Jealousy

@NailTech (6892)
United States
March 14, 2012 3:15pm CST
I'm going to ask and see if anyone has the answer to this. Alot of times in my life, I feel that my parents were kind of jealous of me. I know it's a silly thing to acknowledge but in some cases it can be true. My question is this, I've never understood it, I was wondering how on earth one could be jealous of someone else whose your own flesh and blood? I mean if you chose to have kids, especially. What right do they have to be jealous if I would happen to have a better opportunity or anything better than they ever had or have? I just can't wrap my head around this.
2 people like this
20 responses
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
I don't think that you need to wrap up your head around this jealousy thing. I don't know the details why you say your parents are jealous of you. However, being jealous of your kids when they do good to a point where you are doing something to hurt them or showing your disgust, is always a bad kind of jealousy and I agree with you that its not good. There is a godly jealousy when you are challenged to do good because you see the good thing in what others are doing. As you said, "you feel that your parents are jealous of you." Did you really ask them and know for sure that they are jealous? Feelings sometimes or most of the time is deceitful. If we base it all on feelings, it may lead us to feeling frustrated. Anyway, a great day ahead.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I don't mean it in a way that I think I am all that, quite the contrary, cause it is stemming from things I have hated about my parents, for instance one said that he wouldn't get us a car cause HE had to work for what HE had, just some stuff like that. My Grandparents had the means and they got me the car. My dad was always drunk back then, and said things like people go to college only to become an idiot, just crazy stuff of that nature...I would never ask them, as I found out confronting them (especially our mother) doesn't solve anything, it causes alot of arguments.
• United States
15 Mar 12
NailTech - Regarding the car, it might seem like jealousy, but perhaps your father was just trying to teach you a valuable lesson, which is that most people not only have to work hard for the things they want but also they value them more when they are finally able to get them. I think that your grandparents stepped over the line by buying you the car after your father said you needed to work to earn the money yourself, although I doubt you will agree with me. Your grandparents should have respected what your father said, because he is your parent and undermining his authority is not only disrespectful but also sends the wrong message to a child/teenager.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
16 Mar 12
He actually never said it to them, it was something he probably said while drunk or something, who knows. It was hard to tell with him at times. But they had the money and my brother would "borrow" money from my parents for his truck with no problem or anything else said by my dad. In fact my dad is the one who made me lend my brother $500. for a deposit on the truck that my brother couldn't afford. How the heck can you afford a truck if you can't even afford the deposit?? He was like, "Come on, I know you have the money, give it to him." Things like that just made me resent my dad, anyways. I made my brother pay me back everything he borrowed and still borrows now on occasion. I'm wasn't gonna be like them and let him have the money without even asking for it back, he would do this forever. He tried for as long as he could with them, but after my "accident" and getting sick, etc. long ago and them helping me with some money problems, he had to tell him no too after awhile. Half of my illness was stress caused by my family anyways. It's a pity my brother still has money problems now and he has no rent to pay, or his own home either.
@bellis716 (4807)
• United States
16 Mar 12
It is quite common for one parent or the other to be jealous because of the attention paid a child by their spouse. I can see how young parents might become jealous when they see their parents paying more attention to the grandchildren than they ever did to them.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
16 Mar 12
That wasn't it for me, they equally didn't give me much attention, ha!
@bellis716 (4807)
• United States
17 Mar 12
I'm sorry for your loss.
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
15 Mar 12
You can't wrap your head around it because it isn't logical. My life was totally opposite. My parents told me I couldn't achieve nearly what they've achieved. When I became very successful my mother tried to undermine me. Then tried to undermine my husband as well. Strange, but true. I never tried to "wrap my head around any of it". It's not logical!
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
It isn't logical at all, you're right. Thanks for the insight, I see where you're coming from too. The kind of person who is insecure is the one who has the problem, thats for sure.
@2004cqui (2823)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Amen.
@Mashnn (4503)
15 Mar 12
What would have made your parents jealous about you? Would have gone against their wishes and they you accomplished something out of that? I know they are parents who are abit jealous especially to their daughters if they have a great relationship with their father but I haven't come across both parents being jealous unless if one ot them is a step parent.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I don't know, it is just some little thing with some people. One of them has been slightly jealous at other times, it was never at the same time, I guess. It's a long story but my mother is the type to be jealous of the most silliest of things. It is her obvious nature, some people are more that way than others in general. She was jealous of my dad in the start of their marriage, and would accuse him of "cheating" even if she just thought he was looking at another woman or not. Starting all kinds of arguments that way...as a matter of fact, they are arguing again right now as I type. They are ALWAYS arguing. :P
@Mashnn (4503)
18 Mar 12
wow, I do not what to say about your mother, she seems to have a lot of insecurity. It is good that you have learned to accept and live with her no matter how she is.
@ShyBear88 (16930)
• United States
14 Mar 12
Well if you have kids the answer is simple it is because you have more then your parents did when they where age as you but I don't think parents are really jelouse but instead wish they got to do what you do or had what you had and you wouldn't have had those things if your parents could afford it or find it.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
In some cases, this is true. There have been tales of worse treatments of kids by their parents though who were jealous. Take for instance a child star of 'yesteryear' who I won't mention the name of, he was horribly treated by his father as a child and they said it was due to the fact he was a star and it was jealousy involved. The kid had to live with his co-stars at times due to the abuse. It's crazy how some people are.
@derek_a (10903)
15 Mar 12
My parents weren't really jealous of me, as they wanted me to do the best I could with my life etc. I have known my sister to be jealous from time to time when we were kids, but that stopped happening once we grew up and moved into homes of our own. Sometimes I hear of a father being jealous of his son who takes over the family business, but I think that is more the thing of movies than real life, as I know many people who have taken over their father's business and their fathers wanted it to be that way. _Derek
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
It might be more of an insecurity than jealousy too, but it just boils down to the same thing. It is sad when a parent does it at any rate, they need to feel like their child is their flesh and blood and deserve more in life than they ever had.
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
I know exactly what you mean because I know my mother was jealous of me and what I was able to achieve in life. Her jealousy was so evident that she would feign being sick whenever I would get a job these past few years when she was still alive. It became very traumatic for me, because I wanted to work to provide for myself but my work suffered because I needed to take care of her. It became a vicious cycle and I could only stay six to eight months in a job for the past six years. I never got to finish college since I had to work after high school. She always thought very little of me and always wrote me off as a failure even before I could start. When I was able to prove that I could succeed at work even without a formal education, she first started a shame campaign on me. She would redden and bow her head when asked what my work was and it was always in front of me. I wasn't even doing anything bad at that time, and I was working as a manager for a fast food restaurant! And yet she felt ashamed and told everyone that I had no breeding anymore because of the people I worked with. I love my mother and I just feel sad that she never felt that I was able to do anything good in her eyes. But I have never let that affect me because if I did, I would never be able to do the things that I was able to do in life.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Oh thats really bad when it comes to being that jealous, my mom has shown some signs of similar stuff in her older years. Such as when I was cleaning the shelves that were dusty before my dad came home from the hospital (he had lung fibrosis and it was bad for him to breathe in dust), she was like "what about me over here and my problem?" one time that I almost went over and screamed at her, but I didn't. I have had the patience of a saint when it comes to them. I'm sorry your mom had to write you off as a failure for the reasons you disclosed, some people are never happy no matter what you do. You have made a good person of yourself and there is always room for improvement as you get older, anyways, the sky's the limit.
• United States
15 Mar 12
In general, I think that parents want their children to have more things, be better people and get more opportunities than they had when they were growing up ... at least that is how most of the parents that I know are. Of course, there are still limits, because we do not want our children to be too spoiled and not know how to fend for themselves - there needs to be some balance there.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Balance is good, but we had so little growing up compared to the other kids around that when I went to school I was made fun of and such by other kids on occasion, so it wasn't at all like we were spoiled. I just thought my dad would have wanted us to have more things than he did, but apparently he didn't or at least it seemed like he didn't with a remark like that he made.
15 Mar 12
sometimes parents are too busy to notice that they were already hurting they're children.. same in return..busy also to notice that the were jealous to there children unbelievably...incredibly they almost harm them and do this unlawfully..parents are just parents...another creature..a HUMAN.no ones perfect in handling things especially in parenting...
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
No one is perfect I agree but I think some counselling could have helped all of us.
@stanley777 (7176)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
I don't know, but I guess most parents wants their children to be successful in life. If some parents have been successful in their lives, most of them wished the same thing too with their children and if it could be possible they want their children to do better. I hope I'm wrong, maybe you have misinterpret their feelings for you as jealousy.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I haven't misinterpreted anything, sad to say. There are times when they are fine with me, and that shows too.
@aprilsong (1886)
• China
15 Mar 12
Hi,in my opinion, parents won't be jealousy on their kids. On the contrary, they all expect their kids have much better future. In fact, too many parents put too much expectation on their kids. and which can bring too much pressure on their childen. Kids are the hope of their parents. there is no reason to jealousy of them.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
That is a good opinion, and in most cases it probably is a correct one. But there are cases of child abuse so why can't there be cases of jealousy and other things? Do you see my point?
• India
15 Mar 12
though it is difficult for me accept that parent wud be jealous , however, since u feel so i wud advice you to ignore such activities which diverts u from doing ur work....i m sure u r doing a grt job for someone to be jealous of u, however u shud not pay heed to such things as it might affect ur performance....god has made u a privlge one...so thank god and live life happily....
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Wether or not it is difficult for you to accept, it does happen. I have had to ignore alot in my life, it seems.
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
We cant avoid persons character.If they have jealous, then let them go and dont mind them.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Yea, that is the best way, but it is hard to let go if they are the only family you have known.
@bing28 (3799)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
Maybe you just misunderstood them, why will they be jealous of you when you are their child. They must be happy if you've chosen to have kids, after all they are their grand children and grandparents love their grand kids much. They must be proud if you have better opportunities, than them after all you are just starting and they're already done.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
No I haven't misunderstood them, I have a really good observation of most people, especially when you are around them as much as I have been.
@maezee (29505)
• United States
14 Mar 12
I don't have an answer for you - but I can see it happening. They should be happy for you, not jealous of you, but no one is perfect (especially not parents). I guess the best thing you can do is keep doing whatever it is you're doing and ignore it?
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Yes, I have to ignore it, it's the only thing that has kept me sane, I know it is just a part of life sometimes and there are people who go through rougher things that that.
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
14 Mar 12
Maybe its not jealousy but as much as being a little disappointed in them-selves or even that you haven't gone the way they had in mind for you, its a hard one to know, parents can have a mind set to how they what theirs to grow, I couldn't imagine parents being jealous of their kids, maybe even fear they will lose you...
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
It could be either way depending on the circumstances. I still have always believed I'm a good person inside, I'm kind and treat others with respect, etc. I was also a bit shy though, so maybe they were disappointed in me for that reason, but they raised me so they must know it was how they brought me up, not allowing us to do this or that, not run wild, etc.
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
I felt that somehow my mother was jealous of me when I was a kid. I'm an only child, and i had lots of fun with my dad. We'd always joke around, and although I wasn't spoiled in any way, I alwas favored my dad because he hardly gets mad at me. When my mom sess me joking around with my dad, or running off to go with him in the grocery store, she would reprimand me and start her litany of life lessons, most of which have nothing to do with what I've been doing for he day. She always made me feel miserable when I was having fun or being happy. I don't mean to make her sound bad, or make her look stupid. It's just that I sort of understand this to be somthing she wishes she could do with me more but since she already ruined the mood, she might as well plow forward and be in a bitter mood. She'd make up for it though by buying me stuff when I asked for it as long it's something all the other kids have, or something I've been wanting for a very long time.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Yea, some mom's have a hard time with that, if the daughter is having a fun time with the dad. But she should just really join in the fun and go places with them then. It could be that the daughter and dad are more alike then just get along better. MY brother and m om are like bookends, they have the same interests on TV and they have the same kind of demeanor, etc. He even sits in the liv room with her at night watching TV when it should be my dad doing that.
• Canada
14 Mar 12
I haven't experienced this myself but I did have a friend whose parents exhibited a lot of what seemed to be jealousy towards her. She married someone who was affluent and she had a lot of things her parents could never hope to have. She was able to travel frequently, lived in a big home, etc. Personally, I don't think her parents were jealous of the material things she had... I think they were "jealous" that she did absolutely nothing to earn any of them. Her parents were hardworking, "salt of the earth" people and they worked hard every day of their lives to support their family and to lead a good life. Their daughter never lifted a finger to help around the house, she didn't complete her education and never got a job because she "married rich"... I'm not sure if you could say they were jealous... I think they were more "disappointed" in the type of person she became.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I'm sorry they were disappointed in her. See, my mother was something like that but then again it was hypocrisy with her too as she would say things like "why couldn't I marry a rich guy", and more crazy stuff like that whenever my dad would be laid off from work, etc. as she never went out to find a job anytime while they were (and still are) married even during the really bad times and when he was drinking heavily to get us all out of that situation. I experienced so much one sidedness and hypocrisy in my upbringing sometimes I don't know what to do myself.
• Canada
14 Mar 12
I want my kids to have the best of everything, more opportunities than I ever had or took advantage of. If anything I am guilty of encouraging them to follow their dreams and not give up. I was jeolous of a sibling growing up because they got all my fathers attention and myself and my other siblings didn't get much attention from him. My mother and the rest of us were very close. I think I have tried or over compensated for what I felt I needed as a kid and didn't get from my parents. Hopefully I have sidestepped that jeolousy feeling down the road I have taken.
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Well, at least your mother and the rest of the sibling gang were close to your mother, thats a plus. I guess maybe the other sibling was either m ore like him or reminded him of his wife or mom, something like that. You just never know what is going through the minds of some people and why they do what they so, sigh.
@jillhill (37399)
• United States
14 Mar 12
My mother was a bit jealous of my older sister because she was my dad's favorite and he gave into everything she wanted...if we went on a trip alot of times she called the shots...where we would eat etc. So I don't blame my mom...but not jealous of me for sure. The problem with my older sister actually caused problems for my parents...
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Sorry that caused problems with your parents, things are just funny like that in some families. Too bad there can't always be a big balance in the way family members are treated, meaning if one child is spoiled, then all of them should be. That isn't fair that she would call ALL the shots, I don't blame your mom either on that one.