its 3am im wondering what will happen next
May 7, 2012 2:36am CST
i went to bed early around 9 pm, something i never do, i guess God knew i would need the rest.. at 230 am i hear my hubby say she is asleep, i was part awake and part asleep.. i said im awake, it was my oldest daughter the one im having all the trouble with.. when i got on the phone she ask me to come get her said she did not know where her car was she let a freind borrow it yesterday and she thought it got impounded, she was with anotehr friend and they had went to see his mom at the hospital she was sick and he told her to wait there and he would be back to get her and that had been 3 hours ago.. so she realized he was not coming back she called me to come get ehr she has no where to go, all her clothes is in her car, she had to borrow someone else phone to call me she has no minutes on her phone.. and here i am half asleep not knowing waht to do , not being faimilar with the area she was in , but knowing it was dangerous for her to be on the street alone.. so i get my clothes on to go get her even thought i dont want to, and hubby is saying no she cant come here again... so i go anyways and get her, and lucky by the grace of God i find her its now 330 am and im still pissed at her from before when she screwed us over.. so she tells me on the way home she wants to change and this big tale about how she will be a better person and so on.. now were home hubby had got mad becasue i went to get her when i got home he had went to bed but turned the coffee table over to show his anger.. but he did hide all my money i had so she would not steal it.. so now she is wanting to get on facebook and see if she can find the girl who took her car.. so im having to get off for now.. my question is did i do the rigth thing? or would you have left her there and let her know your tired of her crap ? i dont know im confused and afraid she will screw me over again, and i know if she does i cant take it anymore and i will just have to never speak to her again and hubby will be really upset, im not even sure he is gonna let her stay anyways.. i guess we will see in the morning.. did i do the right thing ? what would you have done ?
5 people like this
• Boise, Idaho
8 May 12
Not much you can do about it now but in the future I would think very seriously of setting up some very stringent boundaries. And if you tell her something make it consistant and make it happen. If she has stolen from you before you can have her charged. If you know you can't trust her I would tell her she is on her own next time. If she steals from you where does that put you? Without food pr gas that you need because she isn't trust worthy. It is up to her to make the right decisions and if she wants to loan her car to someone who isn't trustworthy that is her fault. And if she doesn't have to live through the consequences of making these bad judgement calls then she will never learn. She will always have you to bail her out or come get her, etc. Kids don't learn that way. They learn to depend on you. And then what do you have? And one last thing to remember about our kids. They will tell you anything they think you want to hear to get a ride out of a bad situation or to get the money they need. Then whatever they have said don't happen. Mean what you say to her and say what you mean. Don't let her play you for a fool. It will make your life a living he.ll.
7 May 12
It depends on a lot of things surrounding your situation. First off, how old is your daughter? Was this a one-time situation that she got herself in to or is it her lifestyle? Are you actually helping her or have you become an enabler? As a parent of two young adults living on their own, I feel for your current situation. While we want to forever protect our children from the harsh realities of life it is not always possible to do this and maintain our sanity at the same time. If it was a first time situation yes, I would go and pick her up and help her out. If it happens on a regular basis then, sadly, there comes a time when you have to stop picking her up and let her stand on her own two feet. We nurture our children and care for them when they are small and hope that they grow into responsible, functioning adults. However, we are not responsible for their actions for the rest of their lives. Everyone must live their own life. You have a life of your own to live as well. Does your daughter care what she is doing to you? Can she even see how her actions are affecting you and your husband? Does she have a substance abuse problem? We can only help people so much, after that it's up to them to do for themselves.
• United States
7 May 12
I'm not a mother and never will be. So the closest I can relate this to is a close friend. If I had a close friend that lies to me And steals , No way would I ever let them back in my house. But I would help her out. But I would Never believe a word she says. So I would send a cab to her and tell the cabbie to take her where she was staying. Or I would go get her but I wouldn't bring her home. I would drop her off where she was staying or another friends house. Hubby did the right thing. In fact if she Does home to stay I would put a deadbolt lock on my bedroom door and take all the jewelry and all other valuable keep sakes and put them in a safe deposit box! and I woud Never believe a word she says. And if I were hubby I would treat her like I do a mother in law, a guest that didn't come to see me so I'll avoid her at All costs.
• United States
7 May 12
I would have went and got her.....but she needs a wake up call...and this might be the time. She will keep on doing just what she is doing if you keep rescuing her..I had a son like that....the best thing that happened is when I told him no and he had to take care of the situation himself...he straightened out after that....its a hard situation because as a mom you want to protect your babies...no matter how old they get.
7 May 12
I am also a mother and I understand being a mom you won't feel at ease while thinking about your daughter out there in wee hours. I will do the same thing if I am in your situation. No matter how bad our kids are- in times they need us, we can never say No- or we can never ignore them. I understand your husband wants his daughter to learn, but then again, as a mother, you are more soft hearted than your husband.
7 May 12
I am sorry you must be hurting to go through these troubles with your daughter. She is indeed giving you pain in the b*tt and your hubby i guess is teaching her a lesson. Maybe do try to be with her, it is nice that you still want to care for her even tho you are not sure which is right. I could not even advise you on what to do as i guess i am still a young mom..but i do hope she is not screwing up with you this time... just pray that she isn't and pray she gets the car back. I would also like to share what i observed our cultural difference, see if that is here.. i mean your case happening here in my country it would be quite the same, parents getting but i never really see any parent here that would not accept their daughter / son no matter how prodigal or bad they get, regardless of the age... i mean i do not know i guess that is how cultures work.. I was that bad too but then my parents were there who stood by me and though i heard harsh words, but i learned from those and i am doing good now because i know how much my parents went through for me..and i hope your daughter will see that as well, that she will learn her lessons.
7 May 12
If I was in your situation, i would do the same thing as what you did. I do not want to think over and over again what is happening to my own child. It's better that I get her and know she's safe and sound, but as of the screwing craps she'll do maybe she'll realize the things that she does will not help your family and her to grow better. I mean she'll realize that no matter how bad she is, she'll still be your daughter and maybe she'll be a good girl in time. you are not wrong in getting your child out of danger but i also understand your husband. most of the husbands are disciplinarians that's why he thinks like that. anyway i hope you and your child be okay.