Being too selfish

@gaiza12 (4889)
Philippines
April 23, 2012 1:52pm CST
I know it's bad to be too selfish in a relationship, but i just can't help it. I really want to have him on some days. I am in a long distance relationship and most of you know how hard it is. My bf works on call so we really can't tell when we can have our days spent together online. Sometimes we do, only if he is booked to work on that day, but most of the time we don't know when he will be called to report for duty. Today we had our 2nd movie night date, we loved it the first time we did it so we are planning to do this weekly maybe if God permits. He had a call to work night shift and he asked me if it was fine if he reports to work. And, the selfish Gaiza said no. Well, I didn't say the big NO word but I looked at the camera and turned my head from left to right and vice versa (--we talk on webcam only). We had finished our movie when he got the call, but I was still enjoying the time with him, and I don't want it to end. I am now starting to think I am so selfish for not allowing him to work. It's his only means of living there and that is the reason why he has to leave our country. After I said no, I told why I said it, of course I didn't say I wanted him all by myself tonight....I thought of many other reasons why he has to stay at home. Boy, I am so mean and my conscience is kinda eating me now.. I just wanted to share this to you. Do you think I am too selfish? Should I have just asked for him to stay so we can spend the night together? You really can't blame me though, I haven't seen my bf in person for 2years and a month..thinking to have him by myself just for a night is not really bad at all right?
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
It's not really selfish for someone to demand some time from his/her partner especially when both of you have been away for 2 years. It would even be much better for you both to spend some time while you're still together before he goes back to where he needs to work which is at a very long distance. I still haven't tried that yet, but someday soon I know it will happen. I know the first few months of a long distance relationship would be very difficult. But it really depends on how both you kept the relationship strong after all the trials. I guess constant communication and trust is very important in this case since it would be very difficult without it. What do you think? :)
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
Correct! Trust and communication is always in our list to keep our relationship going. We still don't know when he will be back here in our country, but I am always praying that it will be very soon.
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
That's sad. You must have missed him a lot don't you. It's understandable. And I'm pretty sure he understands you too. Well, I wish both of you all the best then. I'm sure you could go through it. :)
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I really do miss him so much. We're hanging on. Thanks!
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
Hey there gaiza. I don't find it as being selfish. Every girl who has been away from their loved one would really demand some time. Especially in your case, you are in a long distance relationship and it's hard for the two of you to spend time together. Really, it's not selfish. I find it cute actually that you said No. You're just being a girl that wants to be with her man all the time.
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
Hahah..you're so cute as well , or at least I find your comment cute. You may not have been in my situation before but I know for sure that being in a long distance relationship or not, a girl will always find ways just to be with the man he loves .
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
True that. Need I say more? Haha. That goes to show how attached you are to him. It's normal to say No sometimes, just don't make it a habit. He also has to work harder--for your future. Haha!
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I know it's for our future that is why he is working his hardest in another country. But, he should also be working hard for our relationship to last especially when we both know that we are in this kind of relationship.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 12
I found it okay to feel that way since you haven't seen him in person for years.(^^) That is just once in a while. i don't feel like you are being selfish but just play to be the one since you allowed him to go off for work at last~ Anyway it is depends on your bf as well. If he fine with it then you should worry on nothing. If he is a kind of workaholic he might find it uncomfortable when her gf does not allowed him to reports to work~(^^)
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
He didn't report because I asked him not to, but he did it because of his own decision. I didn't ask why he said no to the job because I already felt the winner at that time. He's only workaholic when it's needed because he really doesn't gets a call everyday. That is why even if he has other plans, he really has to cancel it for his work.
1 person likes this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
24 Apr 12
I didn't ask why he said no to the job because I already felt the winner at that time You must felt like this at that time~ It is good he knows what he should do. If he can make a choice then it is up to him to accept it or not.
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
I really felt that time..haha. I know it's a little bad to do that but he decided not to work so I was not really the only one to be blamed for him not getting his pay for one day.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
That is pretty normal for you to feel that gaiza, but as you can see it is his work and it is his future and maybe yours as well for him to save money.. so you better stretch your patience more till the time you and him are together.
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
I am stretching it really far hard and I am losing my patience already . Two years is really long and I miss the days we were together. I know it's his future that he is saving on but he also has to know that in order for us to have a future together, he should also invest on that by giving me time. He give me time alright, a lot of time..but for me, it's just not enough because it can never be enough especially when that time is only spent through skype.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
I do understand you, as when my and my husband ( bf then) was away, i found it hard to control my patience. Plus back then skype and the like are not that "in".. but you have to learn that gaiza, think of it this way, imagine this you and him are both married and he has to work for living, for you and your family... lack of time to communicate really happen, if you let that impatience get you and him, it might cause some problems..sometimes in a relationship you have to sacrifice how you feel for that person you love.
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
You are right, I really should learn how to be more patient and learn how to sacrifice for our own good. Thanks for sharing and for the advice.
@jureathome (5363)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
Wanting to spend more time with your boyfriend is normal, who wouldn't want to be with the man they love. In my opinion, telling them not to go to work is not just being selfish but being irrational. Sorry to have said that, but I also had my share of that experience. In your case, however, you know that it will be a long distance relationship, right from the start. So, you need to be more understanding about his situation. I'm sure its harder for him to leave you and see you sad about him going away. Isn;t it possible for him to find another job, that won't demand too much of his time away from you?
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
His job doesn't take him away from me for too long, it's just that we have different times. I start my duty when he wakes up and when he arrives home after work, it's already dawn here so I am basically sleeping. I think being irrational if a better word than saying selfish. You are correct with that. I wasn't really thinking of being rational that time. Maybe due to being so happy.
@jonnifc (1021)
• Philippines
23 Apr 12
I understand that you would want to spend as much time with him as you can, considering you're in an LDR. Sometimes you just want to take hold of whatever meager time you can get with him. If it is okay for his supervisor or employer that he says no sometimes to a call to work, then I think there's nothing to be worried about. I don't think he'll lose his job because of it since it's okay for them. But if it's imperative that he goes to work once he gets a call, well it was his decision not to go. You just said what you wanted, he could have said no to you if he wanted to. So think of it this way, you get your wish this one time, but next time, just let him go. It would also show him that his job is important to you as well. He'd appreciate that. =)
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
You know what, i have this feeling so many times before, you know being selfish, but I think this was the only time this wanting was so strong that I never didn't think of the bad effects that may happen with his job. I was just so much enjoying the time with him. I know his job is very important because he does not always gets a call. I will also be worried if he doesn't get a call because that would mean less money for him. If only he can get a new job where he could be a regular, but it's just so hard to get a job there. Of course, i didn't force him to stay, I even asked him what his decision would be. I won, he stayed, no job for one day..that's it, next time I will really be thinking for the good for both of us and not just for my own satisfaction. Thanks
• United States
23 Apr 12
It is not wrong to be selfish in a relationship, not at all. But you do have to know that there are times that he is going to have to go off and do the things he needs to do to grow in his life or in career. Just treasuring the time you have with them is the best thing you can do.
1 person likes this
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
23 Apr 12
Exactly. I have read an article before about not being selfish and letting your partner do the things he has to do without you, especially when you are in a long distance relationship. We talk everyday but not this kind of talk, tonight is really one of the best nights we have that is why I don't want it to end.
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
I know how you feel. You are not selfish. You are being reasonable. It's really hard to be in that situation. You're not being selfish because you just want one night. If I were in your shoes, I don't know if I can last two years without seeing my boyfriend. It's just too hard. I admire you for this.
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
If you really love the person, you should really not let your patience fall to it's lowest point but you have to be very very patient and strong for the long distance relationship to last. That is why we are doing something to keep our relationship stronger than ever by doing new stuff like watching a movie together even only through skype. Thanks for sharing
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
Awww, maybe I will do the same too. I haven't experienced yet having a boyfriend that I see every week and turns into long-distance. But maybe I'll persevere too, I really don't know. I just haven't experienced that yet and I wish I won't, never in my life.
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
30 Apr 12
I hope you really don't experience this kind of relationship, because it is really very hard. You'll never understand the feeling until you yourself have experienced it, so don't pray for it and find a guy who will love you and never leave your side, for richer or for poorer.
1 person likes this
@BigMoney25 (1267)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
It's because there is a problem in the relationship that's why you are becoming selfish but we can't blame you because it's just human nature especially when you already miss your partner. Well don't be hopeless just stay positive and everythings going to be fine if you will persevere to save the relationship and if you really love each other you guys can make it.
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
I don't actually see any problems with our relationship now. I can only tell our relationship has become more stronger while we are apart. But yes, we really miss each other so much and we are holding on to our relationship because we love each other. thanks for sharing
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
23 Apr 12
It's hard to say if you are too selfish. But fact is he needs an income and I wonder how he can ask you not to go over. A job is a job, a call is a call. If you would do that over here (refuse to go) they would kick you out. I also wonder why you can't set an oter date/time if he has to work. ONly the second time you met by cam/watching movie during all these years? Really?
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
We talk everyday on skype with cam of course, but it was the 2nd time we watch the same movie together online. He has the right to say no to the job because he is not regular there, he is just on call. So the chances of being kicked out is really low. It's hard to set a date/time because we really don't know when he will receive a call to go on duty. But as much as possible we get to talk everyday. Communication is after all a very important matter when it comes to long distance relationships.