I don't feel like seeing anybody..

Hello Lotters, I have been having this way and feeling for recent years, I thought it was just easy to brush it off. but some how, i don't feel like ready to see any one recently. last year i felt embarass for seeing my college friends and i am the only one who didn't bring any gift to that class mates. 2 years i attended that mylot conference but i felt the same feeling because i didn't share the expenses and failed to engage a conversation. Now, the tres marias during that mylot meet up wanted to see me or visit me at my house. I sure hope they don't take pics at my home because it's a huge mess (duh, it is). not that i don't want them, at some point i wanted to be visited. but the truth is am at my worst scenario these days, you can say am at my very low low thing, and i didn't want others to see like this. another thing is with out knowing my insecurity and selfishness started to rise and i can't stop it... I tried so hard to improve myself again, knowing others had more problems..but I'm too slow, and time rans faster than i ever imagined. Something is wrong with me and i know it...