I feel like things have gone too far for me to handle.

United States
May 4, 2012 3:46pm CST
M nerves are so bad that I started smoking again. I am praying this will not become a habit I can't get away from. My head is about to explode with all the feelings running through it. I can't get a break at all. I had to go see my therapist about it because no one can help me with this. My daughter turns 18 on may 12th. I go back to court on may 14th. The police most likely will serve my child that day as well. The problem I am having is m heart feels heavy with pain. I don't want to put m child on the street. My therapist told me that I need to do this because she does not care about my mental health. I know this and trust me I understand it all. I let him read all of my police reports as well. My daughter just started working an she works walking distance to our home. If she gets put out she may ver well lose her job. The shelters or her friends are not here. Plus the loser is going to jail this month. My therapist said,I feel this way beause of the mother instincts I have. I want so bad to just file these papers and have my mother serve her and then give her a month to find a place. But,it will not happen like that. why did she just not listen and follow the rules. now,I am sitting here confused about what will happen to the relationship in the future. she will never want me in her life after this. It is also stressing me how nice she is with me right now. Like nothing ever happened.
5 people like this
11 responses
• United States
5 May 12
Take deep breaths my friend, I can sense your anxiety. You know this is the way it has to be. With all that has happened you have forgiven each other but not forgotten she knows this is coming. You have told her for years to respect you, your rules, respect Adrian and most of all herself. Has she done any of that? I would suggest you see your therapist as much as you are able during this step in your life, prior to May 14 and after May 14 to help you cope. Keep posting and updating! Thinking of you Gifts!
• United States
5 May 12
I will miss his session going to court. I will make a drop in visit to see what he says after court..
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (90075)
• Marion, Kansas
5 May 12
Yes, you are stressed. You have to listen to your therapist, and work on what is healthy for you. He certainly has changed his tune from when he wanted you to keep on helping KK. Kay is mentally ill. You cannot fix her. She is almost 18, and needs to decide to do something positive with her life. It is fantastic that she has a job. She will also have a check to rent an apartment with and the job to try to keep up with other stuff. You cannot do anything about the past or the future, you have the present, that is all. As for the smoking, you need to find something else you can do that soothes you instead and substitute it in for that habit before you get stuck.
2 people like this
• United States
5 May 12
He changed his mind after reading all the police reports. I was stressed and took them to him to help me sort out what to do.
1 person likes this
@MandaLee (3699)
• United States
4 May 12
I am sorry you are going through this with your daughter. It does get better! Please know that I am praying for you every day.
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 12
I am hoping for the best and thank you so very much. I will update after court.
1 person likes this
@NailTech (6892)
• United States
4 May 12
Is she finally going to work and being nice cause she knows she will be served on her bday? I'm not so sure if she stays this way til her bday it will be right to still serve her. She might be trying more now that she is working, but I would only cancel if she stays nice through out this whole time before May 12th, and then tell her you could have served her those papers on her bday but didn't as she's been more responsible and nicer. I'm torn on what you should do as well. I have known and ready some of your situations with her but not the whole thing I'm sure as I just joined here a few months ago or less. How bad would it look if she continued working and being nice, then still was served those papers on the 12th. I'm not so sure I could handle that, but then I'm not your and I don't known all the whole story, 100%.
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 12
She is being nice because she thinks already and she has said it that I will toss out her stuff on her birthday. I will not do that and I know the police will escort her off the property and this is why i am so stressed.
1 person likes this
@marianne87 (3526)
4 May 12
Of course it hurts you. She is your child, and you will never stop being her mother, and having a mother's love for her. I was an awful teenager, my parents went through a lot of stress because of me. They never tried to throw me out, but I was never really a danger to them, only to myself, so they didn't have a reason to. You can't give your daughter the help she needs, BECAUSE you're her mother. My parents could never help me when I was abusive to them, and wouldn't listen to a word they said. But maybe she will get herself sorted out, and you may be able to rebuild your relationship in the future. Good luck to you and your daughter. I can't imagine being in your situation, but my eldest is only 6, so who knows what could happen in the future.
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 12
The mother in me wants to cancel this court date. The other half of me can't sleep at night with this horror in m life. This has to come to an end or someone is going to get hurt. I need to come home and want to so bad. I hate living outside my home where the police are always searching for people. I had the police here because of her. but,here where I live this kind of activity does not happen. I am glad you can understand me and my situation. I do hope no one ever goes through this. I should have been a bit harder on her and a few other things. but,life is like that we can't go back and change anything. thanks.
1 person likes this
@Bluedoll (17035)
• Canada
4 May 12
This is an advice. We do not have to accept other peoples advice. We do what we believe is right. We follow our heart. We pray and ask God to lead us. I think this is the best advice you will ever get but then those are only my thoughts. I think you should quit smoke it is harmful to your health. My advice for inside of you is this. Stop! Stop doing for others. Do. Do the right thing. It is not what others are doing. It is always about what you are doing. You are the example we will use when we talk about the things that have gone so far. Be you. Follow your heart. God Bless
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 12
My friend is here and she loves this response. I am writing my child my last letter. I will hope and all will be fine. I am still going to court as planned. I just hope it ends well for me. thanks
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 12
It might be the wake up she needs to get a grip on her life. You dont need to be raising your daughter forever. She will be an adult soon and she isnt acting like one. I feel so bad for you right now. I cant imagine a harder lesson to have to teach your kids. You need to do what you feel right about, but make sure she knows you are serious. Your life and your mental health matter! Do what you need to do to take care of you.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 May 12
If I base it all on my mental health this is what I need to do. If I base it on my love for her this is what I can't do. But,like you said she may need this. I am torn with all this and I have to make up my mind. I know if I don't do it she will have another out burst n the cops will be here. I am so tired of this happening where I live. My landlord asked me to move because of her. This is a very safe and quiet place. I don't want to move out. he is willing to let me stay if she leaves. I am glad to read this. I have a lot to think about. there are people tellng me to let the police serve her but what kind of feelings would I be left with after that...
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (114068)
• Boise, Idaho
6 May 12
Your daughter seems to be very nice and so sweet when things are going her way OR when she knows she is in trouble. You really cannot expect to get better until she is out of the picture. Sad as it is. Glad to hear that 'the loser' is going to jail this month. Hopefully once Kay Kay is older she will realize that you did what you had to do as a mother and will forgive you.
@lisicong (36)
5 May 12
You must have been worried about these problems for some time.I don't know what had happened to you and your daughter in the past.I don't know that if you ever think that if I had not done ... I would ... I could feel that how important and precious the good relationship between parents and their children.There is an example happened some days ago around me.When I was at work at a bus station some days ago,a woman who looked very worried came towards me.she asked me if I had seen her son.She was so worried that she forgot to tell me how her son looked like.It turned to be that she came to the bus station to look for her son because her son had left home without leaving any message.I am so sorry for you because I don't give you a useful advice.I hope you all well soon.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36636)
• United States
9 May 12
You are right that the reason that you are feeling a lot of concern for your daughter is because of the motherly instincts that you have. However, I do think that in the situaion that you are in, you are right to send her out on her own because she really isn't doing anything for you other than making you sick on a regular basis. It will be hard to adapt to her being gone at first, but in the long run I really think it is what you need to do.
@Hatley (157523)
• Garden Grove, California
7 May 12
hi gifts others have already said things better than I can but I too think you should go ahead with the court date to save yourself. "She is now grown but she has a mental illness and should be made to take her meds.I am glad the loser will be in jail so she cannot house him. She will have money to pay rent and now she has a job so she should be fine. its time now for you to take care of you.dear Sharon I know as a mom myself you are hurting but you know what she has done before and you do know it cannot go on like this.give in and you could be facing real trouble as emotions flare, she hits you you hit back, no lets not even go down that dark path ,Listen to your therapist and get out of this mess now.yes thats it give her a month to find a place under police orders You know how you feel,trust your gut feeling ,you know she needs to live someplace else.She has this problem with bi polar and perhaps could be put in a group home for others with the same problems but you need home for yourself now.