My boyfriend and I may not be able to get married because he is Hindu...
By abby1221
@abby1221 (71)
April 10, 2012 10:45pm CST
So I have been dating my bf for a little less than 10 months and he has met my family and spent holidays with us and we are very much in love. However, his family doesn't yet know I even exist, because he is afraid to tell them since they are very adamant that he not date a non-Hindu (I'm Christian). His parents are still in India and he is here in the US with me so it hasn't been an issue yet of them finding out or anything. My parents, even though they are fairly strict Christians don't care about religion, race, whatever when it comes to my dating life and my happiness -but his parents clearly do.
He keeps trying to ease them into the idea of it, by first bringing up that he even has white female friends... (I know, I know)...But so far, they still don't know about me.
I'm in no rush for him to tell them, since I don't want it to backfire if he tells them too quickly and they aren't warmed up to the idea properly...but it's frustrating to say the least.
Anyways, please comment if you have any experience with this situation or any stories to share about it whether you've experienced this kind of thing first hand or witnessed it with a friend's relationship. I'd love to hear some other perspectives!
1 person likes this
12 responses
@bhonti (1246)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
I am not really familiar with the religion of Hinduism. I am also a Christian. May I ask if Hinduism prohibits marrying a person from another religion. If yes, and your boyfriend and his family are serious with their religion and follow the rules strictly, then you seriously got a problem my dear.
@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Thank you dupremo, I didn't know exactly if they prohibit marrying a person of another religion. Yes, bhonti, that would be a serious problem! haha I'd be sooo out of luck... that'd be awful. But I'm glad to hear it isn't prohibited. Everytime I asked that of my bf he'd short of answer but mostly explain that it's not just because I'm not Hindu, it's because I'm also not from the same area of India that his family is from (like where his ancestors originate from). So he may also be prohibited (by his family) from marrying an Indian girl who just isn't from the right "area"....if that makes sense.
But then again he also said he was just speculating and that he doesn't know for sure if he can't marry someone who isn't Indian, Hindu or from his area...for all he knows right now, his parents may warm up to the idea. I would never make him convert and he knows that I wouldn't surrender my religion either.
@abby1221 (71)
•
14 Apr 12
I would never ask him to change for me, and I don't think he would want me to change for him either... Hopefully it doesn't come to that, as I would hate to be half-hearted with a conversion, knowing all along that I was raised Catholic, enjoy being Catholic, and feel a connection to my religion because of memories from my childhood and going to church with my now deceased grandmother. Basically it's mostly a sentimental thing for me now, as I know I can pray to God whenever I want no matter what and He'll accept me.
@butterscotsh (1012)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
I can relate to you Abby! I have an Indian boyfriend and his
religion is Sikh. I'm Christian too like you and my parents
won't really care for the religion of whoever I'm dating.
But my boy's parents are strict of whoever he's going to date.
I haven't met them and I'm too scared that they might
not accept me because I'm from a different religion
and from a different nationality but he loves me so much
and I still believe every problem that comes we can make it through.
@butterscotsh (1012)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
And by the way, my boyfriend's older brother just recently got married to an
Indian girl. Fixed marriages are their tradition right? So I'm nervous that
when my boyfriend turns 28 or 30, he might be forced by his parents to wed other Indian girls. But I won't let that happen because I'll introduce myself before he even turns 25. We're both nineteen now by the way. How about your boyfriend's
parents? Do they also follow the traditional fixed marriages?
@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Ohh okay..yeah definitely get in there before he gets much older. I'm 22 now and my boyfriend is 26. He's an only child so I don't know how his family feels about arranged marriages but I know he has cousins who have had them, so I assume they'd do the same for him if he wanted to/they wanted him to at some point.
Actually now that I think of it, his parents had an arranged marriage so I'm sure they are all for it. I know it's so common still in India, but I can't shake the fact that it seems so weird to me (as an American)...can't imagine having my parents find me a spouse to spend the rest of my life with that I won't meet until pretty much a few weeks or days before the wedding! Ahhh! lol
@abby1221 (71)
•
11 Apr 12
yes! we need to keep the faith! keep me updated on your situation if anything changes! I wish the best for you, as I know that nervous feeling you must also have about the day you meet them or something happens that changes the relationship whether positive or negative.. let's hope for positive changes!
@rekhum (2420)
• India
11 Apr 12
If he is really committed, he must let his parents know about the relationship. It would be very irresponsible of him if he is really into you and trying to show he is scared of revealing your relationship with him to his parents. I know of so many hindu friends out here who are quite open to their parents. besides, if his parents aren't the hardcore orthodox they would not mind their son marrying a girl from any other religion, be it christian.
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
ohh well it is still to early to tell right but then do not jump into conclusions yet, maybe when they get to meet you they will change their mind and will like you as you appear to be a nice lady..they maybe close minded at first but since their son is in the US they ought to expect this as of course ladies there are mostly not hindu like him... if they do not want him marrying a non-hindu then they should have thought of it before they sent him to the US...
but i believe they do have strict rules when it comes to dating and marriage.. but keep the faith abby 
@abby1221 (71)
•
11 Apr 12
Awww thank you! :)
Yeah, they had to have assumed that something like that would happen, I agree. I just hope they don't get angry with him or cut him off or something, because I couldn't live with myself if that happened because of me. You are definitely right though, it is certainly still too early to tell. I guess I'll just take it one day at a time! :)
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
yeah and maybe find ways for them to like you as well..maybe a little background check about them? lol like what they like, what they dislike.. your boyfriend might be able to help you with this if he is really into you..he would not leave you 
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
hi there,
religions can be a big issue in a relationship.
my friend is always telling me that her boyfriend is always breaking up with her because of their religion. (my friend is a Roman Catholic) but then whenever that boy comes back to her, she accepts him again because she loves him very much. then they fight again, then get back together again.. over and over again.
i am pissed at the boy because it is like he is just playing with my friend's feelings but i can't even control my friend.
i hope that you are doing fine and that everything goes well between you and your boyfriend. just take things slow and let us just hope for the best.
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Usually us Christians/Catholic don't really mind what religion our boyfriend/girlfriend has.
this discussion reminds me of the Miss Universe pageant 2011, the Philippines' answer to the question. you can check it out here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKt1YpZk7V8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKt1YpZk7V8@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Awww, that's sad about your friend and her boyfriend. It's so true that religion is a hot topic with relationships - it can make it or break it. My cousin who is also Catholic was dating a Jewish man for years and years...and every so often he'd break up with her because he couldn't marry a non-Jewish person. It really took a toll on her and now whenever she goes out and meets guys, one of the first questions she asks them is "Are you Jewish??" hahah
I wish religion wasn't such a big deal... as much as I love my religion and my God and I'm spiritual, I still wouldn't let it ruin a relationship for me. I feel like I can have my religion and my boyfriend, and not need him to change for me as long as I don't have to change for him. We can coexist! lol
@Fundamental_Charlie (106)
• United States
11 Apr 12
Are you really a Christian???
What about all that not being unequally yoked thing? If your faith isn't important enough to you to be a doer of the Word and not a hearer only, then why don't you convert? On the other hand, if you place any value in your faith then why would you want to be in a relationship that is going to, one day, put you at odds when it comes to things like raising children? Which faith will you want for them?
If you want to be together fine, but don't think that faith will not one day become a major problem.
@Fundamental_Charlie (106)
• United States
14 Apr 12
Actually, His number one command is that we love Him with all our heart, mind and soul.
I am not condemning anyone here, so please don't think anything like that... the point I was making, (which you ignored), was that to do what you are considering is in violation of Scripture. That's why I questioned your faith. If we are doers of the Word then shouldn't we be listening to, and acting on, what the Bible teaches instead of trying to find ways to do whatever we want in spite of it? It seems as though you already have conflict because of the differences in your religions if he is ashamed to tell his family about you and you must realize that it will only get more intense as the two sides entrench themselves in their own theologies.
God does want us to show the love of Christ to all people but there was a reason that we are warned about being unequally yoked. I never presumed to know you or anything about your life, I simply stated what any Bible believing Christian should know and be acting upon if they value the Word of God. God allows us the free will to make all the mistakes we choose to make but I hope that this is one that you might avoid. Do whatever you want but don't think that just because I pointed out the instruction from God concerning mixed marriages that I am somehow attacking you, I'm not. If you feel that way it might be the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Just food for thought, that's all. Good luck!
@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Yes, I am really Christian. God's number one request is that we love ALL, because God loves ALL. I am not just a hearer, I am a doer. With all due respect, Fundamental_Charlie, you do not know me, or know anything about my life.
Please have enough FAITH in me as an educated person, that I would discuss these things (raising children in either one or combined religions -yes, it can be done) before entering a marriage.
I'm just discussing/venting to my peers here on mylot, lol, this isn't the final decision I'm making right now about my relationship -obviously that conversation will be saved for he and I to make...alone.
Faith will only be a "major problem" if we make it a major problem. If it was going to be one in the first place then it will show itself when/if we try to get married.
Thanks for your concern.
@ksherrie (891)
• Singapore
11 Apr 12
I don't have many experiences... But are you jumping into conclusions a little too early....
Your bf is already doing things to ease the tension... You can help too, but suggesting ideas... Maybe like mixed ethnic kids looks more beautiful... You can read up or get you bf to intro a bit on what some Hindu practices are... At least when the time comes for the actual meetup, you are not a stranger nor a klutz in front of them. I do know with respect, you can almost win half the battle already...
However in the worst scenario, both of you can always get married in us or other countries that accept ethnic marriages... His parents will ultimately understand it is their son's happiness that they are meddling with...
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
If he really loves you, he will prove it by all means.
However, since he was raised from different culture and tradition, it's hard to tell.
Cross your fingers and pray hard that love will prevail at the end :)
@knicnax (2233)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
10 months is still a bit early to think marriage, but even if you're not going to get married yet, I know that you want to be acknowledged as the girlfriend.
I think the best way for you to prepare (since he's already trying to do his part with his parents) is to learn his culture. Learn their customs, practice some of them (the non-religious ones if any). Have an appreciation of Indian arts and literature. Try out their food. Read on how they behave, what are the social taboos and all. For example, here in the Philippines, when you are offered something (like food or refreshments), you should always decline during their first (could be until third) offer. You should politely decline, tell them you're full or you're thirsty, even if you're really starving or dying of thirst. It's polite. Weird but polite. Try to read up on those or ask your boyfriend about it. It will not only better your chances of being liked and accepted, it will also have a positive impact on your relationship, since your boyfriend will see how interested you are about his culture, and how special he really is to you.
Godbless!
@abby1221 (71)
•
12 Apr 12
Good idea! Yes I should figure out some of the customs and practices that I haven't already learned from him. I am trying to learn how to cook things he can eat since he has pretty restrictive (in my opinion) dietary constraints due to his upbringing and religion.
@jazzyrae (1745)
• United States
11 Apr 12
it is hard but somethimes in life we have to chose between our familly's and our loves. My mom hated my boyfriend because he is jappanise. She told me if we ever had kids she would call them bonzi becuase that is what they said when they bomed pearl harbor. It got so bad between me and her i had to move out. I still am in love with my boyfriend going on 4 years now. Me and my mom even talk now they still do not get along but oh well. If he really loves you he will chose you.
@haopee (493)
• Philippines
11 Apr 12
It's hard for families of a different religion to accept that their children are getting married to those not sharing their outlook. The question is, is he willing to convert into a Christian in order for you guys to get married? Or is it that you are willing to convert into their family's religion in order to get married with him? Either way, you two will have to select what religion you will be getting married in.
I have a friend who met her daughter's father in Singapore. It was unfortunate that they couldn't get married because the parents couldn't accept that she was Catholic, however, these two people loved each other so much that they had a civil marriage.
Anyway, I think your boyfriend is in the right track. What you need is to be patient and trust that he will do his best for your relationship. Parents, no matter what religion, will always love their children. They will eventually learn to accept you because that's how much parents can love their children.
Hugs. Good luck!
@abby1221 (71)
•
11 Apr 12
I don't believe he'd convert to Christianity, and I don't think I want to convert either, so I think we'd have to select a place that would allow two different religions. I wonder if they would want me to convert though..hmm
You're right, he's definitely on the right track..at least he's wanting to tell them about me. I guess we'll see where this takes us first. :) thanks!
@t_zhanji (11)
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11 Apr 12
Is religon and race so important? I think you should give it a shot, maybe things isn't that bad for you, the sooner your bf tell his parents about you, the better the result would be, no matter you would still with him or break with him, you should make the decision now
