Helping a friend getting over her

@Cranos (274)
Belgium
March 7, 2012 6:19am CST
What do you do to help a friend who got dumped and is really depressed about it? Is it even possible to help? The reason I'm asking is because my best friend got dumped a few months ago. He's been depressed all the time and all this time I've been the good friend who makes sure he gets out of the house, goes drinking with him and listens to him. He was talking about her less and less (only once a week as opposed to every waking hour of the day) but yesterday he found out that his ex got a new boyfriend, so it's as bad as it was when she first dumped him. I know time is the only thing that heals a broken heart. What I want to know is how do you handle a situation like this until they're at that point?
1 person likes this
6 responses
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
7 Mar 12
Months ago? Omg, he really needs to put the pieces back and move on. Maybe it would sound different as I'm a woman, but at least I was also dumped. Well, cheated on, actually. He was cheating on me. I'm still hurt right now, and not ready to be in a relationship yet. I won't forget what he has done to me, although we're still communicating. So what I did? I cried a lot for three days, even got myself sick. But then I decided to move on. My life is not about him. And does he feel bad after he did it to me? Of course not. So why do I have to grieve all the time? Tell your friend that. He's a man for God's sake! :P She has even found another one. It means that she has been over him. So what's the broken heart for? She doesn't bother to think about him, so why he keeps on being silly crying over her? Ask him to read this. I'm sure he would understand what I mean. Oh, and he also needs a distraction. I talked a lot to my ex's best friend. Even until now. We joke a lot, share news, even get closer. It doesn't mean I fall in love with him. And I make new friends, get myself busy at work, play games, read books, and many things. Those also help. Keeping myself in grieve will just make my ex happy.
2 people like this
@Cranos (274)
• Belgium
8 Mar 12
I know, but until 2 days ago he still thought they could eventually end up together again. Now he has accepted that it's over and can hopefully finally move on.
@MissPiggy (1751)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 12
Well, he must be able to move on. It's ok if he thinks he and she can get back together again, but that doesn't mean he can drown himself in grieve all the time and spend his time waiting for nothing. At least he must move on. If he and his ex are meant together, they will be together somehow. But for now, he must get over her and move on. Hopefully, he will have time to re-think about getting back with his ex again.
@blazer2 (48)
• Nigeria
7 Mar 12
it never is easy to get over a broken relationship. its a choice he has to make whether to move on to remain in the dark. well, changing environment will help to an extent, if there's something you know that can equate the same pleasure he derive when she's around him, get him to do it. most importantly, he should get a new girl. it worked for me.
@Cranos (274)
• Belgium
7 Mar 12
Yeah, we tried the "new girl" thing. The problem is he's still thinking that his ex was "the one" and that no other girl could ever match her. So that's pretty much useless right now. When it comes to changing the environment, the whole gang is going on vacation in the summer and we'll have a good time there, but that's still far away... Thanks for the suggestions though. I think I'm going to look for a festival or concert before the summer. That's what he loves most.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
7 Mar 12
i hope that works. best of luck
1 person likes this
@maezee (32269)
• United States
7 Mar 12
I think you are right, the best thing you can do is be there for him. He just needs time to get over it. Maybe you should do what your other friend does - get him out of the house, force him to have fun, and try to get his mind off of his girl. I am dealing with a similar situation with my cousin who's boyfriend broke up with her and caused her to have a nervous breakdown. I am having a hard time getting her not to talk about her ex, though. Good luck to you! It's a hard position to be in, that's for sure..
2 people like this
@Cranos (274)
• Belgium
7 Mar 12
Actually it's me that is doing those things. Sorry if my sentence wasn't clear. xD I hear you though, he's constantly talking about her and how he can't believe what she's doing to him, how she's never going to be the same even if they would get back together in the future, etc etc. The worst part is that because her parents interfered with the relationship and caused her to break up with him, he sees her as an innocent manipulated victim. While the truth is that she's always been ungrateful and spoiled.
1 person likes this
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
8 Mar 12
Your best friend is not the only one go through such experience, I personally just gone through it myself too. I took it as a fact, and I can't turn back time nor I can change anything about this fact. So I personally, and painfully accept it. Learn to accept is a good thing, and time will heal all the wound.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
9 Mar 12
it only takes time. i think when he talks less of the person, it does not mean he thinks less of her. but he has to realize that life without her is possible and all he needs to do is value himself more and know that there is someone out there for him too. he just needs to also open himself up to getting to know other people as well.
@SassyBrat (463)
• Canada
8 Mar 12
Besides time, I allow my friends to vent, grieve, to share what they are feeling. However, after a few days, I will start to ask my friend about other topics to help them start to move forward. Even if it means seeing if they want to meet for coffee, go for a walk, go for a drive; things that will start to help them realize that it will be really ok without the boyfriend no longer in her life.