My idea of marriage, get stable first!
By deodavid
@deodavid (4150)
Philippines
March 29, 2012 8:37am CST
Hello there lotters,
I have this idea of marriage and i think in hard times like we have right now it is important that we think of our future ahead. Marriage should be between to people in love and are compatible to each other in a way that the both of them consider.
But really nowadays love isnt the only thing a couple needs unless they can sustain themselves with just hugs and kisses. So in my head before I ask my gal to marry i think i will make sure that i can protect our future.
I think i'll get a good job first then before anything else find an extra living for our savings cause my regular job will surely be for daily needs. Make sure i can provide a roof over her head maybe not buy a house but a good size apartment will do that has all the amenities that we need and some appliances which i all have now and i think a baby will just have to wait a while so that we can enjoy each others company first and really just try to produce more funds for our future first.
How about you guys, have you a formula for your future marriage or is it something spontaneous and on the romantic urges of the moment?
2 people like this
15 responses
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
29 Mar 12
I agree with you that marriage is a very serious thing. That this commitment should not be entered into lightly. Those who want to get married need to make sure that they know what they are doing. That they know what they want out of life and the same for their partner. You are definitely thinking in the right direction. It is important to be prepared when you make these types of decisions.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
25 May 12
It's a good thing to be prepared to take care of a family before you seek a marriage mate. This way she doesn't have to worry about financial issues or problems that may come up. I agree it is very appropriate. You are a great guy and your future wife will be proud of you for all of your preparations you have made to make her happy.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hey there dominique25,
Yeah i hope i can make her very happy not only in the future but on a daily basis i can only think of her and being with her in the future but it cant be all just love money and being responsible is what would make our love much better and more adept to the coming of the hard and good times.
1 person likes this
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
30 Mar 12
Hi there dominique25,
I just thought to myself be ready so that when that important day comes my life with her, the start of my life with her will not begin half-made and that it should be a smooth sailing beginning for us i don't want her to worry about money and all of that stuff i want her to thinks about how she would look on our wedding day that we got a home to come home too and that we have food on our plate plenty for the rest of our married life. That is what i want , it is not extravagant but is just appropriate.
1 person likes this
@roselavon025 (133)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
Hey!.. My idea about marriage, aside from getting stable first, I would like to have a mature perspective about what marriage really is. Someone asked me and a friend of mine about the thing we have to consider before entering into marriage. It's the word "sacrifice". Are we willing to sacrifice everything for our future husband or wife? Aside from being stable, there would be lots of things both of you should have to deal with. Along the way, marriage wouldn't be that easy for it is a big responsibility but with true and honest love and sacrifice, even if couples wouldn't be that stable or mature enough, surely things will get better. Growing up hard and happy together is a big thing;)
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
In my thinking my friend if people can sacrifice and compromise for the relationship i think they are at some level of maturity and stability and that is in mental and emotional maturity so i guess if you can make sacrifices and not just consider your self then you are mature and you are stable to commit into a relationship, not only mainly stable in money matters.
@donsky14 (5947)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
THAT is a good idea of marriage. Its really much better if we have everything prepared before we actually enter something like marriage. But sometimes, things don't work out the way their suppose to...so you know, if things doesn't go as plan then you must have a back up on that. 
1 person likes this
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
30 Mar 12
Hi there dosnky,
well this is just my ideal route, i would prefer it over anything else, i would push for it but i also do have a time frame and if i am not that close yet by the time that i really have to be married to this awesome girl, i wont hesitate but i'll make sure i at least can put a roof over her head like an apartment decent for both of us and enough money for us to survive day to day and maybe more for savings in the future.
Thanks.
@aerous (13434)
• Philippines
28 May 12
I don't agree with that idea of your girl friend. Because there is no love in her heart but selfishness. If the wealth and or money or security that she wants to engage with you. The case might not good in the future...love should not be asking material things because this is forever commitment.
How if your not secure and in that future you lost your jobs. So, she will leave you alone....
@nezavisima (7408)
• Bulgaria
29 Mar 12
on the one hand I agree with you because it is very nice when you have everything a beautiful future career and get ready to think about having children house villa apartment.
but on the other hand how much time you have to accomplish all this how many years you need to accomplish this.
and the years go by but time flies and it turns out one day that you have everything but no children.
everyone thinks it is different for many people these things for granted and not think about it.
It is my opinion a very good discussion.
nice day!
1 person likes this
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
30 Mar 12
Hi there nezavisima,
Well i guess it is case to case basis one cup of coffee is not the same for another, they may want more or just like milk.
People are different and it is really hard sometimes to get all the things you need before settling down well for me I'll try to get there but if it feels like time is not on my side i think i can settle for an apartment like i am right now anyway my gal ain't the choosy type but I'll make sure everything is comfortable for her.
Thanks for the opinion nezavisima
@safety69 (592)
• Taiwan
29 Mar 12
Its good to wait untill you have a good job and can afford at least to rent a descent appartment, dont need to fill the house with furniture , that can be bought little by little , because if you dont have suficient fonds it will take you so long to get all the furniture you will need in your home, anyway, is better to buy together the furniture this way you both can see the needs . Good luck and you are fine , you have a good thinking.
1 person likes this
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
30 Mar 12
Thanks for that safety 69,
Well like your pseudo name here my friend i really want to put my future bride into safety, safe from being homeless, safe from not having food on the table, safe for buying and paying for our needs and safe for the little things that we want that we can afford. That is all the safety that i need and would want to provide my future wife. Thanks for the comment my friend.
@cajunmomma (624)
• United States
29 Mar 12
I agree that you should at least have yourself somewhat stable before you jump into a relationship. Make sure you have yourself taken care of. If I could go back and do over, I would definitely have been more strict about saving. I would also have been working alot more and would have had a better job too. I would have also had my own place.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hey there cojunmomma,
Wow we are so alike i mean there are things that i would also like to change in my past to better the future but the problem is we can never go back we can only try to work on the remaining time that we have her in our present and future time i just hope it is not too late for us to change it.
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
30 Mar 12
Yes, people should be as stable as possible before tying the knot and also know as much as you can about your partner because you never know when things can go bad. Keep separate checking accounts, and make sure you know what is yours and what's theirs because they will try to take you to court one day and get your for everything that you are worth.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
27 May 12
Hey there rogue,
Wow that is a different view about having a life with someone you love, maybe different and protective of your assets and yet it is true and logical to take care of your stuff things that you've earned so that when tides turn on you when it comes to your marriage then at least you have protected your own, that is smart way to look into things and i am sure I'll do that but i will first make sure that the person that i am with will not even dream about it I'll shower her with love and things that she needs in life.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
29 Mar 12
I agree with you... I think that we all need to be mature enough of course mentally, but also ready to settle down - being financially stable, having a home, having a good job- those are all things I would have to consider before having a kid OR getting married (both are life-long commitments). I think when people rush into it...It's just not a great idea. *shrugs*. To each's own though!
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
27 May 12
Hi there maezee,
I think that you are correct i mean that everything should be in its place and that everybody should be absolutely ready to commit to a life like that but with proper and complete items in life like stable job, savings and an actual plan in life.
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
the past few months, my boyfriend has been talking a lot about us having a family in the future, what we are going to name our baby and stuffs like that. maybe he wants to get married soon heheheh. i want that too since he is already stable but i am also thinking that life in the states is not that easy too. we have to be working hard. that's why i can't go there yet to be with him because i want to finish my one year experience so i don't have a hard time getting a job when i get there. but in my head, i have been wanting for us to start a family already.
i badly need to get this experience over with and be with hi after that. hmmm i still hope he proposes to me soon though hehehe
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
27 May 12
Hi there cherish14 i think your mom is sane enough and knows that he is lucky enough to have a girl like you to propose too so don't you worry i think that when the moment comes he will and you will be happy and the both of you will get what you dream of a nice and worry free family, take care now.
@shwetat195 (628)
• India
29 Mar 12
marriages are made in heaven and date is fixed by you. i would say when one thinks of marriage the subsequent future has to be taken care for in the first place. else, there is not point in such marriages. there is no formula however, i think the question to propose comes with time and money in hand.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hey there shwetat, i think that you are right marriage is something that is given and allowed by God and nothing or no one should be able to break it or force it well that is just my point of you and does not always apply but anyway, i think that yeah time and money is the only question here.
@pjha1975 (214)
• India
29 Mar 12
Hi there...
Marriage is not a spontaneous thing, no way.. It's all planning & planning smartly for your future family. I have learnt my lessons. The period before I got married to my wife, I was working hard to get rid of the huge amount of financial debts I was bogged down by. It was a little too stressful for me and I was hoping that these debts would be cleared before I tied the knot.
I had no savings at all since I was a laid back fellow who loved his entertainment and dining out to the fullest. Anyway, I really worked hard to "tighten my belt". It helped to an extent. I was happy at the end of the months seeing that there was money in my account.. Hehehe. :D
No, seriously, you have to completely plan out your life before you decide to get hitched - right from jewelery to diapers...
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hey you said it pjha,
I mean yeah i am somewhat like you am trying to kill all of my debts so that by the time that i do get married i don't have to look at my back and worry if there is some debt collector pulling on my pants and trying to take my wallet away, well i will tie the knot with that woman so help me My lord i will finish all my debts and be strong and marry her with money on my pocket and a house to boot.
@AmericanNotes (82)
• United States
29 Mar 12
Marrige & Stability go hand & hand, If your not stable and thinking about marrige your absolutly insane because your head over hills in love and not thinking clearly. People have reasons for doing what they do but reality of life comes before the love that two people share or else you'll have a drama ridden relationship that wont work out with many at the root of the issue.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
27 May 12
Hey there,
Yeah that is why i think the same way i mean if you cant be stable in the beginning ho far do you think your relationship will work right add in the drama of life plus not being ready for it financially and physically and emotionally then it will suck the life pout of you and wish to get rid of it.
@casnitker (1)
• United States
29 Mar 12
I completely understand where you are coming from. It would be great to have a good, steady lifestyle before getting married. Sadly, its not always practical. I am a Marine, and met my wife in Honduras, I couldn't just leave the love of my life as I moved on back to my life in the US. Every family has its own story and struggles. I am now separating medically and having trouble finding a job that pays even close to what I was making. I don't have a "stable" lifestyle anymore, but the great thing about marriage, is having somebody to stand by you side and support you through the tough times, and celebrate with you during the better times.
@9jbas22 (66)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
That is a commendable idea of marriage, but not a perfect one. One thing I noticed is you seem to be planning marriage by yourself. What if your partner has another idea. Planning for marriage should include the time factor. What if it took you several years to accumulate those things that you need to protect your future. Not every woman has the patience to wait unless you planned it together and have mutual understanding about it. The right time to have your baby should also be between the two of you. Anyhow, not many guys have that conscientious attitude toward planning and preparing for a married life, I salute you for that. The only suggestion is plan it together with your partner.
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hey there 9jbas22,
Well thanks for i mean i have talked to her about this and more of things here are consensus, i mean we both have decided to be in this kind of manner until we both can , you see she also would like for us to have a stable future before we even think of marriage and live a life together with kids on haul so yeah thanks.
