the husband is not willing to support his family

Indonesia
May 13, 2012 9:21am CST
dear myloter friends, I just want to know what is your opinion if you know in the household, the husband is not willing to support his family and instead his wife that working for a living?
7 people like this
29 responses
@adhyz82 (36262)
• Indonesia
13 May 12
can i say that he is not responsible husband??
1 person likes this
• India
13 May 12
A good husband is the one who puts his best dens to take care of his family. So here is the answer for it?
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
2ADYZ82 I agree with you. A husband like that is not taking care of his responsibilities. In fact he is creating a burden for his wife. Husband's should strive to be helping and looking out for their family. Not adding to the stress they are facing.
• United States
29 May 12
@thewonderboy I agree with you. He should be working hard to take care of his family. If he doesn't have a job then he should be searching for one every chance he can get. It is sad though to see that so many people do not want to work.
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
14 May 12
Well, if the husband is fit to work and there is no problem with his health. He should be looking for a jobs to support his family because as a husband he has the responsibility to make a living for his family... If the husband still no jobs and hard to find any jobs. You need to understand the situation. But if he has a jobs and refuse to do his obligation, there is a legal action must be dealing with in that particular issue. If he is refuse to observe his obligation you must file legal action to the court so that the court order him to perform his obligation to his family. I don't know if there's a law in your country about family or about women or civil law that all citizen must concur...
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
I agree with you. The husband has the responsibility to support his family. He should be looking for a job. So many people though are lazy and they don't want to work. They want other people to support them.
@aerous (13465)
• Philippines
31 May 12
That's really a sad story, friend. But if the husband really hard to find a jobs, that is not consider irresponsible...you must understand his situation in that manner. But if he refuse to find a jobs I think that is irresponsible
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
14 May 12
Why does the woman go to work to earn money while she is a mom, caring kids, etc...That husband is very bad, i think. He is a man, he should be willing to work to earn money to care his family.
• United States
30 May 12
I agree with you. It is sad that so many people don't want to work. Especially those who have responsibilities. Hopefully he will change and do what needs to be done.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
1 Jun 12
I am ashamed for that guy. He is not real man at all... You are right, unfortunately there are many guys like him nowadays.
@Yheart (496)
• Indonesia
16 May 12
Not willing? So it ain't 'not capable'? That doesn't sound good. However, I think the wife and the husband could exchage their role. The wife's working and the husband's doing house work.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Definitely doesn't sound good. It's awful when a person is lazy and just doesn't want to work. We have to work in order to take care of our family. We should be willing to work and support them.
@jdyrj777 (6549)
• United States
15 May 12
I have known families that the wife is earning more money so the husband will stay home and take care of the kids until they are of school age. Thats cool if they both agree. But a male that just will not work is no good. Ive been taking care of myself since age 16. I taught my clildren to take care of themselves so i will be damn if i will support a male that is too lazy to get off his lazy azz to go to work. They sure will not be in my life long.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Yeah if he is taking care of the family and the household then that should be fine. If he isn't doing either then that is a bad thing. Yeah I completely understand what you mean. If we can work hard to take care of our family then a man can do it as well.
• United States
14 May 12
Unles he is a great househusband, the wife should leave him. he can still see his kids but if she isn't getting any support, and by support I don't mean money alone, then she should leave or kick him out. She doesn't need him.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
It is sad that there are husbands who will not work to support their families. I would feel really bad if my husband didn't work and I had to support him because he didn't want to work. I would feel like I shouldn't be doing both working and taking care of him. That I should be working and only worrying about picking up after myself and our child.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
14 May 12
It depends on the situation of the family. Is it something that they both agreed upon? Is he helping out at home in other ways? If he is just refusing to work and if it is putting stress on her then that is just wrong. Both the husband and wife should be working together for the better of the family. Regardless of what I think,it is really a personal matter between the couple .
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Yeah I hope that the couple is able to work this out so that they are both happy. A husband not working is something that can be very difficult to deal with. If the wife is having a hard time with that perhaps her husband will try to find work. This will be a good thing for the family and their relationship.
@derek_a (10898)
14 May 12
I have found that it is very difficult to assess the relationships of others based on my own principles unless they share with me. As a Zen practitioner, I try to live up to one of the precepts that is about judging others as I cannot know their circumstances. However, it is not an easy thing to do, especially if it involves family members, as I could be the one who ends up with problems if I say anything about such a situation. If I was asked to help though, I would have no option other than to help out a member of my family and would have to take whatever came of it. _Derek
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
True we don't know everything about another person's circumstances. When they tell us more we are better able to try and understand all that is going on. Glad to hear that you are willing to help your family out when they need it. That is a great thing we all need a little help every now and then.
@SIMPLYD (88313)
• Philippines
14 May 12
On the first place, why can't the husband support his family? Does he not have a job or incapable of working. Actually, it's okay if it is the woman who is the breadwinner , if the husband really cannot. However, the husband should also be willing to do the things what a wife should have been doing , had she not be working. That way, the respect of each other as husband and wife will still be there.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
I agree with you. If he is physically unable to work then that is a different story. If he is just being lazy then that is a bad thing. He should be doing things to help his wife out if he is staying at home.
• United States
14 May 12
Someone needs to talk to him about his slack behavior.. I would not put up with such a man in my life. I think he needs a wake up call about this stuff.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
I agree with you. I hope that someone can talk some sense into him. I doubt it though. There are a lot of people who would rather have someone else provide for them. He more than likely enjoys doing nothing and having everything provided for him.
@shylade (3137)
• Philippines
14 May 12
he should not have a family in the first place if that is his attitude. being the head of the family he should take the lead and work for the entire family. i am not saying that the wife should just stay at home but in any case she can help her husband if the time needs. he should be a good example to his children.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Yeah I completely agree with you. I don't know why individuals like that get involved with a person and try to start a family. Especially when they know they aren't willing to work. I guess now that I think about it, it's probably because they want someone to provide for them.
• United States
14 May 12
First off, was the husband like this before him and the woman married? Secondly, if so, why would a woman marry and have kids from a man like this? If he became like this after the kids and the marriage, then that's a bad situation and he isn't fulfilling his duties as a family man. I personally feel that a man must provide for his family, but it's not only limited to financially. If the wife is out working and he is being a good father to his kids, then I don't see anything wrong with it. Of course society in general will look at such a man as a deadbeat without even knowing the entire situation. Job losses and layoffs do happen. That's not an excuse, but everyone does get hit by life. It's all about how a person can bounce back.
• United States
30 May 12
Yeah it at times is hard to believe that a person would marry a person like this knowing already how they are. There are a lot of people who do things like this anyway. It is definitely sad when a husband and father doesn't take care of his family. The situation and circumstances make a big difference.
@andy77e (5163)
• United States
14 May 12
I personally could not live that way, but there are some that do. The question then is, is this what the family wants? Does the wife want to work, while the husband is at home? If they both want it this way, then by all means go for it. I honestly haven't met many couples that had a good marriage from this, but again, it's their deal. Let them have it. On the other hand, if the wife does not want this, and the man is simply refusing to be useful to the family, then this is horrible. You should kick him out of the house, or leave the house yourself. When he gets his brain plugged back in, and working again, let him back in. But as long as he wants to be useless, I'd move out, or move him out. As for me personally, I'm very old school. I think traditionally. I want a women, who is a WOMEN... like... WOW that is a WOMEN! I want her to be the Mother of my children, and I'll be her husband. I'll work, and take care of her. I hope she will work and take care of our family. And that's how I am. Others may differ. Good luck with that.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Yeah I agree with you. It would be very hard for me to live like that as well. It really is horrible if the wife doesn't want all of that responsibility. There are a lot of people who stay in those type of situation for various reasons.
@jazel_juan (15759)
• Philippines
14 May 12
Well that guy is not worth marrying at all...and if someone married that type of guy, then he is not worth it and should have not married in the first place. If a guy goes into marriage, he should be prepared for the responsibilities of it and that includes supporting the family.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
I definitely agree with you. When a man enters into a marriage arrangement he should already have the mind set of providing for his family. It is sad to see so many men fail at this responsibility. Hopefully he will change.
• United States
14 May 12
I know in my case I am willing to make a living until we have children then neither one of us will be working. randy is unable to work because of his serious foot condition and I understand this. I am hoping that we can get a place of our own and then I can run a preschool out of my home. I am also learning different types of crafts so I can try to sell some items online. I already make soap and jewely and will be learning how to quilt and want to learn how to do stained glass. I also paint ceramic ornaments for the holidays. I am looking into sites where I can sell my items and make extra money.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 12
Sorry to hear that he is unable to work because of his condition. It can be hard for individuals who want to work and yet they aren't physically able to. Glad to hear though that you are willing to work until you have children. That would be great for you to have a daycare in your home. That is a very successful business. Hope that selling your crafts will work out well for you.
• Philippines
14 May 12
The husband and wife can talk to that. If the the husband can't provide the financial needs of the family then he must take the responsibility of the wife. But, if the husband doesn't want to take it, much better if he leave the house. But, it's up to the wife to make the decisions.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
I completely agree with you. He has to be doing something to help the family out. If he's not working then he should be taking care of the home and the children. Yes the wife has to decide what she will do. Hopefully the husband will change and take care of his family.
@cttolledo (5048)
• Philippines
14 May 12
He must know the real meaning of being a father/husband/head of the family.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
Yeah being a husband and father involves taking care of your family. Husband's should do everything in their power to take care of their family. They shouldn't just rely on their wife to support them. After all a wife has enough on her plate to take care of.
@chevill (316)
• Philippines
14 May 12
it's true that men sometimes don't care all they know is the wives are there to do what are needs to be done and only them are the provider but what if still the men can't provide? i think they need prayers! hehehe
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
I agree with you. Men do take advantage of all that there wife does. Some don't even take the time to tell their wife that they appreciate her efforts in working and taking care of the children, and the home. I think the husband should work hard to support is family especially if he is physically able.
• Philippines
14 May 12
It is a complete turn off whenever a man is not willing to support his family. I mean, why build a family in the first place if you are not willing to support it. It is the man's responsibility to take care of the family. Man are lucky because nowadays, there are women who are willing to work as well in order to help in raising the family. Well I am speaking in the context of our culture here in the Philippines.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
Yeah I agree with you. It is such a bad thing when a wife has to support her husband because he doesn't want to work. You make a great point. Why did he even get married if he doesn't want to take care of his family?
• United States
14 May 12
This is just my opinion, but I would not be with a man who wont work. I cannot tolerate a lazy man. It's easy for me to sit her and be philosophical about this, but he would have to go.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 12
Yeah that would be hard to tolerate for me as well. That would be awful. I mean if he's not working then he's got to be doing something else. Like he should be cleaning the home and taking care of the kids.