Being sure of what you want is important for being happy
May 13, 2012 1:30pm CST
That is my thought for the day. Ok..this is something that Norman Vincent Peale and many others have been saying time and again...and I have been reading their books and not really reading them..other than understanding them for a brief period and then pushing them out of my mind. But hey, it makes a lot of difference.. a helluva lot. You gotta know what you want so that you know what you should be doing and plan to do what you should be doing and eventually of course..all is well that ends well. The problem is ..we dont know what we want. We think we want something but we possibly want that because that is what another person - whom we admire or envy - has it. So we need to have it too! How ordinary..why should I have something like a Ford instead of a Rolls Royce.. Are your wants unique or those that are created because of what you see your friends and relatives have? And have you ever changed your mind about things because of possessions of your friends or relatives? Have your original objectives been achieved? Have you modified them as per your needs? Are you happy with what you have achieved? I am. God bless all of you.
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14 May 12
Thankfully I know what I want to keep me happy and these were never based on what anyone else has. First of all what I look for is good health and a problem free routine for all members of my family. Only GOD can help me with this. Since you have asked about material things --I have a passion for saris [certain books, music in general, film songs, classic old films, and certain really special books. Another important thing is passion for trying out new recipes... All this is within my reach. I have the money to buy saris, books, and a television to watch some special films. The books of my choice are all with me so that I can flip through even already read books any number of times. I can hear music too when I choose to. I diligently watch cookery demonstrations of my favorite hosts and avidly follow instructions. My family thinks my cooking is Heavenly. Another important thing is to write on the net and earn some money but this happens only periodically but I am happy that it happens at least periodically. I think my life is made when I sight some birds on trees and there is a pleasant drizzle and an overcast sky. This is a luxury but during monsoon I get this also. In answer to your question my wants are purely based on my tastes. Teaching is my passion and though I did a great job of it earlier, here I am still unable to do it though I did get an opportunity two years ago. In this case I am modifying my wants. But I am happy with whatever I have achieved so far. As far as anything owned by another person strangely it won’t even register in my mind as an object which I would like to possess. I am very clear in what I want; so this won’t appeal to me at all. One exception is there. When I go down south with the intention of buying a few saris my sister will show me her new collection and I choose what I like so that it will enable her to escort me to the appropriate shop.
15 May 12
You would be surprised how many people are focused on what others have and dont. And they want what others have and if they have something more they go ahead and ridicule. Yes there are ample things that we want which are not monetarily measurable. Peace and quiet, and physical and mental security are a few to name. I relish my first cup of tea in the morning and I prefer absolute bliss - with old songs being played on the good old radio. We dont talk at that time Kala. This was not the case just a few months ago. :) Dad and me shared this routine almost 35 odd years ago. And it has re-entered our lives and it feels so nice! Dad is also calmer. And now he has changed his mind about nano. :) All on his own. He has started thinking for himself and me..something he never did in the past. Lot of change in him after discovering those GPA documents on which he'd signed without knowing what they were. He realized it was not only the house, it was a couple of acres of land as well that he lost. So he is feeling very guilty for having destroyed that and even my mother's properties. And has realized how relatives have been treating him as a menial after taking all that away from him, and ridiculing me at every opportunity. Nowadays he apologizes to me at times. He says he should have listened to me at least some 25 odd years. Things would have been different. I am so touched. This is not monetary. This is finding the relationship. He realised he and ma were just used as pawns - coerced into marriage for taking away properties. Had both of these people married outside family - my aunt wouldnt have had access to those properties. In the process my mother lost her life. Dad regrets that. He has even apologized for that. Life is certainly a whole lot better now Kala. God bless all of you who have been with me during this tough period. Its been a great moral support. That is not materialistic, is it? But to know that somebody who can understand you - when all relatives have labeled you as materialistic and laughed at what happened in childhood as something insignficant. Yes, it matters to be blessed with good people, even if they are very far. I have learnt how to count my blessings. Thanks to you all.
15 May 12
wow! This is just unbelievable Vandana! I never did really think this day would come[touch wood may the good times last and your father lives many more years with this pleasant sensible frame of mind]Truly, here we see God's hand because I don't think it is humanly possible. I was absolutely delighted to read what you have written.Coax him to have his medical check up too.What else is there for you to need now? What you say is right; how can this happiness be measured at all? I am very happy for you and sincerely pray for a long period of good relationship henceforth.
20 May 12
ryanong, I have been through hell the last couple of years, four years and eight months to be precise. A lot of pain I have shared with myLotters. They've been with me through thick and thin. Depression - I am sorry to say - I dont really understand it. I mean, there never was a moment even with the worst stuff going on in my mind - when I felt it was futile living. I wanted to get even, I wanted to cry, I wanted to fight, and I wanted to ask god why and many such things but never I dont want to live anymore. I think the word is used indiscriminately. Not everybody goes through depression when they no longer feel like living. Hard time, yes, I too hope god will give you strength to overcome the hard time. My pains disappeared miraculously. I hope yours too. I will pray for you with my whole heart ryanong. You will be happy soon enough.
• Bhubaneswar, India
14 May 12
I dont want to think and stress my brain to be happy. I lead simple life, have a much lesser set of wants or desires, and all I do is think simple. Keeps me more happy. When I start thinking of "what i want" (okay, I need the Taj Mahal renamed as the Sids Mahal! and yes, it is one of my desires to have a stone from Mars and one ice cube from Pluto too), I find myself torn apart between the so many of choices that can crop up... if I need a car then I need to decide which one... maybe a BMW - which means I must earn a lot to get it, and be happy... which further implies I must stress myself much more, work much more than my capacity and in between I miss out on all the little things which would / could have brought me happiness... for one goal, many others suffer... I do think opposite to what you say - to be happy, the only thing needed is less of stress - all others are good for the books and readings.
20 May 12
sids - less stress - you said it. When you orient yourself towards less stress, you automatically orient yourself towards what you want and how best you can achieve it. People who opt for less stress today can face more stress tomorrow for not planning for it. So knowing what you want is the first step. Once you know what you want, you automatically start planning for it. :)
14 May 12
I know what I want, which travelling around the world, but I don't know (Or I think I know) how to do it. I know I have to save money, but money is just sufficient to pay the monthly bills, I know I need to get a side job but that is hard to find nowadays. So, I am being sad like and melancholic about what I want... Anyway, I am not the one who would sulk or being in bad mood for long. I can say I am happy for what I achieved till now. I just wish I can achieve more...
18 May 12
Why oh why on earth is my Jen so sad.. Ok..here is one thing that you can think of.. Make a few good friends in different parts of the world ..like in India, in Hyderabad, you can come and stay with me. Mine is not the best accommodation in the world, but you are not going to stay home when you come, are you? You only need it to freshen up, sleep, and visit places out here. So your hotel bill to Hyderabad is zero - no taxes either. :) Food, you can adjust to whatever I dare to call edible. Come on..it is only a short while. In any event, you can always get a bread out here, and a few eggs and make do with them and a few fruits if you cant stomach my cooking (I am honest - even I find it difficult to eat my cooking). Like that - 10 places in the world..you can return the hospitality when others chose to drop by to your place. There are quite a few folks decreasing their travel bills that way. :)
23 May 12
Wow, thank you for the offer Vandy... I have friends in India... you are one of them... I think I can sponge my friends off with something like accommodations and meals, but I still need money for air tickets and for the sightseeing. I am not really sad nor complaining here, I am just trying to tolerate what is happening now and to be comfortable with it. By the way, I still don't get my new laptop so my communications with friends overseas (usually with Skype) are doomed now...
14 May 12
This got me thinking. What I thought I wanted before, after having it, I feel as if I didn't want it anymore. So, there would be another thing that I would want. Then after having it again, I feel as if I didn't want it that much anymore. IT is usually a cycle. So I guess I haven't found what I really want, or is it just a human nature to want other things after having some things? Will it boils down to contentment?
27 May 12
It is true that we don't always know what we want. What we want now may not be what we really wanted. But most people would not be sure what they want nor know what they really wanted. You see, I am not even sure what I am trying to say here. Just to make a decision is hard enough. Let alone to decide on what decision to make. I give up.
14 May 12
Hi, If I want to be happy, I will be happy even with our Indian Bride – Maruti brand as that would suit my pocket and I’ll be happier to take you on a long drive. LOL. I look for happiness in the simple things of life. A dinner with my children’s favorites also makes me happy as well as the small chit chat texts from a distant friend. So planned or unplanned if I want, then I can be happy with what I have and not envy the neighbors or friends. No my wants are not created by my friends. Friends can’t take the decisions may be they can give us suggestions and family of course plays a vital role in our lives. Well again, my friendship towards those friends has not changed and I treat them as I used to though they have lot of possessions than me. I think we are all different individuals with different priorities of life and we work towards them with a vision so that we get finally what we hoped for. There are a lot more to achieve in life be it professional or personal as our life’s needs are never ending. Some of our needs require modifications but if we are positive towards our goals the there is nothing that we can not achieve in this lifetime. There is no need of worrying about the future needs/wants...but work towards the wants in a happy way and not in a tensed manner. Be happy!