Do you want to have kids?

@dream_ozn (1758)
Singapore
April 14, 2012 3:29am CST
In the past, i thought that having kids will make a family complete and it is vital for a family to be healthy. However, in recent months, i feel that if i were to have a child, i'm actually bring the child more pain and more unhappiness that if he/she were never born. I still feel that a child will complete a family but am currently thinking the real purpose of bring a child into this world. I used to envision 2 kids running around at home. But the case is different for me now. I feel that being in this world gives us alot of problem and much pain that there is nothing that we can do about it. Perhaps i am currently facing alot of issues that i can't seem to solve them which is why i am having all these weird thoughts about not wanting kids anymore for coming to this place will only give them more troubles than happiness. What are your thoughts?
3 people like this
15 responses
@pandora22 (869)
• Romania
14 Apr 12
i would love to have children after i finish my university and get a stable way in my career but i am also often thinking that there is so much pain in this world.i had a not very easy childhood and i would feel very guilty if my children would suffer,because i know how hard it was for me. but i believe i would regret not having them when i will be old so i am planning to have kids in the future,because i would feel empty without them. i am praying that i will have a boy and a girl.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
I am currently an undergrad, and used to think of having a child. But it seems like within these few years, i have a different mentality. Like you say, i too feel i would be empty without kids. it would be good to have a boy and a girl, feels like just a complete family. What happen during your childhood that makes it hard for you? For me, i think that there are just so much problems in this world and too much unhappiness that i don't know where i would want my love one to go through.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
You are really right, Everything is just so expensive. Your mother must have worked very hard just to bring you up. Because money is an absolute need in order to bring up a child, it therefore forces the parent to earn as much money as they can and therefore, spend very little time with the child. Many parents also hold 2 or even 3 jobs if they are really in a dire situation, by the time the parent gets home, they'll be too tired to even talk or bother about their kids. Like you, i do have the same fear that i might be like that too and i don't want to bring some kids into this world and then at the end have to neglect them. I hope things goes well for you. Are you currently working or still studying? Really hope that your family condition has currently improved :)
• Romania
15 Apr 12
i have done 5 years in the university and i still have 1 year to do,but i have worked from the first year and i am still working. my mom is now retired and i don't want her to work anymore. i am not complaining about my life because maybe if the things would have been easier,i would not be where i am today. i am happy because the problems that i have been through made me a person that adapts pretty well to any situation.
• United States
15 Apr 12
The world is a cruel place but Never let that make you stop dreaming of being happy with kids. If you Really want kids then plan to have them. The love you give them and the love they give you will be worth it. That is what will help ease the pain of this life! Believe it or not I have never wanted kids. For the longest time i wouldn't even stay in the same room with kids or babies. I'm better with them in the room but I still don't want any of my own. It isn't because of the cruel world, it was because I wouldn't think the pain of childbirth is worth it. I do not have the patience Or the desire to teach a child Anything.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Yes, the world is really a cruel place and thank you for reminding me that i should never stop dreaming. Similarly, i think that the pain of childbirth is extremely great and that all mothers are really great. i really wonder how they endure the pain. I currently have no idea whether i want them or not. In the past, i think that children will make a fmaily complete and that was the only reason. but now, i feel that bring them into this world, not only takes a lot of responsibility but also if the world is a cruel place and full of pain, no point bringing them here :)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 12
I never saw family that way.I saw it as my mom and Dad. See by age 7 I decided never to have kids. By 13 never to marry. So my definition of family isn't based on children Or marriage. A family is the connection not the number of people or if the two have the marriage papers. The main thing is that you follow your bliss. If this means children, go for it!
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
True, a family is the connection and not by the number of people it consists, neither is marriage based on just pieces of paper. We have to follow our bliss! A family can definitely function well even without children :)
1 person likes this
@bhonti (1247)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
Of course I want to have kids! I love children, and I imagine racing my own the way my parents did. As a woman, I want to feel bearing a child inside of me and be a mother.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Yes. As a women, i think everybody would want to be a mother. But i'm sort of worried that by bringing a child into this world, i'm bringing him/her more sadness than happiness.
@bhonti (1247)
• Philippines
15 Apr 12
Why do you say so. Jusst be confident enough that you will be able to raise them well. The worry that you feel is an enough good sign that you will be a good parent someday.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
hi bhonti, thank you for your encouragement. I'm worried that i won't be able to raise them well for there is just so much competition in this place and the cost of living is getting higher every year.
@Kojigirl (188)
14 Apr 12
Children are the biggest responsibility most people will ever have. They take time, money, and they'll make you worry from the moment of conception until the last breath you take. I wanted to have kids when I was younger, but don't regret that I didn't have any now. I wouldn't have made a great mom, I know that. I'm great with my dog, but the burden of raising children would have been more than I could cope with considering that my husband is now disabled. The world is full of problems, it always has been and always will be. You don't need to decide today whether or not you want children, so take your life one day at a time. Life has a terrible way of sorting itself out while you're thinking of other things.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Sure, having kids are one huge responsbility. Thank you so much koigirl, you really made me feel like there's a stone taken off my shoulders. I really just take one day at a time now and not to worry so much as to whether i want to have kids or not. The world is full of problems and it forever will be this way. There's no point to provide myself with another problem. Just out of curiosity, how old are you currently and is your husband okay? HOpe to hear from you soon!
@Kojigirl (188)
15 Apr 12
I'm currently fifty-one, and my husband is 67. He was in fine shape until late summer of 2006 when he was diagnosed with a brain tumour. It's all been downhill since then. He's had a lot of surgeries, and the last one was for a new hip because the steroids to treat the brain tumour destroyed his hip bones. But the surgery didn't go well, they didn't give him enough blood, and now he has brain damage. He will never be the man he was before the hip surgery, and it's hard to take care of him. If we'd had a child, it would probably be a teenager now, and I don't think I could cope with hormonal rages and teenage nonsense while trying to deal with my husband, I don't think I'd want to try.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
You are such an inspiration to me. Although things are tough for you, but i believe you and your husband share true love and with it, you will be able to tie it through. I really wish you and you husband all the best. Be strong :)
• United States
15 Apr 12
Hi! Good for you in thinking this out as it is a life changing decision. Since you say that you're working through some things, take the time to sort those out so if you DO decide to have kids, they won't be 'hanging' over you. How? Perhaps talk to a good friend whom you're comfortable with in talking about these kinds of things or perhaps get a notebook and write them down. Just an idea. :-) Another way to see if you're ready is to work with kids hands on. Are there any volunteer programs that you could be a part of which involve kids? Check with schools, church organizations, or community events and see what they have over the course of the summer. Why so long? You'll have the time to fairly evaluate and see if having kids yourself is really the right thing for you. If you do decide to not have your own kids but still feel a 'gap', try a pet and go through the same process. Sure they are not as demanding as kids in the same way but they still need the attention and it is worth the process to decide what kind of pet is right for you. Be well!
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
17 Apr 12
your idea about writing down my thoughts in a notebook sounds very appealing to me. It's nice to go to some events where there are children so i can see whether i am ready to have them and there's definitely no rush in deciding whether i want them or not! I'm actually quite afraid of most pets and therefore i think the last suggestion don't really work. Just curious if you have any kids?
• United States
17 Apr 12
Hi! I'm glad that some of the ideas sound good, that you're willing to try them, and I really hope that it'll work out for you. :-) You deserve to be happy. Yes I do--two. Happily they are both very easy-going but it is still a major change. Good luck!!!
@devi53 (348)
• India
15 Apr 12
Don't get upset, unhappy and troubles willn't come to one who think all happening the life are for the good of the next moment, so be happy all happiness will surely come.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
17 Apr 12
Definitely, in this world, there are many unhappy stuff and many troubles. And there will be more for those who think of them and often get worried about them. Let's be happY!
@GemmaR (8527)
15 Apr 12
I have gone through different phases in my life of wanting children and not wanting children, and at the moment I really think that I do. There is a point in every woman's life where she has to think about whether she wants children or whether she wants to be able to have the career that she's always wanted. Many women are leaving having children far too late because they are choosing to follow their career dreams, and this is a position that I never want to be in. If I choose to have children, I want to have them early so that I am still young when they're old enough to look after themselves.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
17 Apr 12
Yes, i think during the whole course of our life, we'll have different thoughts about whether we want children or not. That's right, many women are holding on their plans to have babies at the moment because they want to concentrate on their career. For me, i have decided that if i want a child, i would want to have the child during my early years so that i can relate more to my child when he/she is growing up. However, if we make the decision to give birth at a young age, we risk not being able to give our child a better quality of life. Unless, we come from a rich family then that is a different story. also, another advantage of giving birth at a younger age is that i'll have more strength to care for them! Are you already married?
@doroffee (4233)
• Hungary
14 Apr 12
Right now, I don't. I don't know yet whether it's because I'm not ready for it mentally/I'm immature (I'm 22) or if I don't have those mothernal instics at all. I know for sure that if I had a child right now, she/he would suffer a bit, because I'm impatient, I'm not really feeling children's language and how we should approach them yet, I can't know how to deal with overflowing and unrequited love and attention...
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
What you said really make sense. I'm about your age now. Currently 21, hitting 22 this June. I'm still immature and don't want yet to handle the responsibilities as an adult. I think it's too much for me to handle. Like you, i'm impatient too and have no idea how to approach them. I just can't imagine myself looking after a kids. Mothers are really great as having a kid means so much responsibilities.
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
14 Apr 12
I can understand how you feel but I believe that life and this world is what we make it. The conditions we have to live with are only bothersome if we let it bother us. Many times we can see past the bad things that is brought with this life and onto the good. If we think this way, any children we bring into this world will grow up with the same values. Who knows, maybe one day they will be the ones to change the world just that little bit better.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Somecowgirl, you are right, there are too much problems in the world and they are bothersome only if we let them bother us. We completly have a choice as to whether we want to be bothered my all these things or not. By seeing only the good, we get to live a happier life, to be more carefree. It's definitely a good thing. We should and can do our part to make the world a better place. And if we can't do it, we still have our children to do it for us!
@cutepenguin (6458)
• Canada
14 Apr 12
I am optimistic that we can make the world a better place. It's a bit easier for me because I live in an area that hasn't yet been affected as much by the recession and doesn't have a lot of issues. So I'm still hopeful. That being said, I might stick with just one child because I want to make sure he can have a good life.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Good luck and hopefully you can give your child a good life in the future. It's good to be hopeful for this is what keeps all of us going. And thank you too, because this has come as a reminder to me that i need to be optimistic that the world will be a better place. Just out of curiosity, where do you stay? i'm staying in Singapore and the cost of living here is so high and many of us are in an endless chase to make more money which i think it's not a very happy life. This is the reason why i'm having second thought about having a child in the future.
@ellebj (784)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
having a child is your choice. If you think you are ready to raise a child, then go for it.. I wanted to have a child but I'm still young for making one especially that we are not stable yet.. Having a child is a responsibility. One should be prepared for it.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Yes. It's definitely our own choice whether we want a child or not. Me too, i'm still young and all the more unstable. It's a responsibility that we should prepare ourselves for.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
14 Apr 12
I always wanted kids even an orphan home myself, I have kids of my own also foster children. I won't have an other kid just because it seems a good idea to my husband (so the kid can help out his father in the garden). I don't care if I've been pregnant my own or someone else was. Kids are the same to me if it comes to that. Small change I will have an other kid of myself, there are plenty of kids who are longing for a safe home, long to get home, be loved. Pity adoption organisations world wide make it so hard to adopt (unless the kids are handicapped in many ways so the "healthy" ones can spend their lives in orphan or foster homes).
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Yes. It's really a good idea to foster children as these kids are really pitiful and it would be really good that we stand up and give them the happiness they deserve. But i don't really get what you mean when you say adoption organisation worldwide make it hard to adopt unless the kids are handicapped? Which means people can only adopt kids who are handicapped?
@dazzledlady (1625)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
I think having kids is a choice. If you think you are not ready or is not capable of raising them well for now the the responsibld thing to do is not to have one. Today's situation seems not to be a good place for our future children and like you it might bring sadness to them than joy. Why not consider adopting? I for one is not sure if I can bear a child in the future but I am open to adopting one. Even if they say that it is different when it comes from your own blood and genes etc. Many children were brought in this world without responsible parents and it is never their choice to be born in this world. So might as well be the one to bring joy to them. Let's make the world a better place for them.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
You are definitely right, having kids surely if a choice, especially we now that we have so many methods of prevention. Yes, if we are not ready of raising them, then we shouldn't have them in the first place for i don't want them to be sad here. Sure, adopting is definitely a good option. They are abandoned by their real parents and adopting one will definitely give them a better life. They are so pitiful and they surely deserve a better life! Although an adopted child might not have the same genes, but it's definitely doing an extremely good deed!
@Graceekwenx (3163)
• Philippines
14 Apr 12
I would be turning 37 this year, way past the marrying age and i think at this point in time, i dont have the means to have a kid... I am not that stable yet.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
15 Apr 12
Hi Graceekwenx, even though you are 37, i don't think there this a limit age where we are supposed to get married. Just curious, are you planning on marriage if you meet the right one? You mentioned that you are not stable yet. Do you mean in terms on monetary or mentality?
@tkonlinevn (5784)
• Vietnam
19 May 12
You shouldn't make too pressure about that. You can care children with your love. When you have a kid, you'll know how to make the best things for them. I'm waiting for kids. We love to have children know. And we believe that we can care them with the best thing we have. Wish you're happy!