Dad starting to hate me

Malaysia
May 14, 2012 9:12am CST
My dad blame me nowadays for not contributing money to the family, I am 31 and I work at my best to get money every month, but always end up not enough money so I always ask my dad for money, he usually give me RM10 but sometimes more RM15, and recently he said he is tired for supporting me and ask me to be independent. But I have health problems that makes me cannot go to work everyday, I can go for 3 times a week not more than that, for your information I have fybroid and depression. Tonight he just yell at me, and I think he must be very tired already for supporting me this long, what should I do? I don't want to borrow money from my best friend every month, and I want to work full time, please advise.
14 responses
• Philippines
14 May 12
Hello wongchoiyee, I don't know i think you're daddy is immature and doesn't understand the situation that you're going through. hard to believe that he wants to get rid of you and have his remaining money for himself.some dads are not that caring to the extend, i think he has his limits. but i can't judge, maybe mine would act that way too
• Malaysia
14 May 12
I think he act like a kid sometimes, and joking he will take care of me, he said he has limits, so I don't rely too much on him either.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
15 May 12
My dad used to blame me blah blah...but i know that he loves me a lots and right now he passed away, and i have no chance to hear his blame anymore. He also can't worry for me anymore. When i type these words, i am crying when thinking of my dad. You should understand for your dad also, he is old and he has not much ability to earn much money more, so that he may want you to be independent ...because he cant support you entire your life.
• Malaysia
15 May 12
I always kind to my father until I was diagnosed with depression years ago, I feel terrible for asking money though, and I was helpless because I can't even help myself, what's more my dad, I am going to change my thoughts from now on, to be positive and have a great determination and faith to go along for the rest of my life.
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
15 May 12
I am sorry to hear that you have not good health for working everyday. however you do work to earn money also. I understand your feeling whenever asking money from your dad and your dad's feeling too. Better you try to spend money less then you wont need to ask your dad money more every month. if you can, try to find some works that you can earn extra money when you don't go out for work. Take it easy, everything will be going fine...
• Malaysia
15 May 12
I am planning to do some freelance work like typing and sending emails or odesk, applying for these jobs are hard sometimes, but I will try my best!
@ryanong (9694)
• Vietnam
16 May 12
ya, it is nice when you have that plan. Keep fighting!
@keihimekawa (2010)
• Philippines
16 May 12
I'm so sorry to hear that but I think I do know where your dad's coming from. Maybe when your dad was at your age, he never experienced asking money from his parents so he got a bit fed up when you asked him for some. You know, those types of "I wasn't like that before!" or something :) Personally, though my parents have their pensions and savings, I never asked any amount from them. Maybe this is also the reason why they personally hand me some amount when they "feel" that I need it. I still stay under the same roof as them and I do give a part of my salary to them twice a month. Both my parents are senior citizens by the way (72 and 64) and I have my real mom and aunt living under the same roof (66 and 65, respectively). In my opinion, "hate" is too much of a word. There are times when my mom would yell at me but I don't think she hates me. Maybe it's just a way how your dad releases his frustrations. An outlet of some sort. Just try to understand him and be patient. Just adjust on his attitude :) First off, I think you need to cure your depression. I read some articles about depression before and they said something like it's one kind of psychological issue that's not easy to cure so I hope you can get through that and be better. Same goes with your fybroid illness. I hope you overcome them all. As for your work, is there no way your company can fix your working schedule like adjust your working hours so that you won't be too pressured or allow you to work at home? I have a friend at work who had some serious physical issues and the company allowed her to work at home. Of course she's required to do a complete daily report of her tasks. Of course, there's still myLot to count on when it comes to earning a bit :)
• Malaysia
16 May 12
That is really great to hear about your friend, I wish I could do the same, but just a matter of time I meet the right employer, wait for a miracle to happen!
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
15 May 12
it sounds like you have some health issues that you have to deal with first, before you go out to work full time. you may not be able to. trust me, i can't work because i have a disability. does your dad know about your medical problems? maybe he doesn't believe that they are serious enough to stop you from working. what i suggest is that you go on disability benefits. i don't know what your country has in place for disabled people who can't work, but you should seek this out. i know it's hard because you want to be independent. your dad needs to understand that you are doing all you can, considering your illness. i also think you should do extra things online, like mylot and other paid sites that will put some extra money in your pocket every month. that's what i had to do until my disability came through.
• Malaysia
16 May 12
I was damn unlucky that day I was in disability office applying for money, then she told me to have 21 times deduction until then I can apply for disability money, which means I have to work for few more years then I can apply. I was disappointed but what to do, I pray to God I will get well many times, it seems hopeless, but I will try.
@babyEj (1525)
• Philippines
15 May 12
Oh! Sorry to ask, is it benign? Did your father know that you have fibroid and you are taking medicines? I think if your father knows your condition he might give you more than RM15.
• Malaysia
15 May 12
I don't want him to give me more, just enough will do, I will not adjust to the ways I spend if he is not around here anymore one day, I hope my fibroid (yes, its a benign) will shrink with herbal meds and my depression can cure with time. Blessings!
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
15 May 12
start from not asking money from him, they are like that..one thing to do is try to look for a job that could really support yourself... i hope you can sort all this out
• Malaysia
15 May 12
Thanks for the support, I will sort this all out as soon as I can, I can take no more dramas these days, hopefully tomorrow is a new beginning.
@kajal1992 (354)
• India
15 May 12
First kick out the depression from you, that is the killer of every human good mental condition. Ofcourse many parents feel tired supporting their child when they grew up, specially when parents are at the age around 50 something. I am just 20 and sometime my mom dad feel tired too by giving me money. I teach some small kids of LKG UKG and kids of standard 1th and 2nd. and I make good pocket money. Well my suggestion is first help yourself be healthy first. Don't spend too much, if you are good in writing then find some jobs in freelance odesk etc, do blogging when you are in free time etc and many more source that you can do while you are in home that can fetch you some extra money to your pocket.
• Malaysia
15 May 12
Yes depression is the killer of every human of good mental condition, I hate that I am with this disease, but I learn to give and take sometimes, I am going to do some freelance work like typing and odesk, hopefully I can make some pocket money.
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
14 May 12
Hi wongchoiyee,I am so sorry to hear about plight.No doubt that one should try and be independent as soon as one is able to, but in your case since o you have health problems you cannot be so.I feel that you should have your fibroid removed and if necessary discuss the issue with your father , also don't overwork , which may further deteriorate your health condition.As a parent he should be supporting you when you are in difficulty and you can reciprocate later once you are well and able to earn enough. However, I can only say that we all go through these difficult and testing times and come out of it a little wiser and better equipped to handle stressful situations in life.So be positive and take care of yourself
• Malaysia
14 May 12
Don't worry, I will take care of myself, I will use less and save it as much as I can, sometimes its difficult to said then done but I will try.
• Philippines
14 May 12
My dad also staring to hate me. I dont know also why. :( I thinks its all because The generation. But I always love them Even there always hot
• Malaysia
14 May 12
Take care, some generation is like that :) HAVE A NICE DAY
@marguicha (106303)
• Chile
14 May 12
I don´t know whatthe money you talk about is in dollars nor how many more dollars you need to have each month to live. If I earn US $Us or more online each month, you surely can manage to earn half of it. You can earn that online on the days you are not working and you can work online as special sites an hour each day you work. You can talk about your issues with the doctor that´s taking care of your depression. What is fibroid? I have heard that related to many things. I hope this helps. I can help you explining how to earn some money online in a PM, if you wish.
• Malaysia
14 May 12
Fybroid is a non cancerous lump in my uterus which causes so much pain when period comes. I am working out my financial matter so that I can see how much it comes and goes. You are giving me the right point!
• Philippines
16 May 12
the best thing to do my dear friend is to put up a small business, i myself started a very small business and now it has become wider and wider i had to hire people just to finish my schedule in my business. what im saying here is that, start a small business, look for a way to keep you income intact and improve your business, that way you'll gain ur father's care back. there are lots of business that has can be done even with health issues. ok? i hope you can make ur decision with that. take care.
• Philippines
15 May 12
There are several work at home jobs that can help pay for the bills and get you extra money. A lot of my friends earn money through transcription jobs. I've been offered jobs doing transcription jobs as well, and some virtual assistant jobs. I understand that nowadays it's hard to earn good money. But at least most work at home jobs are not that stressful, and can help you earn.
• Indonesia
15 May 12
You must learn to conserve your money, because from the text i read, it look like you too much depends your father, and try to find a job
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
15 May 12
Hi, have you tried looking for freelance jobs online so that during the days that you are at home, you can work on your projects and earn additional income? you might want to try to check how you handle your finances too and try to figure out why you are always short at the end of the month. Maybe there are expenses that you can minimize or you can eliminate so that you will have enough for your needs and you don't have to ask your dad for money anymore.