"I Am With Him Cause My Kid Needs A Dad"

@MoonGypsy (4615)
United States
April 25, 2012 12:03pm CST
do you believe this statement when you hear that from women who are in bad relationships. i don't. i see it this way. alot of women use there daddy issues to do things that cause them bad karma. including get with bad men. when i hear women say this, it's not the kids that needs a dad, it you. i know that all their problems in life is because the don't have a dad (sarcasm), but the kid may not even react to it the same way. the kid may grow up and not feel the need to use it as an excuse not to reach their 100%. i think the need for the man is the woman's. it usually has nothing to do with the kid. all self motivated. what do you think?
3 people like this
15 responses
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
25 Apr 12
Unfortunately, I do believe it. I hear it all the time from some of these women that are in these bad and abusive relationships. I get frustrated with it. I listen to their stories and I try to encourage them to get help and get out. When they are upset, they say the will and they are so done with the relationship. The next day or sometimes even the next hour, they are all over it and making excuses. I left an abusive marriage many years ago and I know how hard it is, how scary it is, etc. I know all about the low esteem...all of it. I also know how much kids need a happy stress free home environment and a happy, non-stressed out mom. Sometimes two people are better parents for the kids apart than they are together.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
you sound like you talk from experience. it's true people just need to have confidence in themselves and do what they have to do. either that, or at least don't use your children as the reason why you make that kind of choice. this is because if you have to end up miserable for the rest of your life, your are not blaming your kids for it when you have to end up that way.
@marianne87 (3526)
25 Apr 12
Some women think they can't cope alone, particularly if they have children. Personally, if I felt I or my children were in danger, I wouldn't think twice about leaving. I have been in an abusive relationship when I was 16/17 and I got the hell out of there. Nobody has the right to control me or hurt me. Its such a shame some women don't feel strong enough to leave, and make excuses.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
i had to leave a domestic violence relationship. i remember using my kids as an excuse not to leave. in all actuality, i was hiding behind my kids so that i wouldn't have to leave. i was afraid to go it alone.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
26 Apr 12
I did that same thing, Moon. At the time, I have to say that the fear was so very real. I really did not think I could support them on my own. My ex ended up in jail shortly after we seperated so there was no child support coming in so my fears were pretty real. With help from family and friends...well, obviously I did it...I'm here still and that was over 20 years ago. The support system for women is so so much stronger now. If I made it work back then, I believe any woman can especially now with all the help available. I remember one conversation with my councellor when I was just so tired of the struggle. I broke down and said that I was just so exhausted. I said that I didn't think I could go on like this and I think I mentioned getting back with my ex just for the financial security once he got out of jail. He said something to me to the effect of ..."Do you have any idea of how strong you really are and how much energy it took you to live that life and put on that front that nothing was wrong?" He pointed out that if I'd stop wasting energy worrying about it that I had plenty of energy to cope. He was right...obviously.
@berting600 (3461)
• Philippines
25 Apr 12
It is never a bad karma to any woman who likes to save their marriage.Some says that they must save their husband because her daughter needs a father to bring her to the altar during nuptial ceremony.I believe that women save their husbands because of their unconditional love to their partners.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
you must not be from the u.s. i would be surprised if you were. than again, perhaps you are from utah. lol. just joking. i respect your opinions and your culture. i also respect the woman's choice to sacrifice herself and stay with her bad man until he becomes good. lol. just don't say that it is for the sake of the kids.
1 person likes this
@doroffee (4233)
• Hungary
26 Apr 12
I clearly don't agree with them. I may believe some, mostly because they are loits of women, who have been forced to believe and worship society's expectations and how it's better for them and the kids to stay in a bad relationship to be alone. They need to understand that most kids feel the tension when two people who can't live together anymore have to do so... and that's not good for them.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
thank yo so much for your post, doroffee. i do believe society is particularly to blame for this kind of thing. for example what you see about relationships and family in the media is not what necessarily goes on in real life. that's what i think women needs to realize.
• United States
25 Apr 12
ya i agree, there just making a coup out when they say this, it depends on how she acts which makes the kids feel excepted or not
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
well the women that i am talking about in particular both got pregnant to try to keep a man. on second thought, only one of them. the other one just had been trying to get pregnant ever since she was 14. one of the times was with her step father. the person i am talking about is my half sister.
• United States
25 Apr 12
I never thought staying in a bad relationship for my child would be good. so,at three I took her and went to a shelter. I do think she would be in a different place in her life had she had a role model or father figure. But,never would I feel an one should stay for the child it is selfish..
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
26 Apr 12
you are right, it is selfish because it's really not for the sake of the child at all. it's for them and their ego. it is also for their daddy issue unresolved. my sister in law even admitted as much.
• United States
25 Apr 12
It is good for a child to have a mentor in a 'dad' role, and a mentor in a 'women' role...however those may come about...but it is not essential. I also believe that quick romances is just the woman longing for someone to be with and their own doubts they qualify with it being good for their child to have another adult mentor.
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
27 Apr 12
Well a good dad, yes. If the father is really bad, then no. But the truth is, the Father has more influence on the children, than the mother will ever have.
• United States
26 Apr 12
Yes it is self motivated because most of the time the woman grew up without a dad. They Want their child to have a dad. The goodness or badness of the man they choose has little to do with it. Many will keep the family together for their child/children. But there are also the women who are not complete without a man. So there will always be a man. The fact that he may not be a good mate or father will not matter.
@doryvien (2293)
• United States
26 Apr 12
It's not healthy for a woman, single or married, or single mom, to stay in bad relationships, and its even more unhealthy for the kids if the mom goes in and out of bad relationships. So, anybody saying that statement in your title as a reason for staying in bad relationships is BS.
• Jacksonville, Florida
26 Apr 12
As many have said already here they are not doing it for the kids at all. They stay either out of fear of the man himself, fear of being alone, fear of losing the financial support or fear of having to play both roles (mommy and daddy). I think most of the time its an excuse but when your afraid of the person himself of him killing you its a whole different thing...
@stanley777 (7176)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
If the girl is not in good terms with the kid's father, why would she use the kid as an excuse just to be with him. I don't understand, she could just ask the guy for support. There's no use on living with him unless she had something in her mind other than the welfare of the kid.
• India
26 Apr 12
This is wrong way to describe or I can say to hide your main intention. That does not mean for your child yuo must have to induldge in bad relationships.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
26 Apr 12
Well i am not sure if this is right. We had kids before we got married for reasons we want to see how things will go and lucky for me, both me and hubby are working so hard to make it worth it and it did work out... but there are those in relationships where they are abused and still end up sticking with the guy when it fact it is obvious as the guy is not worth it...sometimes denial sets in and that sentence is only a pity excuse.
• Sri Lanka
26 Apr 12
I'm growing up without a DAD, and yes it hard.. But a good things is, you don't have to see your mother or parents to suffer from a bad relationship..