to an understanding with myself over things that they do. You are not wrong for feeling this way and you yourself will have to find a to be able to just move on and deal with everything they dish out with out feeling guilty or feeling like they are being the one who is starting problems. Best of luck!
• United States
3 Mar 12
Oh you are absolutely correct about that. I really dislike when people try to run the guilt trips on people. I'm really glad to hear that you can relate to where I'm coming from. I personally think that people playing the guilt trip game because we tell them no are childish like you mentioned. Reading your post makes a lot of sense, and gives me a lot of encouragement. Thank you so very much for your feedback. It's much valued.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
27 Feb 12
The part of the family who never payed any attention to me, stabbed me in the back and never showed any respect I deleted out of my life. It was the best thing I could do for me. What is left over is a great family. We are close, trust each other, have fun and are able to respect each other (incl. each other's choices). If someone (no matter if it's family or not) is not willing to do me any favour, if I always have to be the one who does, it's over for me. I am not willing anymore to invest good energy and time into people who don't deserve it.
• United States
3 Mar 12
Unfortunately it's usually our family members who end up stabbing us in the back. Mainly because they know us best. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you, but it seems like you have moved on from it, and that's admirable. You definitely have a great outlook on how to handle people not worthy of our time and energy. It's a work in progress for me. I thank you greatly for your feedback. It's much appreciated.
@GemmaR (8526)
26 Feb 12
I feel that my younger brother has no respect for me. Whenever we are in the same room as him, he will sit listening to his music and won't bother talking to the rest of the family at all. Whenever any of us tell him about this, he claims that just being in the same room is enough to spend time with us, and that we should get off his back and leave him alone. We care for him, but he doesn't ever seem to want to spend quality time with us and it looks like he prefers to listen to his music than talking to us.
• United States
27 Feb 12
I'm sorry to hear that. I know for a fact that my young sister had a lack of respect for me when she was younger. She is older now, and I think she appreciates me a lot more. It may not necessarily be that he doesn't have any respect for you, he may just feel that he doesn't have much in common with you. Thanks for your feedback.
• Philippines
26 Feb 12
I am lucky to have family that respect me for what I am :d but unfortunately in my hubby's side, there's one person there that don't respect me that much. :( I dunno why but who cares? as long that the rest of their family treated me well it is enough for me to say that I deserved to be respect. :d
• United States
3 Mar 12
That's great. I'm happy to hear that you are respected by your family. I mentioned this in a response earlier, but I agree with you that you shouldn't worry too much about the in-laws. Thanks for your feedback.
• United States
25 Feb 12
o yes i had a cousin who i helped all the time then when i needed it nope couldent do it i asked him to stop swearing all the time when he was at my place it not only buged me but i was babysitting a niece who was learning to talk. he wouldnt stop so i havent seen or talked to him in 3 years we grew up togather
• United States
3 Mar 12
Wow! I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately that's how it is sometimes. The very ones that we grow up with and are closet to, are the very ones that we end up growing distant from as we get older. Thank you for sharing your feedback.
@rollylolly (2707)
• India
25 Feb 12
Though I have not experienced this in my life but I have seen my cousin brother going through similar situation . As you may be knowing that in India we stay in joint families . He is the son of my father's brother . Since he was not good in studies and got low grades in exam he was ridiculed often . I knew how bad he felt . I used to pray for him . He never told anyone directly but he was always upset . It's God grace that slowly but steadily he cleared his law exams . Some family members still ridicule him but I know he will succeede . You are right in your way so keep faith you will overcome all this and prosper in life .
• United States
3 Mar 12
That's terrible being ridiculed for not being good in school. Everyone is different and picks up on things differently. You are a great person to have such faith and confidence in your cousin. It's also great that you try to uplift him unlike some of your other family. You are truly an angel. Thank you so much for the kind words my friend. You are a powerful woman.
@boylopez (382)
• Philippines
25 Feb 12
You are not the one experiencing that problem prospectboy, it is also happen on me. My youngest daughter is like that. Sometimes they want a vacation with their friends, i say no, because i don't who is there friend to be accompanied. But like you i am frustrated because what she wants are fulfill. She walks without my permission. When she comes, apologizing to me, that i accept because his my daughter.
• United States
25 Feb 12
Hello. Thank you for your response. I'm sorry to hear you have this problem also. I don't have any kids, so my problem isn't like yours, but I can relate to how you are feeling. At the end of the day that's your daughter, and you will always love her regardless. That's the kind of hold that children have over their parents, and unfortunately some kids exploit it. Best wishes to you.
@Cranos (274)
• Belgium
25 Feb 12
When going to family gatherings I always get ridiculed one way or another. The reason for that is that my father and my uncle have this grudge against each other and somehow that turned into the competition of whose son is the most successful one. So yes, I receive little to no respect from some family members. I don't think it's wrong for you to feel that way, but I'm guessing you'll have to help them most of the time to keep the situation liveable.
• United States
25 Feb 12
Wow! That's a tough situation there. I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that. But you are correct about me having to help them to keep things on an even key. I think the only other alternative is me removing myself away from them. Thanks for your feedback, and best wishes to you.
@rollylolly (2707)
• India
25 Feb 12
Though I have not experienced this in my life but I have seen my cousin brother going through similar situation . As you may be knowing that in India we stay in joint families . He is the son of my father's brother . Since he was not good in studies and got low grades in exam he was ridiculed often . I knew how bad he felt . I used to pray for him . He never told anyone directly but he was always upset . It's God grace that slowly but steadily he cleared his law exams . Some family members still ridicule him but I know he will succeede . You are right in your way so keep faith you will overcome all this and prosper in life .