How can you discipline your child if grandparents are spoiling them?

@bulastika (5967)
Philippines
April 6, 2012 11:14am CST
I guess its really frustrating. I have a friend that is strict to the rules. But he is not authoritarian. He just want his children to follow simple rules. Problem is that the grandparents are spoiling them and sometimes the child don't follow the father anymore because the grandparents are very protective when the child is been scold. Its really frustrating because when he was a child his parents are strict also. But now its the opposite when they have grandchild.
6 responses
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
they said that grandparents usually spoil their grandchildren which can be hard for the parents because the children usually don't listen anymore. that's the same thing here. my parents spoil my other nephew and so i we can't discipline him. i get mad at at everyone
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
And when that kid grow up its really hard to discipline them and they resist if you going to force it into them. I have cousin whose child is only 10 years old but he get a knife and threaten his mother. Its because his mother is an overseas working and the grand parents just let the child do what he wants. when his mother return and try to put some rules and discipline him. He seems like choke because of sudden changes in his life.
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
ohmigosh!!!!!!!!!! really? that's horrible! that's pretty scary that at his young age he knows how to threaten already. that's really dangerous. he needs serious help!
• United States
7 Apr 12
I think that if the grandparents are spoiling the child enough to make the child go against what the parents say, then your friend needs to sit down and talk with the grandparents and firmly explain how he wants things to change. If the grandparents will not respect the parents and make the changes that the parents want, then the grandparents should not be allowed to see the child until they respect what the parents say - if the grandparents are disrespecting the parents, then they are setting an example of disrespect for the child, which is a very bad situation. The parents are the ones that make the rules for their children, and the grandparents need to understand and respect this, even if they do not agree with it.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
He did it many times and this parents agree with him. But problem is that its seems easy to say yes but when their grand children start demanding they always give in. I think its because they are also old and they can't handle their grand children tantrums.
@veejay19 (3592)
• India
7 Apr 12
There is nothing new in this, it happens everywhere. Grandparents are strict with their own children.But when the children grow up,get married and have their own kids, then the grandparents,who do not have anyone to love, suddenly find their grandchildren as a source to display their love and affection. So when the parents scold their kids and they start crying, then the grandparents can`t bear it.They shower their love on them and this nullifies whatever scolding the parents have given the children.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
That's true. I guess no matter how strict we are as a parents when we become grand parents we always have a soft heart in us. I know its really hard to raise a child and its really hard to balance between loving your child and disciplining them. But I guess when you become a grand parents you don't think of disciplining them anymore. What you just think is having a child to love.
@yahnee (1250)
• Philippines
6 Apr 12
It is rather the opposite with me, mom is the disciplinarian and I am the spoiler. The kids grew up with mom who was very strict and she was able to raise my kids well especially with their attitudes and behavior. I am very lax with discipline because of the guilt that I was not providing my kids with the quality time since I am always busy at work. Mom would always scold me on the way I am treating my kids who are never afraid of me. Mom was always strict even with me but the discipline we all learned from her made a positive impact in all our lives.
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
I guess so. But you must also understand that kids grow every day, every week, every month, every year. I know we need to work in order to provide. But sometimes we need to balance work and time. Just like our body that need 8 hours of sleep a day. Theirs 24 hours in a day 8 for work, 8 for family and 8 for sleep.
@kaeirole (669)
• Philippines
6 Apr 12
that's very common to grandparents..if i'm the parent of the kids, i'll talk to the grandparents and make them understand about it..i'm sure they'll understand because they were at your shoes also..they just need to understand that i am the kids' parent and i need to discipline them the way they wanted me to be a disciplined person..
@bulastika (5967)
• Philippines
7 Apr 12
I think he already done that. But I guess sometimes you really can't do anything about it. They just pretend they don't hear or say that its true and always agree on what you say but in the end they still do what they love to do best. Spoil their grand children. lols.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
18 Apr 12
I have always heard that it is very different when it comes to grandchildren. Sounds like your friend's situation reinforces what I have heard. My grandparents raised me and my dad and uncle used to say they treated me very differently than they treated them. Maybe if your friend talk to his mom and dad. Tell them he needs them to be a little more supportive. It might not do a bit of good but it's worth a shot.