Can we really dictate our hearts who to love?

Philippines
March 15, 2012 10:49pm CST
i have a friend who is into a relationship with a married guy and i don't know how to make her realize that it's really wrong and she should end it as early as possible coz she's not going anywhere with that kind of thing. She's been going out with him and i can tell that she is happy and it seems that everything is okay. It's not that i'm getting into her personal life but what's worrying me is the fact that they might get caught by the guy's wife and it will be a great disaster if it happens. On the other hand, why would a married man engage himself in another relationship? Isn't he happy anymore with his wife? How about getting a divorce or be annulled? Weren't they thinking that they're hurting somebody else? Or is it really true that men are monogamous in nature?
4 people like this
10 responses
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
If I am your friend, I will stay away from him. It is not right to get involved with a married person. This man is a cheater. He cheated on his wife, and I am sure that he will cheat with her also someday.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
How am i supposed to tell that to her face when she doesn't even care what the whole world thinks about her. All she's minding right now is that she is happy and they are happy. I am not a judgmental kind of person. My point is, we must also be fair enough and think of a greater effect of our acts rather than satisfying our personal needs.
1 person likes this
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
16 Mar 12
There are many reasons that she might be involved with a married man; no defined commitment comes to mind, but there are others as well. He has a plethora of reasons to be in that situation as well, including lack of commitment, and all of the other reasons you stated as well. But I would not be too quick to judge, and this comes from personal experience. See I was that guy 15 years ago, and someone believed me, and we are still together. Most people thought we were wrong, at least as many said it would not last, but we believed differently. Turns out, we were right, at least on the belief part. Was I wrong to get married the first time? Probably. Were we wrong to start a relationship the way we did? Probably. But would it not have been equally wrong, to stay in a relationship, and cheat the other person out of what she really deserved?
1 person likes this
@arviez (183)
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
I think the best thing to do here is that the married guy should talk this to her wife to make things clear cause the more he hides his other relationship the bigger the pain it creates.
1 person likes this
@jjzone44 (917)
• United States
16 Mar 12
That may be true, if in the original post, the husband intends to walk away. But every relationship is different, and we don't know her side of the equation from the information provided. It's a difficult position for either involved to find themselves in; sometimes you don't realize you're standing in water, until you notice that your shoes are wet.
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
16 Mar 12
I think people are more likely to love someone if there is love in return, but I'm not sure that you really have a lot of control over it other than controlling how much time you spend around someone. I don't think that I would want to get involved with someone who is cheating on their partner; if they can lie and cheat on one person, they can lie and cheat on you. And even if there is something "wrong" about the wife, he is still breaking a promise and I would expect him to divorce her first.
1 person likes this
@Ralphgee (22)
• United States
16 Mar 12
The bottom line is that your friend seems like she is going to learn the hard way. The boyfriend does not care about her feelings if he is still married and has made no effort to get divorced. Which means your friend is in this relationship for a good time not a long time. The guy still loves his wife and doesn't plan on leaving her. If he really cared about your friend, He would have left his wife along time ago. Unfortunately your friend has to learn the hard way.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
16 Mar 12
The heart is something that is truly very complicated and complex. No matter how weould like to to try and have it be so we can not tell our hearts who to love. the heart will make that decision on its own. we can either accept that choice or try to defy it.
@maratus (184)
• Indonesia
16 Mar 12
No we can not. Sometimes we think that we love someone because there are something special in her or him, but it is not..., We don't choose who we love but love choose it itself..., No matter how hard you try to dictate your heart to love someone, the contrary is your heart gonna try to decline that...,
1 person likes this
@arviez (183)
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
I think the rule here is very simple if you are married and don't love your wife anymore you can sit and talk about it and be true to your feelings. Tell him I want a divorce now cause I don't love you anymore. Telling the truth can prevent the things become complicated although it hurts but that is life is we should live both pains and happiness.
@chiyosan (29383)
• Philippines
21 Apr 12
yes, i think that is how it is. we can always choose who to love, and for someone who choses to be in such a difficult situation... well i guess they are just afraid of not being with someone hence even if they are hurt... they still choose to be in the position. men asks women out - so they choose who they go out with... when a women say yes, it is a choice for the woman to go and give the person a chance. so that's my take on this.
@Metatronik (5911)
• Pasay, Philippines
17 Mar 12
If I were you just do your part as a friend, at least you already did your part and you were able to help her. Give her advises once especially the consequences of what she is doing. Now if the consequences happened to her already then that is the time that she couldn't ask help from you anymore because you've already helped her to prevent on that situation but then your friend didn't bother to listen.
@salonga (27995)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
I don't believe that men are monogamous in nature but I believe that men (males and females) are born sinful so they have the tendency to commit sin and the males show their sinful nature by being polygamous. They engage into fornication and adultery without fear. This all springs from lack of fear of God. If they fear God they will not do this knowing for a fact that God hates all forms of unrighteousness and that the eyes of the Lord are in every place beholding the evil and the God and that God hates all forms of wickedness. But men love themselves more than God so they create their own god in themselves so that they could do whatever pleases them. Too bad for them because whatever one sows that he will reap. They just have to wait.