I have never understood this...

@AidaLily (1450)
United States
May 11, 2012 8:29pm CST
Why is it when a woman finds out her man is cheating on her, does she attack the other woman? I have never understood this concept of their partner cheats so they blame the other person. After all some people say that their partners can be trusted and told them that they did nothing and when evidence shows that their partner was lying they blame the other woman. Why? Whatever happened to confronting the person who cheated on you? In my opinion, if a person is truly in love and committed with no open relationship they wouldn't be tempted to cheat if everything is alright with the relationship. What do you guys think?
3 people like this
18 responses
• United States
12 May 12
I think it has to do with the fact that often times a woman is still in love with the man who cheated on her, and it is a form of denial on the woman's part. She can't direct her anger at the man because of her feelings, and feels like she needs an outlet to direct her anger at, and the easiest person to take it out on and blame is the other woman.
1 person likes this
• Australia
12 May 12
Took the words right out of my mouth. If I were giving a more serious answer to this I'd pretty much agree with you. Lash
1 person likes this
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
12 May 12
Very true. I totally agree that it is an outlet for her anger, however misplaced it may be.
• Philippines
12 May 12
I agree with the outlet part. If it was me who was cheated on by the one I love, I would have vent out my anger towards the other woman. But the next time it happens to me, I'd rather lose the cheater forever than keep him to myself because the moment I catch him having an affair with someone else, the trust issue begins.
@artemeis (4021)
• China
13 May 12
It is obvious that you are pretty one sided here. In the first place, I believe you have ignored the fact that there are instances where the woman takes it out on her man as well. Also, if I may add further - on both parties as well. There are about a thousand reasons on taking out the woman in your question. For a start, it is probably a stern lesson for her to think what it would be like if she's on the receiving end. Not forgetting, that she could be the victim's best friend (in a fairly lot of cases) betraying the friendship. However, I want to add that cheating exist everywhere and unfortunately when both parties are truly in love. Commitment even. All it takes is one errant party at the crucial moment. Let's remember we are all human and we are all imperfect. Fortunately or unfortunately? Your call.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
13 May 12
One sided? What are you talking about? I merely asked why it seemed like women always take out their frustrations on the other woman involved. I already know everything you said so your post seemed pointless when I was asking why it seemed that way and other people's take on it. This was about not understanding why when in a relationship, if a woman has a man who cheats on her... why does she take it out on the other woman and not the man? There are instances to the contrary yes... but more or less women seem to take it out on the other woman rather than their husband or partner. Answer that question because your post is on a completely different topic. I never said that both sides didn't cheat, nor that there aren't thousands of reasons for being upset. I never even said no men got punished. I was merely remarking on the fact most, not all, but most women will attack the other woman involved rather than the person they were with. I also want to add that anyone who truly cares about the person they are with will not fall into the temptation of cheating and actually commit the act of cheating no matter how upset they might be. Using being human and imperfect seems to be more of an excuse than anything else. No matter how upset you are or angry, if you are committed to someone then you are committed to someone.
@lumenmom (1996)
• United States
18 May 12
I never understood this either. The only time I felt the need or desire to attack the other woman was when this one woman kept insisting on calling the house after I told her not to call. She was trying to convince me that I should let my boyfriend have female friends and that she was only trying to be his friend. Then one evening I went to his job to give him a message and there she was sitting at his desk (she did not work there). I asked her what she was doing there and she said she was just visiting her friend and trying to get me to leave. I feel she was really stepping over the line. There were a few other woman and each time I got angry at him, not them. In one situation I reralized she was just as much a victim as I was and we later became friends after we both dumped him.
@lynboobsy11 (11346)
• Philippines
17 May 12
When I found my Ex cheating on me I never confronted anyone. I just ask him one question. Choose between me and her, If he choose me I'm still lucky. But he choose the other girl I must accept it. The problems with the other girls if they found out that their partner are cheating on them they got panic and go confronting the two. They did not think that the problems must have a solution, the damage is done you cannot turn back the time. Only acceptance and decision is the best solution for that.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
14 May 12
Having been the other person before if i found out my mate cheated i would look at the cheater, not the other victim.
@alutka (211)
12 May 12
such a question could only ask a guy you do not understand our behavior and do not wonder at thee, so we women already have, we must eliminate the competition and did not allow the thought that some other woman turned out better than us, prettier, he could pick up a guy for us , dignity, and in addition, no one likes to share what he loves, what seemed to be just for us.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
12 May 12
I also don't understand why a woman blames the other woman if her husband cheats on her. Why the other woman is scolded at, be bad but the husband is never be blamed. I quess it's because we live in a man's world and men do set the rules. They play the innocent ones, the ones who are raped etc. I guess women find it easier to get angry on at a stranger instead of their own husband who is doing the same thing time after time. Or worser look at themselves or their own relationship. Men can help, they just make everyone believe it's not their fault and women are so stupid to believe their sorry, tears or whatever. Interesting thing is that women are seldom loyal to their own kind.
• India
12 May 12
The fight is between two rivals, so they fight it out. As far as the cheater is concerned, he is the object for which the battle is on.
@kumbarn14 (683)
• Pakistan
12 May 12
There is no man who can be true, he can be a saint in front of his family, relations, friends and neighbors but he is completely a different person. What is the purpose blaming the other women, it is your man who encourage to build the relationship. That is why they say, that you cannot clap with one hand. If you want to have a family and the children be blessed with a decent home, you have to overlook such incidents. These affairs of their is short lived but marriage is eternal and forever. If you are strong, even a 1000 women cannot break your happy home which you build for your own family. It is easy to say but believe me it is a damn and horrible to have the feeling of betrayal. Everything around you is annoying and don't feel like even cooking a meal. Just for the sake of the kid, and ourselves, I know it is compulsory to cook, because end of it, everybody feel hungry. Just engage yourself doing something creative "art & craft" follow some course and this will take away your tension. I did a course in Hand made jewellery and today, I am very much engaged in work and exhibitions.
@prenuer (278)
• United States
12 May 12
When it comes to emotions, our primal instincts take over. That is why the crime is classified as "heat of passion". The emotions clog what the person knows rationally...that the man was the one who made a commitment and that there is no seduction without the willingness to be seduced.
• United States
12 May 12
I am sooo in agreement with you. Obviously he is not serious about the girl he is with. So what goes around comes around, he will cheat on that other girl too.
• Philippines
12 May 12
I strongly agree with you AidaLily. A person who is truly in love and contented with his/her partner would not look for another man/woman. The partner may had lacked something that's why the other person tend to look for another to quench the missing piece.
• United States
12 May 12
Women have been blamed ever since the beginning of time. I think women assume the other woman seduces her man. So when she finds out , wants to fight the other woman. She can't see that it takes two and sometimes it is the guy who makes the first move.
@adforme (2116)
12 May 12
I agree that when someone is cheating in a relationship, the cheater is to blame unless they are mentally incapacitated. I know this may sound "crazy", but I am watching a soap opera that has a woman portraying someone with multiple personalities. As you may imagine, one is sometimes more faithful than the other, but when the "bad girl" comes out she has an affair. This is probably rare, but mental illness would be the only excuse that I would find acceptable. It might not be a good idea for someone like me to be involved with someone that has mental issues, but when you love someone you try to be understanding and help them.
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
12 May 12
Yeah I was wondering about the same thing. At the first sign of cheating I would probably clobber my partner for his cheating and dump him right away. I don't care about giving chances. I would rather confront my partner first then maybe locate the woman he cheated with and put them both to shame. As far as I'm concerned, cheating should not be tolerated that is when you are not married to your partner yet. The other woman deserves some spanking too but my man who cheated on me deserves a far worse fate. I believe it has something to do with the woman's insecurity that she attacks the other woman instead. She is blinded by her love for her man that she can't bring herself to hurt him and maybe in truth, she subconsciously believes that she is not a worthy woman and that the other woman is better than her so she gets insecure and all that. Umm... did I make sense?
• Australia
12 May 12
Since I've never understood it I can't answer intelligently. I suppose I might have punched out the other male when I was 18, but I got better. It became even easier to ignore once I got past the entire concept of cheating and accepted that love and relationship do not magically stop you desiring others nor does "cheating" necessarily damage love and relationship unless you let it, especially if you remove the "cheat" element by being open about it. But that's another discussion. Lash
@nonersays (2688)
• United States
12 May 12
Its just primal instinct. In theory, if a female has found a suitable male who she feels confidant to reproduce with, she wants to drive away rival females but keep her man. Also, often, but not always, the woman who has been cheated on knows the other woman on a personal level. It might have been her friend, even her best friend, and she thinks the woman should have stood up and said no for the sake of friendship. Personally if my husband ever cheated on me, I'd probably be jailed for trying to beat the tar out of both of them.
• United States
12 May 12
I think if the woman is a friend or at least someone who personally knows of the relationship between me and this cheating man. She has every right to answer to me. I think if the woman knows nothing of me she can go about her business. The bottom line for me is that he can have her because I don't take anyone back who cheats on me. I can't help but to think of all the time it took to take off ones clothing and all the time he could have changed his mind about cheating. for that reason alone I have gone about my business and never looked back.