We are doing the right thing anyway...

Lenox, Georgia
April 2, 2012 8:20pm CST
My husband saw a guy that used to work for him years ago on the street, he was living in the woods. We told him to stay with us until he got a job and got back on his feet. So he has been here about two weeks now and he got a job finally (after looking for a year) after a few days of being here. We are struggling a lot but we always feel compelled to help so we do. We like helping others. My husband and this guy went to the store and the other guy bought a sub for himself for dinner. My husband asked the guy if he could spare just a few dollars for toilet paper. The guy said he didn't have it, he can't help. The thing is he was just telling us the other day how much he got paid a couple days ago...I guess bragging, I'm not sure though. I am not angry but it bothered me that we helped him so much and he would not even spare a few dollars... I know God will help us so its okay but I just would not do that if someone helped me. Your take Mylotters...
5 people like this
28 responses
• United States
3 Apr 12
I would not worry about it. he is going to suffer for what he is doing. toilet paper.. and he acts like this. I would kick him out quick. I know he would need his own papaer when i was done with him..
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (105408)
• United States
3 Apr 12
I am glad that your husband is setting a limit on how far this will go. You gave him an option, even after the toilet paper, to help by doing a chore. It is like the allowance discussion another user had. Everyone who lives in a home is responsible to do something as upkeep, and that should be true of temporary residents as well.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
3 Apr 12
There are two kinds of people. Givers and Takers. The takers always find and latch on to the Givers and they are not easy to get rid of either.
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
3 Apr 12
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have taken people in and helped people out in various ways also and I will tell you that more than not, these people do NOT appreciate. In fact, once they catch on to how kind you are, they will take full advantage of it. My friend, Don, just got rid of a guy that is much the same as the one you describe. This guy came to live with him for a month. Two years later, the guy was still there and had not contributed much of anything even when he found work. His work never lasted long and he got back into the drinking. He created messes and never lifted a finger to help. Don finally got sick of it and gave him 1 week to get out. He is now living in a homeless shelter and furious at my friend. Not all people are like this. I have helped people who have been very appreciative and they also will be ones that would go out and help others. Those people are the reason why I would not let it get to me to the point that I don't want to help others. I have gotten so that someone like your husbands friend would be out much quicker. The way I see it is that for every bit of toilet paper that guy uses, the water, the electricity, soap, food , etc etc etc...he is taking that much away from your children. It's one thing to help someone get back on their feet. You have done that and I think you are showing your kids a great example. Now that he is working, he should be helping you out and saving to get his own place. If he had no money to help you with something like toilet paper, my guess is that he is not saving to move. I hope you don't have a permanent house guest.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Apr 12
Unfortunately you are right. The nicer you are, the more people want things from you. Its wrong, we tried so hard to help and be good to him. We got slapped in the face with reality. Yup, this guy was doing good and not drinking and came home tonight drunk as anything when we have little kids. My husband told him he has to leave tonight. Your poor friend, I feel for him and understad completely. The reason we help so much like we do is because we were homeless years ago. My husband, me and our daughter. A nice couple took us in. We made vows that day to help others in need like we were helped. So thats what we try to do. We helped when we lived there though and when my hubby got a job we gave them money too! So I do know there are people out there that would have appreciated our help. No permenant house guest for us because he blew it and did something that my hubby could not handle so he is gone...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
5 Apr 12
I'm glad to hear you took a stance. I hate to see people get walked on and worse see people that allow themselves to be walked on. In a round a bout way you did the man a favor by not tolerating his crap. Eventually he will burn his bridges and hit his own rock bottom and at that point he'll either sink or swim but it will be HIS choice. You did give him a hand when he needed one. It's not your fault that he chose to slap it. We were homeless years ago too and some people helped us out too. Not by taking us in but by giving us work and giving us a break. We appreciated and worked and paid those that helped us and then paid it forward like you are doing. Whats really hard is that people are always telling me that I'm a sucker for these people. I really am but honestly for every 3 that burn me there is one that appreciates it so much so I refuse to harden my heart. Hope you do too.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
3 Apr 12
It is nice to help people out. But, rules need to be set when you do such things. Such as once you start getting paid, you need to help out with paying for food and supplies, etc., until you get your own place. This all should be in writing. Now that he has a job, he can start looking for a place to live. I am sure it will take sometime before he has enough money to be able to afford rent, etc. He need to be told that he needs to help out that you all are having a difficult time to and every bit helps. With and extra mouth to feeds and an extra person using all the household supplies, that the supplies do not last as long as they use to. If you let him get away with not helping out, then he will just take advantage of you and your husband.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Apr 12
Yeah we should have had some rules but we were only thinking of helping at the time... We finally did tell him if he cannot help in any way that he has to be out by friday. We just cannot afford it. Unfortunately, were not well off either. If we were I would never ask for anything. But thats not the case...
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Apr 12
I hear you, you did right you gave him a choice, either help out or go somewhere else. To me that is fair. You gave him a place, fed him, took him places and what did he do in return. Nothing. Hope things get better for you and your family. I know how hard it is in these economic times, etc.
@inertia4 (27792)
• United States
3 Apr 12
Well, it could be that he got paid and is trying to save money to get a place or that he is just plain selfish. My opinion is that he is selfish and is lying about not having a few dollars. I think that maybe he should find his own place and not lean on you guys.
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
Well we understand completely that hes trying to save for a place and thats why we did not ask for money each week or anything even though hes making good money. When your living somewhere for free though my opinion is you can help in little ways like $5 for toilet paper when hes using it too... We didnt expect anything from him at all when he moved in so helping with that does not really seem like a lot to ask for... My husband told him he has until the end of the week to find another place. Hes getting too comfortable here now, making messes and not cleaning up, not helping with yard work or the TP issue, etc... Only so much we can do for someone.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27792)
• United States
13 Apr 12
I think your husband is right. It is time for him to leave. I hope it all works out for you and your husband. I also hope that guy leaves and you both have no trouble from him.
@celticeagle (121039)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Apr 12
It is sad but I hear of this so often. I think it tends to make the giver not want to anymore after awhile. I have gotten to the point where I don't want to be around people much. Online is not a problem. Hopefully people like this guy are not what you always come across.
• Lenox, Georgia
3 Apr 12
It is sad and unfair but we will never stop helping people, thats just how we are. We were both born to help. =) We have not given up on humanity yet. Theres gotta be people out there like us. Appreciative and kind hearted. We can sleep at night knowing were doing the right thing.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (121039)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Apr 12
SOmewhere there must be more like you. I hope! We certainly need all we can find in this life. Carry on and good for you!
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
3 Apr 12
If someone who allowed me to stay with them free of charge while I got on my feet asked me for a few bucks for toilet paper I would buy them the biggest pack I could afford to. I guess he could have been bragging, it could be he feels greed because he hasn't had money in awhile, who is to say, but I hope he does do something to show his appreciation, monetarily or not.
• Lenox, Georgia
3 Apr 12
I know I would be the same way. I guess not all people are like us though. I just thought he would be okay with helping that way because that was the only thing we have asked him for. No one would have even had to ask me, I would have said heres a little bit of help since I know your struggling and you still helped me anyway... But, its okay. Like I said I know God will come through for us like He always does. =)
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
3 Apr 12
You have an amazing attitude. I am feeling angry inside just reading this.
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
3 Apr 12
hi lovingmybabies I wo uld not either if someone were helping me unless he sort of blew what he made out of proportion and did not have the money actually.Oh God will help as did not Jesus say that that you do for others you do so for m e too something like that anyway.good deeds will always come back two fold. surely the guy cou ld have sprung for one of the cheapie brands u nless he r eally did not make what h e said h e did.
• Lenox, Georgia
3 Apr 12
That is possible that he really didnt have it but when he bought dinner for himself we kind of thought he had some money so he could probably help us with the toilet paper issue. Six people, toilet paper goes quick! Lol. I do know God will help us through. Not for what we do but because He loves us. My husband said not to let it bother me but y'all know me, it does bother me a little. I cannot help it, maybe that makes me a bad person but its just me, things like that do bother me.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
3 Apr 12
Hi Lovin, You are feeling guilty for having some thoughts that I imagine most of us would have in that situation. You are not acting on those thoughts and are trying to not let them affect the kindness and love in your own heart. That shows that you are a good person who cares. That does NOT make you a bad person at all. Now do tell...Is the guy that sat there eating the sub feel an ounce of guilt for not being able to help? The truth is he SHOULD be helping with things like soap, toilet paper etc. He uses it, right? Is he paying you anything to stay there now that he is working? He should and you should not have to be asking him.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
5 May 12
I wouldn't do that either. But I do know many people who are ungrateful. I've learnt not to get angry....especially because we help not expecting anything in return. It's sad that they guy did that to you.
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Aug 12
Too many people are ungrateful. No we were not expecting anything in return but the respectful thing for him to do would be to help out since he wipes with toilet paper too!
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
10 Apr 12
I think that you had every right to be bothered as you went out of your way to help him, and yet he couldn't spare a few bucks to help you. But like you say/wrote, I think that it's enough that you're doing the right thing. If after all this he still didn't want to help you out, then it's his problem. He shouldn't expect helm from others when he can't even do the same thing.
• Lenox, Georgia
13 Apr 12
I am happy we helped at least a little bit. When he was not making any money we had no problem with paying for things to.help him. But when your bragging about how much your making and we ask for help to get toilet paper, and you tell us no? Absolutely wrong! He called us yesterday to try borrowing money from us. My husband told him no because hes not helping his habits. The guy got kicked out of another persons home and now he lives with his mother again. This guy is 48 yrs old. He should be acting more like it in my opinion.
6 Apr 12
i've only read this after the discussion where you have kicked him out by now! but either way i'm glad you did! this is a disgrace! this man was using your home, your appliances, your facilities, and probably your toilet roll!! so the very least he could have done was chip in! disgraceful human being!
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Apr 12
Yeah he needed to find another person to help. He disrespected our home and thats something we just do not put up with. Yeah he was using everything. He had his own room and bed, he ate our food, used toilet paper, took 2 showers daily, and I was cleaning up after him too. I never minded any of it until I saw how ungrateful he is.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
4 Apr 12
I think it's kind of lousy that you went out of your way to help someone who was HOMELESS and unemployed and this is how he repays you for your kindness. Keep in mind I have not read any of the other responses yet but honestly? That's like taking a gift and pissing on it. People should appreciate help and appreciate each other. It's tough to want to continue to help people when they don't appreciate or thank you or do what they can to help you when the roles are reversed.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Apr 12
I agree with you. It was wrong that he would not help in the smallest way. And he was very disrespectful the last day he was here. I agree that he should have appreciated the help even a little but he honestly didnt. He acted as though we owed it to him!
@trisha27 (3498)
• United States
4 Apr 12
I think that the guy should have helped you out with at least buying toilet paper. It is not even that much money to buy toilet paper. So...I don't know. I would have helped out if I were in that situation and someone was helping me until I got on my feet and once I got on my feet I would help them out in any way. I know of this homeless guy from my husband which is mainly his friend and we always would help him out with a few dollars every now and then and give him food or whatever. He does side jobs every now and then and gets a lot of money, but when we are in a bind we would ask him to help us but he says he can't but supposedly he has money. Sometimes when I come across people like that or I know someone like that it makes me not want to help them anymore. But we like you and your husband like to help people out when they need it and we always wind up helping him anyway.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Apr 12
Yeah we did a lot for him and he would not help in the smallest way. It is really frustrating when you come across people like these guys. I will never stop helping but it definitely does bring you down. I know someone else that we have helped a lot and the favor is never returned. With this guy we never expected anything except when he got a job just to help with toilet paper! He didnt even do that. There are some ungrateful people in this world, but there are grateful ones out there too...
@maezee (34545)
• United States
3 Apr 12
I don't know why he would brag if he is living off of you for free... I mean, kudos to you guys for helping out someone in need. But just don't let him take advantage of you, don't let him cross that line. Some people are like that - you just have to be careful. My mom often times opens up her home to others 'in need' and it turns out they milk her for all she's got. But she just wants to help out and I know she doesn't do it for any other reason. But there comes a point where you have to think about yourself and what's best for you, too. Best of luck with the situation...
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Apr 12
I dont know why he was bragging either. It wasnt right at all since he never wanted to help. He was taking advantage and he is no longer staying here because of it. Thats how it was here, we tried so hard to help him. But he just took advantage of us...
@CODYMAC (1357)
• San Diego, California
3 Apr 12
Hello LovingMyBabies. It is very nice what you did for him. I was in a similar situation a few months ago. My ex and I were living in our car. Then a lady friend at work took us in for a short while. It didnt work out too well, but, It was nice to have that kind of person come up and want to do something for others. I had a job and paid what I could. I know it may have been wrong for him to not give something for toilet paper, because I would have done it no questions asked. I think it was more of the fear of loss for him. The reason I say this is because I remember being in prison, and the guards would always want to go through everything. It made me feel like I was worthless. I would get something from commissary, and be very possessive of it. It was something I had earned, and those guards could not take it away. I also felt like that when I was homeless. When I would get $50, I held on to it like it was my life. I know it sounds odd, but it is like you have found something that no one can take away. Or maybe he is just selfish... I know one thing, even if I am strapped, I will give something. I feel like a jerk when I dont help. Have a great day...and I hope he helps in the future.
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Apr 12
We tried to do the right thing for him but its hard to help someone that doesnt really wanna be helped. My husband, daughter and I were homeless too, living in a tent. Our daughter was a newborn. So I know what its like to be homeless. When that couple helped us and my hubby started making money we helped out in return for their kindness. Thats how it should be. I think he was just plain selfish and only thought of himself, not what we had done for him...
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
3 Apr 12
There's the door.....that's what I would say. Everyone should return a favor and if you have given him a place to stay etc he should be helping back....he could have spared a few bucks....people are funny that way....pretty much all for themselves.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Apr 12
Yeah its not right being ungrateful like he was. Thats what it was, he got money in his pocket and all of a sudden thought he could do whatever he wanted.
@vertu007 (683)
• Romania
3 Apr 12
That's very nice of you, to help others. Not many people do that in our days. I understand why it bothered you, and it wasn't very nice of him. Sometimes people don't really get how helping others works. Maybe he was just to scared to let go of some money because he was poor for such a long time. Maybe that feeling got under his skin and it made him a little greedy. But don't feel sad. Be happy you could find it in your heart to help him. I'm really glad people still think and act like you do.
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
I know, I wish more people would help. The world would be a better place. I understand how he felt because my husband and I were homeless before, except we had our daughter with us living in a tent. There was a really nice couple who took us in and when my hubby got a job we helped them all the time. We were extremely grateful for them. My husband and I made vows to help the needy like we got helped and we do. You are right though were doing what we swore we would do and we have not gone hungry since then. God will provide for us.
@ecaron (678)
• Canada
3 Apr 12
It's nice of you to help this guy , we also helped a friend that had been evicted from his apartment. He got a job working in the same place as my husband but after a few months people starting get laid off. My husband was one of the first although he'd worked there longer than our friend and he kept on working but he was good enough to help us out financially for awhile. Then my husband and him started arguing and didn't get along anymore , so our friend up and left one day without a word. Sometimes when you help someone you don't get anything in return, that is the way it is sometimes, I guess.
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
That was nice of him to help you out for a little while. Its terrible getting laid off, especially when your husband was there longer! Yeah I guess a lot of people are like that. Its not right though. I am glad were doing whats right...
@sassy28 (835)
• United States
3 Apr 12
Just remember that God does see all your good work and kindness. You do things not for public recognition but for the Lords. I know that it is hard when you do your best to help someone and they show no signs of appreciation, sorry to say but that is the way of world these days. We live in a "me" society, people are only worried about themselves. Even though you have put yourself in an extra financial bind helping this person out, I feel that the Lord will make sure you are provided for.
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
Your right God sees and knows what were doing to try to help people and that is what matters most. I love helping and if we had plenty of money I would never ask anything from anyone we help. But the fact is, were struggling too and its hard having an extra mouth to feed. Its very sad how little people appreciate these days. I agree though the Lord will help us through. =)
@derek_a (10902)
3 Apr 12
I think that some people will mistake kindness for foolishness and will take advantage. It doesn't really help you and certainly not this guy. If someone is living outside and has no home, it doesn't have to be that way. He proved this as he found a job for himself. To help him and yourself, it is better to insist that he leaves your house and stands on his own two feet. Helping is not always giving. A teacher helps his student by making him do the work himself, not by doing it for him or helping him every inch of the way. He has to find his own answers if ever he is to learn anything. Life is a lesson and each of us need to learn how to deal with life ourselves. If others help us too much, it can make us mean in spirit and lack respect for ourselves and others. As a Zen practitioner, I don't really give advice, but can only share what I feel to be right. That may not be right at all. In Zen we can only keep questioning our inner selves, and often we need great strength to do the right thing, as life in our body and mind, can become very complicated.. good luck with your dilemma... _Derek
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
I agree that some people will take someone being kind as being able to take advantage. We dont really care what he thinks about us because we know were doing the right thing. He is leaving this week, my husband told him he has to find somewhere by friday. I think its better since hes getting a little too comfortable being here...He no longer helps with anything, I am now cleaning up after him too, he has said no to helping with money and yard work, and hes bugging for rides all the time but cannot give gas money... He should know how life works by now since hes 48 years old! Thank you for your thoughts.
@veejay19 (3592)
• India
3 Apr 12
This guy seems to be an ungrateful person.It is always risky to let a stranger live in your house.He may have worked for your husband years ago but you can never tell how he may behave.Its best that both of you ask him to leave your house and look elsewhere to stay.Personally i would never allow someone unknown or even a little known to me to stay in my house,whatever he may be going through.Such people start taking advantage of your softheartedness once they find out about your nature.Get rid of him fast.
• Lenox, Georgia
4 Apr 12
He is ungrateful. Were taking all safety precautions with him. My husband never leaves us with him in the house. He will be leaving this week. My husband gave him a couple days to get out. My husband and I did everything we could to help him...