son's new gf

United States
April 14, 2012 12:25am CST
my son confided in me that he thinks his new gf has feelings for another friend. she's started changing her habits and now barely talks to him. i'm halfway tempted to tell him to text to her that the relationship is over, but seeing that it was done to my daughter last month, i highly discourage that. she went from texting him all the time to barely sending one text at night. he told me that she used to wait for him and they would walk to their classes together, but this past week, she hasn't been waiting for him and when he tries to wait for her, she turns the other way. hhhmmmm!!!!! makes me wonder too. tomorrow night is the jrotc banquet and she asked if she could join us at our table, i don't know. if she's changing her mind about spending time with my son, i don't need her to be hanging around. i want him to be able to enjoy himself and have a good time. i guess we'll see how things go tomorrow night.
2 people like this
8 responses
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
Hmm.. Though we'd love to help out our son or daughter, I think there are times when we need to let them go and make their own decisions. I wouldn't want to be in a girl's position when a guy would say "My mom tells me that we seemed different from each other and I think she's right", that would not be a good thing to start relationships on. Further, if you try to help them out, and the decision is wrong or their lives are not working out, I assure you that they'll point the finger and blame you for 'intervening'. I am grateful that my parents never interrupted with my relationship. They did with my brother and right now he's not really doing good. As for me, I have learned to take things and decide on my own about things, most especially on relationships. Yes, it's good to have a listening ear, but I guess you should only be there to 'listen' or support. I think the only time a parent needs to intervene is when obviously the relationship is causing danger or something like that. Otherwise, I suggest that parents need to steer clear. I know parents just want to be part of their children's lives, but not letting them decide and guiding them each step of the way is not something that I would recommend. A friend of mine (the guy) has 3 children (1 one and 2 daughters). He has been supportive all their lives and you could definitely see that he's a great dad. However, at one point in time (when they were almost graduating college), I asked one of the daughter what her "plans" were. Sadly, she answered "I'm waiting for dad's decision." Until now, they are all under his wing. I am afraid that when he passes on, the children (now grown ups) would be like lost sheep because they can't decide for their own without adult supervision. Good luck and I hope you could hold on to your thoughts and let him do the deciding and talking. Have a great MyLot experience aheaD!
• United States
15 Apr 12
i've always tried to give them the space to make their own decisions about their own personal relationships. i also realize that there are some mistakes that they have to learn on their own. i just hate it when their hearts get broken.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
15 Apr 12
True enough Ricki911. I doubt any parent would be happy to see their son/daughter feel pain and brokenhearted, however, if they don't feel it now that you're there to 'support' them when they're down, what will happen to them when you're no longer there? It's called Tough Love and sometimes we need to experience it for ourselves in order to mature.
• United States
15 Apr 12
why would he still be with her if she turns around when she sees him? that makes no sense
• United States
15 Apr 12
from what he's told me, whenever he tries to talk to her, she changes the subject or tells him that she's busy and she'll call him back-and never does.
@ersmommy1 (12600)
• United States
15 Apr 12
I hope all goes well tomorrow. I know the instinct to protect our kids is strong. I wouldn't want to sit with her either. He may just have to be the one to decide she needs to take a hike. Otherwise he may get upset with you.Try and enjoy the banquet either way.
• United States
15 Apr 12
for the most part, we had a good time. one of his friends earned 4 awards and we are very happy for her!
• Sweden
14 Apr 12
I think the best thing would be for him to sit down face to face and talk with his girlfriend about the changes he is seeing in their relationship. Sometimes things can be misinterpreted. Maybe she is being more distant because of some other thing that is going on in her life and he has taken that as maybe her having feelings for someone else. I find breaking up with someone over text to be disrespectful. Even if someone has wronged up I always like to bow out gracefully. Doing things out of spite is never a good idea.
• United States
15 Apr 12
after what she did at the banquet, her actions were very clear.
@MandaLee (3726)
• United States
14 Apr 12
I think you are right to be concerned. However, it is also important to give your son opportunities to figure things out on his own. I wish him the very best!
• United States
15 Apr 12
what concerns me is the way he shuts down after a girl hurts him. it takes him awhile before he opens up again. we'll just wait and see what happens.
@keasling (724)
• United States
14 Apr 12
I think this one, needs to be played out by themselves. Maybe he needs to actually talk to her about it. Just be there for him like you normally are.
• United States
15 Apr 12
they're talking now. i don't think they'll be together anymore. but he might surprise me yet.
@cupkitties (7175)
• United States
14 Apr 12
Right now neither of you really know what's going through her mind so he would only be cutting off the relationship over an assumption. If he cares to work things out with her, he needs to have a serious talk with her and get all the facts. This is just my opinion, but from what I've read here it seems like she's trying to distance herself a little bit because she's afraid of coming off as too clingy or needy. Perhaps she got the idea somewhere that he is or will become tired of her if she is always texting him or always around him 24/7. People do need their space after all. Separation makes the heart grow fonder. Something like that. Let him find out what's really going on. If she won't be upfront with him, then maybe they should call it quits.
• United States
15 Apr 12
that is so true. i keep telling my kids that i would rather see them be happy and have a lot of friends vs them being miserable in a relationship. my daughter (for now) could care less about the boys-especially after the last one that broke up with her. my son, sometimes i wonder why he feels that he has to have a gf. he is so girl crazy! this is also one reason why i don't get to close to any of the girls he dates because i know they're going to do something to break his heart.
@shrmanoj (384)
14 Apr 12
Your thoughts are right but let your son be clear with his girlfriend and also wait some days for the actual results. I hope everything will be alright.