How We Became HELPFUL and CARING?

@neildc (17253)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
March 14, 2012 9:48am CST
Hiya myLotters and friends! Recently I posted about a girl who helped my wife pass through a wet and muddy road while daughters just stared at them doing nothing. Which turned out to be a dramatic moment when my wife realized later that her daughters seem not to care for her. Through that discussion, I came to ask myself, how we really come to be HELPFUL and CARING? Some people says, we learn it from our parents who teach us how to become one by example or by words. Some says, it's within ourselves and has been in our DNAs. By the way, have you noticed the tagging system? For about two days now, if I am not mistaken, adding tags appear after posting comments to responses on our own discussions. Is this new and is normal or just another glitch? ~~ NEILâ„¢~~
6 people like this
20 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
14 Mar 12
That is a hard question Neil, because I'd like to say we are taught how to care, but I think it depends on the individual's level of compassion. Perhaps this level of compassion is destroyed due to circumstances or what they have experienced in life. I know that if I am not aware, I am seem uncaring, but it is usually the environment, like I am distracted by everything what is going on around me, or even something not seen, like I am hungry or cold. When one has distractions like this, it causes him or her to quit focusing on others and focusing on his or her own needs. Okay, that is enough of Communication class, but I think if you were to ask your girls if they had considered helping their mother, or were they distracted, you might find they had something on their mind or something. As for tagging, I notice sometimes I have to tag multiple times, I think it is a glitch, so if I already tagged, I just hit the "skip" button...
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
talking back about the daughters, like i said, what they did was not bad but also not a good example. i say again, they became disrespectful, unkind, stubborn, etc. when they become older. i really notice about the changes from toddlers, to grade schoolers and when they become teens and in high school and so on. me and my wife keeps teaching them and correcting them when they go wrong. we teach them what we learned from our parents. i am not saying our parents were perfect parents and teachers and leaders. but what good lessons we learned from them, are still in our minds and our hearts. nothing or no one can just take it from us. we still have younger children and still a long time before they reach teenage years. something the worries me that they will also become uncaring, unhelpful, etc. like the two girls. but it's we still a lot of time to teach them, correct them.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 12
Yes I know, like I said, I have raised three teenagers and truthfully, the teen years are really the hardest. But once they are through it, I am sure you will see that you and your wife did a fantastic job of raising them...
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
and so i really need to wait for the next stage of their lives?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
14 Mar 12
Tags, comments, discussions. I am so confused! I think people do have goodness in them naturally just as there are psychopaths born unbeknowst to themselves or others until their actions show them for what they are. I think some kids at teen age years don't want to show any emotion or caring for others because it isn't cool too.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
you think that goodness is in our genes that we can only hide or we are not being showy? i am also confused about the tags and comments and discussions.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (119865)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Mar 12
What I was saying was that if psychopathism can be in your genes then sure goodness can and is.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
i got it.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
14 Mar 12
The first answer is. Doing to others and we would like them to do to us. If you can go through like with this one thing in mind you will have the secret to human relationships.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
oh yes, we do to others what we would like others to do to us. it's like being a leader of a group. what the members see from us, they will follow even without telling them to do so. but even how much a good leader you are and the members are good followers, there are still one from among the crops that will go wrong or get bad.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
25 Mar 12
One must always remember that each of us is traveling his own road in this life. Blessings
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
Hi, being a helpful and caring people, I think It's natural to us to be that way. It's automatic from us when we saw people in need. We always intend to help others what ever status in life we have. Maybe in runs trough our culture. And we are known for that. Regarding the tagging system I experienced that too, tagging my own response to comment. But sometime it skipped and directed to the main discussion. Maybe your right it's only a glitch.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
16 Mar 12
it could be in our culture, but we could not also disregard the influence of the technology or the surrounding, the community where we parents have no control over or could not have take our eyes on them. tagging seems to be back to normal since yesterday. no problem about that actually, i just noticed.
@jd107nette (1456)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
i agree... we do learn it from our first teachers, our parents. but at some point in our lives, we spend more time outside of our family than inside. that makes the influence of our surroundings more influential. so i suppose parents should always be there to guide their kids. Tell and remind them every time that they should be caring and helpful whenever they can
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
that's why sometimes i feel hurt when people say or blame parents when their children go wrong. the people outside the house does a great change to the character of the children.
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
If you help and care somebody, it is from your heart. If you see people who need help just think of yourself. Time will come you will be the one who need help and need to be cared of.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
i am sure about myself that i care for others and when they need help, i extend my hand for them, as long as i am able.
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
I would like to say that being kind and caring is within us and has nothing to do with our parents or family. I grew up with a father who loved to scam everyone to support his gambling addiction and a mother who never cared about anyone except herself. But this never really stopped me from showing kindness to people, even if I am being scammed by these people. I remember just the other day that my hubby was surprised that I let a little girl sit on my lap while going home. Our place here in San Mateo is a little remote and the jeepney ride home is filled to the brim with passengers most of the time. This father had his little girl climb inside the jeepney while he hung by the side rails. I took pity on the little girl because she was almost thrown off the jeep so I let her sit on my lap.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
i think i will do the same thing with the little girl if i were on the same situation and no one offered to carry her on their laps. with your story and experience with your parents, i think again about the comment from the other discussion that we are taught of those good things. it's really making me more doubtful if it's learnt or actually from ourselves.
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
We can be helpful and caring when we can render our service without any string attach to those persons who are needing.......
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
does it mean we cannot be helpful and caring with our loved ones, our families, our mother?
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
15 Mar 12
I think parents can help a lot by the way they raise kids but once we are like 18 we really can think for ourselves and become the person we want so it's really the individual's fault. It's easier to not care, it's more painful but easier. Many people are sad, depressed, complaining but they really never help others and it's a two way street, when we don't give we don't receive and that's why we feel lonely and empty. Volunteering is a good therapy :D
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
volunteering, initiative? well, i guess that's something a not so kind or nice person lacks?
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
We got it from our parents and how they brought us? Partly yes and partly is a choice. The society plays a big part and the freewill. I wonder why some kids from a very known good parents become brat and spoiled, can we put the blame totally to the parents? No parents ever wanted to raise a bully and bad kid, but there are kids who grows up bully and bad. It's a choice and freewill, parents always give guidance to their kids, it depends on the kid what way to choose, either the path leading to good results, or the path leading to destruction.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
that's exactly i want to point out with some people, that parents play a big part in molding good people with our own children. but they don't look or accept the fact that parents only see their children when they are inside the house. most of the time, children are in the school and with their friends. we do not exactly know what's in them when they are in school or with the friends we do not even know. and yes, we parents give guidance and that's one way to teach them their lessons to become good persons. but then again, they have their choice, freewill. they can choose to become good or they can choose to become not.
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
In my analysis and personal learning, I came to realize that in our life, there is are different stages. One stage is when we usually focus on ourselves. The benefits we can get, how we can get more than others, how we are ahead, how we have more while others have not. There are still many people in their old age who have this thinking and attitude. They have not grown up. However, there are people who doesn't stay on that stage but grow up to a point where they are more focused on others more than themselves. When a person is in this stage, he demonstrates by helping others even when it requires him to spend or lose something or may cause inconvenience. He has arrived to a point where he is willing to be inconvenient for the convenience of others. I want to be in this stage. It's difficult to practice it on a daily basis but if we do it more, we can form the habit of caring and helping for others.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
it seems that you also trying to tell us that these things, characteristics of a good person still a matter of choosing it. i am not sure if this is correct. no matter at what stage we are in, we still choose to be good and nice. and whether we were taught or we just learned it from others who did not actually told us to do so, we choose to follow and practice good deeds or no.
@Cranos (273)
• Belgium
14 Mar 12
That's the question of nature (genes) versus nurture (upbringing/external factors). How much of our personality comes from our DNA and how much from our upbringing? The truth is they just don't know yet. They've proven aggression can be genetic, but as far as I know that's about it. Personally I think it's a combination of both. When it comes to being helpful and caring I think it's mostly due to upbringing. It's something parents pass on to their children.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
that's really confusing. well, i guess i would agree with the combination of both.
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 12
neildc For me it started before grade school as my father was a doctor and i wanted to be one and help people. then too my parents took, my mom's father into our own home so I had my dear grandpa to give me prime examples of compassion and caring and being helpful. My parents, mostly my mom,also showed me be example too.then when I grew up I became a nurse's aide as I loved helping other people.I think the tagging thing must be a glitch I have not se e in it myself.
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
15 Mar 12
my wife for one, is a very helpful person. one thing that made her say , she wants to enter the social service. there were times i came home and she was not around. i ask the kids where's mom. and they will say, in the hospital, with auntie who's pregnant. my dad was also a government employee. i remember when i was a kid, people would come to our house and seek help from dad about their properties.
• India
1 Aug 12
Hello my friend neildc Ji, I am the firm opinion that human beings have nature to copy others, so newly born child start copying and learning immediately after birth. Simlarly, children copy parents. In today's paper also researchers have found taht active parents will induce activeness among their children. So obiously, it is inherited from parents only. May God bless You and have a great time
@nezavisima (7417)
• Bulgaria
30 Mar 12
we must be caring and kind care and everything else. it is very important how we raised what is our attitude towards people who can not cope and they just need a little help. I always hope I can help and be caring and kind to be careful and loving. caused by access to multilingual good that somewhere there are people who need you and you can help them. nice day!...
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
Helping others is good to be apply because the more we help the more we are helps by others. It is good to helps others,and example to what you said.Yes i have problems posting here in the past days,don't know maybe my lot has problems.
@SIMPLYD (83191)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
I guess, it is innate to most of us to be helpful and caring. We have our conscience that nudge us to help and care if we know what to do in a situation. In the case of your wife's daughters, maybe they are at a loss on how to deal with such situation, or they simply doesn't want some mud spattered on their clothes.
• Egypt
16 Mar 12
hi sir , helping people is really great but there is an important thing we have to teach our friends sons and daughter that we have a rule for everything : if u give helping hand you will got helped one day .
@cupkitties (7484)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Its either within us or it isn't. I'm going to agree with Angelgee up there on the first page because I've seen more than enough parents do everything they can to raise good, well behaved children only for the kids to grow into evil spawn. My parents taught us about selflessness and all that, but I also exposed to many very cruel and heartless individuals day in and out. I really believe its those people who treated me unkindly who are the reason that I want to be helpful and caring today rather than because of anything my parents taught me. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but if they had not treated me that way I would never be able to understand what other people are suffering.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
15 Mar 12
any one can put a tag on your post you dont really have to do it its normal