Do you pay your family members when they help you?

@Porcospino (16434)
Denmark
May 20, 2012 3:46pm CST
My husband's uncle always asks for money if he helps us with something. He is very good at plumbing and a lot of other practical things and he sometimes helps us when we have a problem, but he expects money in return. In my own family there is never money involved when we help eachother. I don't pay my brother or other family members for helping me and if they offered me money for helping them I would refuse to accept it. In our family it is natural thing to help eachother without any kind of payment, and I was a little surpriced when I discovered that my husband's uncle asks for money when he has helps us with something. What is it like in your family? Do you pay your family members for helping you and do you expect payment when you help them? What are your thoughts about this topic?
6 people like this
36 responses
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
20 May 12
I never thought a topic like this would have to be discussed. Family is family and you help without expecting anything. We always have the choice not to help if we have to help a relative which we do not realy like. But even in this case, if we help we cannot ask for something.
2 people like this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
20 May 12
That is how we see it in my family. We help eachother because we are a family and it is a natural thing for us. In my husband's family they have a different opinion, and my husband's uncle and a few other relatives expect money in exchange for their help. They also offered us money when we helped them, but we didn't accept it.
@KOSTAS499 (1625)
• Greece
20 May 12
Stop asking them, ask your friends. :)
1 person likes this
@mikyung (2235)
• Philippines
21 May 12
It's good to know that there are still families like what you have that are blessed with the word "unconditional". I'm a little envious of what the type of family you have. I find it funny yet dissappointing because I have a brother close to me but not quite, who constantly and unsolicitedly give food stuff for us for the past few weeks. I felt really good initially, that finally, he has changed. But just last week, he asked for a brand new and expensive mountain bike for my nephew. And so, as a sign of gratitute, I finally gave it to him, just last week. And 4 days ago, he asked for another one, for now, it's for his personal use. I told him to wait for a few months, because I need also the money for my family. After the last conversation, he ignored my text messages and he never contacted me and I felt bad about it. Lesson learned - Give what is in your heart unconditionally. Never expect something in return.
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
20 May 12
I know many people think that when family does something, they should not expect payment and my cousin is one of them, (which might be why I disagree). For one, my 10 y/o is too young to get a job, so he gets an allowance for chores he does all week. My other son, I don't pay him for cutting the grass, but for special jobs, like fixing my computer, I do pay him.
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
20 May 12
I wrote that we don't pay eachother in my family, actually that is not completely true because when my brother and I were children we did get paid for helping out with the chores just like your son and your response reminded me of that. Children is an exception, but in my family there is no money between adults who help eachother. I think that it is fine that children get an allowance, but I am happy that there is no money involved among the adults. We just help eachother...
1 person likes this
• United States
21 May 12
My son who works on my computer is an adult, but he needs the money, so I gladly pay him.
1 person likes this
• China
21 May 12
I am chinese.In out country ,if one help others in your family , she or he will not get any payment.Because we are famlily, we don`t distinguish what is yours or hers.What i say family means that it is involved father,mather,brather,sister and so on.The reason why we can come together is god did.why he will make us in ome family.Because he let us can help each other in this complicated world.
@ksherrie (892)
• Singapore
21 May 12
I would try to, as a small appreciation. As I am a Chinese, we will give monetary appreciations in the form of red packets. Our relatives or even myself, would reject the small appreciations but, the giver would always insist, where most of the time we end up accepting it. In my case, I would note down the amount and return it whenever I can. Or if my relatives have kids in the family, we mostly buying toys/gifts for the kids... Otherwise, we return with other more appropriate gifts. It's always a blessing to be able to give...
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
1 Jun 12
What is a red packet? I haven't heard about that before. I agree with you, it is a blessing to be able to give. In my family we don't give money to eachother, but we cook a nice meal for the person who helps us and try to show our appreaciation in other ways. My brother is going to help us in the future, he going to fix some of the walls in the basement. I know that he wouldn't accept money, so we are going to cook his favourite food and maybe buy him a small present
@liguoping (181)
21 May 12
No,i will not pay my family if they help me.But if they ask money,i will perhaps pay for,although this situation hasn't happened yet.I think it is unalterable principles to help family members free of charge,the friendship is priceless,ask money will hurt feelings of family.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
26 May 12
In my family it is also a natural thing to help eachother without asking for money. I think that my family members who get a little hurt or insulted if I started to offer them money for ask them for money when we help eachother, because we have never done that in my family. When my brother helps us with something my husband thinks that we should offer him money, but have tried to explain to him that we pay eachother in my family. He finds it a little hard to understand that, and I guess that every family have their own views about this topic. Some families pay eachother and some families don't pay eachother.
21 May 12
My other relatives are like that. They helped me because they know that I have something to offer to them in the future. And if you fail to help them they will be mad at you. For me, I don't like that kind of attitude. I would love to help without forcing me to do so.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
26 May 12
I understand that. I also prefer to help when I am not am not forced to do it. I prefer to help because I want to and not because the other person did something for me in the past and I have to pay them back. Fortunately we had don't have that kind of relationship in my family. We help eachother when someone needs it, and we don't think about money or about returning the favour. In my husband's family it is bit different and many of my husband's relatives expect money in return for their help. I found that a little strange in the beginning, but that it is just the way it is in his family.
@shylade (3138)
• Philippines
20 May 12
No, I don't pay my family members when they help us. We just pay for their fare and feed them that's all. We are lucky to have them whenever we need them they are around and don't expect something in return. I think that's family is all about, helping each other without expecting any return.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
23 May 12
In my family is like that, too. We help eachother but we don't ask eachother for money or offer eachother money. For us it is a natural thing to help eachother without payment. My husband finds it a little difficult to understand that and when my family members help us with something he thinks that we ought to offer them money for their help, but I have tried to explain to him that we don't pay eachother in our family. Some time ago my husband's aunt was moving. My husband helped her and she offered him money. I thought that was a little strange because in my own family we help eachother without money.
@MandaLee (3695)
• United States
20 May 12
I don't pay family members for helping me. In our family, helping one another out is just part of being a family. I am so very blessed to have a wonderful family that is always happy to help me. I know that not everyone is as fortunate as I am.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
23 May 12
It is great to hear that you have a wonderful family. In my own family we also help eachother without payment. It is a natural thing for us. My brother is very good at a lot of practical things and he often helps my parents or husband and me. We buy dinner for him, offer him drinks and things like that, but we don't pay him. I am not that good at practical things, but I sometimes help my family in other ways and I don't expect money for that, I just help them because they are my family In my husband's family they often expect money when they help eachother. It surpriced me when I first experienced that, but that is way that it is in their family.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
20 May 12
We do not pay our family members for helping. When one of the family helps us with something we just return the favor when they need help in something. My husband is a plumber so he helps out a lot when they have plumbing problems. My husband never asks for money when he helps family. The rest of the family never asks for money either if we need help with something.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
21 May 12
In my family it is like that, too. We help eachother, but we don't expect money in return for our help. If we are good at something we help our relatives with those things. My brother is good at a lot of practical things and he often help my parents and he also helps my husband and me for instanse when we had to fix the stairs in front of our house. I am not very good at practical things, but I am able to help my family in other ways. In my husband's family they do things in a different way and it is not an unusual thing to ask for money or offer money in exchange for help.
@fannitia (2172)
• Bulgaria
20 May 12
Hi, Porcospino, I'm also surprised about this. I can't remember to have seen such things around me. Of course it is natural to help each others without asking money. Years ago when the life was much easier the same rules were between good friends too. Of course if you need a lot of repairs and this uncle is a professional plumber, he deserves to get money for his work. But if we are talking about help money are not expected.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
21 May 12
My husband's uncle is not a professional plumber, and there are some things that he can't do, but we can help us with the basic things, because he has quite a lot of experience from his own house and from the other people that he has helped. In my family we don't pay eachother when we help we eachother. Last year my brother helped us fix the stairs in front of the house and my husband thought that we had to pay him for his help, but I told him that we don't do that in my family. I think that my brother would get a little insulted if we offered him payment because it is natural thing for us to help eachother. In the opposite situation I wouldn't accept money from my family either.
@much2say (36240)
• United States
20 May 12
My family does not as for any sort of payment either! We help each other too - it's just something you do for family out of your heart - no one expects to get paid here - in fact, they might get insulted!! However, when someone helps us, we tend to at least provide a meal for them on that day . . . that's just how it is in our family. My father always said he wanted to work on our yard when we got a house someday (and we just finally got our first house) . . . and he always said all he expected in return was a delicious dinner - ha ha. So I'm working on a menu for when him when it happens!! My uncle in Japan was strange about helping my grandmother though. When she needed help, he would fly out and take a taxi to get to her home . . . he would actually save the receipts and expected her to compensate her for his fare there. Is that ridiculous or what?
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
20 May 12
It is the same way in my family. When my brother helps us with something we provide meals and drinks, but we don't pay him. I know that he wouldn't accept it if I offered him money, he might even get a little insulted, because we have never used that in our family. I don't want to get paid for my help either, I think it is a natural thing to help eachother. I find it hard to understand your uncle expected your grandmother to pay for his visit. I would help my grandmother any time. I love her and I would be happy to pay my own ticket if she needed my help.
• United States
20 May 12
We don't pay each other either for doing anything. I know some people charge because that is a way of life for them. In this case I would not mind paying either. You have to pay someone sometime.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (16434)
• Denmark
20 May 12
That is true. My husband and I pay my husband's uncle when he helps us, and for him it is a natural thing to get paid for his help. Some of my husband's relatives once offered us money for helping them, but we didn't accept it. I don't want money for helping a family member, I have never been used to that.
@Yheart (497)
• Indonesia
3 Jun 12
In my family, it's depend on the situation. There are two things: a work and a help. If it is a work, then we'll pay but if it a help, we don't. However, if other member need money, we'll give some as a return for the help.
1 person likes this
• India
2 Jun 12
No never, if i pay a family member for helping me, how can he/she be my family member? Well if he/she is an outsider, i may pay if he/she is needy, but many wont accept this kind of help at all ENJOY A HAPPY WEEKEND Prof.Dr. B.Saraf. PhD
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
22 May 12
I think to pay or not to pay depends on how close the family member is. Anyway it should be discussed before services are rendered. Also maybe the family doing the services needs the money.
1 person likes this
@lynboobsy11 (11347)
• Philippines
22 May 12
When this is the way of his living I will consider giving him anything in return. Sometimes I'm the one who is asking a help for them instead of hiring others that I never knew I ask one of my relative if they can so I can help them in other ways by paying them on their service. In this case I am also avoiding some issues someday that might upbraided me.
1 person likes this
@roberten (3134)
• United States
22 May 12
I sometimes offer to pay family members for help and sometimes I just graciously accept their help. I would certainly pay for gas if I asked someone to drive me some place but if they invited me to dinner, I would not offend them by offerring to pay them for the food. I do not offer help and expect to be paid for it. If I need to be paid for services, I tell the person up front so they are clear that they are hiring me for pay. It is my practice to not expect payment from those I help, family or not.
1 person likes this
@lady1993 (16074)
• Philippines
22 May 12
I think that is normal, since it is his job right? We can't really have things for free if it it outside our direct family.. it's sad but true, i thought everything from our relatives were free too, but some weren't.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (33953)
• Holiday, Florida
22 May 12
i dont expect payment when i do anything for family or friends. but some of my kids do expect me to pay them. because they usually except it i guess mostly because they need it.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
21 May 12
i think if someone, anyone helps you do something you should talk money first. It's best to know if they would like to be paid before they help you. I also think if someone is helping you with something that they do for a living then it's only right to pay them something. My Brother is a painter and plumber by trade. So when i want my place painted or anything I always ask him and pay him for doing so.