Can you say ‘sorry’ easily?

@kalav56 (11503)
India
April 18, 2012 2:31am CST
Some people find it difficult to admit they have made a mistake or to apologize .I was analyzing what causes this and why a person would behave that way. I have found this trait in a very close relative of mine too .I have known this person for the past fifty years and realized it only later when I was old and more mature. Google research attributed this quality to pride and arrogance—and an “I can never make mistakes’ attitude. We need to accept a person with all faults because we are imperfect ourselves. But when you transact with them it becomes difficult especially if you are close relatives or friends. Personally I have no qualms saying ‘sorry’ more so if I have inconvenienced someone; it is essential to be sensitive to another person especially when someone is helping them out .But I have found this element of ‘taking for granted ‘ too much in many people. What causes this? How does one handle it?--[this insensitivity and not caring for another person’s feelings though the other person is helping one out] I would like to hear your views.
7 people like this
41 responses
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
You are analyzing and trying to find an answer why people are having a hard time saying sorry or admitting once fault? The answer is so simple, it is because of what we call "PRIDE". Most people specially people with degrees, ranks, positions, and higher affiliations in life are people who have very high pride. They do not accept mistakes easily and they tend to argue and stand on what they think is right even if it is wrong. In fact it is not all the time that saying sorry is so hard to do. It only becomes harder if you really mean it like you are really sorry. But in my place, most people keep on saying sorry without any effort and keep on repeating same mistakes. So I guess people are people but in my part, I am always the one who say sorry even if it's not my fault just to end whatever misunderstanding. Can I say sorry easily? my answer is "it depends".
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 Apr 12
Pride seems to be a very common answer chosen by people.It is difficult to transact with people with ease when there are hangups like this.
• Philippines
19 Apr 12
It is a very common answer because it is the only answer. Imagine a person who has less pride. We became boastful and start bragging things because of our pride, we do not accept comments and suggestions from other people who has low educational level because of our pride that we are much more knowledgeable than them, we do not back down from any fights because of our pride that we are strong and cannot easily the defeated in any way, we argue a lot because of our pride that we are much more smarter than anybody else, and so on. That is what mostly who we are, and that is made us monsters sometimes. I can't imagine a person having immeasurable pride.
@allknowing (60336)
• India
18 Apr 12
The word 'sorry' is not as simple as it looks. The moment one admits a fault along with it comes the obligation of making good the losses if any, caused by one's mistakes. Not all will simply forgive a person and say 'Let bygones be bygones'.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 Apr 12
Sometimes we make mistakes that are irrevocable in some real major issues.Here a simple 'sorry' would not do.But even in a simple thing like making a friend wait for a long time does not get a 'sorry' easily.People do get inconvenienced and a little bit of sensitivity would go a long way .I am not referring to some major issues but just simple transactions or issues where there needs to be some cooperation.
@allknowing (60336)
• India
18 Apr 12
If one is cultured then in such cases as you have mentioned an apology comes naturally.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Apr 12
It is not all the time that saying sorry is so hard to do. It only become harder to say it if you really mean it. But most people now-a-days are not afraid to say it, they just keep on throwing sorries away.
1 person likes this
@ryanong (9695)
• Vietnam
19 Apr 12
If i think i am right, i wont say sorry, for sure. However if i think that, ah, i am wrong already, better say sorry then i say sorry. However i don't know why my boyfriends sometime told me that i am so stubborn, don't know to say sorry also. But how? after analysis whole things, i still feel that i am right, why i have to say sorry?
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15045)
• United States
19 Apr 12
I agree, and especially as regards boyfriends. They are stubborn themselves but do not like to see it in a woman. That is just silly. Some women say they are sorry just to avoid a fight, but I think that is a bad mistake.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 May 12
Best thing is to keep a gentle distance thta would avoid treading on anoter's toe.But thsi never happens.
@ryanong (9695)
• Vietnam
10 May 12
I like your sentence: They are stubborn themselves but do not like to see it in a woman. My boyfriend is that type...hix
@savypat (20247)
• United States
18 Apr 12
I think that for many people saying you are sorry seems like a weakness. Because of that they are afraid to say it, because others might think they are weak. Well I learned a long time ago that to say I am sorry means just that I am sorry, in fact it means I am strong and respect myself enough that I can ask for forgiveness and admit that I was wrong. Except with Hubby, with him I never admit I'm wrong?
1 person likes this
@patgalca (14236)
• Orangeville, Ontario
18 Apr 12
Very well said, that saying I'm sorry is actually a show of strength. I just feel that my "I'm sorry" will be used against me.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
I guess that is because your siblings have used it against you and always made you apologize even when they have offended you.Youngest child is a victim of this 'good ' behaviour .Once we become old the adult in us protests and gets defensive. Or, is my guess wrong?
@jkct02 (2859)
• Malaysia
20 Apr 12
I know no man is perfect. We all make mistakes. So for me, to say sorry or to apologize, is not something very hard to do. But I have to admit that it is not really easy to do either. It is not about to actually say it that is hard, it is the manner, or the right time to say it out, that is hard to grasp sometimes.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Apr 12
True.Everything must be done at the appropriate time; sometimes it can make you so uncomfortable you postpone it till you realise it might get worse.
1 person likes this
@bagumbayan (2707)
• Philippines
19 Apr 12
If I am wrong I say sorry. In arguments and I am wrong I am saying I am sorry. But sometimes just to end up a very heated arguments I also say I am sorry. It will not lessen my personality, just letting that person we are not all perfect as you were saying.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 May 12
That is a very effective way of shutting a person up but sometimes people think they must have the last word and this is why arguments go on and on.
@derek_a (10902)
19 Apr 12
I feel that it is important to acknowledge if I have made a mistake and will apologize. When our emotions are involved in a situation, we can so easily jump to the wrong conclusion, as our experiences will tend to get affected by our emotions. It is very difficult to see that one is wrong in such a situation. There is an old saying that the "truth will set you free" and this is so very true. To not admit to a mistake is almost like telling a lie. The ego can get in the way so easily like this and the other old saying that "pride comes before a fall" is true.. As a Zen practitioner, I always live with the intent of never letting pride get in the way of what is true, even if I do end up looking foolish.. It is only temporary after all. _Derek
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
9 May 12
That is a very mature response in true Derek style.THanks for the response and sorry for the late comment.
@patgalca (14236)
• Orangeville, Ontario
18 Apr 12
I find it a bit easier to say "I'm sorry" than to say "I was wrong". Who likes to admit they are wrong? I don't think I've said it too many times... though I say it a lot to my kids. With my husband I have more trouble with it. I think it's because it makes me vulnerable and puts him in a power position. My husband is not possessive, controlling or abusive, I just feel "small" if I admit I'm wrong. When he apologizes for something I don't believe him because, as I say to him, "You're just going to go out and do it again." So perhaps the real reason for it being difficult is that when you say you are sorry you are saying you will not do it again, and you can't guarantee you won't do it again. As Dr. Phil says, when you say "but" that means forget everything I said before that. So if you say "I'm sorry, but..." and give an excuse then you are not really apologizing, you are making excuses. You say you have no trouble saying you're sorry if you have inconvenienced someone. That is an easier situation to say I'm sorry. I will always apologize for being late or whatever. But when my husband takes off early from work to go golfing and doesn't tell me and shows up late for dinner, then apologizes. I don't accept that apology because I know there is a good chance he'll do it again (yes, this just happened recently). The biggest "I'm sorry" I have ever had to say was to the two men who were possible bio-dads. I told the one who wasn't the father that the baby was his and he stuck with me right until the test results came in. It took months but when we decided to start a relationship again we talked about it and I apologized. I took some bad advice. I also apologized to bio-dad because I think I put him through a bad time too. Whether he appreciated the apology I don't know. He has 4 kids with 4 different women so it was something he's used to. I will not apologize to my siblings because I feel they owe me a heck of a lot of apologies. I am the youngest and they continue to treat me like a baby even though I'm almost 50 years old! Having said all that, I think it really depends on the situation and how extreme the "mistake" is and as you said how it affected the other person.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
As I am going through the responses I realize I have a tough task ahead--one of choosing the best response. There have been so many insights here and I thank you for your excellent response.As you have rightly pointed out, if it is an inconvenience and we observe the small courtesy it is not a major thing and the next time it is likely to happen we would be forewarned.But it would be an irritating thing if it is recurring thing followed by a meaningless 'sorry'.I too feel the same way about siblings.
• Puerto Rico
18 Apr 12
I can apologize easily. If I am wrong I am wrong and I can live with that. Some people think that they are perfect and that they are always right. This is what causes that behavior. Their ego can grow enough that the can lose many friends. Arrogant people tend to have few friends. They self centered nature tends to put off a lot of people. I know people that are so arrogant they have trouble making friendships last. If they argue at some point with a friend they prefer to put an end to a friendship than saying their sorry.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
20 Apr 12
I can relate to what you have meant. It takes all sorts to make the world and probably these people are also comfortable with no friends.They must be pretty self contained.
@balasri (26554)
• India
18 Apr 12
Hi Kala. Nice to see you after a long time and that that too relating to a subject which is very close to my heart .I always am proud of myself for admitting my mistakes and readily saying sorry. My wife always complains that she is never able to have a quarrel with me as I always douse her fire with a sorry immediately. No, it is not for convenience sake I am made that way. I always like to admit my mistake so that I can create a space to learn the right thing. Coming to the problem you are citing the main cause is the arrogance of the people that prevents them from admitting their mistakes. Some people cannot be right and they try to be right by trying to make their wrongs right. They are pathetic and we have to pity them as they are doomed to stay stagnant unable to explore all the vistas of the joy in this wonderful life.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Apr 12
Hullo Bala! You have not been too active here .I am yet to respond to the other response of yours[I had done so earlier and it did not go through and then I left it];it is good that you have this quality.I too do not hesitate to do this but sometimes it works the other way too where people easily shift some blame on to a person like us.Close people like spouse or child would not do it but there are many others. Thanks a lot for the participation.
@Sreekala (20430)
• India
18 Apr 12
Dear Kala, It is difficult to handle egoistic people. Those people never ready to accept their mistakes even though they realized the mistake. . Personally I don’t hesitate to ask a sorry if I know that mistake is with me. When I use the word ‘sorry’ I really mean it, I won’t ask an apology passively to satisfy anybody. At the same time, if I am sure that I have not done any mistake then it is difficult to get an apology from me.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
Hullo SHree! how is your health now? You should never apologize when you feel you are right.THis will only weaken you and make a person cowardly.I am also like this.
@mohkanari (1957)
• India
18 Apr 12
I think persons who can tell at least " sorry" to another person to whom he/she did an improper or wrong act are having attitude blessed by God. It is pleasant to have such persons in our home, office and all fields of life we work.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
True. Genuine words are what everyone likes to hear.It is not too difficult but unfortunately some people are very defensive.
• Nigeria
18 Apr 12
i have said sorry many times when i realised that i was wrong in an issue.nobody is perfect,we all make mistakes and we should learn how to say sorry when we are wrong
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
This maintains one's won individual peace too apart from setting things right.Welcome to the forum and thanks for participating.
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
its not easy for me to say sorry especially when i know that i have done nothing wrong. but when it is my fault, i immediately give my apology tot the person because i dont want to have this guilty feeling. but when i know that its not my mistake, why should i say sorry. i find it really hard.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
We cannot apologize for something we have not done.Why should we after all? It only becomes a necessity when we ask someone to do something for us and we do not cooperate. or recognize it.
• Philippines
18 Apr 12
Yes people behave differently and their response to situation is also different that is why making apologies and asking for excuses might be hard for them.Yes it is an obvious reason that is related to one's arrogance and pride right but then they might be proud of doing such because it can compensate them.Precisely these people are naive with their own behaviors unaware that is socially unacceptable and that they are hurting lots of people already.Family upbringing and lots of factors contribute to ones behavior maybe socially i could say.But who can guess they might change one day and eventually realized their own mistakes.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
Each to one's own.But when people hurt others in their transactions then these simple courtesies go a long way in maintaining cordiality.
@thesids (22367)
• Bhubaneswar, India
18 Apr 12
Dear Kalav Unfortunately, Sorry today has lost much of its value specially in countries where people find the word sorry a great way to save things. Unlike this person who doesnt say sorry easily, I have known people who would say Sorry at the drop of a hat and hey, they dont mean anything... it is just some word they need to say. I fail to understand why the need to say sorry when you arent anyway! But then, sometimes it is good to find people who are too egoistic and too shrewd not to say Sorry... at least the word doesnt go waste with them. Personally, I neither say Sorry nor Thanks or even Thank You unless I genuinely have the need and the feeling of guilt or even happiness. I have been mistaken for this attitude of mine many times even here at mylot but I have grown to learn that and respect the words that I say. And many do believe that saying Sorry is politeness but then how many care for this politeness in today's world? Here in the real world, you know how things are in present days and many a times you would get wrongly interpreted as trying to lobby or persuade for personal gains. Sad happenings in today's world I guess.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
19 Apr 12
There is no point uttering meaningless 'sorry's when you do not mean a thing. Going out of your way or currying favours would only be interpreted as fake and behaviour with vested interest ;The fact remains that simple courtesies are forgotten at times .I guess it is the way of the world.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
10 May 12
Ah, sounds like me. I am aware of my mistakes but it's hard for me to apologize. Rather than apologizing, I would just change what need to be changed at the time and do something extra for the person. I guess, I am the 'arrogant' type... If I am sound boastful to my faults, blame it to the old age which makes me accepting all about me comfortably...
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 May 12
I don't believe you are the 'arrogant' type because you yourself say you make amends by doing something extra when you have regretted some action of yours.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
18 May 12
Ah, but it is hard for me to admit it...
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 May 12
@SViswan (12072)
• India
23 Apr 12
I personally do not mind saying 'sorry' if I have made a mistake. I even apologize to my kids when I am wrong. I see nothing wrong in that. Having said that, I have to admit that there are people to whom I do not apologize even when I am wrong. These are the people who have used my apology back at me when I have apologized for mistakes earlier. My apology was used as an excuse to prove me wrong in everything else I did. So, I refuse to apologize to these people. I also know a few people who are insensitive and do not apologize for their mistakes. Even when they know they have done wrong, they assume the other person has forgiven them and it is their birthright to be forgiven for everything they say or do.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Apr 12
You had echoed so many of my thoughts Sandhya! Thanks a lot for the response. It is such a long time since we saw you here.How are you and how is your family? Do drop in and start some discussions. Hope all is well at your end.
@SViswan (12072)
• India
23 Apr 12
Thanks for the BR! It's been a while since I've been here. We are all fine and at Trivandrum right now. Each of us busy with our own thing :-) I also have my exams coming up next month. Hope all is well your end and the little one is keeping you on your toes :-) I have discussion topics that crop up in my mind...but it's too late by the time I log on next and I forget it by then..lol
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
20 Apr 12
well it would be easy for a person to say sorry when you he or she is not being serious about it but it is very hard to say sorry when you are sincere.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Apr 12
When you are sincerely sorry it is easier isn't it? We express regret for some mistake of ours and thereafter our conscience is at total peace.
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
23 Apr 12
i believe that every actions got consequences, i try to make things right but we are not perfect. i just try to learn form my mistakes though it is really hard sometimes. and also sometimes the meaning of sorry is not there anymore because it is like overused. i always say sorry to my boyfriend when i feel like he doesn't like what i said or something like that but he tells me not to be sorry because it's all good i just want to be sorry to people because i don't want and try not to hurt other people's feelings especially knowing that we can not please everybody.
1 person likes this
• India
10 May 12
I felt very difficult to tell sorry to everyone. We people used to tell sorry if we something wrong to them by mistake, which can make create for the other persons. Really we people just get rid from the mistakes which we did by telling a single word sorry. I wounder what we people do if such a word is not find.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
18 May 12
Sorry for the late comment;'sorry' when uttered for the sake of it without any real feeling can easily be done without.THanks a lot for sharing your views.