The Joy of Childhood
March 3, 2012 2:28am CST
Hey everybody, Was just doing a little poetry work for a change. I'd really appreciate it if you could check it out and let me know what you think: THE JOY OF CHILDHOOD Whenever in gloom, or I'm close to tears, If I'm alone, cold, or filled with fear, I sit down and reminisce the yesteryear Those days of joys, those moments so dear. How vivid and picturesque are those childhood days All I did was eat, sleep, run around and play Wild, free, not a care in life Still a strange to war and strife Burdened by the struggle of adulthood, I long for release, a way out Wishing I could zoom back to the past I wonder how long this pain will last But the truth is harsh, that age has gone, As the dusk of life nears, I treasure that dawn. So I sit down, and reminisce the yesteryear Those days of joy, those moments so dear.
14 Mar 12
Hey Vvance, you have got quite a good poem there. I can see that the poem tells about a person who is not feeling so okay or in sorrow, yearning his or her life as a child. You did managed to use some of the literary devices. However, I believe your second line should not start with "if I'm alone..." because that is not coherent with the first line. "When I'm alone..." would be better. Besides that, contemporary terms such as "zoom back to the past" is more likely a spoken sentence that we say when we converse with people these days. Perhaps you should use more archaic terms and words because that's what makes poetry wonderful.
• United States
14 Mar 12
Thank you , Manjet, for your valued opinion. I did try and incorporate as much archaism into the poem as possible but I was also keeping in mind the rhyme scheme, LOL. I may post a few more poems soon, and please do share your views on those too, if you can. Thanks again for your feedback!!
• United States
9 Mar 12
Thank you for your appreciation!!! It means a lot to me, especially since you're a poet yourself. In fact, I received no other comment so far(though I posted it a while ago), and I wondered if it had been deleted for some reason. Thanks again for your feedback, and please DO let me know if you have any poems you wouldn't mind me reading. From what you wrote above, I can see you've got great taste !!! So I'd love to see some of your work, only if it's alright with you,of course. I agree - earning through our poetry would make writing them just a little bit sweeter!!
29 Mar 12
It is such a wonderful poem to reminisce the days of childhood. You have a good sense of writing. I admire you for such a great writing. Truly, when we stop from our busy world, and remember the days when we were young and tender in age, we could vividly see how great the days we had, less problems, less stress. How I could wish to be in those days or to turn back time and start all over again with the kind of maturity of mind I have. My world would be different and better.