Talk? What if I do not know how?

@ksherrie (892)
Singapore
April 10, 2012 4:18am CST
I mean, talking and starting a conversation. I am a shy, quiet or more often so, an anti social person. I know because I was never a good conversational person not even to my friends nor my husband, nor even my family. All this you see a typing, that took awhile to construct. Unlike speaking, I have time to think and react to the sentence that I am typing. While talking, I find it pretty hard. First is what to say or ask, then it would be the emotions behind that reaction. Guess I'm more afraid to speak and I end up typing more, messaging more than I should. Not healthy, but I survived. So the question here is how? And suggestions to help me?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
If dunno how to talk, then dun talk ^^ It's normal because if their topics doesn't interest us that much, it's natural we are unable to follow up with comments. However we can be a listener since we can't talk right? I'm sure there are friends around u who are capable of starting any forms of conversations and they should be able to lead u on. ANother way is to read more, hear more, joining in with your comments once in a while. It's best of u are able to relate your experience in it to prolong the topic. Dun be afraid to cut in when it's necessary. In conversation, people who the loudest voice often gets heard.. haha
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
Lol... I feel cutting in is rude... Most of the time, the things I share shorten rather than prolong the topic or conversation... Which is why I though I need help... Its a regular occurrence, so I'm trying to see what's wrong...
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
20 Apr 12
haha, It's either u cut in, or u get cut out, it's your choice. lol Dun shorten or kill off any conversation the moment u talk. Once you do that, people will find it a bore in talking to u, and before u know it, u are out of their league Sometimes talking in a group or with friends, needs some form of boasting, at least try to blend in with some general knowledge ^^ If u are able to inject some humour in the conversations, i'm sure u will be remembered
@srjac0902 (1170)
• Italy
10 Apr 12
Some are by nature silent and introvert. Some feel shy and some block to appear in public or to be noticed. That's a part opf nature you cannot change it but you can educate yourself to be little more open with others , then at times you need to be prudent while being social with others. Socrates said, man is by nature social, he is created to be social.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
10 Apr 12
see, i don't like when people say man was created to be social. socrates i think was trying to create a one world order i think anyway. he envisioned the borg long before star trek. lol. when people say that, it seems like people are more forced to be social than they actually are.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
How can man be social by nature and yet naturally silent and introvert? These 2 doesn't gel... At least this gets the discussion started...
@averygirl72 (16318)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Not only you has a problem like that, actually almost everyone, including me. I realized later than the reason why I am not talkative is not because I am really shy, it simply means for me that I am not comfortable. Example if I am with someone I am close I am very talkative. If I am inside my house I am noisy but if I am outside or with lots of strangers I am silent. We are sometimes hesitant to talk if we are not comfortable to do it. Don't try so hard. Just exert some effort but don't be too hard on yourself. Also, learn to enjoy conversation and don't be conscious about yourself.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
21 May 12
Thanks for your advice. I would enjoy my conversations. I mean I do, but sub-conciously, I am not sure if I am? Haha... Anyway, happy mylotting!
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
16 Apr 12
I had/have the same problem. Although I am not completely 'cured' I've done a few things to help me get over this shyness. I took a course in public speaking when I was in university. I headed an organization which forced me to talk to people. When I started working and realized that I was getting passed over by more 'talkative' people, I made efforts to make 'small talks' with people in management. Usually this would be about the weather, or last nights game on TV, etc. Currently, I'm still working at it.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
17 Apr 12
Oh.. You mean those kind of public speaking course really work? But I am afraid to go to one... I breakdown easily when forced... Usually, I take it slow. Luckily, I don't have to speak to anyone from the management.
@bhonti (1247)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
You should not force yourself. Starting a conversation must come out naturally. You can try little by little until making conversations is just a common thing to you. Be friends to people who are friendly and talkative. Observe them and eventually, you might even adapt their personality.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
Thanks for the advice Bhonti! Observe is something good I can do easily... Hopefully, I won't deemed as staring... Have fun mylotting!
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
It all begins with a smile. That's how I start off my conversation with others. Smile, then think of something that would affirm the person's mood or sentiment at that moment of the conversation, even if the remark may seem trivial. Say something like, 'goodness, traffic was so terrible today' or 'the heat is just so unbearable these days, don't you think so?'. People always want to know that the person they are talking to is someone who could relate with common experiences on a daily basis and not someone who is aloof or not interested in somewhat mundane affairs of life. So the difficult part in conversing with others is really starting the conversation in the first place. But once you have mastered that art of setting the tone of the conversation, then you are off to a good start.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
The normal bits of life is really the key starter? But I am usually abnormal... I mean, most people are feeling hot while I am usually shivering in the corner in an air conditioned room. I feel some food is actually quite edible and not band when others think otherwise... I mean, my response are somehow opposite of others, which I am guessing might be a conversation stopper sometimes.
@toniganzon (44447)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
I was once like that as i was a bit insecure and i lacked confidence. But things changed when i met a friend who was fat but she had an oozing confidence. She became my mentor and my inspiration. I slowly build up my confidence, learn to talk more. Anyway, i was still too shy to talk with anybody then but i tried to overcome my fear by just telling myself i'm doing great and i should do it. It's more of a self-encouragement.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
So confidence is the main key issue? I guess I need to find ways to overcome the fear I am feeling... Some practice needs to be in order...
@samson1 (738)
• Jamaica
10 Apr 12
Ksherrie, I would'nt worry about your condition at all. Why? If the truth be told, the world is made up of more persons with a simmilar disposition as you, or worse. Anyway, I think that if you had such a bad problem as you claim, you could not have already been able to share the company of others, get a husband and/or family, work in any environment, or be able to survive any type of interraction with the world. In my opinion, I think the issue is, (1) how you percieve yourself when you're responsible to initiate action when you choose to speak more than what you're accustomed to, and (2) how well are you received, when you engage yourself in a conversation with others. Remember that you cannot prevent what others thinks about you, but you make influence how persons view what you do (ie. their perception of you). In that light, I think you're fine.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
Hey samson1, thanks, you make me feel so much better about myself. It seems by not talking much or at all in the office seems fine and most probably normal by how you have analysed. Really hope I am not weird.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
10 Apr 12
i have no suggestions for you, as i am the same way. i would rather talk to people on line than off line. i feel like people don't want to listen to you until they are trying to listen to what you say to be noisy, critical, or, cut you up. what i found, though, (and this could probably work to our advantage) is that another than that, ppl like to hear themselves talk (at least most people). they say they want you to come out and talk to them more, but what they really want to do is here themselves talk. so, what i do is let them. don't get me wrong, this can kind of be tasking sometimes, but also entertaining (since they insist and all). next time, when ppl tell you that you should talk more just ask them what do you want them to say. if they say anything, ask them what would they like to talk about. see, people are just trying to pull you out of your shell and make you feel back against the wall. just turn the tables around on them. they will get there conversation out of you ironically enough, and you will get what you want because they will eventually go get frustrated getting no where with you and go away. no, people who are close to you...i don't recommend trying that formula. when you ask them what they want to talk about. be sincere and then really follow through with trying to talk to them. they too, will relieve you some and talk more than you, cause they are people too. at least they know you are trying to connect. i hate people trying to bring me out of my shell. i feel like they are trying to pick through my lock door.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
Wow that really hit the nail! I am almost like that... Still, I am trying to talk as much... I prefer the self trying then the probing... At least they know I am trying... Maybe my brain just react slower than theirs. Most of the time I just give up and listen then rant... Which I end up feeling bad... Then I try again.. The cycle repeat s itself... Which is still why I need help with topics or continue a conversation...
@ddaguno (3110)
• Philippines
10 Apr 12
I think making small talk can be practiced. look for a talkative friend who you can start a conversation with just by saying hello. Usually the first thing you should ask is, How are you?
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
I have tried how are you? It is the aftermath that I am usually have problems to follow or continue after that... I mean, after the initial hellos and how are yous, somehow it just doesn't drift off as it should like a normal conversation...
@ARIES1973 (9531)
• Legaspi, Philippines
10 Apr 12
Hi ksherrie! I am also timid person. I tend to limit my interaction with people I am comfortable with and experience difficulty in reaching out new acquaintances. But I work in marketing before and I was one of the favorite in our office because of my ability to sell more products. Before I open a topic, I make sure that I have enough knowledge of the subject. Smiling also helps. When you smile to other people, the tendency is they smile back at you. Sometimes, if you don't know what to say, you can start by admiring him/her. Similarly, if you are talking with familiar persons, most likely you know what interest them, so you can start a topic that is within their interest. Above all, learn to listen more. You can speak better if you listen well.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
I know what you mean. Tried smiling and listening even more. I guess my problem is reacting. Reacting to a response I mean. Somehow my response always stop the conversation shortly after. And either a new conversation is started based on a new topic or silence. Listening doesn't mean I can react or answer promptly as required. Listening doesn't mean I understand.. I guess maybe I need to brush up on understanding certain topics first...?
@vycess (1590)
• Saudi Arabia
10 Apr 12
I can relate to you, I also prefer typing or messaging instead of talking. For example when I'm chatting I prefer not to have a video call just chat through typing. Maybe gradually we can be comfortable with other people?
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
Thanks, that is a comfort to know I'm not weird. The gradual part would be slower than normal people... I do see some progress as friends very fast when they speak about things or topics which I would not have started. I mean, I do see how people started talking about hobbies and can get very engrossed about the topic, which can be never-ending. But when i try to start that same topic with someone else, it just stop halfway, without rhythm or reason.