I feel messed up.

United States
May 15, 2012 4:19pm CST
My daughter just came home and I told her that I needed to have her served. I said you can't come back here after today. I said,to her that someone needs to serve her and I don't know where to have it served other than her job. Her face turned shame and she said,why would you serve me at my job. I said I don't want to serve you at your job. But,where else can it be done since I don't know where in gods name she goes. she is in the shower right now. adrian said,he will do it but he can only find her at her job. I know she has done so much stuff to me and she needs to get her tail gone. but,my heart does not feel good about any of this. after this I have to take her off my lease. I never thought this would happen with either of us. I feel so darn bad right now.
7 people like this
17 responses
@much2say (38813)
• United States
15 May 12
That's only natural . . . that's tough love. You don't want to do it because you love her so much BUT it had to be done because you love her so much. You have the heart of a mom, giftandbagscom. Stay strong and don't give into any guilt feelings . . . this will all hopefully help her (and you) now and in the long run.
2 people like this
• United States
15 May 12
I just about broke down today when the judge told me to go to the first floor for my papers. It took everything in me not to lay out on that floor and ball out crying. I was laying on this couch the night before last and I broke down and cried. I feel better about this because you understand what I am going through. I know this needs to be done and I will not back down. I just can't say it enough I feel horrible about doing this to my child. But,if she would have listened none of this would have happened. That man she is with is going to bring her down to her knees before it is all over with. But,she is no longer living here so I don't plan to concern myself with stuff that is none of my business. Thanks very much for this.
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
15 May 12
Wow, I just finished commenting on your other post..So Adrian can't come to your place when she is there? Can you call him now and see if he will come over? I don't really understand this serving business. What about your neighbor, the one who is also on mylot, I am sure she will be willing, and she is close by.
• United States
15 May 12
My daughter was very rude to her a few weeks ago. I would not feel good asking her to serve these papers. I asked adrain and he will serve her them.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
15 May 12
Doesn't the sherrif serve them to her? I wouldn't want it served at her work either. Can't he time it so that he catches her coming out or at your place? Can she go to the sherrif and get the papers so that they are not served at her workplace? I have never heard of an individual having to actually serve these papers.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
She will come back here and they will be served to her. I feel bad but I have attached to them the ten police reports. The judge made three copies and her papers have them so she can read just how busy the police have been at my address. I can't serve her but adrian can..
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
15 May 12
Well, that's good then. At least she won't be humiliated at work. I know you feel bad and you will go back & forth with this but from all I've read...It's the right thing for both of you. I really do think that in time, she will grow up and see things in a different way.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
I do hope this happens because today when she was here she was nasty and saying I don't care about her which is not true.
• United States
15 May 12
Don't beat yourself up over this! She brought it on herself by mistreating you and disobeying you. She wants to be treated like an adult with the freedoms of one then she will have to pay for those freedoms in one manner or another. Though I do want to know can you call the police to have her removed even if you haven't served her yet?
• United States
15 May 12
NO they will not remove her until she is served. I am fine with that because she was just mouthing off and stayed under control for the most part. so,I will have her served then she will be able to come here once and get her stuff. If she will be going to my moms I am willing to drive her there with my man loaded with her stuff. I was just talking to adrian and he said,the very same thing you said about her wanting to be treated like an adult. I am so glad I took my meds and I am sitting here fine as can be.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
I am glad your mother is willing to take her. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
15 May 12
NY is very different than NH, I guess. If I were in your same situation, the sherrif would be serving the papers and not me. In fact it is law that they be delivered by the sherrif in person. Then she would be allowed an hour on a planned date to come get her stuff with a police escort. After that if she were so much as seen on the property she could be arrested.well since you are the one serving them,and KK knows about them, how about setting up a time to meet her after work. I don't think it is good to bring it on her job...just looks bad. I wouldn't do that anyway.
1 person likes this
@laken02 (3067)
• United States
16 May 12
your her mother so it is naturla for you to feel this way, just becasue you and her cant get along and live together does not mean you have stopped loving her or that you love her less .. she is your child and you will always love her, and you need to tell her this to help make yourself feel better, tell her that even though she cant live there you still love her.. it is very importsnt for you to say this so she knows that you are not throwing her away and that she just needs to make some good changes in her life.. and you wish her luck and make sure she knows she can still count on you to be her friend and she can tell you things if she needs to and has no one else to lean on.. take care :)
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
This is great coming from you being you understand what it is like. I am working on feeling better about it as well. I think in time we will work this mess out. I am hoping at least.
@AmbiePam (48678)
• United States
16 May 12
Hon, she brought this on herself. I'm not without sympathy for her, but she left you no choice. While it's natural to feel guilt, like any mom would, you don't deserve the guilt.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 12
I know this is true and I said it to adrian a short while ago. I just hope one day she will realize where she went wrong. not listening to me was the beginning of the down fall.
@GardenGerty (98197)
• United States
15 May 12
Often doing hard things and feeling bad is part of the process of making things better. I think you are in that place right now. I hope you can get it all worked out so that you can move on.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
I hope so too garden,because this feeling does not feel good at all.
• United States
15 May 12
Sometimes things just have to be done. She'll forgive you. Hopefully some day she'll look back and understand!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
I really don't think this day will ever come. but,i am glad to think it is possible.
• Canada
15 May 12
If you have a severely damages limb that needs to be amputated, it's still going to hurt, even though it needs to be done. I imagine it's the same in this vase. You know what needs to be done, but still feel bad about it. Do what needs to be done, regardless.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 12
She is going to work and I will be locking my door. I will work hard on doing me from now on. she is grown and I need to let go and let god do his work... Thanks very much for caring..
@winterose (39921)
• Canada
16 May 12
now that you told her you are running the risk of never knowing where she will be to be served because she doesn\t want to be served. I don't think that was a smart move. Gosh once Adrian knew her schedule he could have just waited outside at the end of the day and when he say her serve her then. You are now running the risk that she will hide or she just refuses to take the eviction.
• United States
16 May 12
If that happens I will have no choice but to have someone serve her a her job. I will go to her manager and hand them the papers and let it go from there. she had better not put me in the spot because I will do it.
• United States
16 May 12
I really don't think that it would be appropriate to ask her manager to serve the papers. Back when I was working, I would not have agreed to do it if someone had come and asked me to serve one of my employees. I'm not a process server and I wouldn't want to be held responsible if I accidentally screwed up and voided the whole thing.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
16 May 12
"GSB "I need to have her served. I said you can't come back here after today." You are referring to some court order by which your daughter cannot live with you. your daughter has to find another place to live. what about her boy friend who had problems like being tried in a court. sorry.
• United States
16 May 12
She has been with him for a week now so I am sure she can go back with him.
@inertia4 (27605)
• United States
17 May 12
I am sure it has to be extremely difficult. I can only imagine what you're going through and what you feel. But if it has to be done then let it be. One day she will open her eyes and realize that you were trying to protect her all this time. If I were in that situation I know I would be very depressed over it.
• United States
16 May 12
You had to do what you had to do, and you didn't have a choice. She left you with no other choice. She wouldn't be cooperative, and she behave, so now she has to learn what it is really like to be an adult.
@alutka (211)
16 May 12
once you look at it differently, understand, sort out the wszystko.Nie worry, there will be good!
• United States
16 May 12
Don't know all the details (don't need to know) but I have raised two children already and still raising two more, sometimes the child needs a little push out of the nest. Please try to be there for your child if she needs you though. Yes, she will be mad at first but may love you more latter in life for doing this. Explain to her that you are taking her off of your lease but that you are not taking her out of your life. Good Luck:-)
@celticeagle (117767)
• Boise, Idaho
16 May 12
So when it all comes down to it Adrian will end up serving her and it will be at her job. Ofcourse your heart is hurting and will for awhile. But this is the best you could possibly do for her at this time in her life. Hopefully she will learn and grow up to face the true world. I know this is tough on you but you know you are doing the right thing.
@jaiho2009 (39021)
• Philippines
16 May 12
I know the motherhood still lives within you. No matter what she did and after all what she had done- she still have that special room in your heart.