Super Letdown

I am so sorry to hear that, Marty. That is a terrible thing for her to do to you. A person that isn't on medicine can have an accident and kill someone. Just a phony excuse if you ask me. I would have been there for him through anything. I always supported him in things that he did. Oh well, it is over.

No, it's nothing like that. It's just that I'm a romantic and had always dreamed of having aq wedding and for na long time, it looked like I was never going to find someone. Then I met her and we hit it off immedietly. And for awhile, I used to say we talk about our wedding more than some engaged people. Then she changed her mind saying most marriages end in divorce so she's anti marriage. Then one of her friends talked to her saying a wedding may not be important to us, but it's important to Marty. (both of them had been married before.)So we were going to get married again. Then nshe decided against it. About a year later, my brother got married and had a wedding i n his yard. She loved it, they said they could do the same for us. This time, I heard her friend it looks like were getting married. It was after that that I had the seizure and a few days later she said that to me.

Marty, you've said she will stay with you forever. So what she is doing in refusing to have the legal piece of paper isn't just self-protection, but protection of you as well. If you were to marry and have an accident and they took everything from her (actually, is this true in the USA, that a married couple cannot have their property separately, but each is liable for the other's debts?), she would have nothing for herself or for you. But unmarried, they can only take eveything from you and she can keep what is hers and use some of it to look after you. But if it's the religious aspect that concerns you (if that's the case, why are you already living together - aren't you already in the wrong? or maybe you are and you'd like to put it right by getting married - it used to be the woman that felt like this, not the man), you could go to France and have a religious wedding there. The French state does not recognise any mere religious marriage (actually, a Roman Catholic marriage may be an exception to this, I'm not sure), people have to go through an additional civil ceremony for the marriage to be recognizable in law (Someone I know in France had a Jewish wedding and no civil ceremony and reckons he has the best of both worlds. His in-laws are satisfied and he keeps his "swinger" status - even in retirement!!!). You may then be able to go back to the States with a religious ceremony behind you that is valid in the sight of God, but has no legal status in the USA, because it had no status in the country in which it was carried out. Check it out.

Your words really made me do a lot of thinking. A man like that is not worth having around. I guess his true colors came out. I'm glad that it took place now instead of after the trip had started. My ex-husband stuck with me through thick and thin when I had my lung surgery.

Then that was a terrible thing to do! No love or loyalty there!

No, this was a preplanned trip. We have been working towards it for the past six months. He had it all worked out for me to take any medical supplies that I would need. We had done some shopping for things that we both needed for the trip. It was all set. Yes, we would have been traveling in a wagon pulled by horses. It was at least a year long trip. There was no assuming, he asked me to go with him.

I do have to agree with you.

I was and am still disappointed. I had everything packed and all arrangements made for my apartment. It really put the people that was helping me in a little bind. I don't know if I would go now if he did ask me again.

Thanks my dear friend. I must admit that I have been a lot happier since I haven't been with him. I guess there were red flags going up that I wasn't noticing. How is your daughter doing?

Thanks my friend. I take medicine faithfully for this and it is really pretty well under control. Winter is harder on me then the rest of the year and maybe he wasn't thinking about that. He seen how much I could do during the summer months. I would have been riding in the wagon and not doing anything strenuous. That is the part I don't understand. I will start spending some time scouting the mountains west of me this summer. That is much more taxing then riding in his wagon. I'm not leaving this earth yet. I have a lot to accomplish.

I hear you on that. You are not allowed to leave this earth yet. I know I have yet to accomplish some things myself. But right now it is all about my kids. My daughter has been sick so I have been more depressed then usual. But it's good that you stay close to home. I know the winter is hard on lots of people. I also know that breathing in that cold air is bad for all of us.

I have my COPD under control. Every once in awhile I do have to use oxygen but it isn't that often. I am very physical and he knows this. I helped buck hay bales and stuff like that. It is probably a cop out. I just hated the way he used my COPD. I felt like I was being condemned for having it.

No, we haven't been together since March of last year. Yes, he knew all about my COPD from day one. it was just an excuse. He has been with a gal since November and I sure hope he doesn't treat her the same way. I doubt if he will as she has a big home in the country with some land. I have a feeling they had met online while we were still together. It was a low blow but I am better off without him.

You are a lot better off without him. I am glad you are now happy and I hope that you will meet a new man that will be really nice to you.

You are right. I am better off without him. It is hard to say what kind of game he might of played later on.

And that is just what I am going to do. I will get over all of this and be a lot wiser.

No, I didn't put any money into it. I did sell and give away a lot of my stuff cause I was to move into his place when we got back. Boy what a dummy I was.

Thanks, Jen. I am going on with my life and going to enjoy it. I can still do a lot of things and as you said, consider a vacation of my own. I can do this! Thanks for the encouraging words.

I am content with my COPD and know what I have to do if it does act up. I don't mind saying this really hurt. I told him that it was a poor excuse and that he needed to tell me the truth. But I will probably never know the truth.

I agree that one would think that a man in his fifties would at least have learned the courtesy, honesty, decency and respectfulness to break-up with you to your face, but then again these things are not necessarily related to a person's age but rather his or her character. As you said, one might expect this sort of thing from a teenager ... mostly because they often lack self-confidence and do not know how to handle what could be an awkward situation ... but even many teenagers would not treat someone this way. I know that it was a difficult and extremely painful lesson to learn, but now you at least see his true character. I also think it would have been worse if you had gone on the trip and found out then how he really is, because depending upon where you were, you might have been trapped and had to deal with him for a lot longer, which would not have been a good situation.

It is sad when a grown man in his 50's has to act this way. Kind of reminds me of the way teenagers do it. And then not all of them. I probably wouldn't have been so upset if he would of told me to my face.

COPD is a lung disease and it is under control What is funny is that since we haven't been together my health has actually been better. Strange, isn't it? But I was looking forward to the trip.