Would you spend a lot of money on your husband/partner if they didn't deserve it

United States
May 13, 2012 1:37pm CST
Would you buy your husband/partner something really expensive or take them somewhere that cost a lot if they didn't deserve it? I was thinking about planning a surprise weekend trip for my husband and I in July. All the things I was planning for us to do would be suited exactly for his likes. I'm pretty sure that now we aren't going to be doing anything. My mom has told me not to waste my money on the trip since my husband has been mean. And when I ask about small things like helping around the house at least picking up after himself, or that his daughter needs him to get her something he complains about it. So I'm starting to think I should just put the money that I have saved for it towards savings.
6 responses
• United States
14 May 12
Not to sound hard here but in your case I would go ahead and spend the money. The reason I say this is because he did not just now start to do this to you. He had to already been not picking up after himself and you let it slide and complaining about doing for your daughter could not have just started either. since you lived with him this long you might as well go and treat him to the trip you really want to plan. I know all about breaking a person bad and having to live with it. Go and have some fun you are not promised tomorrow. let him pick up his clothing from now on even if it means you have to walk over it and not wash it for a few months. he will either pick them up or live without them. as for your child you be her mother and do it for her. take care..
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
I know what your saying. It's not that I've let this happen. I've told him these type of things countless times it's just he doesn't listen. And I've also told him over and over again about what our daughter needs but it goes in one ear and out the other. I do understand that life is short and we should enjoy it. But as another mylotter said I should do what I want with the money if he continues to act like this. So I've decided that until I see some change I won't be going through with the plans. It doesn't have to be anything big. But he's got to show that he cares about us in order for me to spend all this money on him. Thanks for sharing and I'm sure that you can imagine all of this as the case with your daughter.I hope that your situation has improved.
17 May 12
I agree with giftsandbags on this one, spend the money on yourself. However, I suppose it doesn't solve the problem you're facing. I don't see why you'd have to plan a trip around his interests though, it should be a mutual interest.
13 May 12
This is a tough one. You either surprise him with your idea and spend some quality time with him, in hope he will acknowledge your efforts and in turn contribute more at home, or you don't surprise him and carry on as you are. I would be inclined to treat myself, but maybe you could use this as a chance to bond a bit more...confront the reasons why he may complain a lot. For mr, it's not about 'deserving' - I live my husband and I'll do whatever I can to make him happy. However, when he doesn't pull his weight I'm less inclined to buy that takeaway! I'm more likely instead to have it out with him and let him know how I feel. I say treat yourself, and sort him out! Then think about holidays...unless it turns out to be just what you need. Men are such funny creatures!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
That's the thing. I'm always doing things for my husband. Buying him things that he wants. Taking him to restaurants he wants, etc. It has been awhile now that I have done all these things and doesn't do things for me like that. And he definitely hasn't been helping around the house. Not that I expect him to clean the whole house. But I would like him to help a little more. I've talked with him about it. I will see how things go and see if he does SOMETHING to show that he appreciates all that I do. Until then I will hold off on the plans I had. I think he will improve. My weekend getaway is going to be so expensive and it's particular suited to his interest and not mine. So I'm not going to spend all that money will I feel very unappreciated right now. He has less than two months.
17 May 12
Start being your own woman and just looking after yourself. When you don't wash his underwear or make him dinner, he will soon learn to grow up!
• Philippines
17 May 12
NO! No way! dont give him nything. hes the one
1 person likes this
• United States
17 May 12
Yeah I agree with you. I'm definitely holding off on the plans I had until I see some change. He's got about two months before the weekend trip will be a no go. So time will tell if he does something different.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
15 May 12
I did .. in the past and he was never grateful also never spent 1 cent on me. Even was complaining it was never enough. As I left he kept everything and still was not satisfied. I did the same with "friends" which ment I was bankrupt in the end, my kids had to suffer because of that and no friend left over. So I will never help anyone that much anymore. I changed my attitude I treat others the way they treat me. I never "quickly" promise anymore to help out. This also means my husband has to take care of himself (who lives in Africa). A man should be able to take care of himself, if he wants a family he has to be able to take care of the family as well. I think you should use the money for yourself, pamper yourself, you deserve it. BTW this is exactly what most men do.. buying expensive stuff for themselves, only women always feel the need to share.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
Yeah I agree with you that women feel the need to share. For some reason I'm always thinking about the next thing that I could get my husband or something that he would like. We do like to share with our loved ones. I do enjoy sharing but I think I will hold off on any plans until I see that he has done something for me. As the majority of the time he doesn't. Not that I expect him to buy me something expensive or a gift. But even saying thank you for all that I do would be appreciated. I'm sorry to hear that your first husband wasn't grateful either and that your helping him and others out left you bankrupt. Now though you will not allow yourself to ever be in that type of situation again.
@cttolledo (5052)
• Philippines
14 May 12
Do not waste your savings for him.. you better keep it for the future of your children.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
Thanks. Yeah i've decided that I'm not going to go through with my plans unless I see some changes. I've talked with him about seeing changes. The things that I want to see isn't hard or impossible for him to do. He spends a lot of time playing video games and working out. All I'm asking him to do is help around the house a little, buy our daughter some things that she needs, take us all to the park as a family or something like that. Simple things like that show we are a family and he wants to spend time with us. The way he acts is as if he is a single person with no wife or child. And I don't want to spend all that money if that is how he is going to treat us.
• Philippines
13 May 12
NO WAY!!! If he can't prove that he deserves a "reward" from me whether it's cheap or expensive, then why should I give him anything. But then my partner knows that, hahaha. That's why he always does his best to make me happy. You have to put your foot down if your husband's been mean to you. You can also buy a reward for yourself instead. I think you deserve to enjoy your profits more than he does.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
Lol, good I'm glad that your husband knows that. At this point I agree with you wholeheartedly. I deserve a reward more than he does. As I'm often buying and doing everything for him. I'm just naturally a giving person. I would much rather give another person something as a gift than for myself. But unless he shows some effort in some type of area I will be holding off on the plans for that trip. If he does !SOMETHING! nice for me then I will go through with it. He has less than two months to show me or I will be holding onto my money.