When In Doubt (Don't Get Married)

Malaysia
May 6, 2012 12:50pm CST
Is it true that when you have doubt, you should not go ahead and get married? Because that is just what I feel like now. See... my fiance is working offshore. So once he goes to work, it is for 2 months ++. Of course they don't serve beer there. Whenever and everytime he comes back, it is like revenge time to drink for him. We will drink, like almost everyday... more than once or twice he started drinking before it was even noon time... and when he starts, he won't stop. I don't like this attitude. Couple of days ago, we went to a shopping complex with his mum. He told me he was going outside to smoke, but when he came back... I smelled beer. And then yesterday... he promised me to bring me out. But instead he went to his aunt's house to drink, because his aunt is selling beer. I called him and he said okey, I'm coming back now.. but when I called him again... he didn't pick up the phone. I went to his aunt's house and found him sitting there drinking and chatting with his uncle. It is not that he is a bad guy but I really cannot stand his drinking habit. When I speak to him, he just said that he's using his money to drink and not other people's money. Well... it is not about the money, it's about the drinking for me. What if he got sick because of his drinking habit, if I marry him, surely I am the one expected to look after him, not his mum or his family members! So now... I am really not sure what to feel or think. I text him a whole lot of things, he said he showed it to his mum!! Such a mama's boy! I know his mum surely will ask him to leave me, that's what she wants. I read somewhere that when in doubt, don't get marry. It says your heart is telling you something. I don't want to regret marrying him if he won't change the drinking habit. I just don't want to regret, what's the point of getting married if you will end up getting a divorce in the end?
2 people like this
7 responses
@KingEric (80)
• Philippines
7 May 12
Hello there! I'm a fine young man and I don't drink... (ehem) Just kidding. Okay, I'm going to share what I think. First of, do you love him? That's the question people think is the easiest question to answer nowadays and that's a sad fact. However, if you really reflect on this hard, you'll find it to be the most difficult question you've ever encountered when you're in this situation. The way I see it, and not that I'm judging, but by the things you've typed in here... your fiance has his own priorities. I do believe that marriage should be considered as sacred and not just treat it as a piece of paper and just rip it apart when it's over. When you get into this, you should already know that your partner is the one. The one, meaning that partner is someone you'll enjoy what's good in him, and accepts what's bad in him. AND that He will love and RESPECT you.... not to follow your requests or what you're saying... but to RESPECT you. Again, I believe that your fiance has his own priorities and that isn't you, "YET". My advice is, think about it twice... think again, think further. Find out if you're his right answer and not just the A, B, C or D option in a multiple choice exam. Good luck and love yourself.
1 person likes this
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
7 May 12
Life is to enjoy and here I think you are inviting a pain, knowingly. As long as you know that he is a constant drinker, leave and go for a better alternative. People dirnks and it is quite natural. But if he is addicted and he priorities with more than 50% to it than his other matters, better to look for someone else. If you are not still surrendered, I am openly tell you to you may get into more trouble in the after marriage life. He openly shows the symptoms and this is the best time you can re-think and can wait for some better person in the near future. Many people drink and and it is not a sin. But a person who give up all other thing only for drkinking, we need to be more conscious. Sometime this may be the last chance for you to consider. However, you only know him better and from all your past experiences and the life with him so far will be good enough to go for a fair decision. You may lose him now, but you will get your peaceful and lovely 'life' back to you. Think and act. A driker will drink more after marriage, I have experienced it, though I am not a smoker or a drinker. Thank-s
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
12 Aug 12
Some months back here we had discussed a similar case of 'mom's boy. Here in this case, you have to think better and go for a final decision. You have choices and options, why need to go for the extremes, as long as we got much more choices around.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
7 May 12
I think it's not just his drinking that bothers you, seems to me, there's an issue about the mom too. Seems to me that you two (his mom and you) are not getting along well. You say he's gone every 2 months and when he comes home he goes on drinking like there's no tomorrow? That my dear is not an excuse, I think the only excuse of him not drinking everyday is because of the 2 months he's not allowed to drink. I have lots of guy friends (and husbands of my friends) who work offshore for more than 2 months and they don't drink like that when they come home. I think you have a lot of doubts, it seems to me too that he's not keen on listening to you, I mean, he's still your fiance but seems to me he's already very comfortable of not listening to a word you say. It's your choice really, there's no question of love here, but there's a lot of question of attitude. Perhaps you should go and talk to him heart-to-heart. By the way, him showing his mom your messages is sure not a good way to start. He can't put your personal matters between the two of you, guess he's going to ask mom what you two should do about your lives every step of the way.. Are you fine with that? Good luck dear. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@SIMPLYD (75759)
• Philippines
7 May 12
You are right in what you feel. Having a boyfriend who cannot resist drinking will, in my opinion be a problem of yours once you marry him. And his being a Mama's boy is another bad factor. If your mother in-law to be doesn't like you, it could be a problem. Though you won't be living with her, who knows what she's up to once she really doesn't like you. Maybe it is time to assess the situation, my friend.
• United States
6 May 12
hmm People dont offten change unless they want to change. Not saying he wont but, I know its hard to get someone who drinks to quit i wanted my bf to quit and he wont but, its ok with me because he doesnt drink nearly as much. And when he doesnt it is hardly ever alot so i trust him.
• Portugal
6 May 12
talk to him and tell him how you feel. tell him that you dont want that he keeps drinking the way he does. that that makes you angry bcs you worry about him. if he doesnt change his habit for you then he isnt worth that you marry him. if he loves you he will do anything for you not to leave him. dont get married without being sure that he changed. give him a chance to change. if you get married without be sure it will be bad bcs he can stop for a few days and then start again. and even get violent when get drunk. so talk to him and post pone the wedding. tell him that you need him to stop drinking. if he loves you as you love him he will stop.