Super Letdown

@velvet53 (17435)
Palisade, Colorado
March 14, 2012 1:45pm CST
I was geared up and ready to go on a year trip with my boyfriend only to be let down. I have COPD and he used that as an excuse not to take me. I had everything packed, plans made for my son to watch my dog, everything. I am getting over it but it still hurts. He said he couldn't keep me alive for a year on the wagon. Poor excuse if you ask me. I have to keep myself alive, not him. How would you handle something like this?
3 people like this
14 responses
@marty3888 (2359)
• United States
14 Mar 12
I would be devestated. I had something simiular happened with me, but not as bad as that. Me and my g/f bought a house together in 2002. We were going to get married, which I was really looking forward to because I have3 never hasd a weddding. I have epilepsy. I was on generic medication and one time, it didn't mwork. I had a seizure while driving and lost my license for 6 monthes. After that she said she won't marry me because what if it happens again and I kill someone's kid. they could take everything from her. But she will stay with me forever. But now, it's hard to watch weddings on TV because it just reminds me it's never going to happen for me. I think your boyfriend is immature. If that was my g/f or if she hjad anything I would be there for her. I hope you can find someone who deserves you.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Mar 12
I am so sorry to hear that, Marty. That is a terrible thing for her to do to you. A person that isn't on medicine can have an accident and kill someone. Just a phony excuse if you ask me. I would have been there for him through anything. I always supported him in things that he did. Oh well, it is over.
@JohnRok1 (2051)
15 Mar 12
Marty, you've said she will stay with you forever. So what she is doing in refusing to have the legal piece of paper isn't just self-protection, but protection of you as well. If you were to marry and have an accident and they took everything from her (actually, is this true in the USA, that a married couple cannot have their property separately, but each is liable for the other's debts?), she would have nothing for herself or for you. But unmarried, they can only take eveything from you and she can keep what is hers and use some of it to look after you. But if it's the religious aspect that concerns you (if that's the case, why are you already living together - aren't you already in the wrong? or maybe you are and you'd like to put it right by getting married - it used to be the woman that felt like this, not the man), you could go to France and have a religious wedding there. The French state does not recognise any mere religious marriage (actually, a Roman Catholic marriage may be an exception to this, I'm not sure), people have to go through an additional civil ceremony for the marriage to be recognizable in law (Someone I know in France had a Jewish wedding and no civil ceremony and reckons he has the best of both worlds. His in-laws are satisfied and he keeps his "swinger" status - even in retirement!!!). You may then be able to go back to the States with a religious ceremony behind you that is valid in the sight of God, but has no legal status in the USA, because it had no status in the country in which it was carried out. Check it out.
@marty3888 (2359)
• United States
15 Mar 12
No, it's nothing like that. It's just that I'm a romantic and had always dreamed of having aq wedding and for na long time, it looked like I was never going to find someone. Then I met her and we hit it off immedietly. And for awhile, I used to say we talk about our wedding more than some engaged people. Then she changed her mind saying most marriages end in divorce so she's anti marriage. Then one of her friends talked to her saying a wedding may not be important to us, but it's important to Marty. (both of them had been married before.)So we were going to get married again. Then nshe decided against it. About a year later, my brother got married and had a wedding i n his yard. She loved it, they said they could do the same for us. This time, I heard her friend it looks like were getting married. It was after that that I had the seizure and a few days later she said that to me.
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 12
velvet it sounds to my like your boyfriend has selective love for you,when you are healthy all is fine but he gets to thinking about the trip and your copd and he bails out. okay that hurts but you will get over it, but the big question to me is if you really want a long time relationship or marriage with a man who says he couldn't keep you alive for a year? He is selfish and he has selective love, only loving when nothing is ever asked of him. think what a long term relationship would be like when hes worried about your health and just plain walks out on you.I would seriously start looking around for a man who could love you copd and all. this fellow does not like a woman with any illnesses as hj doe not want to help you at all when you might get sick.Kich him to the curb., He is not worth it.I would break with him and never go back.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Mar 12
Your words really made me do a lot of thinking. A man like that is not worth having around. I guess his true colors came out. I'm glad that it took place now instead of after the trip had started. My ex-husband stuck with me through thick and thin when I had my lung surgery.
1 person likes this
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
14 Mar 12
To bluntly put it, I think it's a cop out. I know many types of people with the onset of COPD or who have it and they live their life in the fullest, going on vacation,s having a family, etc. I would wonder if there were any other underlying reasons. Or is he just super protective of you and super worrisome? I don't know anything about him personally so it's hard to play a guessing game. I just hope you stay well (and take your meds, you should be fine then.)
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Mar 12
I have my COPD under control. Every once in awhile I do have to use oxygen but it isn't that often. I am very physical and he knows this. I helped buck hay bales and stuff like that. It is probably a cop out. I just hated the way he used my COPD. I felt like I was being condemned for having it.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
14 Mar 12
This news has to a disappointment for you. You probably put a lot of planning into it. Perhaps your boyfriend will change his mind and still ask you to make the trip. I hope the best for you and I hope things will turn out the way that you would like them to.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Mar 12
I was and am still disappointed. I had everything packed and all arrangements made for my apartment. It really put the people that was helping me in a little bind. I don't know if I would go now if he did ask me again.
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I wouldn't. I would let him go and take care of myself. Having COPD is not a good thing and you need to be close to home, near your doctors if you need help. Don't feel so bad. Look at it this way, come here and talk with friends, go for walks. Maybe go on a small vacation close to home. A year long trip is a lot to handle in your condition. If you smoke you better stop. They do have medication for that as well. You have to take care of yourself. We need you around for a long time.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
16 Mar 12
Thanks my friend. I take medicine faithfully for this and it is really pretty well under control. Winter is harder on me then the rest of the year and maybe he wasn't thinking about that. He seen how much I could do during the summer months. I would have been riding in the wagon and not doing anything strenuous. That is the part I don't understand. I will start spending some time scouting the mountains west of me this summer. That is much more taxing then riding in his wagon. I'm not leaving this earth yet. I have a lot to accomplish.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
25 Mar 12
I hear you on that. You are not allowed to leave this earth yet. I know I have yet to accomplish some things myself. But right now it is all about my kids. My daughter has been sick so I have been more depressed then usual. But it's good that you stay close to home. I know the winter is hard on lots of people. I also know that breathing in that cold air is bad for all of us.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
3 Apr 12
Thanks my dear friend. I must admit that I have been a lot happier since I haven't been with him. I guess there were red flags going up that I wasn't noticing. How is your daughter doing?
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (32603)
• Canada
14 Mar 12
If you were all ready and packed, does it mean that he had agreed to take you? Or were you just assuming he was going to take you? Do you mean a yearly trip or a trip lasting one year? You would be traveling by wagon, not exactly sure what that means? I would like to get the full story before I comment.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Mar 12
No, this was a preplanned trip. We have been working towards it for the past six months. He had it all worked out for me to take any medical supplies that I would need. We had done some shopping for things that we both needed for the trip. It was all set. Yes, we would have been traveling in a wagon pulled by horses. It was at least a year long trip. There was no assuming, he asked me to go with him.
@1hopefulman (32603)
• Canada
14 Mar 12
Then that was a terrible thing to do! No love or loyalty there!
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Mar 12
I do have to agree with you.
@wolfie34 (26793)
• United Kingdom
11 Jan 13
I see this discussion is 11 months old now are you still with your boyfriend out of interest? What I don't understand is why he got your hopes up in the first place, obviously he had invited you otherwise you wouldn't have had everything packed, he knew you had COPD when he invited you, so why then does it suddenly become a problem? That is what I would want to know, why suddenly the change of mind? Or is he just using your COPD as an excuse?
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
14 Jan 13
No, we haven't been together since March of last year. Yes, he knew all about my COPD from day one. it was just an excuse. He has been with a gal since November and I sure hope he doesn't treat her the same way. I doubt if he will as she has a big home in the country with some land. I have a feeling they had met online while we were still together. It was a low blow but I am better off without him.
• United States
19 Apr 13
You are a lot better off without him. I am glad you are now happy and I hope that you will meet a new man that will be really nice to you.
• United States
15 Mar 12
Unfortunately, it sounds like this is his way of breaking off your relationship without actually having to face you and do it like a real man. He is going for a year and leaving you behind, which is bad enough in and of itself. However, he had already asked you to go with him, knew that you had made all the preparations, and then leaves you in the lurch at the last minute ... it sounds to me like he is hoping you will take the hint without having to face the "drama" of an actual breakup.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Mar 12
It is sad when a grown man in his 50's has to act this way. Kind of reminds me of the way teenagers do it. And then not all of them. I probably wouldn't have been so upset if he would of told me to my face.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 12
I agree that one would think that a man in his fifties would at least have learned the courtesy, honesty, decency and respectfulness to break-up with you to your face, but then again these things are not necessarily related to a person's age but rather his or her character. As you said, one might expect this sort of thing from a teenager ... mostly because they often lack self-confidence and do not know how to handle what could be an awkward situation ... but even many teenagers would not treat someone this way. I know that it was a difficult and extremely painful lesson to learn, but now you at least see his true character. I also think it would have been worse if you had gone on the trip and found out then how he really is, because depending upon where you were, you might have been trapped and had to deal with him for a lot longer, which would not have been a good situation.
@Kathy1981 (157)
• United States
19 Apr 13
I am not sure what COPD is but a boyfriend should except you for who you are. He should have taken you with him and the two of you could have worked around everything that might have came along. There are always ways around everything that comes along in life.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Apr 13
COPD is a lung disease and it is under control What is funny is that since we haven't been together my health has actually been better. Strange, isn't it? But I was looking forward to the trip.
@Shellyann36 (11273)
• United States
3 Apr 12
I am so sorry that this has happened. He sounds like an @$$! I hope that you did not contribute any money to this venture. If you did I would go anyway. It is best that you find out now before leaving on a year long vacation with him. He does not sound like the person for you. You are so much better than that. Hugs!
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
3 Apr 12
No, I didn't put any money into it. I did sell and give away a lot of my stuff cause I was to move into his place when we got back. Boy what a dummy I was.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
16 Mar 12
Hi velvet! If I were you, I might be considering a vacation of my own. There is no reason why you have to stay at home if you are comfortable with going somewhere different. If he didn't want to take me...I might have to take myself.
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
16 Mar 12
Thanks, Jen. I am going on with my life and going to enjoy it. I can still do a lot of things and as you said, consider a vacation of my own. I can do this! Thanks for the encouraging words.
@drannhh (15240)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Sorry you were disappointed. At least now you have a year to find a better boyfriend? Well, you asked, and that is how I would handle it. Good luck!
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Mar 12
And that is just what I am going to do. I will get over all of this and be a lot wiser.
@buenavida (8215)
• Sweden
15 Mar 12
It could be a good thing that he showed what kind of person he is and that happened now. He might not be a person to rely on in a tricky situation, so better say good bye and be happy you got rid of him..
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Mar 12
You are right. I am better off without him. It is hard to say what kind of game he might of played later on.
@maezee (33460)
• United States
15 Mar 12
That stinks. I would be super disappointed if I were you, too. Obviously you thought you could handle having COPD and going on a road trip, and if you are comfortable with traveling with COPD, then that should be up to you not up to your boyfriend. It sounds like a cop out if you ask me. You should try finding out the REAL reason, there must be a better reason than that, wouldn't you think? Keep us posted..
@velvet53 (17435)
• Palisade, Colorado
15 Mar 12
I am content with my COPD and know what I have to do if it does act up. I don't mind saying this really hurt. I told him that it was a poor excuse and that he needed to tell me the truth. But I will probably never know the truth.