Starting to Live Alone Again
May 11, 2012 6:57pm CST
I've been with this guy for 2 years now. We have been living together for 1 year and a few months in counting. However, last night, I told him the big news. I did not want to live with him anymore. I wanted to live my life on my own again. Funny is that, I don't even know if I would want to end the relationship as well. I'm really confused at this point in time and I just needed some time to think. Although, when I think of it, I'm going to need to learn to wake up each morning much earlier than before with nobody to take me to work. I'll need to learn how to cook my own dinner and eat alone each and every day again. I need to be used to doing everything on my own once more. Sad? Not really, it's reality that is the end-result of my own decisions. I need to embrace the fact that I needed the time for myself to have a better perspective of things. I just hope that I figure everything out.
1 person likes this
13 May 12
Hmm,Limechavez05, given what you've mentioned to us, you really have a lot of issues to work out.., and quickly! In my opinion, perhaps in hindsight, when you and your partner decided to live together, it would appear that there were 'personal and collective' issues that were to be addressed, but over time, were not sorted out in an amicable way. (I could be wrong.., I hope I am wrong) Limechavez05, could'nt you try to resolve those issues while living with this gentleman? Certainly, having lived with him, there must have been enough love and understanding being shared between him and yourself; to allow you to seek appropriate help at working through the difficult issues together? Interestingly, you do not need to be alone or separated in order to learn how to cook, be more disciplined, and a better manager of your time and other resources etc. I think that if the truth is known, It would appear that the quality of your relationship has been deteriorating over time, and perhaps, you have already had second thoughts about the decision to whether you want to continue sharinfg your life with this individual. If you decide to part company with this gentleman, then it would be better if you 'cut the ties' quickly and move on. Why? I cannot understand why would anyone separate from their partner (by moving out) and still want to be involved with him/her in an intimate way? That thought will be thwarted with flaws. Limecheavez05, I think that you have to make up your mind, and be clear about it; because if you don't, he shall certainly decide for you. Ooh, having decided to be separated from your partner (after living together for 2 years), you may have to be prepared to use more of your own resources to learn those things- while being alone or by being with another partner. Seek the help from 'trusted' relatives or close friends; so that you're not exploited. Best of luck, ok?
14 May 12
Thanks Samson1. I actually got a note from him this morning which made me cry even more. I woke up beside him this morning. Apparently, he came in when I was already sleeping last night. He did not really talk much besides asking me to get up already so that I won't be late for work. Then I read the note when he was waiting for me outside the house. It just has three phrases that touched me: "I'm going to try to be more financially responsible", "I'm going to be more sensitive of the difficulties you are encountering and "I can promise you that we still would be fighting much over the next few years but rest assured that I'd always come home and hug you to fix the argument". That meant so much. He is a man who usually does not express himself too much but this morning he just did.
14 May 12
Well then, based on the note you received, it appears that this gentleman is a practical person. He has expressed his intention to be committed to you, while keeping his relationship to you 'honest'. It also appears that you treasure his comments- at whatever time it is given and under any circumstances- and that is great. However, you still have to complete your 'soul searching expedition' as soon as possible, so that in the end, you can add more value to yourself and the relationship that you intend to have with him or anyone else in the future. Best of luck.
• United States
12 May 12
I understand your feelings. My husband and I have been married for almost five years. And I'm pretty sure our marriage has just fallen apart. So we will more than likely each be going our separate ways. I will have to get an apartment for my daughter and I. I will have to take care of myself and my daughter financially. It will not be an easy task to accomplish. I too hope that you get things sorted out soon.
• United States
12 May 12
I agree with you. People often say take things one day at a time but I often remind them that I have to take them slower than that or I will feel like my head is going to explode. One step at a time is very good. I have to really figure what I want for my daughter and I and strive to do the best that I can. And we are always learning about ourselves and our goals as time goes on.
• Pasay, Philippines
12 May 12
Lime, I'm seeing myself to you and it is almost the same like we're both on the exact page. It happened to me before. I want to share this to encourage you more in getting back the life that you've always wanted. I was 19 when I met this guy; he was my trainee before when I got promoted as a Team leader in Rice in a Box (Local food stall). We fell in love eventually after being friends for awhile as if it was like a match made in heaven. We have almost the same qualities and we do like each other a lot. We ate, shop, sleep and go together in almost all places. Weirdest part happen; it wasn't "me" anymore who's enjoying this relationship and it was so not "myself" wanting it. I grew tired, we got into fights from petty to the gruesome. Slowly he wasn't the man that "I've known before" and starts to be a bum while I work. I finally gave up after 2 years and 3 month unfruitful relationship. Everyone was surprise. But frankly as I speak; I told them it is going to be for the better. We kept hurting each other physically and emotionally and it is not getting productive anymore. This is for the benefit of us; to grow more and to learn from these mistakes of the past relationship we have. I have no regrets. I have that life back that I know it is pretty weird but I'm loving it better than before. It doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone now. It is never being based in having relationships to be happy. We still see on yearly occasions but we both now the grounds. Aftreall; at the end of the day, it is going to be your choice. Make the most of having that opportunity to choose and I'm glad you did ^_^-)
13 May 12
Resy, with all due respect it's really not how we are. This guy has always been the most understanding person in my life for the last 2 years that we have been with each other. Although, I realize that not everyone can be perfect. If he just learned to settle his priorities and start to plan ahead, then this relationship can still work. Despite the fact that we are different, we have learned to grow together for the last 2 years. However, I'm just the type of person that want financial stability. I don't mean that I need someone rich, but I need someone that makes ways to be able to provide. In addition, he never laid a finger on me even though I was physically brutal most of the times. There were friends that never liked him pointing out some physical differences between us. However, he never held grudges about them and when they even need help, he would be the first to offer because he knew that they were my friends. He has such a kind heart Resy, but you see in life that's not always the case. Let's face it, we can't eat kindness, we all have to work hard to get through each day. I want him to learn about that and not just assume that I always have his back so regardless if he's unfocused, he would be fine. If he would be able to come through, we still have a shot at this. Although, at this point I highly doubt it. He has not yet responded to my messages lately. I feel that he took it the wrong way. If this continues, then I must say that I made the best decision.
12 May 12
It's actually quite confusing akobuday. It's because, at times I still want him in my life. Other times, I wish that he would no longer be there. We went through heaven and hell for the months we have been together although, sometimes, I just think he was not there at all. Being beside someone physically does not automatically qualify somebody as "being there". You would need to address the situation, not just kiss and make-up.
12 May 12
Your situation sounds so sad but I completely understand you when you say it is not. There are times in our life when if we are so attached to other person, we tend to lose sight of who we really are. We tend to lose ourselves in the process of sharing it to others. And nothing is more sad than losing oneself because of giving too much. Those getting used to being alone will only be hard on the first part of your moving on and reclaiming yourself, but trust me, it will be easier day after day. There will be a time when you will wake up missing your partner because he is no longer there by your side as you wake up, it will be hard, no one claim it will be easy. But the important thing to know is that you will get through it. You will be okay. And one say, you will wake up with a happy and contented heart because the first person you see in the morning is you, the real you.
1 Jun 12
Changes in our lives are bound to give us better perspectives. If you need time alone, meaning without your guy, to have better perspectives in life, then it is really up to you. Every individual has their own way of dealing with their issues. But honestly, if you only want to have a better perspectives of things, you can make it with or without him. It doesn't really depend if you two are together or not. Maybe you just fell out of love. When couples encounters problems along their way, they should always make time to talk about things TOGETHER, then find solutions TOGETHER. That is how couples should do in order to make their relationship go a long way. Love and respect should always be present.
• South Africa
20 May 12
Of course everything will. What will help is your resilience; that you can accept your situation and not feel sorry for yourself. This is a crucial period for you, to get into things again, to learn how to do things on your own and for yourself. Enjoy this free time you have and don't be rushed into anything you don't want to do. In time you can decide what you can do that is best for you.
14 May 12
Well you had a very lazy life untill now if you are not able to get at your work alone and not able to cook or eat alone. I think this all will go automatically and there is no need to make a problem out of that already before it started. Perhaps you should ask yourself first why you really don't want to live with him anymore. Write it down and keep that clearly in mind if thinks go less smoothy as you thought it would be. It will surely help you.