How to Deal with High Maintenance People

@gloryacam (5546)
Philippines
April 24, 2012 1:32am CST
My brother is self-absorbed, irresponsible, high-strung, alcoholic, irritable and worst, suicidal. I have been the most patient and understanding person in the family but it may take a while until he absorbs all of my energy, too. He likes causing fights among us and I just don't know what to do anymore. How do I deal with it? We've brought him to doctors and he came up clean, only to discover later that he had been lying. I don't know what to do anymore.
2 people like this
14 responses
• India
24 Apr 12
it is not easy. unfortunate for you that you have deal with your brother who is of no good to you. my advice would be to be more patient incase you dont want to upset him. is he medical unfit or what? what is the reason for this behaviour? a psychologist might of help. but the first thing is be patient
• India
24 Apr 12
at times a second opinion helps a lot...:0 happy mylotting
• India
25 Apr 12
it is understandable for him to lie. dont worry. if you get a good psychologist, he would understand this and treat him accordingly.
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
24 Apr 12
is this your younger brother or your older brother? if he is older, i would say that he just wants attention. maybe he's got to much. you know the squeecky wheel gets the oil. i say you shouldn't pay him anymore attention. do the tough love thing. my eight year old daughter is high maintenance, but she is a little girl. i'm sorry, but that's just the way your brother is acting. this is way i wonder what his place in the family was.
@gloryacam (5546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
Yes, we have to let him on his own, but not totally abandon him. He does have a lot of demons to battle with, but, I guess we have to let him face them on his own, but still make him feel that we will still be there for him no matter what.
• Philippines
24 Apr 12
@ gloryacam, Did your family tried to send him to a rehabilitation center or seek for medical help? Maybe he need a professional assistance regarding his behavior hope he will be better and more patience after all he is your brother happy mylotting
@gloryacam (5546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
We have gone to some doctors before for his psychiatric evaluation, and they did not have any pressing issue to deal with. But, we discovered he was lying during the interviews, so I don't know if they missed something. I guess now, it would be hard for us to bring him to seek medical help ~ unless he volunteers himself, because he left the house. I just hope that he learns to take care of himself now that he's out there.
• United States
24 Apr 12
There is something he is after and has not received as of yet. I think in time he will learn his lesson. not until then will he stop acting this way. It may very well be something wrong that was missed.
@gloryacam (5546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
I hope he learns his lesson soon enough. He's out of the house and on his own and I hope that he learns how to take care of himself and to realize that he was lucky when he was in our home.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
24 Apr 12
Please read back what you wrote about your brother. It's time to pull back, take your hands of him. Your brother is not willing to change and this is way too much for you to handle. The way your brother lives is his own choice. He has to change, he needs to want the change, he has to ask for help. If not nobody can help him. It may sound hard but this is the fact. You can not change anyone who is not willing to change. Sounds to me your brother is not, just loves to make others feel as miserable as he does (and blames them for his misery).
@gloryacam (5546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
I guess, you're right. He needs to change on his own. And we cannot really do anything unless he himself changes his self. He and my mom had a fight recently and he moved out (in our country, our families are usually extended. My mom and this brother lives with me.) I hope that as he goes about looking for real job ~ his own job (we used to have him help in the family business), he comes to appreciate how lucky he is with us. I guess that we have really spoiled him rotten, and so he could not even 'stand on his own two feet'. So, I hope that as he fends for himself, he'll mature.
• India
24 Apr 12
Try to make him bussy and do something imotional things by that he will realise the care you doing for him.
@gloryacam (5546)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
We have done that, and it has not worked. He and my mom had a big fight, and he's out of the house, and out of our business. I guess that what he has to learn is how to be on his own.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
26 Apr 12
This is something that I have a hard time dealing with because of the fact that I'm a really low-maintenance person. With that said, one of the ways that I deal with someone that is really high-maintenance is that I try to associate with them as little as possible. I understand that this is something that is difficult to do when it is your own family, however, if your brother is an adult, having the family pull away from him some will force him to start to stand on his own feet.
@megamatt (14331)
• United States
25 Apr 12
I cannot really handle being around high maintenance people, if they are family or complete strangers. I have no patience with pleasing people and obviously people who seem to need an extraordinary amount of power pleasing to say all of the time. Especially when these people have all of those problems, but they don't want to admit to any of them and it is always someone else's problem. It wouldn't really know what to do in this situation because that would be frustrating. Obviously you are doing about as much that can be do, besides throwing him in a room and locking the door, isolated from everything else until he rather gets clean. Which would not be practical for any reasons. It was rather frustrating to deal with.
@averygirl72 (16656)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
That is really challenging situation, I have few slightly high maintenance people around but I can manage so far. You need more, extra more patience and understanding, I guess in order to survive.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
he needs professional help, like a rehabilitation or something.. but i am not sure if we have those kinds of facilities here... hope you will be able to sort this out glory.
• United States
24 Apr 12
Get him into a rehab center. Get an intervention set up and tell him how you feel
@beenice2 (2274)
• Canada
24 Apr 12
Would he go to a psychiatric if you drove him there? The first thing is to pray on it. God can help you find a solution. I understand that your brother is a burdenfor you now but he still your brother, ask for help .
@NailTech (6890)
• United States
24 Apr 12
I have a brother who is rather a big slob and hoards things here, hogs the TV, acts moody and just plain does not know how to save his money. It gets to be a drag with him sleeping on the couch every single night and watching TV all night there, too. The borrowing money has stopped for awhile, thank goodness. I just want to throw all his garbage out the windows though, he has piles of it around the house and even in the driveway, some cars hoarded with junk inside of them. people have come to the house asking if they can take the cars away and I have to always tell them no he's not interested when in fact I want to tell them to take it all away. We have family members like this in all our families I think, to a point. I wish you the best with yours.
@cher913 (25891)
• Canada
24 Apr 12
i am sorry that you have a brother like that, it must be quite tough to live with him. my daughter is sort of a princess (which we are trying to break her of and because she is getting older, she is starting to realize that the world does NOT revolve around her) but it has been a tough go. patience is the key. maybe you should try al-anon or some other type of group that could give you some help?