Overconfidence and Arrogance. Are they helping people and relationships?

Philippines
April 17, 2012 10:08am CST
How do you convince people with difficult personalities about their wrong doings? I have some friends and family members who are really difficult to deal with since they think they are really doing the right thing most of the time. And it's not helping you to build a good relationship either. Some of these people are too overconfident with themselves that they can not even admit their own mistakes, they just have to blame it on others. I must admit, there are times I'd feel I am this kind of person. But later on, I always come to a realization about my mistakes and I felt sorry about it. So how do you deal with these kind of people? Any ideas? Anyone? Or are you this kind of person too?
2 people like this
9 responses
• Ecuador
17 Apr 12
Sincerely, I find myself being this kind of person. I don't mean I'm overconfident with myself, but sometimes I just don't want to accept that I'm wrong. I can accept that I'm wrong, but I would never let other person notice that I was wrong at something. Is like a bit of arrogance mixed with pride. Fortunately, I'm trying to change this way of being, because I don't feel it's correct not accepting myself errors.
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
I understand that it must have been difficult for you to work on it. You may have reasons why it won't be easy for you to accept your mistakes, that's when our pride starts to kick in. But what's good is, at some point you realized that applying this kind of attitude most of the time won't work for some or most situations. You'd either offend or hurt a lot of people or worst, get yourself into trouble. Personally, some of my family members have this kind of attitude and I must say that I was able to get a good grip of my patience until it reached to the brim. Sad to say, it's a family member who's acting and offending you this way over the years repeating the same mistake without even realizing it. I guess, giving it a little space would perhaps help. Thanks for your response.
• Ecuador
22 Apr 12
It's still difficult, but I have to work hard on it. I try everyday to keep myself away from being arrogant. Another thing I have to say is that I have never been arrogant with my family members. I feel confident when I'm with them, and therefore I have no need to hide my mistakes. That's why my family really knows me as I am, because with them I can be myself without pretending to be someone I'm not.
• Philippines
22 Apr 12
Yes, that is true. Our family members are the people who knows us much better. In my case, I've known this family member my entire life since we grew up together. We've had our fair share of disappointments with each other. Fought with each other and forgiven each other again and again. Sad to say, this person still hasn't realized and learned anything. It's good that you've already reached the point of maturity and you've already started to take actions to correct your shortcomings. Unfortunately for this person whom I was referring to, nothing has really changed so far. Mistakes kept on repeating and repeating. I already tried to be more patient with this person, and did all means so as to help this person and to heal the gap that was made, but this person still does the same mistake. I guess, time would tell if this person would ever learn. And I guess, my mistake also was forcing the person to learn. Maybe this time, I should let things happen as how it's supposed to be. I guess in that way, the person will learn.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
We cannot avoid such kind of people, in our neighborhood, acquaintances and even in our family/relatives. They are egoistic and find themselves righteous. I always try to avoid having encounter with them if ever we are in a gathering. That's the best way to do than being into trouble since they will never admit their mistakes.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
Thanks for your response, and yes, I do agree with your statement. I guess it's much better to give it a little space when dealing with these kind of people to avoid the tension and trouble. If we push ourselves and keep on arguing our point, it would just create a mess and it would stress out the people affected in this situation. Perhaps, time will heal everything and will teach them a lesson.
@berting600 (3458)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
Diplomacy is the best solution of your problems involving your own relatives you say are arrogant.They are just confident or are just a victim of others who promised to arrange things which in your part is an act of over confidence and arrogance.You do not know all the stories and reasons with your relatives that you have no right to say they are arrogant.You are just misunderstood with your own feelings so you have to study first the real reasons why they acted that way.Do not be one sided and give them their sides of the real situation.
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
Thanks for your response. I pretty much know my relatives very well that's why I was able to give this opinion about them. Also, about that family member that I referred to as overconfident, I've known this person for years since we grew up together. I know every little bit of this person since I've watched this person grow as I was growing up as well. I've studied this person quite a million times already, that's to say, I was also able to get hold of my patience for years and a lot more. Of course, I always give myself the benefit of the doubt and make room for reasons not to misjudge a person or a situation because this person is of course, someone from your family. But personalities like these would always let someone decide on staying distant on these people, for such reasons. Personally, giving it time and space would be much better than to force the situation. It would only make things worse.
@jafn814 (10)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
hi there leizl. I have also encountered people like these, in fact i have a lot of relatives and friends with those characteristics. Personally, i think that those type of people just want to establish their power or authority above us or maybe they think that they have much more experience than us that they often consider themselves as perfect human beings. Further, i have seen a picture in 9gag.com, it was posting a character, Dr. Gregory House, from "house m.d." saying that "Arrogance has to be earned", it may be ridiculous to hear, however, i realized that it may be also true.People acting with over confidence and arrogance should really have some background or achievements in life that they may brag about. Thus, those people who keep on bragging but has a mouth full of lies and hippocracy should be woken up to see what they really are. Then,going back to your question as of how to deal with these type of people, i think that we acting or better yet knowing ourselves as those of more humility should have more patience and understanding because if we put ourselves and these people in a feud we may have a very long battle. haha.:) hope this helps :D
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
Hello there. Thank you so much for the advice. Yes, I do agree. I have always kept my feet on the ground and I learned the value of humility well. It keeps you from getting lost, during those times when you need guidance. Personally, I may know reasons why these people brag more about themselves and would barely accept their mistakes. At some point in their lives, they may have achieved a lot. I guess, knowing yourself more and remembering your roots will help you on how to deal with these kind of people. This maybe the best weapon, I guess. :)
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
Ignore them. People like them don't deserve your attention. I know you wanted to build a good relationship with them since one of them is part of your family tree but if they are always difficult to deal with, then just ignore them. There really are people who are not aware of what they are doing even if it's wrong. They will always say they are right. They assume that they are so important that people can't do anything without them. I do know some people with this kind of attitude and I so want them out of my life. I just hope they'll realize that and change that kind of attitude. If not, I'm cool with ignoring them all the time ^^
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
True! And I appreciate your opinion on this. I guess it's time for me to give myself a break and stop forcing my self with the situation. If I'll do, I'm just giving myself further heartache and I guess I won't allow it anymore. Perhaps, giving it a lot more distance will help. I know time will teach this person a lesson too.
• Philippines
2 May 12
Right! I hope it won't be too late then when he realizes his fault. They always realize that when they are in need or when their life is about to end. I'm not hoping that they'll die but that's what I see on movies and it's true. Don't let them break your heart again and again. It's time for you to get up and move on. You are a good person and you deserve better than that.
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
19 Apr 12
It doesn't hurt to be confident but there are times where people rather overplay their hand. And really think that they have a better handle of things than they really do. Therefore, people overplay their hands. Of course, there are times where if people had a pretty better handle of what they could accomplish and what this relationship was, then they might have been okay. Sadly however, pride tends to be the downfall of many, they think that they can really can make this work and think that they are the one that making things work. I think when we start thinking that we can do no wrong, is when we start doing things that are very wrong and that is sabotaging people and alienating friends and loved ones by the boatloads. It is sad but it can happen, when people let themselves get out control.
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
You're absolutely right. It's sad when don't notice it that they're out of control already. When pride kicks in at the wrong place, it destroys relationships, people and feelings. So I guess, people should be more sensitive enough and use it wisely rather than for self-interest. Sadly, most of these people don't realize this. I guess what's best to do for now is to keep my distance. I just had enough of it yet and I can't bear handling further heartache this time. Perhaps, time will heal and give answers to it. Hopefully.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 Apr 12
I started a similar topic today with regard to people who are right all the time and who can never make mistakes. Honestly,I still am figuring out how best we can deal with them.It takes all sorts to make this world and perhaps we just have to accept it,transact with them only where and when necessary and maintain our peace.
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
Yes, I do agree with you. I guess you will just have to deal with them only and when it is necessary. Personally, I think it is much more safer for me not to stay close with these kind of people anymore. I know we can't avoid them. They are everywhere. Society permits these kind of people because of the culture and modernization that we have right now. I've dealt with too many of them already. I must say, most of them learned through time except for one person. And that's the family member I was referring to. I don't think I'll be holding grudges on this person though, I just think it's better for me to keep my distance this time to allow myself from further stress and heartache.
• United States
17 Apr 12
i don't think there is anything you could do i have family members who are like this but i tell them but they don't realize it, they have to help themselves because sometimes they are to proud to let someone change them!
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
I agree with your statement. There's nothing much I can do to help or change this person, even if it's a family member. The more I insist on my point and the more I argue, it gets even more worse. Convincing this person about what's the best thing to do would make them realize that they are wrong, and it's unacceptable on their part. It would even make me feel useless. Then I realized that I shouldn't force the situation and stress myself on it. Perhaps giving it a little space may work. And perhaps time will help too.
@obe212003 (2302)
• Philippines
17 Apr 12
As individuals, we are all unique in certain ways, and probably the ego thing might be the culprit for those who are overconfident and arrogant. A lot of my friends have been this way towards me, but changed after humbling myself and just try to make a humor out of every arrogance or overconfidence in them, as to remind them the difference of being good and bad in a very sarcastic way, lol!
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
Yeah, I think that may be effective in some ways since I also tried it several times when I was still able to get hold of my patience. But I had enough of it since so far, nothing has ever changed. The same attitude and mentality continues and sadly it ruined a what used to be healthy relationship. If I'd continue arguing about my point of view, I guess it would only make things worse. Maybe, I'll give it a little distance. Perhaps that would help, I guess. :(