How do you know if a person is arrogant or simply confident?

Philippines
March 23, 2012 1:26am CST
We have this neighbor who is very talkative. She would come visit us and tell us random things about herself. She "brags" a lot about her expensive stuff, her travels, and her talents. At first, we really found her interesting and even funny. She is a very good storyteller and every time she comes, she never fails to get people's attention. But as we get to know her more, she starts to get annoying. She tends to put herself on a pedestal. When she broke up with her boyfriend, she told me out of nowhere that when I was put into her shoes, I would definitely cry and not report to work for days. That was very rude. She didn't even know me that well and being quiet doesn't mean that I'm weak. I thought of something very mean to say to her, but I held my tongue. Sometimes, it's really hard to tell if someone is arrogant or just confident. I'm not really a confident person, and I'm trying to be one. But I don't know how to act confident without being arrogant.
3 people like this
11 responses
@Porcospino (16425)
• Denmark
23 Mar 12
Your neighbour sounds a lot like a person I know. He always brags and tells us about his talents, the famous people he has met, his trips around the world etc. He tells us stories where he is the hero and stories that prove much people like him. It is my impression that he is insecure and trying to hide it by telling those amazing stories about himself. I think that your neighbour is also insecure. She said that you would cry and stay away from work if you were in that situation, and I think that proves that she isn't a confident person, because a really confident person wouldn't feel the need to put you down. She needs to feel better than you because her confidence isn't real. The way that people treat you reveal how they feel about themselves. She is trying to prove that she is better than you, but she actually proves that she is more insecure than you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Porcospino, these people are everywhere! I wish my neighbor and the person you know will meet someday. It will be like looking in the mirror when they meet LOL. On the serious note, yeah, I agree. I realize that arrogant people are very insecure. I don't talk to her a lot and I just keep my mouth shut or pretend to be busy whenever she's around. I don't like her and I don't want her to say rude things to me again. Binggaling, actually, we know her family, too. We don't get to see her family members as often as we see her, but we notice that they tend to exaggerate things (e.g. their earnings, the places they've visited). Probably, her arrogance is genetic.
@vertu007 (683)
• Romania
23 Mar 12
It's not a clear line and I don't want to be rude but your friend is definitely arrogant because she brags with stuff and she tries to make herself look better than you. Confident people never "shine" by making other look back, and the way they talk doesn't feel like bragging. Confident people inspire other to be confident, they do not make them crawl inside their shell thinking "I'll never be like him" or "He really is annoying".
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Mar 12
It's okay vertu007. She's just an annoying neighbor and I don't consider her as my friend. Friends should believe in you, and she clearly doesn't believe in anyone except herself. I agree with you. A confident person doesn't have to make people look bad to shine. Thanks for making me realize this.:)
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
28 Mar 12
Based on what you write here, I would say that your neighbor sounds more arrogant rather than confident. A confident person does not feel the need to put someone else down or belittle them. Arrogance on the other hand, quite often shows a lack of confidence. I agree that just because a person is quiet does not mean that they are weak...far from it.
• Philippines
10 Jul 12
I agree that she is more arrogant than confident. She keeps on pulling other people down to make herself appear better. I hope I'll gain more self-confidence so I won't feel bad when other people say rude things to me.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
10 Jul 12
I hope you do too. You should never ever feel less than wonderful simply because of other people who choose to be rude.
@dierdre (2213)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Oh that's really annoying! But since i'm into astrology, i would guess that your friend maybe is an aries, leo, or sagittarius. Do you know her birthday or zodiac sign? I have close aries friends and they're really tactless and brag non-existent items, riches, and situations out of thin air. Very egotistical and tactless people. Anyway, your friend is quite tactless, but if she's below 23 then you can cut her some slack, since she's not yet fully 'mature'. But if not then don't be afraid to tell her that she's being tactless with her comments and it gets to you already. And to answer your question, the difference between being confident and being arrogant is that confident people don't stroke their own ego and praise themselves and brag about their accomplisments true or not, while arrogant people do.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Dierdre, I don't know her birthday... My neighbor is older than me. She is already in her 30's. I wasn't really sure what to do when she said that rude comment. My mom had told me before to just "agree" with whatever she says. My mom thinks that if I contradict with her, she would spread rumors about me. I'm thinking of what to say the next time she comments something tactless again. But I hope there won't be a next time because I don't really want to talk to her.
@dierdre (2213)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
You should ask her the next time you talk when is her birthday, so that we can confirm if she is predisposed to being arrogant based on her zodiac sign, lol. Anyway, is she older or younger than you? I think the best thing to do is to pretend to be very busy or unavailable when she visits, so that she'll drop by your house less often until she loses interest in visiting you. Start cleaning the moment she enters your house, as if you were doing it way before her unannounced visit.
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
28 Mar 12
Well there is really just a fine line between supreme confident and supreme arrogance to say the very least. And I have seen people who walk that fine line each and every day. One might argue that I would be one of those people who are going to really be walking across that line to say the very least. I think that some people just are so confident that it tends to go rub people the wrong way and thus it gets mistaken to arrogance. Not wrong with having a bit of an ego, you need to have confidence in yourself to really succeed in life. Of course, when some people tend to really go out of control with it, then it really becomes a bit of a problem. More than a bit of a problem, but rather a huge problem. And some people tend to get a bit too harder. And for some, if anyone asks anything but humble and has low confidence in themselves, then they are perceived as arrogant.
• Philippines
28 Mar 12
Very well-said megamatt. I also think that there's a fine line between the two. Some confident people are perceived as arrogant. This is where I'm getting confused. It is very true that people need to be confident in order to succeed. Especially in the workplace, we have to act confident (even if deep down, we're insecure) to be entrusted by our superiors. Regardless, I'm very sure that my neighbor is simply arrogant. We found out that most of her stories are either exaggerated or fake. I felt stupid for believing her stories before. To me, lying is much worse than being arrogant.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
It's also hard for me to distinguish between the two. The responses from our fellow mylotters are very well-said. Being confident doesn't mean you should be stepping on someone's toes. You don't have to bring down other people just to be confident. Confidence should send good vibes, and not make other people feel bad about themselves. From your story, that neighbor is simply arrogant. She displays fake confidence, and behind that mask lies someone who is very insecure.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Hello seriousnuts. I agree that a lot of mylotters had answered my question well.:) The first time I saw this neighbor, I thought she was really friendly, funny, and very positive. But when I noticed that other neighbors who know her for much longer time weren't that friendly to her, I started to wonder why. She keeps on coming to us as if she has no other friends. Now, it's very clear why. No one wants to stick with arrogant people.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
If you ask me, being confident is simply believing in yourself. You don't have to brag about it, just believe that you can do it. Being arrogant is showing off what you can do, or what you have, or even what you don't have, when you don't really need to. Sometimes people just blurt out things about themselves. It might be something they did before, or whatever, and they want to show people that they've done it, or it happened to them, or what not.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
I like your explanation frontvisions. I will keep this in mind.:)
• Philippines
24 Mar 12
A real confident person doesn't act like that. I know a lot of person like your neighbor, my neighbor is like that too. To the point that she doesn't let any other people talk beside her. I don't like to keep these kinds of people. I know someone who is a real confident person. He doesn't let other people treat him like that but he doesn't treat other people like that either. He's very kind and doesn't treat other people badly. He's confident in his self even with arrogant people.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Butterscotsh, I don't like to keep these people, too. I am very quiet whenever my neighbor is around. If we became too close, she would just brag even more and I would have to endure all her exaggerated/fake stories LOL. Wow, that's exactly what I want to be. Confident and kind.
@TheIzers (680)
23 Mar 12
I think she just being arrogant because most confident people they don't brag about stuff they prefer do something more intelligent than that. Arrogant people want you to know how many stuff they have and how much they cost, confident people they want you to know about related information/knowledge that support the advantage of a stuff to human being.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
TheIzers, I agree. Arrogant people are wasting their time bragging about their "achievements". It's better to spend your time improving yourself and making yourself more intelligent. Eventually, people will notice your intelligence without your bragging.
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
23 Mar 12
Well, that was by no means confident, just cause you are quiet and prefer not to brag like her doesn't mean you are weak, you are right. I would think she is insecure and her bragging proves it. I have aunts that have been like this, and they do get to be annoying. They don't really ask you if you want them to visit either, they just stop on over. Then the bragging begins, and if not in person then on the phone. You are more confident than she will ever be by holding your tonque, and you don't have to stoop to her level and be rude back. She will meet up with someone else one day who will give it right back to her the rude way she is. I have seen these things happen, it is rare but it happens to them.
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Thank you so much for your kind words, NailTech. She brags too much that it's getting on my nerves. It was after sometime that we found proofs that some of her stories were lies. I feel better that someone agrees with what I did (holding my tongue). At first I thought I was stupid for not fighting back. It must really suck to have aunts like that.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
23 Mar 12
people who are intellectual are more on the reserve side. They listen more than talking. So those who talk and boast around are nothing but empty shells.
• Philippines
23 Mar 12
Zandi458, yes, a lot of people who boast are most likely to be empty shells. It's becoming clear that my neighbor is quite insecure of herself and she thinks that no one notices her "achievements", thus, she feels the need to boast. A humble person doesn't have to do any boasting but still gets attention. I don't want to be like this person.