Real friends slowly turning into virtual

@allknowing (55103)
India
May 12, 2012 4:12am CST
While efforts are made to convert virtual friends into real ones for which one has to work very hard it is pathetic to watch real friends turning virtual. I have quite a number of them and I feel very said about it and that includes some members of the family. One particular real friend is making every effort and is expecting me to accept her in the virtual world. I have stopped interacting with her. Have I done the right thing?
5 people like this
14 responses
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
12 May 12
Hi ak! I agree with the other respondents that 'virtual friendship' is better than 'no friendship'. Although, the final choice rests with you. I have not yet faced this kind of a situation, where any of my real life friend turned virtual. On the other hand some of the friends whom I met on line have become like real life friends and I always enjoy interacting with them. Friendship is like a two way street and if the traffic is not moving from both the directions, friendship can not survive. have a nice weekend.
@vandana7 (57186)
• India
12 May 12
Hi babyface.. Thanks for being my friend. :)
@allknowing (55103)
• India
12 May 12
I have an over dose of virtual friends. A real friend becoming virtual - there is more to it than meets the eye.
@dpk262006 (53689)
• Delhi, India
12 May 12
Ak! Vandana's comments are enough to prove that how virtual become like real (friends). I think it appears that you have more virtual friends than you would be able to handle or would like to have in your basket and another real friend also joining the category of virtual friend is making you feel uneasy.
• India
12 May 12
Well maybe she thinks at least she could be in touch with you through chats and texts. Oh,the virtual world is another world where you could enjoy but real turning to virtual is always painful.We always would love to see people and talk about hings rather than being i contact with these modern technologies. Believe me, most of my real friends are now virtual.Though i am sad on one hand,i should at least be happy that she is in contact with me- 'still' rather than completely forgetting me in life... Maybe i would not have stopped interacting with her,and at least virtual friendship is better than 'no' friendship!
• India
12 May 12
Well said! (agrees) I understand real friends have certain responsibilities as a ' friend' and virtual friends having is fun and - they are different all the more! but when it comes to a situation where she just cant meet and talk with you, you could at least have your memories alive virtually? But then.. I never said real friends are not required.. They are as important as any...
• India
12 May 12
Shrinithi, Everyone could not be like you having FB friends and MyLot friends.I mean they all kind of need real friends in life so they could be happy to share and even sadness profound- to be shared. You should know a friend who helps you when in need is your real friend. Even a sister could help you..
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
When one friend moves away for whatever reason and keeps the connection alive merely by posting on FB, etc while the other expects more that kind of a friendship is not worth keeping alive.
@adforme (2116)
13 May 12
I think friendship is one of those things that have changed with technology. Technology has allowed people to reach people in almost every corner of the world. Just think, who would imagine communicating with someone from another continent so easily. As easy as a face to face chat with computer and webcam. This is really amazing. The question is, "How did you come across this friend so far away without physically meeting him or her?" Maybe you had common interests are maybe the "friend" offered to be on your friendship/follow list. However you choose to have your friendships are up to you. I prefer to be able to visit my friends, talk to them on the phone, and keep online interactions to a minimum. There is too much to worry about online...hackers, miscommunication, and too many virtual friends all wanting to talk to you at once. I think that friendships should be comfortable and meaningful. If you are not comfortable with how your friend chooses to be a friend to you then let her know. I am sure if she cherishes your friendship, you will both come to an agreement on a mutual understanding on how to continue the friendship.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
There are two issues here. One is my joy at converting a virtual friend into a real one. This friend takes the trouble to visit me all the way from the UK and spends a couple of days with me.We were in a forum not known to each other but over a period of time we got to know each other. We are in touch through emails and phone calls and exchanging news and views. The other friend who I have known right from childhood, though has left the country, used to call, visit etc but not any more. I see her on FB and she does send me forwards ugh...! A real friend has a different flavour and though not in person this friendship could still have some semblance of a real friend.
@adforme (2116)
13 May 12
I agree with the fact that your childhood friend is quite real. You will have to decide if this "flavor" of friendship is leaving a bad taste in your mouth or if it is something you can swallow. Sometimes a person's life takes them away from how they use to be. Just roll with the changes, it really isn't so bad, just different. Hopefully, you will meet with your childhood friend again, and it will change the dynamic of your friendship. Your friend from the UK that visits you is quite interesting. I hope it continues in a way that is satisfactory to you.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
I have many virtual friends and putting that real friend in this list just does not go well. Though not at the same level as before there has to be some difference between real and virtual friendship.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
13 May 12
You will definitely disagree with me all knowing; nevertheless, since you have asked the question I am responding to this. I do not think you have done the right thing. This real friend wants to be in touch through the net. How does it matter? For reasons known only to her she is unable to meet you often .SO what? A friend is a friend. Some friends/relatives do not really care .They respond only if you start a transaction and there is not much mutuality. Nowadays relationships and friendships are hard to find. Why should it irk you just because she is making all efforts to be a virtual friend? You don't give too much of heart; that is all. The interaction can continue after all. If you have some unsaid reason that she might be exploitative or so then it is different.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
13 May 12
When there is no reciprocity this "clamming" automatically happens. And for your last sentence, you are absolutely right.It is sad but true.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
13 May 12
Hi allknowing! I think this is definitely a personal call. I wouldn't say right or wrong where this is concerned although I do have to say I can see why you stopped interacting with her. I think that virtual friends are a special gift but I think that real friends that just want to be virtual are a different cup of tea altogether. That would pretty much make me feel like they didn't care about our friendship.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
14 May 12
I notice this is happening with the younger generation. How can they shift their priorities "Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's"They have to make time Jen - may not be like before I understand that but atleast there should be contact that defines a real friend. If there is a will there is a way
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
15 May 12
True so true.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
12 May 12
Real friends turning into virtual- that's really sad. We cannot avoid this to happen. Once a friend go to other place-the distant makes it hard for connection (most of the time) No matter how we keep the relationship as intact like before- it will turn cold in the long run. Unless that friend is spending a regular vacation back home.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
12 May 12
I am not talking of friends that have no access to meet personally. I am talking of this friend who can with little effort still meet face to face which used to happen before and can happen even now. It is the shift that is disturbing.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
12 May 12
Oh, I see :p
• India
12 May 12
Yes for now i have a lot of real friends and some of these virtual friends but the whole world of virtual friends is going to be a dream.Real friends,as you did say will and can fulfill a certain number of obligations and also cheer up in times of bad or participate in times of good. It is becoming a facebook world and twitter game but then it never matches with being really and truly a friend. Everyone would like to have relations in real-not just virtual.My aunt,everyone being in some other country-even that is turning out to be virtual. The best help you could have from it is no lose of friendship and relationship but still it is NEVER as good as my close friend in life who has always been beside me-good or bad or bash or harsh or whatever. "A friend in need is a fiend indeed" Maybe virtual friends can't help that much - i mean like real ones. Right?
@allknowing (55103)
• India
12 May 12
The day my virtual friend became my real friend I felt very happy. Real friends are rare these days and when real friends choose to become virtual I am not for that.
• India
12 May 12
Well nothing more to add here, speaking..
• Philippines
13 May 12
I agree with you that through social networking sites, real friends are slowly turning into virtual that is if we totally neglect interacting with them on a physical note. Regarding to your friend who is sending you invite, I think it is to your discretion whether to accept the request or not. But I hope you won't overlook the effort of that person.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
There is a subtle difference between those friends who have cropped up in the virtual world about whom we know nothing and those real ones who are now turning out to be virtual. I have absolutely no interest in such friends.
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
12 May 12
Hi, Allknowing, you really hit the mark! Minutes ago I saw the FB page of a very good friend of mine who almost stopped to communicate with me in the real world. I can't even call her because she now prefers to text and read emails. I love the virtual community in myLot. This site gives me the chance to communicate with people from so many places that I'm not able to visit. But when it comes to a friend in my own city... This is sad but I think that I'll follow your example.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
A real friend or even a relative has certain obligations to keep the flames of friendship burning and when that does not exist I don't want to cling on to such a friendship. I find it truly odd.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
12 May 12
Lately I read an article about friendship, how it starts. It turns out that we mostly pick out the friends who live nearby and who have something in common with us (which mostly is the same age, life style etc). The longer you know eachtother the less important it is to meet daily/frequently. This is different from meeting someone on the internet, you have to invest way more in such a relationship to get to know eachtother. It's also proved you have to share private things to get close, to trust eachother. Personally I don't feel the need to stay close to a real friend (who lives nearby) in the virtual way as well though it does happen it's more something extra to me (I am not that active in the virtual world also don't need it as a way to stay close). I think if it annoys you you should tell your friend why it does, also you should ask yourself why it annoys you. Is the virtual world a world you dont like to share with real friends? If yes why?
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
When someone has been interacting with you through emails, visits, phone calls and what have you and suddenly is seen only on FB this makes me feel that she has drifted and only wants a connection. I am not interested in such friendship and neither am I interested to know why she cannot spare some time for me.
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
12 May 12
By 'virtual world' I'm assuming you mean email, chat, etc. You don't say how far apart the two of you live, or if she works a full time job. I have friends that live in same town as I do, and we stay in touch as much, if not more, through computers...facebook, chat, etc. But, just because we stay in touch that way, doesn't mean they aren't just a phone call away, if any of us needed anything, we would be there for one another. Maybe that is how your friend sees it too. I stay in touch with out of city friends through facebook, etc. Just because you accept her in the 'virtual world' doesn't mean that you are no longer friends in the 'real' world.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
13 May 12
We always lived apart but whenever she visited this part of the world she either called or visited me. All this is history now but she still wants a connection. Sorry Not interested!
@vandana7 (57186)
• India
12 May 12
I dont know..it depends upon what sort of relationship you shared with this one. If this friend is your bosom friend then she knows a lot about you and can malign you if things sour at some stage between you two. Otherwise, I dont see any harm in accepting the friendship. Ignoring a person online is easier than it is in real life.
@allknowing (55103)
• India
12 May 12
This is becoming common vandana. People are so engrossed with their activities that they do not spare time for friends. I am a different kettle of fish. No matter how busy I am my contact the with real friends continues.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
12 May 12
hi, These are the times of FB and not face-to-face. Before ending a friendship, do consider why is she more virtual or digital and less on the real world. May be some changes on her real life is taking lot of her time and she still wants to be in touch with you. Why not continue your friendship with her - be it online or offline? I am also in touch with some of my close friends virtually but that doesn't meant it is the end of a relation or they are not my friends. Ofcourse we won't miss any chance of meeting whenever possible. So please accept her friendship and be happy!
@allknowing (55103)
• India
12 May 12
I have enough virtual friends and have openings to have more. It is the real friends that ultimately make one's life fulfilling. I am not ready for this conversion.
@MandaLee (3699)
• United States
15 May 12
Hi, I also think this is a personal choice. I will say that I think the internet has had both a positive and negative effect on friendships.