Learn to Love or Love to Learn?

@jemzchix (116)
Philippines
May 8, 2012 10:39pm CST
Hello myLotters.. I would just like to share on my present situation. I just said yes to my now boyfriend. But I can definitely say that I don't love him. and I'm not sure if I like him that much... You see, I said yes because he has traits that can be rarely seen by our society nowadays. He is very respectful to me and my family, he is a gentleman, and I can really see that he's serious with me. I have tried turning him down and disappointing him several times, but he's still there for me. I can't even say I love you and I like you to him on text and personally. I;m feeling a bit guilty here... Do i need to learn to love him or i should love him first so that I could see him in a different light?
11 responses
• United States
9 May 12
Do you love him for his uniquenss and being a gentleman? I think you can fall into love over time with people...sometimes you just can see them for who they are until you are in a relationship with them. Give it time, don't say it till you mean it. If he is really serious about being with you, he will wait for you and accept you and your feelings as they are now.
1 person likes this
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
9 May 12
that's what i was also thinking... i'm not in a hurry, but there are just times wherein he would be asking if i still won't say it. i would just tell him those are just words... the action is much more important...
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Honestly at first, I don't feel love to my first bf. I feel the same way you did. He was being a gentleman when he was still courting me. He was always there when I have turned him down so many times. I even showed him my darkest side so he will stay away from me. But he never stopped, he was still there. So I gave it a go and said I have to try. I was so much of a lier for saying I love you to him even if I didn't actually feel it. As time goes, I have learned to love him for everything he is including is bad sides. So my point here, is you have to give that man a chance, learn to love him. If there is really nothing wrong with him then there may be something in your heart and mind that you are so afraid of loving him. Right now, I am still with my first bf, 6 years and still counting. I believe yours will end perfect as well
@gaiza12 (4884)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Yes, I understand that feeling. I was single for 20 years and that life was indeed amazing. No tears at night when you have misunderstanding and you are so free to do almost everything. But then, when my bf came to my life, my whole world stopped and changed. He even added more color to my life. I thought being single was colorful before, but now with my bf, I can say life was even more colorful . Well then if that is the case, just give it time. While waiting for the time to come that you will really fall for him, make sure your heart is also open.
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
10 May 12
yeah.. maybe also because during my single-hood, i never opened my heart and mind into the possibility of having a relationship again... maybe i should open up more..
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
9 May 12
owwwww, that is so sweet... i really don;t know with myself why i can't give him the amount of affection he gives me.. maybe i need more time to adjust? i just came from a single life of 1 year and 5 months.. and i enjoyed every minute of it.. you know, the feeling when no one SMS u and find u and quarrel u and always demands time... i was so free for a year...
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
9 May 12
I think you should give him a chance, I think with his attitude and with him showing how much he cares for you and how much he loves you, there is no reason why you cannot fall for this person. Of course you should be careful if he is just not being himself - but you can tell that anyway. I think you will be very lucky to have him if it is true what you noticed about him.. you are a lucky woman and do not neglect to see otherwise...
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
9 May 12
that's what I was thinking also.. I have to think of the pro's and con's if i'm with him.. he's good, has a nice job, and as what i said, gives me an amount of respect that is overwhelming for me.. i'm afraid i might regret something if i lose him..
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
9 May 12
May I ask how old are you now? just wondering... Well, first of all why did you said yes when you really don't even like him? I have to agree I have experienced such situation like this. Back when I was in first year college.where I like the guy physically cause he has a good built and he's good in sports. I like to know him more though he said he likes me but he seldom talks to me. He is quite a mysterious to me so I talked to him and said yes. It seems like he likes the sound of it but the fact that I gave him a chance for us didn't make a big impact on both of us. I just have the experience but then turns out, he isn't making an effort to talk to me or do something for me. One month after, I talked to him and break up. Though we really were not officially called "in-a-relationship". At least I made myself clear to him that we should stop such nonsense... Kidding! I guess it can be easy to learn to love a person if he is really lovable or he has qualities that you really like. But then, if the feeling is not enough, better off let them be free. For you are hurting yourselves both. If you are guilty, try to talk to him alone and be true to yourself and to him. He deserve to know the truth anyway. Don't be afraid to tell him the truth, who knows, he might like you more on talking things through? Or if he does understands you, you might end up liking or loving him instead? Who knows, right?
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
11 May 12
So, you have told him you love him? directly, you told him that? face to face? What about "not yet"? what is it you are referring to?
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
10 May 12
i said yes because he's such a gentleman and has a lot of respect for me... he always asks me why i can't say i love you, and i only say to him, not yet..
@genevy04 (793)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Hi jemzchix! Wow! I think you just put yourself in a very difficult and complicated situation.. Although if he is someone with unique traits that is very difficult to find nowadays, then I should say you are lucky though. You made me think.. Learn to love, or love to learn? What is the difference between the two? Should we learn to love a person? Is love really learned in a way? Love is felt naturally.. That is what I believe. But, in other cases, love is not felt right away, sometimes you just have to realize that the person is worth your love. And as time passes by, you may fall for him or her. What do you really mean by " love to learn"? For me it appears that you would love the person because you know you'll learn from it.. Did I get your point dear? Anyways, since you've got yourself in the situation already, then try be nicer and try to appreciate the person. Try to understand how he'd feel if he realizes that you don't really have feelings for him. That would really hurt him. I just wish that, if you think he is the best guy for you, then you'll somehow realize in time that you actually love him.. All I wish is that you'd both be happy.. God bless and share the love!!
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
10 May 12
Hello genevy04! anyway, about your POV on love to learn, what i meant was i should love him first so that i would learn and accept him as who he is.. i know it's kinda confusing, and i'm a bit confused as well..
@annavi23 (6522)
• Philippines
11 May 12
Hahaha, really confusing! But then, I think I know what jem is trying to say... I just don't want to elaborate it anymore... You are right there, gen! Love is felt naturally. You can't force yourself to love a person when you don't really feel anything about him/her. It takes time before you realize that you really love the person and if it is true love, you'll just know it.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
12 May 12
It might take time, don't push yourself to love him. Just get to know him better and see if you develop any feelings. If not, then don't let him suffer any longer. Besides, he's a good guy so he deserves a chance I guess.
@jemzchix (116)
• Philippines
14 May 12
thanks aja103654.... yeah.. i'm still on the process of getting to know him better.. i'm taking it real slow. u know, just get along with the happenings but with caution also.. :)
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
23 May 12
that's good. Be very sensitive, always think about how he would feel for each thing you do or say. Good luck and I hope you will be happy
@obe212003 (2299)
• Philippines
9 May 12
Love dilemma.. to fall in love is not a choice, but a chance as it can happen at an unexpected place or time, and when it does, you will surely know how it feels right there and then, unexplainable and really makes you quite happy. Teaching yourself to learn to love takes a lot of painstaking time to assess, but surely there is a chance for love to transpire as the heart could not endure such feats this man does for you.
• United States
10 May 12
To love somebody shouldn't be rushed, it takes time to actually love someone. So, give it time and when your heart is ready to love somebody than you'll know. So, don't try to love him just let it come naturally. Love is a natural feeling, it comes when it's ready.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
9 May 12
I think that he definitely deserves the chance for you to love him. If he has a lot of good qualities and he treats you right then you should get to know him better so that you can love him for who he is as a person. He deserves that from you. After all you if you said yes you definitely don't want to ruin the start of this relationship by your actions. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Get to know him and you will more than likely come to love him in the realest sense.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
10 May 12
You just like him, not love yet... Love is natural and comes to us natural way, i think, so that we cant say we have to learn to love. better you guys need more time to exactly know your feeling: love or just like.
• United States
13 Jun 12
Love is not learned. In your situation, sounds as though he's a friend. If you want companionship, get a dog. Do him a favor and let him go! There's someone out there for everyone, and you would be doing him an injustice if you were to hang onto him and not love him the way every person deserves to be loved!!